AstraLuma · April 9, 2016 22:03
diff --git a/README.md b/README.md
diff --git a/mercenaries b/mercenaries
 1. Pillage, then burn.
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 2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.
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 3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.
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 4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.
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 5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.
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 6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it. 
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 7. If the food is good enough, the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire.
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 8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
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 9. Never turn your back on an enemy. 
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 10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull.
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 11. Everything is air-droppable at least once. 
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 12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head. 
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 13. Do unto others. 
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 14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?" 
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 15. Only you can prevent friendly fire. 
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 16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth. 
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 17. The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster. 
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 18. If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear. 
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 19. The world is richer when you turn enemies into friends, but that's not the same as you being richer.
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 20. If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win. 
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 21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow. 
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 22. If you can see the whites of their eyes, somebody's done something wrong. 
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 23. The company mess and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart 
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 24. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun. 
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 25. If the damage you do is covered by a manufacturers warranty, you didn't do enough damage.
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 27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
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 28. If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you. 
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 29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.
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 30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
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 31. Only cheaters prosper.
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 32. Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.
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 33. If you're leaving tracks, you're being followed.
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 34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
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 35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
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 36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.
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 37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'
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 38. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.
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 39. There is a difference between spare parts and extra [parts].
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 40. Not all good news is enemy action. 
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 41. “Do you have a backup?” means “I can’t fix this.” 
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 44. If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool. 
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 47. Don't expect the enemy to cooperate in the creation of your dream engagement.
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 49. Every client is one missed payment away from becoming a target.
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 51. Let them see you sharpen the sword before you fall on it.
diff --git a/mrwelch b/mrwelch
 1. Cannot base characters off the Who's drummer Keith Moon.
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 2. A one man band is not an appropriate bard instrument.
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 3. There is no Gnomish god of heavy artillery.
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 4. My 7th Sea character Boudreaux is not 'Southern' Montaigne.
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 5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1pt professional skills.
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 6. Synchronized panicking is not a proper battle plan.
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 7. Not allowed to use psychic powers to do the dishes.
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 8. How to serve Dragons is not a cookbook.
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 9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
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 10. Just because my character and I can speak German, doesn't mean the GM can.
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 11. Not allowed to berserk for the hell of it, especially during royal masquerades.
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 12. Must learn at least one offensive or defensive spell if I'm the sorcerer.
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 13. Must not murder canon NPCs in their sleep, no matter how cliche they are.
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 14. Ogres are not kosher.
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 15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
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 16. I will not beat Tomb of Horrors in less than 10 minutes from memory.
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 17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
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 18. When surrendering I am to hand the sword over HILT first.
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 19. Drow are not good eating.
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 20. Polka is not appropriate marching music.
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 21. No longer allowed to recreate the Death Star Trench Run out of genre.
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 22. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy War Rhino.
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 23. Any character who has a sensitivity training center named after him will be taken away.
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 24. Even if the rules allow it, I am not allowed to summon 50,000 Blue Whales.
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 25. The green elf does not need food badly.
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 26. Valley speak has no place in a fantasy setting. Especially if you're the paladin.
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 27. I am not to shoot every corpse in the head to make sure they aren't a zombie in Twilight 2000.
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 28. The Goddess' of Marriage chosen weapon is not the whip.
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 29. I cannot have any gun that requires me to continue the damage code on back.
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 30. I am not to kill off all the vampires in the LARP, even if they are terminally stupid.
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 31. The backup trap handler is not whoever has the most HP at the time.
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 32. I cannot buy any animal in groups of 100 or over.
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 33. There is no such skill as 'improvised cooking'
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 34. I am not allowed to base any Droid off any character played by Joe Pesci.
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 35. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to play R2 units.
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 36. I am not allowed to convince the entire party to sit on the same side of the table.
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 37. They do not make black market illegal cyberweapons for rodents.
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 38. When investigating evil cultists not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
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 39. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'can lick their eyebrows'
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 40. Gnomes do not have the racial ability to hold their breath for 10 minutes.
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 41. Gnomes do not have the racial ability 'impromptu kickstand'
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 42. Having a big nose adds nothing to my seduction check.
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 43. No longer allowed to set nazi propaganda music to a snappy disco beat.
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 44. Not allowed to spend all 100 character points on 100 1pt skills.
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 45. My character names are not allowed to be double entendres.
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 46. Sliver rhymes with silver because the computer frelling says so.
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 47. They do not make Nair in wookie sizes.
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 48. The elf is restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure.
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 49. Not allowed to blow up the Death Star before that snotty farm kid gets his shot.
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 50. Not allowed to use thermodynamic science to asphyxiate the orcs' cave instead of exploring it first.
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 51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
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 52. My bard does not know how to play Inna Godda Davida on marachas.
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 53. Not allowed to start a drow character weighing more than a quarter ton.
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 54. Cannot pimp out other party members.
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 55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
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 56. No matter how well I roll, a squirrel cannot carry a horse and rider at full sprint.
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 57. In the middle of a black op I cannot ask a guard to validate parking.
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 58. Expended ammunition is not a business expense.
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 59. Not allowed to pose the Netrunner in embarrassing positions when he's on a run.
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 60. Not allowed to short sheet the bedroll of impotent deities.
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 61. Can only taunt the ranger about his lack of swimming after my USCG E8 saves him.
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 62. I am not allowed to do anything I saw Han Solo do once.
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 63. No, I cannot buy 10,000 marbles even if I say please.
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 64. My paladin's battle cry is not "Good for the Good God"
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 65. There is no Summon Bimbo spell.
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 66. Not allowed to start a character that speaks every language except ones the party speaks.
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 67. There is no Kung Fu manuever "McGuire Swings For Bleachers"
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 68. Bring him back intact includes redundant organs.
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 69. There is more to wizardry than magic missile. Even if I can do 200 damage automatic with no save.
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 70. Not allowed to cook up nerve gas in the sink even if the target number is 5.
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 71. There is no 'annoy' setting on a phasor
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 72. Not allowed to start a character who is over 100 years old unless he's an elf or dwarf. Humans are right out.
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 73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
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 74. My thief's battle cry is not "Run And Live"
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 75. Nor is it "You take care of the orcs, I take care of the traps"
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 76. I am not allowed any artistic license while translating.
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 77. I did not get my super powers from James T. Kirk.
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 78. Not allowed to commission a pistol that costs more than a sedan.
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 79. I am not liquid metal.
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 80. When accepting a challenge for a duel, I must allow the other guy time to find a pistol.
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 81. A picture of my ex-wife is not an acceptable backup weapon.
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 82. Victory laps after killing the dragon with my 1d2 bow is considered in poor taste.
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 83. My gnome does not like big butts and he cannot lie.
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 84. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying a 220lb pull crossbow.
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 85. Not allowed to talk my fellow inquisitors into buying an industrial strength flamethrower.
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 86. Not allowed to make a superhero with a 99% chance of dodging even after the -10 penalty for a successful called shot.
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 87. There is no such thing as a dwarven katana.
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 88. My bard does not get a bonus to perform if she is obviously not wearing anything under her tabard.
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 89. The elf's name is not Legolam.
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 90. My swashbuckling fop cannot take the flaw Dark Secret: Not Gay
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 91. A wet towel does not constitute an improvised weapon.
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 92. The name of the weapon shop is not "Bloodbath and Beyond"
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 93. I am to remind my DM that he must never, ever give my paladin a dire boar for a mount again.
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 94. I cannot base my ancient kung fu master on neither Gene Simmons or Bluto Blutarski.
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 95. I must not put the Thunder God on the spot again.
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 96. No making up polearms.
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 97. My one wish cannot be 'I wish everything on this piece of paper was true'
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 98. There is no such thing as Speed Polka.
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 99. Not allowed to see if Jedi can parry a shotgun blast with their lightsaber.
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 100. When any character from a d20 sourcebook is allowed, that doesn't include System Lords.
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 101. I am not allowed to pave ANYTHING.
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 102. I am not authorized to start any civil engineering project on the taxpayer's dime.
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 103. There is no such thing as a Club 3 of Cup Checks
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 104. Nor is there a 1 Longsword, 5 against party members.
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 105. I am not allowed to polymorph anyone into Abe Vigoda.
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 106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cat.
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 107. There is no such game as Wereshark the Buffet.
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 108. No, I do not get XP for every single crewman on that Star Destroyer.
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 109. Not allowed to kill a vampire with any part from a DC-10 larger than my car.
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 110. Not allowed to serenade the party even if my character has an internal tape deck.
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 111. I did not pick the garrote skill last week from my grandmother.
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 112. If the gun can't fit through the x-ray machine, it doesn't go on the plane.
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 113. My Droid is not allowed to paraphrase any Jack Nicholson soliloquy.
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 114. The Demilich only falls for getting stuffed in the bag of holding once.
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 115. My musical instrument does not double as a personal flotation device.
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 116. Not allowed to take a coffee break during the final super villain showdown.
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 117. I am restricted to memorizing Floating Disc only once per day.
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 118. I will pick a more traditional paladin weapon instead of a sledgehammer.
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 119. My character's names cannot be anagrams of playboy playmates.
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 120. Not allowed to kill another party member with a boomerang again.
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 121. I am not a contractor for Dragon Cave Cleaning Services Inc.
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 122. The paladin's alignment is not Lawful Anal.
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 123. Not allowed to forget to mention traps when the powergamer has point.
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 124. I cannot insert the words "Kill Phil, Sorry Phil" into any list of instructions.
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 125. Lingerie can only snap coincidentally so many times per day.
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 126. Dwarves do not count as burrowing animals.
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 127. Not allowed to download AOL 6.0 on the Arasaka mainframe.
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 128. Polka Gnomes exist only in my mind.
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 129. Not allowed to name my ship The Antidisestablishmentarianism.
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 130. I am not authorized to form the head.
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 131. Not allowed to bet how many times the lich bounces.
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 132. There is no such feat called "Death Blossom"
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 133. My acrobat cannot balance on the warlord's head for more than one round.
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 134. The King's Guards official name is not "The Royal Order of the Red Shirt"
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 135. I cannot demand payment in <strike>electrum</strike>, backrubs or bubblewrap.
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 136. I cannot start the 7th Sea campaign with 3 confirmed Drachen kills.
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 137. I do not have a scorching case of lycanthropy.
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 138. If the mere thought of it costs the others sanity, I'm forbidden from doing it.
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 139. My bard is required to take levels in the perform skill and cannot 'just play by ear'
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 140. The Dutch language does not exist in the Forgotten Realms.
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 141. My maid does not know kung fu.
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 142. Not allowed to give a 4 year old a sugar rush just to jack up the CR later.
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 143. Not allowed to by a holy symbol for every god just in case one of them is right.
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 144. There is no such thing as pleather armor.
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 145. I cannot go back in time to cut in line at the Declaration of Independence so everybody now is asked for their Terrence E. Woczinski when signing documents.
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 146. Not allowed to play an Australian in any game set before 1600.
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 147. Hobbits are not allowed to have Norse ancestry.
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 148. There is no Gnomish Deathgrip, and even if there was, it wouldn't involve tongs.
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 149. Looting the unguarded baggage train is not considered a glorious victory.
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 150. Not allowed to create recreational drugs in suppository format.
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 151. Halflings do not have a racial proficiency with the flamethrower.
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 152. When the guy is at -9 HP is not the best time for my cleric to convert him.
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 153. I will not propose to every noblewoman at the royal ball until I crit my charisma check.
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 154. I am not allowed to rub the monk's head for luck.
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 155. I am not allowed to rub any part of the elf chick for any reason.
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 156. When one person forgets to buy rations eating the half-elf is not our first option.
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 157. Any capital scale weapon is not 'my little friend'.
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 158. I will not declare myself a god just so I can grant myself spells.
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 159. Airlocks do not double as trash disposals.
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 160. I will not load any gatling weapon with nothing but paint rounds.
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 161. I will not nail every single female party member except for the elf chick played by that creepy guy.
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 162. What ever monster we just killed is not to be tonight's dinner.
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 163. Not allowed to try and make a dire version of any dog of the toy breeds.
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 164. I am not to tattle to the halfling assassin's mom about his career choice.
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 165. I am forbidden from replacing anything with folger's crystals to see if they notice.
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 166. Not allowed to bribe the enemy commander into withdrawing with a stolen Elvis LP collection.
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 167. I was not recruited by Star League for any reason.
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 168. I was also not recruited by 12 dwarves and a wizard to rob a dragon.
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 169. I am neither the pagan god nor goddess of fertility.
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 170. I cannot name my character Xagyg or any anagram thereof.
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 171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur"
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 172. At no point can I justify spending force points on a seduction check.
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 173. I am not allowed to recreate Veers' March of the AT-ATs on Zhentil Keep.
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 174. There is no use of Shatner's spoken word album that doesn't require a humanity check.
