China Airlines (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sWALOnrbOEA, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01dADlexk2c)

china_airlines_1.txt

Welcome to China Airline
Thank you for choosing the airline
[The Bluetooth device is ready to pair]
[Samsung default notification sound]

If you'll wonder why the plane made from plastic.
[Samsung default notification sound]

What the fuck you think this is We're not in America, This is good quality made in China.
[The Bluetooth device is connected (uh) successfully]

My name is captain Ming Lee, I have been flying for 12 days. 
I learned from yesterday from YouTube Tutorial. Now I can fly a plane.

Announcement from the Pilot, 
If you are wondering where your pet gone, If you have a dog or cat, Thank you for my MEAL.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I want to tell you something about this plane.
This plane is made from me and my father. This is home-made. I made it at home. 
So if you are wondering where is the wing gone,
Who needs wings, This is China, the new innovation of the world.

We are the one of the smartest people on Earth.
If you come to Hongkong, Everybody is wearing Lenovo AirPods.
I have a factory with my grandma. We make sandals.

Ladies and Gentlemen for the passengers who crying. Why are you crying?
You're looking for your pet dog, pet cat, pet rat, Don't be blind. 
It's on the menu. The flight attendant is coming to bring it through. 
Don't worry it will taste very nice. She cooked for 12 years. 

Got cook like my auntie. My auntie Ming Lee can cook very nice.
If you eat a rice from her, You will never go back to america with no flavor.
I went to KFC 2 days ago, to try the KFC in America.
It tasted like somebody dried ballsack. What the hell.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WE RUN INTO ISSUE, I made this plane but I FORGOR TO PUT ENOUGH FUEL.
Now they say the bluetooth device is disconnected.
If you guys have Wi-Fi turn it off!
Take your iPhone and throw out the window.
Ladies and gentlemen, This is dangerous, We are going to die.
No, I can't even see Ming lee. This is scary. 
Oh lord, save me. We're going to the water. 

No! Ming Lee what did you do to the animal!

{INSERT SUPERIDOL}

china_airlines_2.txt

Welcome to China Airline, #2. Thank you for choosing airline.
Thank you for trusting us one more time.

Last time we went on the ride and a pilot died.
You thinking how the hell the pilot died?
He sacrificed his life from China. What do you think.

We are going to Hong Kong.
Why going back to Hong Kong, when we came from hong kong?
If you don't know, people from hong kong have a long shlong.
So Let's go.

OK, Guys. You might be thinking, What the hell, captain.
How the hell you not eat the cat this time?
Don't worry, that was the old me, new me, new life. no wife.

OK, guys. In China, We make everything. 
Did you know that socks is made in China? 
This plane is made in China.
The building is made in China.
Your ballsack is made in China.
Everything is made in China.
Even the plane, Even the cats and rats made in China.
No, No, No, They're not made in china.
They're ate in China. Because we eat them. Who's gonna eat them, If we don't?
You're gonna have an overpopulation. Let's keep going right now.

We're gonna land in 12 years. You might be thinking.
What the hell, How you gonna land in 12 years? I put extra fuel.
We're not gonna land. Actually, I want to sacrifice you guys for my chineseness.

OK, guys. Why is everybody screaming in the background?
It is not scary. We're going to meet Jesus. I want to see him myself.
I want to see if he made in China. I want to go to the clouds.

OK, we are heading over now. 
OK, um ladies and gentlemen, If you don't know that engine is also made in china.
So it might be, it might be smoking little bit. If it is smoking, It's not fine. 

Somebody said, where's my dog?
What the hell? I told you last time, I quit eating the dogs.
I cannot eat the dogs anymore, I'm turning vegan. 
So Instead, I made him into a vegan soup.
If you want to drink it, Flight attendant Ling Lee, will give it out to you.

OK, now. We're going to fight with samurai.

Somebody say in the passenger, Where is my cat?
What the hell? I told you, Your cat is fine.
She's downstairs.
OK? We didn't eat your cat, this time.
We just made a cat leather.
If you don't think these leather seats come for free.
We had to make the cat leather.
We took the fur out and made a cat leather.
Now your plane looking fine.

Somebody said, Where is my pet rat.
Sir, you know what happens to pet rats in China.
They become egg rolls.

Oh, no! Ladies! The Chinese man is blind!
I am actually legally blind!
I cannot see where we are going!
Is this a runway?
No! This is a gas station!

Oh, no! Bing chilling!