SF Traffic Rules

sf-traffic-rules.md

SF Traffic Rules

1. Don't run red lights by more than 5 seconds. 20 seconds if you're in a bus or large truck.
2. Rule 1 doesn't apply during high traffic situations. If your green is ending and traffic hasn't moved on the other side of the light, it's okay to block the intersection as long as you're not doing it by more than four or five cars deep. Remember, pedestrian walks are a nice place to come to rest as you won't be blocking cross traffic.
3. Know the SF intersections controlled by red light cameras, and be careful with rules 2 and 3 in them. Red light cameras are blatant revenue-generating scams cooked up by malicious and profiteering governments, but receiving a ticket from one may mean that you'll have to inconviently attend court before it can be properly thrown out.
4. If you didn't see that your light was changing, it's fine to park on top of the near pedestrian walk. In these cases pedestrians must go around you, even if it means edging into oncoming traffic. Remember, you're in a car and are more important than they are.
5. Never use turn signals. They waste unnecessary power and constantly turning them on and off could divert your attention from the road.
6. Use your horn at all times as it will increase the awareness of other drivers of your presence on the road. You must use your horn if you're annoyed, late, angry, restless, sad, tired, or drunk to help augment the empathy of drivers in vehicles around you.
7. Always drive more aggressively than the rest of the traffic on the road. Remember, other cars are what makes traffic so bad and they deserve only a modicum of respect.
8. Speed limits don't apply on downhills. Additionally, pedestrians must yield to you as you descend hills because it is more difficult for you to stop.
9. Accelerating down side residential streets is a great way to make up time lost to busy major roads. Remember, the lower traffic volume guarantees that a speed trap will never be present, and therefore there is no speed limit.
10. Parking is difficult to find in San Francisco, so it's okay to double-park as long as no parking enforcement is in the area. If a bike lane is available, always double-park in it.
11. Don't change your behavior in the presence of police or highway patrol. The last time a traffic regulation was enforced in San Francisco was in 1972.
12. Although the technical noise limit on a motorcycle is 80 dB, don't worry about it too much. Limits are based on the year of the motorcycle's build, and this added complexity helps to ensure that they are never enforced.
13. Never yield to pedestrians or cyclists, even if they have the right of way. They are impacting your God-given American right to get to places quickly in your car, and if you start giving them ground, they'll just want more.
14. Only run into cyclists if you really have to. Killing one could lead to a completely unwarranted stack of inconvenient paperwork and maybe even a fine.
15. A healthy dose of anger will help you get to your destination more quickly.
16. Traffic regulations never apply to taxis. If you're driving one, it's okay to do whatever it takes to get to your next fare.