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 175. I am not directly descended from either Huey Lewis or any member of the News.
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 176. I cannot make called shots to the plectrum, anvil, stirrup, hammer or Isle of Langerhans.
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 177. Stinking cloud is a privilege, not a right.
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 178. There are no profanities in Celestial.
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 179. Chummer means he is my friend, not that sharks find him tasty.
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 180. I have neither the touch nor the power.
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 181. I cannot quote Shakespeare in Crinos.
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 182. No figuring out the plot and killing the actual villain five minutes into the adventure.
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 183. There are no rules for cooking corn dogs in any d20 supplement.
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 184. A starting character has no need for 100gp worth of hemp rope.
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 185. My bard does not need roadies for a dungeon crawl.
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 186. No cutting line to be a god.
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 187. I cannot gain more than three drama die per session for making the GM pee.
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 188. I cannot play a elf with a scottish accent, nor a cajun dwarf.
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 189. Tourretes is not a flaw, it is a reason to kill the character at creation.
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 190. Duel wielding small animals is strictly forbidden.
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 191. My character is not related in anyway to Boba Fett. This goes double for Star Wars characters.
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 192. If the gun is best fired using the artillery skill, my character is not allowed to have it.
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 193. Not allowed to kill vampires with seismic charges.
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 194. When the other guy picks swords for the choice of weapons, that does not leave me pistols.
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 195. I cannot use a silent feat enabled power word stun and blame it on the dog.
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 196. I cannot name a character anything that I can't say politely in another country.
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 197. My epic level character cannot take on the minor goblin menace to his country just to stay sharp.
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 198. Not allowed to steal my own soul.
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 199. My third wish cannot be 'I wish you wouldn't grant this wish'
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 200. I cannot name my character cliche canon characters from other systems.
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 201. My thief is prohibited from speaking solely in Cant.
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 202. Character descriptions cannot contain two of the following words: Slavic, Tonedeaf, Karaoke, Musician.
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 203. My superhero's strength is not classified as snazzy, neato or bodacious.
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 204. I am not too sexy for the elf, too sexy for the elf, so sexy myself.
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 205. My 3rd ed. Red Wizard is not allowed to start a business named Thay Co.
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 206. I cannot forge a 1 sword of Brad's Min/Maxed Paladin/Monk Slaying.
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 207. The following weapons are not legal choices in a duel: Steamroller, Nerve Gas, Landmine, Midget.
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 208. I cannot whine about the crappy selection of magical bec de corbins.
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 209. My Paladin's heraldry is not a smiley face.
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 210. My Antipaladin's heraldry is not Mr. Yuk.
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 211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
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 212. If the party always starts the adventure in a tavern, I cannot opt to start in a brothel.
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 213. I am not the patron saint of common sense.
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 214. There is no prestige class Drizzt Slayer.
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 215. They do not make heavy weapons in pump action.
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 216. There is an upper limit to the number of Bozo boostergangers I can get in a Volkswagon.
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 217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
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 218. No matter my alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
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 219. In formal introductions to royalty, I must not introduce my companions as just "The Other Guys".
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 220. I am not the master of the low blow or the gang up.
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 221. If I get that Yugo up to 120mph again, that's gonna get some paradox.
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 222. Druids are not against my religion.
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 223. I cannot convince the Solo he has a cortex bomb when he really doesn't.
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 224. I cannot insinuate elf chicks are all easy, even though you never hear about a half gnome do you?
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 225. I am forbidden from monologuing.
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 226. Troll bubblegum...bad idea.
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 227. My last wish cannot be "I wish we were playing another game."
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 228. I cannot use my time machine to hire Hitler a hooker in 1920, thus avoiding WW2.
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 229. Not allowed to spontaneously check if the elf can take a punch.
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 230. There is no such thing as monofilament tooth floss.
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 231. I am not allowed to do anything that would make a Sith Lord cry.
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 232. It is not possible to recreate any scene from Dr. Who in Crinos.
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 233. If I am the medtech it is generally assumed I am going to have skill in medicine.
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 234. My character does not get d34 HP a level.
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 235. My Samedi is required to have dots in obfuscate. Plural, as in more than one, two more than none.
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 236. My character has no need for 24,000 cartons of cigarettes, especially in his neighbor's garage.
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 237. Not allowed to use more than 3 words per game that the GM has to look up the definition.
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 238. My bard cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
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 239. My rockerboy cannot play or has ever heard of the theremin, didgeridoo or glass armonica.
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 240. Any character with more than three skills specializing in chainsaw is vetoed.
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 241. Cannot use the jedi mind trick to get out of a speeding ticket.
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 242. Not allowed to give quicklings Mountain Dew.
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 243. Cannot cast haste on the king during a long winded speech to get him to hurry the hell up.
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 244. Not allowed to taunt the rest of the party in 8 different languages because they forgot to take any.
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 245. Not allowed to attend any opera whose name the GM confuses with a strip joint.
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 246. I cannot keep selling that creepy guy's always naked elf chick to nomads every chance I get.
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 247. If the king rewards me with a forest, I am to assume he intends for me to keep it a forest.
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 248. There is no Halfling god of groin shots.
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 249. If a black op requires me to impersonate an employee, I cannot bill the target for overtime.
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 250. Superfluous Man is not a viable superhero concept.
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 251. I am not the Boogie-Woogie Bugle Boy of Gundam Wing Z.
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 252. I can not order the Druid to transform and roll out.
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 253. If the other party members forget to take any food prep skills, not allowed to let them starve to death.
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 254. I cannot blow 5 paradox in: A police line up, the candy aisle of Krogers, the Miss America Pageant.
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 255. I cannot create a superhero that can palm the moon.
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 256. The following cleric domains do not exist: Wet T-Shirts, Atheism, Keggers
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 257. I cannot wish nobody else gets wishes.
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 258. There is no such thing as Skyclad Armor 5
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 259. My Highlander's name cannot be McHammer.
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 260. Gnomes do not have a racial bonus in bobsled.
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 261. The Barbarian's name does not translate into "Screams like little sissy girl" in my language.
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 262. When the GM forces the plot, I cannot make choo-choo noises.
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 263. Not allowed to attempt to kill the Hutt by pouring salt on him.
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 264. I cannot use the time machine to go to Ancient Greece where all the women were leather clad, oiled down with big bosoms.
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 265. It assumed my mechwarrior knows at least what one of the buttons in his cockpit does.
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 266. At the end of a black-ops, I cannot crank call C-SWAT on the target's phone.
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 267. I cannot yell "FREEBIRD" every time the bard makes a perform roll.
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 268. Mr. Welch is not allowed to speak in 3rd person.
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 269. My character cannot hear the soundtrack.
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 270. I cannot derail the adventure for a two hour in character discussion on the qualities of rope.
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 271. Tracheotomies are best left to characters with skills in medicine.
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 272. No skill allows specializing in defenestration.
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 273. No matter how smart I make my animal companion, he still can't take the tax accountant skill.
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 274. I cannot commune with the Gods during peak hours.
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 275. I must remember at dinner time Rock is not a dwarven delicacy.
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 276. I must remember at dinner time Log is not an elven delicacy.
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 277. My half-ogre cannot surprise the halflings with spontaneous games of dodgeball.
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 278. Anything the DM has to ponder the full impact of for more than a minute is forbidden.
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 279. I cannot base any elf off of any British Prime Minister.
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 280. Thermonuclear hand grenades do not exist in any genre except Paranoia.
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 281. I cannot get emotionally attached to any generic nondescript unnamed NPC.
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 282. Even if laughter is the best medicine, it still doesn't restore any of my HP.
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 283. I have been assured with total certainty Ralph is not a Japanese name.
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 284. When the CO asks for volunteers, I can't help others make a decision.
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 285. I am not from Margaritaville, and even if I was, that doesn't excuse the hawaiian shirt and lawn chair during the dress inspection.
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 286. No character of mine can start with 400 previous convictions for any misdemeanor.
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 287. When asked for advice before a fight "Don't wet yourself in public" is not what they were looking for.
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 288. I cannot name my character after another PC already in this game.
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 289. My character does not have the flaw Addiction: Helium.
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 290. I cannot figure that the dungeon we're in is the Pac-Man maze and point it out to the rest of the party.
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 291. I cannot form a huddle to discuss strategy before facing the final monster in the dungeon.
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 292. I cannot take all the monsters I've killed to the taxidermist after the adventure.
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 293. Clowns shoes have no place in a dungeon crawl.
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 294. My dwarf is not claustrophobic, likewise, my elf is not agoraphobic.
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 295. When my enemy blinks does not give me an attack of opportunity.
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 296. I cannot make called shots with a crew served weapon.
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 297. I cannot hand out artillery flares to the bad guys on New Years and tell them they are roman candles.
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 298. Sprechen Sie Bang-Bang? is not real German.
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 299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
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 300. I cannot give the rebel operatives the codenames Luke, Han, Chewie or Yoda.
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 301. "Well Hung" is not a physical, social or mental trait.
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 302. A gimp suit does not count as leather armor.
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 303. I cannot gradually describe my character more and more until it's obvious I'm describing Burt Reynolds.
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 304. My life long nemesis is not allowed to be the unsuspecting cleric sitting across the table from me.
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 305. Anything my character does that ends up as errata I am retroactively prohibited from doing.
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 306. Chaotic Evil dieties do not have hymnals.
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 307. Even if he can use them from the start, my barbarian can't specialize in fencing weapons.
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 308. A Mao suit is not proper garb for my shugenja.
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 309. I cannot cast invisibility on random household items like car keys, tea sets and bear traps.
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 310. I cannot spend all my points on just followers.
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 311. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot start the game as pope.
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 312. I am not the son, father, husband, exroommate, former professor or retired garbageman of the villain.
 %
 313. My British Superspy does not get a reroll on his seduction check if his shirt gets ripped off.
 %
 314. Under 'Religion' I cannot put 'Xenu'.
 %
 315. My gnome cannot save point on the ride skill simply by asking for piggyback rides everywhere.
 %
 316. My character is not allowed to commit suicide five minutes into the campaign.
 %
 317. My battlecry is not 'Now young Skywalker you will die'.
 %
 318. Vampiric cows are not the fast food innovation of the future.
 %
 319. My character does not have the flaw: Dark Secret- I'm Kilroy.
 %
 320. The Sultan does not want a treasure bath.
 %
 321. The monk's official title is Brother of the Lotus Path. Not the Slap Happy Jappy.
 %
 322. My bard knows more songs than just "I Saw Your Mommy"
 %
 323. I cannot start the game with a highly contagious deadly disease.
 %
 324. I cannot start the game pregnant.
 %
 325. Even if he was a paragon of humanity in his alternate dimension, Good Hitler is not an appropriate superhero concept.
 %
 326. Cannot accumulate 200 points of flaws for Hackmaster.
 %
 327. I am not allowed to decide which one of us is the Chosen One.
 %
 328. I cannot keep my phaser on disintegrate just because it's the coolest setting.
 %
 329. Not allowed to spoil the plot by simply removing the hinges on the door.
 %
 330. The Halfling Paladin does not represent the Lollipop Guild.
 %
 331. I cannot invoke Consecrate Weapon on a Man of War
 %
 332. I cannot spend character points to buy imaginary friends.
 %
 333. I cannot fistinate anybody, whatever the hell that means.
 %
 334. Pinball is not a specialization for wizards.
 %
 335. When installing cyberware, can't install the Clapper as a built in feature.
 %
 336. Cannot start a Cthuhlu character with a pre-existing hatred of books, altars and cutlery.
 %
 337. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot control 20,000 pigeons and use them as flying piranha.
 %
 338. Any character named El Robotico Jiraffe de Fuego is begging to be vetoed.
 %
 339. Can't avoid going on an epic quest with the excuse "Can't find a sitter"
 %
 340. I cannot start the game married to another PC without their consent.
 %
 341. Not allowed to declare myself a free agent and take offer from other adventuring parties.
 %
 342. After the first adventure I cannot write a tell all book about the party.
 %
 343. I must remember royalty do not share the same love of parody as my bard.
 %
 344. No matter how much I make my IQ roll by, I can't make the other guy's head explode.
 %
 345. I don't have weapon proficiency in elf, either.
 %
 346. I most certainly don't have weapon proficiency in a Phased-plasma rifle in the forty watt range.
 %
 347. If I'm not the decker, I can't do anything I saw in Tron once.
 %
 348. The rest of the party appreciates it if I don't start the game in Cyberpsychosis.
 %
 349. Power Word: Beer Me is not a real spell.
 %
 350. I am not allowed to buzz ANYTHING.
 %
 351. I cannot take skill Profession: Ecdysiast
 %
 352. When I choose my wizard's familar, Belgians are not a legal choice.
 %
 353. I cannot pick a Destroid that makes the Veritech pilots feel inadequate.
 %
 354. Tricking the party into killing each other off and then turning in their corpses for the bounty is frowned upon.
 %
 355. My monk's battlecry is not "Round 1: Fight!"
 %
 356. No matter how well I roll, the Quack skill is not a substitute for the Doctor skill.
 %
 357. I cannot disassemble a car in under 5 minutes.
 %
 358. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot make a character that gets double XP per game for showing up.
 %
 359. Killing quicklings with marbles only works once.
 %
 360. I must remind the GM that my Blessed can Raise Dead before he runs another murder mystery again.
 %
 361. It is not feasible for my Archer to recreate Hudson's Last Stand.
 %
 362. It is very unlikely my half-ogre and the half-elf, half-dragon, tiefling and aasimar have the same dad.
 %
 363. When challenged to a showdown, I'm meant to face him at 10 paces with pistols, not 10 blocks with a Sharpe's Big .50.
 %
 364. I am to avoid killing, upstaging or seducing historical characters.
 %
 365. Not allowed to setup the main villain with the mad scientist's sister.
 %
 366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
 %
 367. No using excessive firepower to force the plot along.
 %
 368. My teleporter cannot stop the alien invasion with just the law of displacement, laws of motion, and a huge freakin' asteroid.
 %
 369. Not supposed to stop the soon to be cyberpsycho by disassembling him earlier in the adventure.
 %
 370. What happens in Sigil does not always stay in Sigil.
 %
 371. No thinking up new, creative and fun uses for cursed items.
 %
 372. Cannot start the game blitzed, especially if I was stone sober at the last game break.
 %
 373. It is bad form for the queen to see my nipples.
 %
 374. I am not to combine the advantage Fearless and the disadvantage Curious in the same character again.
 %
 375. Killing the building does not add to my body count.
 %
 376. The barbarian must remember that 'human shield' is a figure of speech.
 %
 377. My character is required to have a minimum wisdom of 10, that way I have no excuses.
 %
 378. I can cannot give my character the moniker "Tim the Barbarian". Especially since he's the bard.
 %
 379. I am to stop asking the elf to put a good word in for me with Santa.
 %
 380. I cannot use the ventriloquism skill to convice the fighter his new sword is a magical talking one.
 %
 381. Min/Max for combat=good. Min/Max for accounting=bad.
 %
 382. I can't bet the power gamer he can't solo the module.
 %
 383. It is not ok to use 10,000 rounds to kill two sentries.
 %
 384. The titles "Viking" and "Obstretrician" are mutually exclusive.
 %
 385. All characters will use the bathroom before the dungeon crawl.
 %
 386. The following words are not legal for the command spell: Prognosticate, theorize, notarize.
 %
 387. I cannot give magic items super easy commands words like 'is' or 'the' and activate when you say them.
 %
 388. Pursue means chase after, not just make called shots to the knees.
 %
 389. My samurai is not required to commit seppuku if he fails to hit the monster.
 %
 390. My character's background must be more indepth than a montage of Queen lyrics.
 %
 391. A starting paladin has no conceivable use for industrial lubricant.
 %
 392. I am forbidden to see whether halflings or gnomes bounce higher.
 %
 393. If I can fit my head down the gun's barrel, I can assume it doesn't have the non-lethal option.
 %
 394. If the light spell expires, no lighting the dwarf.
 %
 395. I cannot have any weapon that requires me to crank start it first.
 %
 396. I will refrain from using wildly inaccurate high explosive weapons in close quarters.
 %
 397. I will not tell new players that 1st level characters do not have a scent as a defense mechanism.
 %
 398. No matter what popular media says, harpoons are not proper ninja weapons.
 %
 399. When I have to pick a starting dementia, Stockholm Syndrome is not appropriate.
 %
 400. Check the door means to listen at it, not put several rounds through it.
 %
 401. When a virgin sacrifice is demanded I will not look knowingly at the paladin, netrunner or Hermetic.
 %
 402. No matter how many people I need to feed, I will not use MDC weapons to fish.
 %
 403. My rigger does not get a bonus if his log in code is up, down, up, down, left, right, left, right, A, B, A, B, Start.
 %
 404. No subcontracting dungeon crawls.
 %
 405. I will not name my character for the power gaming campaign Generic Cleave Path Fighter #7.
 %
 406. The first rule of Finnegan school is not "Do not talk about Finnegan school"
 %
 407. I will not blow all my starting funds on hookers and booze.
 %
 408. If I have to sacrifice my fifth dot in resources to afford it, I can't have that gun.
 %
 409. I will not cast darkness at the magic missile.
 %
 410. If the NPC is on the cover of the rulebook, I can't kill him.
 %
 411. It is bad form to shoot a god while he's monologuing.
 %
 412. I will not try to skip to the main boss dressed like a singing telegram.
 %
 413. The chaotic neutral alignment is forever closed to me.
 %
 414. If my stats are STR10 DEX10 CON8 INT16 WIS17 CHA15 I'd better not be the half-orc barbarian.
 %
 415. My archmage will not join a party running Keep on the Borderlands as a ringer.
 %
 416. I will not substitute accuracy with enthusiasm.
 %
 417. The solution to all my problems is not Crinos.
 %
 418. Steel toe boots do not add to my AC.
 %
 419. Spankings generally will not change evil alignments.
 %
 420. "For the King" is an example of a good battle cry. "Smoke the Mother" is not.
 %
 421. I will not convince the GM's noob GF to play a psychotic combat monster.
 %
 422. My marital status does not affect in anyway my fear checks.
 %
 423. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a duck.
 %
 424. I cannot liven up the adventure with snappy musical numbers. Even if they did it on the TV show.
 %
 425. Chainsaws and butter churns filled with bees do not use the same weapon skill.
 %
 426. Thirty minutes after a massive battle against Cathayans I am not bloodthirsty again.
 %
 427. I cannot do anything I saw Jackie Chan do once. Even if I am in Home Depot at the moment.
 %
 428. I will never create a plan that first hinges on the invention of velcro.
 %
 429. If the character isn't deaf, his only language cannot be AMSLAN.
 %
 430. Spray paint is not a substitute for proper camouflage.
 %
 431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot"
 %
 432. Cannot put anything featuring Calvin on my starfighter.
 %
 433. I will not find a peaceful solution to the adventure just to piss off the power gamer.
 %
 434. Never again will I convince a player to keep a character nicknamed "Stumpy McLunger"
 %
 435. No bribing the DM's new GF with chocolate so he'll go easy on us.
 %
 436. Even if my cleric has the domains of Wealth and Healing doesn't give me the right to start an HMO.
 %
 437. From now on my Highlander will refrain from dancing the Can-Can.
 %
 438. The ability to afflict everyone in 150' with herpes is not an acceptable super power.
 %
 439. I will not start the game as a toddler just to rack up massive stat bonuses as I age.
 %
 440. I am forbidden from trying to merge the best features of automatic weapons and manual transmissions.
 %
 441. There is an upper limit on the number of people a bullet will go through.
 %
 442. When told to be subtle, playing a foul mouthed chain smoking squirrel is not a good choice.
 %
 443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting PCs in the head if they are bitten.
 %
 444. Whether it's fair or not, my thief will not insist we take turns checking for traps.
 %
 445. I will not admonish my fellow paladin with 'a little less lawful, a little more good'
 %
 446. Ninjas are not ablative.
 %
 447. If the NPC is critical to the plot later, I cannot crit him 4 times in one round.
 %
 448. I will not attempt to unionize the brutes.
 %
 449. I will not switch to an entirely new class every single time I level.
 %
 450. When told to distract the villainess, they didn't mean with a surprise marriage proposal.
 %
 451. I cannot start the campaign conjoined to another character.
 %
 452. Not allowed to convince the entire party to base the group only off Gary Oldman characters.
 %
 453. I will not redefine the term 'trapdoor'.
 %
 454. No staking a vampire with anything larger than his chest cavity.
 %
 455. Styrofoam is not an appropriate component for golems.
 %
 456. I cannot put my familiar up for stud.
 %
 457. I did not invent the wet tabard contest.
 %
 458. "When I'm in the mood" is not a valid trigger for a contingency spell.
 %
 459. The vampire clan with vissitude is not pronounced 'Karl'
 %
 460. I'd better have a real good excuse for being a necromancer if I'm lawful good.
 %
 461. Tasha's Uncontrollably Hideous Sister is not a real spell.
 %
 462. 1st Watch is not for accordion practice.
 %
 463. Even if it is hip to be square, I still can't play a Modron.
 %
 464. 2nd Watch is not for starting up pick up rugby games with wandering monsters.
 %
 465. After a successful black ops, I will not leave paint bombs under all the boardroom's seat cushions.
 %
 466. 3rd Watch is not clothing optional.
 %
 467. There is no 'accidentally' slipping a Smite Evil into a pillow fight.
 %
 468. If the party wakes to find a chariot upside down in a fountain, I'd better not be the prime, usual or only suspect.
 %
 469. If I wake up to find black cloaked figures in my room, I will not immediately point them to the halflings' room.
 %
 470. Sarcasm is wasted on Imperial Stormtroopers.
 %
 471. I am not fluent in any dialect of gibberish.
 %
 472. When my cleric is told to "Buff the Elf", I know exactly what it means and may not miscontrue it in any way.
 %
 473. No matter the CR of the monster, no naked pookie dances upon victory.
 %
 474. Black and Decker does not make prosthetics.
 %
 475. Can't trick the rest of the party into babysitting my kids.
 %
 476. The alignment of 2 years olds is not automatically Neutral Evil.
 %
 477. I cannot spay the Vargyr.
 %
 478. Castillians do not always end their sentences with the word 'Ariba!"
 %
 479. As a matter of fact, Dwarven Battlegarb in no way resembles Angus Young's stage costume.
 %
 480. I will not address Fauner Posen with 'Jawohl mein Liebenaffe'
 %
 481. I am forbidden from doing anything that ends with a snarf, rimshot or spit take.
 %
 482. No uploading porn to my CO's HUD.
 %
 483. No downloading porn from my CO's HUD.
 %
 484. If the word 'Mullet' appears anywhere on my samurai's character sheet, he's vetoed.
 %
 485. My Mossad agent's battlecry is not "Torah, Torah, Torah"
 %
 486. No how tough the encounter was, I will keep the congratulatory ass slapping to a minimum.
 %
 487. Halfing mating rituals do not include beer can crushing, power belching, or Lynyrd Skynyrd trivia.
 %
 488. If I have to pull out of the dungeon because I'm low on HP, no filing Workman's Comp.
 %
 489. No making up any strange hobbies just to get out of taking watch.
 %
 490. Quoting Bob Dobbs while charging into battle is unusual. Quoting Bob Newhart is right out. Quoting Bob Dylan is just silly.
 %
 491. If my Faith is 4 and your Faith is 2, that doesn't mean Jesus loves me twice as much.
 %
 492. Beer Boy is not an acceptable hireling for the dungeon crawl.
 %
 493. I will not base any Media character off Milo Bloom.
 %
 494. I will not use a time machine to invade Germany on September 2, 1939 by surprise, securing Dutch domination of Europe.
 %
 495. No supplying my own canned applause.
 %
 496. While Bardic music can increase skill rolls, bad jazz adds nothing to seduction rolls.
 %
 497. If somebody in the party has a Wisdom or Intelligence lower than 8, I am forbidden from talking to them.
 %
 498. A firefight is not the best time to tell the party my Medtech has a fear of blood.
 %
 499. No inventing the minefield.
 %
 500. My superhero will not spend points to fly just because he's too lazy to walk.
 %
 501. Even if playing a game allowing animal characters, Tai Chihuahua is not a good concept.
 %
 502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock"
 %
 503. Dwarves do not get Beard Cancer.
 %
 504. If the party is to frequently meet with Queen Victoria, I cannot play a Texan.
 %
 505. My warrior cleric will not pick his deity solely on the god's BAB.
 %
 506. Mjy Vjikjing Skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
 %
 507. My character cannot give another character the alcoholic disadvantage during play.
 %
 508. I will not tell the noobie to roll his THACO.
 %
 509. I will not base my superpowers off of Christ. Even if my character is nothing like him.
 %
 510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
 %
 511. When GM demands to know what my character is doing, it better not be "The Charleston"
 %
 512. The nationality of my favorite soccer team does not add to my Brawl Skill.
 %
 513. Trying to rip the face off the villain will not get the Scooby-Doo ending.
 %
 514. No giving my Roman gladiator the short disadvantage and naming him Minimus.
 %
 515. I am not the Lord of Rodly Might.
 %
 516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
 %
 517. I cannot make called shots to their self esteem.
 %
 518. Affirmative Action does not require me to play a drow.
 %
 519. Dual wielding party members is also frowned upon.
 %
 520. Under no circumstances is my medical droid allowed a groin mounted rectal thermometer.
 %
 521. I will not convince the entire party to play Amish for the cyberpunk campaign.
 %
 522. Not allowed to parry at the wrist.
 %
 523. When I'm rescued the correct response is 'thank you' not 'took your freaking time!'
 %
 524. I will not ask my gun for advice.
 %
 525. Running a non-stop Rocky Horror fest for staked vampires is outside the budget for most Samedi.
 %
 526. If an NPC is known as the "One" I cannot volunteer to be the "Two".
 %
 527. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot spend $64,000 to get the vorpal option for a forklift.
 %
 528. I cannot buy every single advantage during character creation.
 %
 529. My character is not from Duncan, Idaho.
 %
 530. I cannot earn bonus XP for 'catching air' with an MBT. So stop trying.
 %
 531. No making up gnomish subraces.
 %
 532. Despite being a staple of comic books everywhere, I cannot teleport objects in front of naked people.
 %
 533. I cannot increase my comeliness by growing a pornstache.
 %
 534. When I level up, I just can't copy the guy next to me's choices.
 %
 535. I cannot make a dungeon crawl easier by opening a rival dungeon and hiring away all his guards.
 %
 536. If a powergamer joins our crew, I will not billet him in the newly furnished auxiliary airlock.
 %
 537. The Cause Disease spell cannot inflict Nitrogen Narcosis.
 %
 538. Even if I spend the points, I cannot start married to any of the X-Men.
 %
 539. Defensive perimeter traps my character sets up are automatically party knowledge.
 %
 540. A full minute of stunned silence means "My God what did you do?" not "Please continue."
 %
 541. When prompted for a target by the guided missile "the naughty bits" is not a valid choice.
 %
 542. No, I do not have time to carve that mountain in the shape of anything.
 %
 543. There is more to buying rations than ramen, spam and beer.
 %
 544. I will not cast Gate to bind an infernal creature of power to my bidding and make him mow the lawn.
 %
 545. No going 100% tracer round on the HMG just because I like the pretty colors.
 %
 546. Dead party members, while effective, are not appropriate anti-grenade measures.
 %
 547. Perform skill does not apply to the following: Performance art, spoken word, or fan dances.
 %
 548. I cannot have a "What Would Ao Do?" bracelet.
 %
 549. It is not physically possible to cook off an accordion.
 %
 550. Dwarves can indeed tell the difference between their genders.
 %
 551. Cannot install Lojack on the Dragonkin.
 %
 552. If my character's drow wife finds I let my niece appear in a Gnomes Gone Wild Video, my death will not even warrant a saving throw.
 %
 553. No matter how well I make my disguise check, my gnome cannot convincingly pass for any member of Rush.
 %
 554. Even though armor gives him no benefit, my monk still has to wear something.
 %
 555. I will stop snickering every time the monk announces he's touching someone with his quivering palm.
 %
 556. Even though I'm the ranger, I can't stalk the elf babe.
 %
 557. If they get a bonus to spot my gun with a geiger counter, I can't have it.
 %
 558. There is not a 'Take your daughter to work day' for adventurers.
 %
 559. Even if the Ranger offers his sword, the elf his bow and the dwarf his axe, my gnome can't offer his accordion.
 %
 560. Can't hire a sentient black pudding to be the ship's janitor.
 %
 561. I can't play a deep gnome just to make the rest of the party have to pronounce Svirfneblin.
 %
 562. "Pass without trace" doesn't work on bad checks.
 %
 563. I can't make anyone Jewish with a called shot.
 %
 564. The Lutherans don't have an inquisition.
 %
 565. My vampire hunter can't have anything he saw on an infomercial at 3am on PBS.
 %
 566. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self supporting blood bank.
 %
 567. I cannot consult my lawyer before making my wish.
 %
 568. My first wish cannot be "I wish you grant all my wishes to the spirit and letter of the wish'
 %
 569. All 3 of my wishes cannot involve Alpacas.
 %
 570. The DM does not want to know how my human fighter is triple wielding scimitars.
 %
 571. I will not secretly maze the wizard's familiar, druid's companion or paladin's mount just for a laugh.
 %
 572. Even if the rules say otherwise, I cannot carry 100lbs of styrofoam without encumbrance penalties.
 %
 573. Improved evasion does not work against Save vs. DM.
 %
 574. "Get dressed quickly in the dark" is not an advantage, bonus, benefit, feat, skill, perk or merit.
 %
 575. Even if I'm a near immortal demi-god with the power to create entire worlds with a thought, still bad to throw a party when Dad's away without permission.
 %
 576. I can't use my sneak attack opportunity to cop a feel.
 %
 577. No matter how stupid the PC's comment, it doesn't provide an attack of opportunity.
 %
 578. Rectomancy is not a school of magic.
 %
 579. "Pimp my Death Star" is not a real show, and I'd better believe Grand Moff Tarkin knows this.
 %
 580. A sledgehammer does not give any bonus to my search for secret doors roll.
 %
 581. No filling the paladin's stocking with coal on Christmas to make him wonder what he's got to atone for.
 %
 582. I can't thwart the Rebel Alliance's attack with the newly invented manhole cover.
 %
 583. Can't intimidate the evil wizard just by constantly summoning bigger versions of what he's just summoned.
 %
 584. On second thought, a minotaur architect is a really bad idea.
 %
 585. No using psychic powers before the adventure to figure out who to take life insurance out on.
 %
 586. Cannot spend extra money to get the optional "flay" setting for my pistol.
 %
 587. No taunting the 1st level magic user with "Mighty bold talk for a guy with only 4HP."
 %
 588. Paladins are immune to STDs, but if I take advantage of this ability, I lose it. Wonderful paradox, isn't it?
 %
 589. If my gun on a scale of 1-10 is a 7, it's vetoed if that's the Richter scale.
 %
 590. I can't convince the rival party our Q-Ship is just named that because it's piloted by John DeLancie.
 %
 591. Defibrillators do not allow me the use of the Cleave feat.
 %
 592. No matter how well I roll, other PCs cannot be haggled into paying me to perform errands for me.
 %
 593. Tensor's Herniated Disc is not a real spell.
 %
 594. True to fluff or not, my berserker cannot take the beekeeping skill.
 %
 595. I cannot pick a race with a prehensile ANYTHING.
 %
 596. No dual wielding whips until I at least have proficiency with them.
 %
 597. The party does not need to know about the time I woke up duct taped to the back of a Drow Matron Mother.
 %
 598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
 %
 599. Cannot start the new adventure with me trying to run down who ever didn't show up for the last adventure.
 %
 600. Even if I'm a wizard, I still can't apply embarrassing tattoos to the NPC.
 %
 601. If we run out of cannonballs armadillos will not do in a pinch.
 %
 602. Find Familiar scrolls are not a substitute for the hunting skill.
 %
 603. I cannot have any gun mentioned in the Geneva Convention by name.
 %
 604. If my alignment forbids torture, that includes Gnomish Poetry Slams.
 %
 605. Even if this an adventuring party, I can't show up to the adventure drunk and wearing only a toga, lampshade and half elf stripper.
 %
 606. If my power is super growth, that includes my skin.
 %
 607. A N-Scale tuba player is not an appropriate miniature for my gnome bard.
 %
 608. The answer to 'who's got point?' is not the fireball.
 %
 609. No diety will let me use my nipples as holy symbols.
 %
 610. I cannot name my character Dwead Piwate Woberts.
 %
 611. No initiating social challenges based only on the color of the werewolf's shoes.
 %
 612. Every time a PC takes himself out through his own stupidity does not let me sing the Oompa-Loompa song.
 %
 613. I can't have a magic item I can't request with a straight face.
 %
 614. My superhero tank must be height/weight proportionate.
 %
 615. One close call with a mimic does not give me the right to attack every door I come across.
 %
 616. Even if they are the same cliched acid for blood aliens, can't load my shotgun with baking powder.
 %
 617. The forehead is not an appropriate place for a kill count holo-tattoo.
 %
 618. No matter how much my humanity loss, a chainsaw is not a substitute for a bayonet.
 %
 619. No matter what the dice say, I can't kill a 4th gen vampire with a pump action loaded with buck in a single round.
 %
 620. My Blessed does not have the hindrance Ailin': Stigmata.
 %
 621. No offering the old man and the farm kid a better rate to Alderaan.
 %
 622. Paladins make poor vikings. And vice versa.
 %
 623. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot play a Dire Gummi Bear.
 %
 624. When asked what my character is doing, it had better not be the vitakinetic.
 %
 625. I must remember before the next time I shave off the sleeping dwarf's beard and glue it to the sleeping elf, wars have been started that way.
 %
 626. Dwarves are not proper substitutes for pufferfish.
 %
 627. The GM decides if my character dies from a stroke, not me.
 %
 628. I can't use audible glamour to trick the cleric into building an ark.
 %
 629. Just because they are all into rock, metal and axes, dwarves are not all headbangers.
 %
 630. Replacing the solo's bullets with blanks so he comes in dead last in bodycount isn't funny.
 %
 631. Medicine cabinets are not the best place to stash spare squeeze tubes of explosive putty.
 %
 632. When asked to tutor someone on his defense trait, can't keep punching him until he get it.
 %
 633. When told to choose my weapon in a duel with the assassin, can't pick his weapon.
 %
 634. Cannot recreate any scene in 2001: Space Odyssey involving women's lingerie.
 %
 635. Arguments cannot end with the statement 'Alright, we'll settle this like penguins!'
 %
 636. Recon means tell them what I saw, not slaughter all the monsters without them.
 %
 637. German characters do not gets 4 racial bonus to intimidate French characters.
 %
 638. The DM is not impressed by me spoiling his well planned ambush by just casting Glassee on the door.
 %
 639. Before hiding with all the werewolves to ambush the Settite, make sure he didn't leave the LARP 4 hours ago.
 %
 640. Even if he loves me too, Chitti-Chitti-Bang-Bang is not an appropriate choice for the romance background.
 %
 641. Casual attire does not include shoulder holsters.
 %
 642. My character's grandma was not, is not and will never be a contract killer.
 %
 643. Even if the rules allow it, I can't gain 1,000,000 XP with one forged check.
 %
 644. No matter how much mousse I use, my hair will never have damage resistance.
 %
 645. My matter how high my faith skill, still can't take God as an ally.
 %
 646. If the game store owner goes into vapor lock, the adventure is over.
 %
 647. Any answer to a question involving the words 'wizard', 'station wagon' and 'wood paneling' is no.
 %
 648. Can't marry off another PC more than half a dozen times.
 %
 649. Zero bodycount does not mean just the ones they can find.
 %
 650. Gnolls don't fall for the fake ball trick more than once.
 %
 651. My alignment is not Sarcastic Good.
 %
 652. My fighter cannot take the flaw: Addiction- stabbing things.
 %
 653. Cannot wish for the party to have common sense. Even the wish spell has its limits.
 %
 654. If the party goes into my room and finds a Deva wearing only baby oil, oven mitts and spurs, they can start the module without me.
 %
 655. When asked my position in the party, it's not 'whatever's closest to Bangkok.'
 %
 656. A crayon is typically going to cause a penalty to my forgery skill.
 %
 657. Can't put a glass bottom on my tank to I can see the looks on their faces.
 %
 658. Changing sexes is restricted to male or female.
 %
 659. Quoting Ministry lyrics is not SOP for the Gladius Dei.
 %
 660. Walmart is not my one stop shopping place for hunting vampires.
 %
 661. The line on my character sheet for 'Sex' is not for keeping score.
 %
 662. My Paladin will stop referring to her detect evil power as Evildar.
 %
 663. Even if I just rolled 832d6 for damage, still can't get a bonus to my intimidate check.
 %
 664. Unlike real life, I don't gain the whirlwind attack to smack all my backtalking children.
 %
 665. My WW2 era mad scientist will pick a new target for his project other than Manhattan.
 %
 666. When offered a Dracheneisen item of my choice, can't pick Nunchucks.
 %
 667. No matter what the dice say, can't decapitate an Aberrant with a straight razor.
 %
 668. AT-ST soccer games are strictly against Imperial Army protocols.
 %
 669. Cannot name Boba Fett as a godparent to any of my children.
 %
 670. While I'm fixing the X-Wing, the brash pilot is still miffed about the Y-Wing loaner.
 %
 671. House Kurita Mechwarriors do not appreciate posters of Godzilla taped over their optical sensors.
 %
 672. Teleport Without Pants is not a real spell.
 %
 673. It's not necessary to install a portcullis in every single room of my castle.
 %
 674. When deciding what to do with the ancient alien artifacts we discovered, EBAY is not an option.
 %
 675. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the identical twin advantage 22 times.
 %
 676. My character's primary purpose in the party is not to just leech 1/6 of all the XP.
 %
 677. Elves do not have the racial trait: No Gag Reflex.
 %
 678. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a recreation of the Apollo landing.
 %
 679. I do not have time in the Black Ops for break dancing, Greco-Roman Wrestling or phone sex.
 %
 680. My axe doesn't go off accidentally when I'm cleaning it.
 %
 681. Even if he is a total blast, can't channel Baron Samedi at a Coming Out Ball.
 %
 682. Can't make a called shot with a flamethrower.
 %
 683. After finishing the cliched "New boss is villain" adventure, can't file for unemployment.
 %
 684. My mummy can't take out multiple life insurance policies on himself and name himself the prime beneficiary.
 %
 685. The game of chicken does not involve the polymorph spell.
 %
 686. My vampire hunter does not take the "un" out of "undead"
 %
 687. I cannot backstab anybody with a Buick Skylark.
 %
 688. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin cannot have the flaw: Hatred- All living things.
 %
 689. The combat feats I can use with a battering ram are extremely restricted.
 %
 690. Mordenkainen's Dysfunctional Family is not a real spell.
 %
 691. No matter what the kids say, animated balloon animals is a poor use of the Create Golem feat.
 %
 692. The Dr. Jones School of Swordfighting is not an appropriate Swordsman's School.
 %
 693. There is no conspiracy to write out the gnome's contribution to the Fellowship of the Ring.
 %
 694. Search the old castle means enter it, not level it with artillery and dig through the rubble.
 %
 695. Buying the Elf Babe a trampoline and telling her it boosts her Dexterity isn't fooling anybody.
 %
 696. Any plan involving strapping puppies to my armor is vetoed.
 %
 697. No "accidentally" crosswiring the X-Wing's fire control and ejection seat switches.
 %
 698. During the Black Ops no accessing the target's HR files and getting babes' phone numbers.
 %
 699. Fed Ex does not deliver to the Keep on the Borderlands.
 %
 700. Not allowed to use basic economics to crash the evil empire's economy by spending all my swag there at once.
 %
 701. Cannot take the moniker "the Hyperpolysyllabicsesquipedalinist"
 %
 702. The Banana of Disarming is not a real magic item.
 %
 703. Cannot sharpen Ioun stones for increased headbutt damage.
 %
 704. No using my hideously low Charisma to get the villain to do the opposite of what I suggest.
 %
 705. Need to stop using my reality altering ability to make every day Mardi Gras.
 %
 706. Cannot base my barbarian after Wink Martindale.
 %
 707. A throat punch does not give a bonus in a contested philosophy check.
 %
 708. My paladin mini is vetoed if it's obviously Private Drake from Aliens.
 %
 709. Any plan is vetoed if it was obviously inspired by Boromir.
 %
 710. My info gathering mission must include info that wasn't obviously obtained in a brothel.
 %
 711. If almost all the words in my character's background start with the same letter, he's vetoed.
 %
 712. When told to leave a trail for the rest of the party to follow, they didn't mean with cigarette butts.
 %
 713. Even if the rules allow it, can't sink a battleship with a stapler.
 %
 714. I do not get a bulk discount on ninjas.
 %
 715. Even if the rules allow it, I can't invent the strip joint.
 %
 716. I cannot play a race the GM can't pronounce.
 %
 717. I cannot start the game in post-apocalyptic Poland driving a Porsche.
 %
 718. Warnings given retroactively in battle aren't appreciated.
 %
 719. A fluffy tail does not add to my comliness if I'm already 1' tall, furry and a squirrel.
 %
 720. Don't have to include the line "And then stab them a lot" in the plan; it's already assumed.
 %
 721. Even if my super power is invisibility, still have to provide a model for my character.
 %
 722. Can't intentionally fail all my secret door checks so I don't have to play Tomb of Horrors again.
 %
 723. If my character is related to a god, it can't be as a parent.
 %
 724. The time machine is not for finishing my set of Disciple autographs.
 %
 725. No, there is not a Mr. Of Arc. No, I still can't hit on her.
 %
 726. My black ops experience does not include panty raids and beer runs.
 %
 727. Cannot singlehandedly make Starfleet Academy the #1 party school in the Alpha Quadrant.
 %
 728. Not legal to retroactively challenge anyone I just shot to a duel.
 %
 729. Cannot take the flaw Obsession: Elf Chick's lingerie.
 %
 730. No part of the plan includes: You give me the idol, I give you the whip.
 %
 731. No matter how many called shots to the neck I make, I'm still not going to cause a cool pyrotechnics display.
 %
 732. Not allowed to trade in my X-Wing for a Gunstar.
 %
 733. Cannot make a plan that hinges on the villain first being allergic to peanuts.
 %
 734. My character's background cannot be a wikipedia biography with "Falco" crossed off and my character's name written in.
 %
 735. Adding hydrolics to my R2 unit does not give him an intimidate bonus.
 %
 736. No taking the party to Kara-Tur just because my character has a thing for Asian chicks.
 %
 737. Will not color code everything on the ship just to piss off the Vargyr.
 %
 738. Though highly educational, no more slipping the anti-paladin sodium pentathal.
 %
 739. Can't make the blacks ops super easy by sending a couple of strippers to the guardroom first.
 %
 740. Not allowed to give my character a name from a bushman click language.
 %
 741. Not possible to tap a keg for mana.
 %
 742. Apparently Chaotic Angry and Neutral Hungry aren't real alignments either.
 %
 743. Even if the rules allow it, can't takes out an MBT with a shotgun loaded with slug.
 %
 744. My second wish can't be for a new, more open minded genie to grant my remaining wishes.
 %
 745. Can't wish I was the GM.
 %
 746. No making up holidays for my cleric.
 %
 747. Can't just walk the obstacle course, even though I beat everybody who tried to run it.
 %
 748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
 %
 749. There is not a Spent Clip Fairy.
 %
 750. A bag of holding is a bad place to stash bear traps, badgers or crushed glass.
 %
 751. If the party has to pose as classical German composers, I will not declare "I'll be Bach"
 %
 752. Cannot take the spetum as my favorite weapon just because it sounds dirty.
 %
 753. No encouraging swedish accents.
 %
 754. Even if the rules give no maximum encumbrance, still can't pick up the bank and walk away with it.
 %
 755. There is a reason no game has pasties in it's starting equipment list.
 %
 756. The Power Armor skill does not have a cascade skill dance.
 %
 757. I will not build a character with a skill from every single expansion book.
 %
 758. Not allowed to take a toad for a familiar just for it's pharmaceutical properties.
 %
 759. Restricted to one blue chip for humor per game.
 %
 760. Can't use the time machine to rename famous historical discoveries after myself.
 %
 761. Not allowed to forge the 1.1 ring.
 %
 762. Fighter can't put points in Perform just so he can hammer dance after each fatal critical hit.
 %
 763. No slipping the juicer Ritalin.
 %
 764. In the middle of a chase in a commandeered car can't spend an action to change the radio presets.
 %
 765. Can't parry with a called shot to the face.
 %
 766. No more Crazy Ivans while I'm driving the AT-AT.
 %
 767. When challenged to a high noon shoot-out, that means in the time zone I'm currently in.
 %
 768. Burning my bard song on CD and putting it on repeat does not mean the effect never ends.
 %
 769. Before turning undead, make sure the assassin didn't take the vampire template.
 %
 770. My mythos investigator doesn't talk in his sleep.
 %
 771. Mashed potatoes do not add to my damage resistance.
 %
 772. Not allowed to base a paladin off Lee Marvin.
 %
 773. My great axe priviledges can be taken away.
 %
 774. If I've leveled up 5 times to the Dragonkin's 0, that doesn't mean I'm lapping him.
 %
 775. My investigator's motto is not "99% Mythos Lore, 1% Sanity- don't push me"
 %
 776. Even if it was obviously in self defense, my character is not allowed to kill George Takei.
 %
 777. Tai Kwan Doberman is not a real martial art.
 %
 778. It is not possible to bioengineer a kosher pig.
 %
 779. Even if we are in Ravenloft, Paladin can't go up ten levels in one night.
 %
 780. When told I have to join the RPGA to play in a game, can't sign the membership card "D. Duck."
 %
 781. My tribe's trial by combat ritual is not best described as "Calvinball with axes"
 %
 782. My paladin's job is not to enforce happiness.
 %
 783. The following are also not acceptable Ironclaw characters: Mortal Wombat, Dalai Llama, Boom Orangutan.
 %
 784. Monks do not make 3 Stooges sounds in combat.
 %
 785. Even if the rules allow it, can't shoot 20 guys in one round with a musket.
 %
 786. No I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet.
 %
 787. "Start a career in modeling" is not an appropriate use of the Suggestion spell.
 %
 788. "You take the scary one" is not our default battle strategy.
 %
 789. Even if it's for his own safety, can't secretly remove the firing pins from the powergamer's guns.
 %
 790. If I have access to warm water, I don't take watch unsupervised.
 %
 791. Not allowed to give any birthday gift to a child that immediately earns me a dark side point.
 %
 792. Despite the movie's claims, Wookies get no racial bonus for chess.
 %
 793. When building a superhero, can't spend half his points on radar sense and the other half on cooking.
 %
 794. Pregen characters do not have cutesy nicknames, even if their real names are pretty lame.
 %
 795. Improved Evasion is not solid proof "Duck and Cover" works.
 %
 796. In the middle of the black ops can't lock a bunch of long haired molting cats into the CEO's office.
 %
 797. If in the middle of our dressing down our CO strokes out, we took the joke too far.
 %
 798. Not allowed to use guppies as buckshot.
 %
 799. Can't hunt drow with a spotlight and 30.06.
 %
 800. The default response to a social challenge in any game is not to just shoot them.
 %
 801. We do not settle disputes in Paper-Rock-Scissors with games of Vampire.
 %
 802. Fake eye spots on my helmets do not help intimidate the monster.
 %
 803. If my personal carried firepower exceeds that of the Battleship Texas, there's a problem.
 %
 804. I cannot take the Dementia: Obsession counting things if I'm not a Malkavian.
 %
 805. On second thought, I can't take it even if I am a Malkavian.
 %
 806. My character cannot have a noticeable impact, positive or negative, on a town's population.
 %
 807. Large dice are for rolling. Not sound effects.
 %
 808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
 %
 809. I don't earn the bonus XP for a written background if it's just a summary of the plot to Dig-Dug.
 %
 810. While the party is off searching for secret doors, can't position the slain orcs in compromising positions.
 %
 811. In the middle of a black ops can't reprogram the cleaning droids to wax the floors for 12 hours straight.
 %
 812. I don't have to take a lower level bard adventuring as my opening act.
 %
 813. Taking the orc warlord's skull as a trophy is acceptable. Not as a hand puppet.
 %
 814. Sending the villain a nymph stripper only works once.
 %
 815. Somebody doesn't "accidentally" fall on two dozen shanks.
 %
 816. The adventure wrap up is the epilogue. Not Miller Time.
 %
 817. Cannot challenge anyone to a dance off. To the death.
 %
 818. Augment their psi means their mental powers, not their air pressure.
 %
 819. Taking each class as I level in alphabetical order is forbidden.
 %
 820. Even if the rules allow it, my Paladin can't serve the god of obituaries.
 %
 821. My sorcerer will not take a level in druid just to make it easier to get to the flammable stuff.
 %
 822. If everybody in the room is in black leather, we're in the thieves' guild. Not a fetish club.
 %
 823. Even if infinitely useful, absolute power over elastics is not an appropriate super power.
 %
 824. The back up trap handler is not the guy with the lowest INT.
 %
 825. I cannot have Bracers of Brachiation until I tell the DM what brachiation really means.
 %
 826. Elves do not respond to chainsaws the same ways dogs react to vacuum cleaners.
 %
 827. My battlemech does not play Dixie every time I hit the jump jets.
 %
 828. Even if the mages critically fumbles his stealth check, can't threaten to bleed him slow.
 %
 829. Despite the song's claim, a pelvic thrust does not cause Sanity loss.
 %
 830. Even if we are in Sweden, I can't use one blanket seduction check on the entire crowd.
 %
 831. I didn't 'accidentally' forget to buy any skills.
 %
 832. I will not run up my bar tab and then skip out leaving the DM's super NPC to foot the bill.
 %
 833. Overrunning a larger army is not a glorious victory if it happened at 3AM and they were still in bed.
 %
 834. I will stop reminding Elminster he's not as cool as Merlin, Gandalf or that shapechanging wizard from Krull.
 %
 835. I cannot lure out the Psycho Killer into an ambush by having sex with another character.
 %
 836. No paraphrasing the party leader's elaborate plan as 'pick somebody you don't like and let them know it.'
 %
 837. Even if the rules allow it, I can't take the 1st Armored Division as an ally.
 %
 838. Doesn't matter how high my influence is; I still can't make Carmen Miranda hats part of the unit's dress code.
 %
 839. In the middle of a black ops no inserting a memo into the target's computer mandating 'clothing optional Mondays'.
 %
 840. Even if it would have immediately solved the last six adventures, I won't throw dynamite in every well I come across.
 %
 841. No more tricking rookies into putting whoopie cushions on Lord Vader's throne.
 %
 842. When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu Mythos.
 %
 843. It doesn't matter how high his hit points or damage reduction are, we aren't sending the dwarf into battle via catapult.
 %
 844. As a matter of fact, Jeopardy does screen for telepaths.
 %
 845. It's not a good idea to taunt Greek heroes with "Who's your daddy?"
 %
 846. Doesn't matter if it's an anime style game, I don't get a bonus to hit with eyepokes.
 %
 847. Polymorph Mother-in-Law is not a real spell.
 %
 848. The Caern is not "Disneyworld as if run by coyotes"
 %
 849. The FBI tends to notice when people buy several miles of hamster tubing at once.
 %
 850. Doesn't matter how practical, we aren't reanimating the dead dragon and having him haul that horde back for us.
 %
 851. When plumbing the depths of depravity, I must remember to come up for air.
 %
 852. Any superhero offensive to more than two major religions is vetoed.
 %
 853. Even if I'm faced with yet another Get of Fenris Lupus Ahroun, I will not refer to him as CliChe Guevara.
 %
 854. We will not take the dead dryad with us to use as kindling.
 %
 855. I will not keep reincarnating that bugbear until he comes back as something we can actually eat.
 %
 856. A funeral is not a proper place for setting new fashion trends.
 %
 857. I will not disbelieve the magic mouth before he gives out the important plot information.
 %
 858. Even if it is hours of entertainment, can't feed the Red Talon peanut butter.
 %
 859. I will concede we're on a dungeon crawl and stop trying to talk to the monsters.
 %
 860. Under religion I cannot put Born Again Klingon.
 %
 861. I will not use undocumented zombie workers to help build my castle.
 %
 862. Bigby's Offensive Finger is not a real spell.
 %
 863. Even if there is no alignment in Traveller, giving feuding TL1 tribes TL12 weapons and putting the results on PPV is just wrong.
 %
 864. My doctor's bag will contain more than just a bonesaw and a bottle of whiskey.
 %
 865. I do not put the cad in decadent, nor the rave in depraved.
 %
 866. Even if it's catchy, I don't have to yell my battlecry everytime I roll to attack.
 %
 867. We can't all play bards just to relive our favorite Spinal Tap moments.
 %
 868. I cannot have a gun with an area of affect larger than it's range.
 %
 869. Richard Simmons is not an appropriate role model for a Get of Fenris.
 %
 870. I will not use my vast personal knowledge of Dublin, Texas to get an unfair advantage in the campaign.
 %
 871. My halfling cannot take the flaw Obsession: Ring of Invisibility.
 %
 872. Any gun that sets off the metal detector before I even pass through it is vetoed.
 %
 873. I will not combine Thermographic Sights and a gun that can shoot through walls. It makes Black Ops too easy.
 %
 874. After cleaning out Ravenloft, when it's my turn to pick treasure, can't call dibs on the castle.
 %
 875. If my superhero has a healing factor, claws, combat sense and longevity, he can't take the flaw Total Pacifist.
 %
 876. If I want to play a rampaging nordic warrior and get handed a treehugging elf hippie instead, I can't play her like a rampaging nordic warrior.
 %
 877. Even if I am playing a chick, I can't spend all my starting cash on shoes.
 %
 878. Rifts in the time/space continuum are not for my personal amusement.
 %
 879. Buying a bigger gun does not restore sanity.
 %
 880. Searching the dead PC for spell components is ok. Using him for spell components is not.
 %
 881. Any character that can run the 2 minute mile is vetoed.
 %
 882. I will not convince the party to name all the characters the same thing.
 %
 883. I do not need to see proof of insurance before making a medtech roll.
 %
 884. Customs doesn't care what my charisma bonus is.
 %
 885. Halflings do not store food in their cheeks for winter.
 %
 886. Elves are not deciduous.
 %
 887. Despite evidence to the contrary, half-elves do not automatically go both ways.
 %
 888. Breast enhancing spells gain no benefits from meta-magic feats.
 %
 889. I will not try to regain sanity by nailing the reporter chick in public.
 %
 890. Dwarves do not get Roto-Rooters as racial weapons.
 %
 891. I will not brag too loudly I'm the real reason behind the sinking of the Titanic.
 %
 892. Cultists tend to notice if you've replaced their summoning ritual with Jitterbug instructions.
 %
 893. Invisibility is all or nothing, can't just target their clothes.
 %
 894. I can't just keeping buy rounds of drinks until everybody passes out so I can rob them.
 %
 895. I will not miss the final epic battle just because I crit my seduction check.
 %
 896. Polish is not a sub-dialect of gnomish.
 %
 897. Any action causing the powergamer to storm off while actually appreciated is frowned upon.
 %
 898. Healing people of other faiths gets a penalty in Deadlands. Not Serenity.
 %
 899. I will not have the architect build my castle using a hexadecimal base to screw with the powergamer.
 %
 900. I will not fill the bag of holding with dirt so we can just fill in pit traps as we detect them.
 %
 901. In the middle of the Black Ops a diversion is not blowing off the top twenty floors of the building.
 %
 902. Can't set the bad guy on fire until after I've blown the persuasion roll.
 %
 903. If I fail to make a bluff check, can't shoot him to change it to an intimidate check.
 %
 904. Not possible to fire a gun with your teeth.
 %
 905. Humming the James Bond theme in the middle of a Black Ops doesn't give me any bonuses.
 %
 906. They make platemail in a variety of styles. Crotchless is not one of them.
 %
 907. Can't use my attack bonus as a substitute for the skill: Hibachi Chef.
 %
 908. I can't take Telekinesis as an auxilary mode just to get free food from the snack machine.
 %
 909. Dual wielding spike chains does not let me use the battlecry "DANGER WILL ROBINSON DANGER!"
 %
 910. I will not convince the entire party to play rockerboys so we can be a Europe cover band.
 %
 911. Can't take a level of monk just for tone.
 %
 912. Droogie is not a starting language.
 %
 913. After casting my one first level spell, can't leave the dungeon to go sleep.
 %
 914. Can't bribe the biokinetic to take my drug test for me.
 %
 915. On second thought, let's not disguise the wookies in the stormtrooper uniforms.
 %
 916. A runic facial tattoos is acceptable for my berserker. Not a Betty Boop.
 %
 917. Have one point in every single skill in the game doesn't count as a super power.
 %
 918. Can't clean out the dungeon by renting the adjacent dungeon and being as obnoxious as possible.
 %
 919. Goldfish do not get a bonus in a staredown.
 %
 920. My mech gunner can't have a nude pinup in his cockpit. Especially if it's of his pilot.
 %
 921. "But she's hot!" is not an acceptable excuse for my Black Ops solo dating the tabloid reporter.
 %
 922. No matter how much we look, we're not finding the secret door leading to the back of the villain's hideout.
 %
 923. Druids do not hibernate.
 %
 924. Before I make my next wish I have to ask myself: "Is this going to shatter the very fabric of reality again?"
 %
 925. Any gun that can fire more rounds in one shot than I can physically carry is vetoed.
 %
 926. If given a stock NPC, I must play him as written. So Jar-Jar has to lose the sarape and the cigar.
 %
 927. I do not get a bulk discount at the jenny's guild.
 %
 928. The Flaw: Odious Personal Habit- Teleports into romantic moments is only available at the maximum penalty.
 %
 929. Telekinetic Redhead Chick is not a real superhero.
 %
 930. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot circumnavigate the world on foot in one turn.
 %
 931. There are no alignment restrictions on becoming a lawyer.
 %
 932. Nowhere in the bible does it say ninjas have to line up in a straight line to fight me.
 %
 933. If escorting a high priority target, I can't biosculpt the entire team to look like her.
 %
 934. Nerve gas complicates fast talk rolls.
 %
 935. Cannot take the shape of any animal the GM doesn't know.
 %
 936. 'The power of Christ compels me' does not justify my Blessed's actions.
 %
 937. I cannot take life insurance out on anybody I have for the enemy background.
 %
 938. Psychotherapy doesn't eliminate the alignment change penalty.
 %
 939. Just because I've hit name level does not automatically give me groupies.
 %
 940. I will not abuse the Exemplary virtue to set up highly choreographed dance routines with random crowds.
 %
 941. In the middle of a black ops I cannot make an educational video.
 %
 942. We do not need an elf on this dungeoncrawl for the same reason miners need canaries.
 %
 943. I am not Bjorn of Borg.
 %
 944. Before accepting a harem as a reward for my heroism, need to check with the wife.
 %
 945. I don't get any equipment before the GM can Google it.
 %
 946. If Australia doesn't exist, I can't use my Australian accent. Even if I am playing a space koala.
 %
 947. I cannot bet the powergamer he can't field strip the grenade faster than me.
 %
 948. Even if the rules allow it, I can't catch dropped cannonballs with my teeth without drawbacks.
 %
 949. I will not make my castle's halls 9x9x9' to keep out gelatinous cubes.
 %
 950. The ability to give superpowers to characters is acceptable. Naming the character Captain Franchise is not.
 %
 951. The most important stat in Call of Cthulhu is not movement.
 %
 952. Keifer Sutherland does not make numerous cameos in my character's background telling him he's destined for greatness.
 %
 953. No matter how high my strength, still can't use that wall as a shield.
 %
 954. I will not convince the entire party to play identical copies of the same character on the grounds we're sextuplets.
 %
 955. No matter his age, my bard can't start a boy-band.
 %
 956. Despite the halberd being 6' long, it can't hit monsters more than 5' away.
 %
 957. Even if it's been more than two hours since we left the bar, the dwarf isn't getting the DT's.
 %
 958. No matter how practical, I can't have shotgunchucks.
 %
 959. The town drunk is not our one stop source for all mythos happenings in every town.
 %
 960. I will not base my Call of Cthulhu character off the lead character in Slingblade.
 %
 961. Even if I am pissed for working on my birthday, in the middle of a Black Ops I will not refer to my CO only by his first name.
 %
 962. If I don't have an instrument for my bardic song, an 'air mandolin' won't suffice.
 %
 963. After critting with a cannon, we can't dump a barrel of gunpowder over the gunner's mate.
 %
 964. Elves aren't marsupials.
 %
 965. Even if we're freezing to death, I won't cut open the half-orc and shove the elf inside him.
 %
 966. Using precog on the personals to find out who puts out on a first date is abusing the power.
 %
 967. There is no such thing as a Tequila Golem.
 %
 968. A paladin with a British accent is acceptable. One with a Peter Lorre accent isn't.
 %
 969. When I'm allowed a bunny as a familiar, that doesn't include Ava Fabian.
 %
 970. I will not make a super hero that requires a graphing calculator to create.
 %
 971. I cannot take the flaw Enemy: Random packs of wild dogs.
 %
 972. "Threesome" is not a specialty of the seduction skill.
 %
 973. Shotguns are not a traditional part of Texas funerals.
 %
 974. If short changed at the Hong Kong deli I will call the manager. Not roll for initiative.
 %
 975. There is something wrong with a 2nd level Kamikaze.
 %
 976. I was not issued a flamethrower for my own personal amusement.
 %
 977. Disable plot device is not a real skill.
 %
 978. Nowhere in the plan does Franco go in where the others have been.
 %
 979. Mumus do not appear in the starting equipment list for a reason.
 %
 980. As a matter of fact, a 90' tall hostile pineapple is much more terrifying than a dragon.
 %
 981. My last wish cannot be for Ragnarok.
 %
 982. Trailblaze means find a path, not cut down every tree between here and there.
 %
 983. Elves do not take 1d3 1 minutes for their entire menstrual cycle.
 %
 984. In the middle of a black ops I cannot moonlight as tech support.
 %
 985. Even if it isn't in the rules, I have to use the same scale miniature as everybody else.
 %
 986. I cannot switch miniatures between each combat.
 %
 987. Even if starving, can't suckle the elf chick.
 %
 988. David Bowie cannot cast glitterdust at will. This issue is also closed.
 %
 989. When asked to describe my character, I can leave out the hickies.
 %
 990. Even if he botches his medicine roll, I can't sue the medtech for malpractice.
 %
 991. "Kiww the Wabbit" is not a proper viking battlecry.
 %
 992. The rest of the party would appreciate it if I didn't take Munchhausen Syndrome by Proxy as a flaw.
 %
 993. Even if the rules allow it, I can't empty out the entire castle for a week with just a cherry bomb.
 %
 994. Corporate Pop Whore is not a real prestige class.
 %
 995. Drakkar Heartgourger is not a proper name for a paladin.
 %
 996. Dwarves can't take trees as favored enemies.
 %
 997. I can't beat on the drow until he admits his name is Toby.
 %
 998. The script for the Baywatch movie does not cause more Sanity loss than the Necronomicon.
 %
 999. I can't train squirrel mobs to abuse the grapple rules.
 %
 1000. I will stop referring to the powergamer as MinMaximus.
 %
 1001. No matter how bad the game is going, I won't stradle the table like Slim Pickens riding a bomb.
 %
 1002. Foam Finger of Death is not a real spell.
 %
 1003. I cannot start with an armor class higher than my actual age.
 %
 1004. Not permitted to die from essence loss during character creation.
 %
 1005. Even if I bought the book at Walmart, I don't get a discount on advantages.
 %
 1006. If I take the Poison Immunity advantage, that doesn't include Radiation.
 %
 1007. That whole Expedition to the Barrier Peaks? Dream Sequence. 
 %
 1008. Texans do not get revolvers as a racial weapon proficiency.
 %
 1009. No matter how many points I put into the skill, can't use sword swallowing to parry.
 %
 1010. Stone Giants don't have heat sinks.
 %
 1011. Even if we are facing Yuan Ti, my battlecry cannot be "COBRA!"
 %
 1012. Note to self: Lightsaberchucks...BAD IDEA
 %
 1013. The expressive dance skill is not a substitute for language skills.
 %
 1014. I will stop blaming every massacre we come across on Decepticons.
 %
 1015. Despite what the rules say, berserking does not improve my aim.
 %
 1016. Even if spells are use them or lose them, I will not waste Meteor Swarms on a goblin.
 %
 1017. I will not lay siege to Cinderella's Castle.
 %
 1018. Elves do not get Viking Funerals.
 %
 1019. Even if we have more ammo than fuel, I still have to cut down the tree with the chainsaw, not the HMG.
 %
 1020. If we have to add a new PC mid-campaign, he doesn't have to pass a drug test first.
 %
 1021. Can't use the Jedi Mind Trick to convince the stormtroopers the Droids over there are the Droids they are looking for.
 %
 1022. Can't start the game with 24 hours to live.
 %
 1023. The bluff skill is no substitute for actually knowing the spell.
 %
 1024. Slings make poor thongs. And vice versa.
 %
 1025. If I have two cyberarms, they have to be on different sides.
 %
 1026. My character cannot gain a level through nepotism.
 %
 1027. I will not use the d20 system to test the validity of any Kennedy Assassination theory.
 %
 1028. My character has mastery level in singing. I do not.
 %
 1029. I will not convert to Eilistraee just so I can watch naked drow chicks getting their groove on.
 %
 1030. No matter how much he pisses me off, I will not raise the barbarian’s dead mother-in-law.
 %
 1031. Just because my superhero game has 18 stats and yours only has 3, doesn’t mean mine is 6x better.
 %
 1032. Monofilament does not automatically make the world a better place.
 %
 1033. Holding the hand crossbow sideways ‘gangsta style’ does not add to my intimidate check.
 %
 1034. Even if I wait for the ninja to jump at me, I can’t crucify him with a repeating crossbow in a single round.
 %
 1035. If at any point in his lifespan my character can clear out every single Cave of Chaos in one single round, he’s vetoed.
 %
 1036. My druid can't summon or change into a skunk. No seriously, it’s not allowed in the rulebook.
 %
 1037. Kangaroos are poor substitutes for taun-tauns.
 %
 1038. There is no such thing as a Viking Assisted Suicide.
 %
 1039. Jury Summoning I is not a real spell.
 %
 1040. I can not name my character anything that was suggested by Tom Servo.
 %
 1041. Doesn’t matter if I’m just using to spot weld, force lightning still gets me a dark side point.
 %
 1042. Erasing the compass on the map and redrawing it in reverse does not mean the villain will start building his evil railroad backwards.
 %
 1043. Ninjas do not have a hive mind.
 %
 1044. No matter how much ammo I start with, I can’t impact the total world supply.
 %
 1045. We will not gut every animal we kill to see if they have treasure inside like in video games.
 %
 1046. We can’t stabilize the dying villain before we make our escape just in case he was a load bearing villain.
 %
 1047. If my troll is the smartest character in the party, the entire party is vetoed.
 %
 1048. I will not attempt to overdose on Rogaine so I can disguise myself as a wookie.
 %
 1049. I can’t summon anything in MM4 just so I can take a bathroom break while the DM looks it up.
 %
 1050. If the weapon has the 3-handed trait, I don’t get a sidekick just for the extra hand.
 %
 1051.	As a matter of fact, the high and tight buzz cut doesn’t exist in Exalted.
 %
 1052.	I’m not automatically eliminated from the crappy module if I guess the wrong murderer like in Clue. So I should stop making random accusations.
 %
 1053.	I was not raised by a pack of feral Ironclads.
 %
 1054.	I will call the elf druid by his real impossibly long elf name, and not just Llanowar Leafblower.
 %
 1055.	I will also not simply refer to the elf druid as that dirty, dirty hippie.
 %
 1056.	There is no such thing as a Dwarven Battle Perm.
 %
 1057.	Canadian is not a real language.
 %
 1058.	When I get to the custom weapons creation section, I will keep turning those pages.
 %
 1059.	Even if the villain is Lawful Evil, slapping a cease and desist order on him isn’t going to work.
 %
 1060.	I will go into the villain’s lair and take him out the old fashioned way. Not just wait outside his favorite bar with a rifle.
 %
 1061.	In the middle of a Black Ops I do not have time to put a banana in the exhaust port of their AV-9.
 %
 1062.	Even if I think of something the Demi-lich isn’t immune to, he’s immune to it.
 %
 1063.	Even if my character sheet says otherwise, I can’t max out the party with Delta class Cyberware immediately after character generation.
 %
 1064.	Even if I can prove at least a half dozen practical uses for it, I can’t have a slip and slide for the dungeon crawl.
 %
 1065.	Even if we are playing in the New Republic era, I can’t call dibs on Boba Fett’s armor.
 %
 1066.	If the GM’s wife is in the party, I’m not allowed to hunt anything cute.
 %
 1067.	I do not get to put remote detonation switches into the weapons of any PC’s I build them for.
 %
 1068.	I cannot have a handgun that starts out doing more damage than most people have wounds.
 %
 1069.	I do not have to check before each adventure that my fellow adventurers are not doppelgangers, Cylons or pod people.
 %
 1070.	Even if we are Womprat hunting, we don’t have to dye the wookie fluorescent orange.
 %
 1071.	I will go take out the villain’s dungeon the old fashioned way, and not use magic to reroute a river into it instead.
 %
 1072.	After rerouting a river through the villain’s lair, I will not pan for gold wherever the river comes out.
 %
 1073.	Just because the game left the rules for stun setting grossly unbalanced doesn’t mean I have to take advantage of it.
 %
 1074.	Despite the name, I can’t actually wear a cloaker. But I will fail to notice the cloak weighs over a quarter ton.
 %
 1075.	Metal detectors don’t automatically find Cylons.
 %
 1076.	When told to dress like a Goth I will make sure with no uncertainty whether they mean black clothes and eyeliner or chainmail and shield.
 %
 1077.	There is no such thing as a weresaxophonist.
 %
 1078.	If 48 straight hours of pistol whipping doesn’t convince the terrorist to spill his guts, another 48 hours probably won’t either.
 %
 1079.	A tattoo gun is not standard equipment in a mapping kit.
 %
 1080.	The Cryokinetic is forever banned from water balloon fights.
 %
 1081.	Even if the rules allow it, my sumo wrestler can’t take super human attractiveness.
 %
 1082.	There is no such thing as a brothel crawl.
 %
 1083.	My IRSAn will not use his powers to help fill out wikipedia articles.
 %
 1084.	My sumo wrestler can’t have lap band surgery without affecting his martial arts skills.
 %
 1085.	“Everybody Wang Chung tonight” is not an acceptable use of the Mass Suggestion spell.
 %
 1086.	Tornadoes don’t have hit points.
 %
 1087.	Even if I take twice as long, that doesn’t mean I can take 40.
 %
 1088.	I cannot try and throw large blunt objects at malkavians, kobolds or kender. Or their players.
 %
 1089.	Even if the game is a crappy rip-off of World of Warcraft, my character can’t speak in Leet.
 %
 1090.	Even if I roll a natural 20, I can’t jump the grand cannon on a stock steam roller.
 %
 1091.	In the middle of a Black Ops, if a character dies I will not disavow knowledge of him until after the mission is over.
 %
 1092.	If the battle goes for 20 rounds, we don’t have to stop and wait for the zamboni guy to clean up the battlefield.
 %
 1093.	I will not tell the rookies they can roll down their Y-Wing’s windows.
 %
 1094.	My wizard does not need to shout out the name of what he’s summoning every time he picks a creature.
 %
 1095.	Anything short of adamantine full plate is not considered light armor for dwarves.
 %
 1096.	In the middle of a Black Ops I can’t start a major Corpwar just because I’m bored stiff with the current run.
 %
 1097.	Even if he used INT as a dump stat, I don’t have to carve ‘this end towards enemy’ on the barbarian’s axe blade.
 %
 1098.	If I’m in an assault mech, bump drafting is discouraged.
 %
 1099.	After a successful Black Ops, before I’m paid I will not immediately adopt a dozen children for the tax breaks.
 %
 1100.	I cannot wish that someone else was an Oscar Meyer weiner.
 %
 1101.	I will not cut the vault guards in on the haul instead of fighting them.
 %
 1102.	1980’s break dancing moves have their place. In front of the Vodacce prince is not one of them.
 %
 1103.	Just because I was paid in advance doesn’t mean I can let the incompetent expedition leader die.
 %
 1104.	There is a limit to how much innuendo I can fit into one combat round.
 %
 1105.	Even if it is just my character speaking, I will not claim Texas was stolen from Mexico. I will live longer that way.
 %
 1106.	I cannot put Nodens on speed dial.
 %
 1107.	I will not attempt to clear out the dungeon using only Bangalore torpedoes.
 %
 1108.	Picking his pocket means more than just turning him upside down and shaking him vigorously.
 %
 1109.	I will not do anything that Bilbo Baggins hates.
 %
 1110.	Even if I have enough, putting silencers on my minigun doesn’t work.
 %
 1111.	There is no such thing as a Magic Murder Bag of Holding.
 %
 1112.	I will stop referring to the Eladrin as just the Elf Mk II.
 %
 1113.	I will not shoot vampires in the chest with a large pistol just so they have to explain the embarrassing sucking chest wound.
 %
 1114.	I will not take a phobia of anything that doesn’t exist in the game world.
 %
 1115.	If I have an ability that lets me alter minor aspects of my appearance, that doesn’t include girth.
 %
 1116.	Add Bulldozers to the list of things vampires are allergic to.
 %
 1117.	Can’t strangle a werewolf with a roll of Kodak film, no matter what we all know it’s made out of.
 %
 1118.	In the middle of a black ops I will not use up all the claymores just because I don’t want to take them back with me.
 %
 1119.	I cannot have my mercy surgically removed.
 %
 1120.	Even if I’m in charge I can’t order the Assault Lance to perform West Side Story dance routines.
 %
 1121.	If given a Holy Avenger sword, I can’t melt it down and reforge it into a weapon my paladin actually uses.
 %
 1122.	Even if it still give a combat bonus to everybody else, I can’t just stand there and read a comic book behind the villain.
 %
 1123.	In the middle of a black ops I can’t call my girlfriend to remind her to pick up some Chinese on her way home.
 %
 1124.	I will leave out mating rituals when presenting a cultural exchange with diplomatic ambassadors.
 %
 1125.	Letting the Red Shirt guard the plane is really frowned upon as it doesn’t leave anybody to sacrifice to the Shoggoths.
 %
 1126.	Cannot start the campaign on fire.
 %
 1127.	Will not start all my skills at 89% just so I get massive SAN boosts early.
 %
 1128.	I cannot RickRoll people with any video that increases their Mythos Lore.
 %
 1129.	I will refrain from casting Dimension Jump and Magnificent Mansion on every police box we pass.
 %
 1130.	I cannot wish we were playing the previous edition of the game.
 %
 1131.	Summoning a Water Elemental right above the Fire Elemental doesn’t work.
 %
 1132.	There will be no more debating how much XP Mr. Tumnus would be worth.
 %
 1133.	I cannot be the Bizarro version of another player.
 %
 1134.	Nowhere in my barbarian’s description will I include the word “Jaunty”
 %
 1135.	My Eshu does not get bonus frequent flyer miles automatically during character generation.
 %
 1136.	Doesn’t matter how big we make it, a pit trap isn’t going to take out the Tarrasque.
 %
 1137.	I have to go into the dungeon, not just send in dozens of summoned creatures every morning.
 %
 1138.	Fireballs don’t have a non-lethal option. I will ponder this after I’ve cast one at that guy we needed alive.
 %
 1139.	My weapon is a 3 Flaming Flail. Not my Great Balls of Fire.
 %
 1140.	I will not use a portable hole to cheat at golf.
 %
 1141.	In the middle of a Black Ops I will not look at the target’s HR files to see if they have better benefits.
 %
 1142.	I will not use the mage’s Staff of Wizardry in lieu of a pool cue.
 %
 1143.	Torching the forest doesn’t get me any XP for anything inside the forest.
 %
 1144.	I cannot have any gun that lets me kill the villain without being in at least an adjacent county.
 %
 1145.	A 2nd level commoner is not twice as common as a 1st level commoner.
 %
 1146.	If we don’t have a thief, I can’t call AAA to slim jim the dungeon entry door.
 %
 1147.	I will lick the Rodian’s antennae and stick him to the wall while he sleeps.
 %
 1148.	No matter how long his speech is, my sniper will not shoot the speaker introducing the target.
 %
 1149.	During the psi-jump my neutral can’t do mean things to the psions while they are tripping.
 %
 1150.	I will not try to feed the Qin extremely salty food to see if he melts.
 %
 1151.	Our mission is to rescue the princess. Not to bring Sexy back.
 %
 1152.	Even if given detailed instructions on pages 50-51, can’t take Cloud City on a joy ride.
 %
 1153.	I can’t wish to change my vote on what module we’re playing.
 %
 1154.	Bass line is not an acceptable perform skill specialty.
 %
 1155.	Thri-kreen do not have the flaw Obsession: Pretty lights
 %
 1156.	The party leader is not the one that looks best in a chainmail bikini.
 %
 1157.	I can’t ‘make it rain’ before the invention of paper currency.
 %
 1158.	If I make a cowboy with the young ‘un flaw I can’t name him Sioux.
 %
 1159.	If I don’t have any points in medtech, I can’t try faith healing.
 %
 1160.	We will not end every adventure with a public service announcement.
 %
 1161.	If my character requires the GM to memorize the rules for siege warfare, he’s vetoed.
 %
 1162.	We can’t trade the ranger for a giant, pirate or padre.
 %
 1163.	I am forbidden from using more than ten sourcebooks to make one character.
 %
 1164.	I will wait for the GM to finish his incredibly complicated riddle before answering correctly.
 %
 1165.	I can’t wish for somebody to publish the rules for gnomes or bards.
 %
 1166.	The time machine is not for collecting autographs.
 %
 1167.	I can stop rolling at 7x dead.
 %
 1168.	I am forbidden from doing anything that makes a passerby flinch.
 %
 1169.	If even the rules allow it, I can’t have my uneducated peasant start with every known language.
 %
 1170.	If the rules contradict Isaac Newton, Newton wins.
 %
 1171.	I will not send the villain a fake message his mother is coming then attack him while he’s cleaning.
 %
 1172.	My brooding costumed vigilante can’t take the flaw Dark Secret: Well Adjusted to Society.
 %
 1173.	Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, Dick Clark is not Shemsu-Heru.
 %
 1174.	Even if I spend the points, I can’t take the U.S.S. Montana as an ally.
 %
 1175.	My knight will not buy a Shetland pony just so he can use his lance underground.
 %
 1176.	I will remember the spiked chain cheesemonster is allergic to the improved sunder feat.
 %
 1177.	I will stop asking NPC’s how much XP they are worth.
 %
 1178.	The seduction skill does not have a to hit on roll.
 %
 1179.	No matter how well I make my bluff check, the Star Destroyer crew isn’t going to believe I’m the new captain.
 %
 1180.	Dressing up the wizard as the monk still won’t stop monsters from appearing beside him and attacking him first.
 %
 1181.	When asked what game we want to LARP, Frogger is not an option.
 %
 1182.	Chewing hoagga leaves does not make me a goddammed sexual rhinodon.
 %
 1183.	No it won’t help if we put a silencer on the bazooka.
 %
 1184.	When approached by a famous historical figure, I can assume he’s a time traveler and not a zombie.
 %
 1185.	Paladins do too urinate.
 %
 1186.	In the middle of a black ops my buttocks is forbidden from making contact with the target’s copy machine.
 %
 1187.	It’s okay to feed the Ewok after midnight.
 %
 1188.	Flash Bangs are not to be handed out to trick or treaters.
 %
 1189.	A stagehand does not get a better sneak bonus than ninjas.
 %
 1190.	I will not Conga Line the Pattern.
 %
 1191.	Super powers that are only useful to art majors are vetoed.
 %
 1192.	My last wish cannot be for a cage match between Cthulhu, Godzilla, Galactus and the Tarrasque.
 %
 1193.	I will avoid making wishes that locks the game in an infinite time loop.
 %
 1194.	I will not go to FTL just to avoid the red lights.
 %
 1195.	I will not min/max the appraise skill just to clean up on The Price is Right.
 %
 1196.	Even if we cleared it out, we can’t turn White Plume Mountain into a theme park.
 %
 1197.	Even if the rules allow it, I can’t put a spinal mounted weapon on a bicycle.
 %
 1198.	I cannot have a destroid that requires me to take the ally advantage two dozen times just to crew it.
 %
 1199.	Stan Lee does not have to make a cameo appearance in every single adventure.
 %
 1200.	Even if I make it out of one continuous design, a dracheneisen castle doesn’t count as one object.
 %
 1201. ‘Just blow them out the airlock’ is not a backup First Contact Protocol.
 %
 1202. Even if it’s totally feasible, I can’t indefinitely stall our rivals with a bureaucracy check. 
 %
 1203. My panzerhand doesn’t get a vote.
 %
 1204. Smartass is not a character role.
 %
 1205. I can’t have any feat in the main book if the feat is written in pencil.
 %
 1206. In the middle of a Black Ops I can’t download several thousands songs on the target’s computer and then call the RIAA.
 %
 1207. There is no such thing as ‘ambiguously elven’
 %
 1208. Even if he is Chaotic Evil, I can’t turn state’s evidence against a fellow party member.
 %
 1209. Even if the boss monster has 100% magic resistance, my wizard can’t go catch a movie.
 %
 1210. I will keep rolling until I get a superpower I can actually use.
 %
 1211. I cannot have any gun that has an NPC Only Trigger Guard.
 %
 1212. Even if they’d never suspect it, my Jedi can’t have a flamethrower.
 %
 1213. No, we can’t see if the party can beat Temple of Elemental Evil in under an hour.
 %
 1214. I will stop trying to put the Halfling in a diabetic coma.
 %
 1215. If I’m just a few XP from 16th level, I can’t just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something.
 %
 1216. I can’t have a gun that treats buildings as light cover.
 %
 1217. No matter what the dice just said, I didn’t kill the villain with the first shot of the combat.
 %
 1218. Elves do not have to go to the bathroom in groups.
 %
 1219. Penguins will not fit in the standard ether jar.
 %
 1220. The Vulcan neck pinch doesn’t work in campaigns without Vulcans.
 %
 1221. Just because my sword is intelligent doesn’t mean he can do my math homework for me.
 %
 1222. It's a strangehold. Not an Ogryn neck pinch.
 %
 1223. Ussuran women are not instantly recognizable by their beards.
 %
 1224. Even if the rules allow it, I can’t hit Stone with the Stone Cold Stunner.
 %
 1225. Having more beer than the enemy doesn’t give me a morale bonus for the mass combat chart.
 %
 1226. No feat allows me to open beer cans with my pects.
 %
 1227. The Death Star does not need a cabin boy.
 %
 1228. ‘Overused cliché’ is not an appropriate favored enemy.
 %
 1229. I cannot gain Drama Dice in games I’m not actually in.
 %
 1230. It’s okay if you name your Kindred Alucard. But I still can’t name my Garou Namflow.
 %
 1231. No matter how low Orc intelligence, they aren’t going to fall for a large wooden horse outside the gates of Mordor.
 %
 1232. “Head, Heart, Run” is not our posse’s motto.
 %
 1233. No matter how much sense it makes, we can’t paint the Glitterboy a camo scheme.
 %
 1234. My first act as XO can’t be a mutiny.
 %
 1235. Not allowed to use the replicator and transporter to fill the Bird of Prey with Jello.
 %
 1236. I can’t take Invisibility to Detect Invisibility.
 %
 1237. My fighter can’t use the Monster Manual as a To-Do list.
 %
 1238. No making up Patron Saints.
 %
 1239. No part of the adventure is clothing optional.
 %
 1240. No matter what the dice say, I didn’t just seduce Chun Li. And Cammy.
 %
 1241. It takes more than one pick pocket roll to totally derail the campaign.
 %
 1242. I can’t wish that somebody competent wrote this module.
 %
 1243. Even if the game is dreadfully repetitive, our party is motto can’t be ‘Wash, Rinse, Repeat’
 %
 1244. I will not point out the Drow Matron would make more money as an exotic dancer. Even if it’s true.
 %
 1245. Must at least pay lip service to the metaplot.
 %
 1246. It’s not possible to stampede dwarves.
 %
 1247. When told to pick a published superhero to play, Johnny Cash is not allowed. Paul Stanley is perfectly acceptable.
 %
 1248. There is no such thing as a strap on beard.
 %
 1249. It doesn’t matter if he took the large advantage, we aren’t using the Ussuran as ballast.
 %
 1250. I will address the other PC as Lord Tyrion, Eldritch Knight of the Winter Court. And not just as the Sidhe Male.
 %
 1251.	Even the rules disagree, my character can still drown.
 %
 1252.	I cannot take the following as my favored enemies: Southpaws, Mother-in-law or Keynesian Economists.
 %
 1253.	Even if I’m being shanghaied into playing a rather crappy campaign, can’t use Constitution as a dump stat.
 %
 1254.	We aren’t luring the Arasaka agents out of the safehouse by making ice cream truck noises.
 %
 1255.	Splitting the atom at will is not an acceptable super power.
 %
 1256.	‘Ignore the metaplot’ is also not an acceptable super power.
 %
 1257.	No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
 %
 1258.	Can’t base my character off a smurf.
 %
 1259.	Even if I could base my character off a smurf, Ghurka Smurf was not a real smurf.
 %
 1260.	No matter what the dice say, my renaissance inventor didn’t just invent manned space flight.
 %
 1261.	If the villain’s three room lair holds over one hundred brutes, can’t just tip off the Fire Marshal.
 %
 1262.	No rerouting the roller coaster through the Umbra.
 %
 1263.	Can’t blame it on my gun.
 %
 1264.	Will not retrofit my Federation Starship with fuses.
 %
 1265.	Heavy bolters don’t come with a pistol grip.
 %
 1266.	I will stop referring to my rogue as a freelance subterranean locksmith.
 %
 1267.	The lockpicking kit must be more than a sawed off shotgun.
 %
 1268.	Dwarves are physically incapable of performed the Dance of the Seven Veils.
 %
 1269.	Even if the guy I based my character off was famous for doing it, I can’t kill eight guys with one bullet.
 %
 1270.	Weapon Focus: Nukes is not a real feat.
 %
 1271.	There will not be any sex in other player’s battlemechs.
 %
 1272.	My Paladin can be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn’t watch exactly where he lays on hands.
 %
 1273.	Any character that makes a seasoned Rifts player flinch is vetoed, and shall never be spoken of again.
 %
 1274.	I can’t check the Soul Forge in as baggage.
 %
 1275.	Will not reanimate dead familiars just to keep them around for sentimental reasons.
 %
 1276. Freeing slaves out of justice is good. Out of spite, not so much. 
 %
 1277. No I can’t have an H. R. Giger Counter.
 %
 1278. An elf wardancer chick in nothing but body paint is totally hot. A Vesten berserker in nothing but body paint not so much.
 %
 1279. Basing characters off gestalt of historical characters is fine unless it’s Miyamoto Musashi and the mom from What’s Happening.
 %
 1280. Gold dragons do not conduct electricity better than other dragons.
 %
 1281. The two primary types of Halfling are not flathead and Phillips.
 %
 1282. My mad scientist does not get to divide the party into control and test groups.
 %
 1283. For the last time, the elf wears the maid disguise and the troll wears the bouncer disguise.
 %
 1284. There is no such thing as a Gnomish Pygmy Seeing Eye Rhino either.
 %
 1285. Just because I can play a charismatic Vestenmannavnjar missionary cleric, doesn’t mean I should.
 %
 1286. My Buddhist monk will lose the cockney accent.
 %
 1287. Let’s not taunt the minotaur with ‘How appropriate, you fight like a cow’
 %
 1288. I will spend my martial arts technique points on things other than blocking and running away.
 %
 1289. Even if the rules allow it, a laser sight doesn’t add to my chaingun’s accuracy. Yes, even if I have one on each barrel.
 %
 1290. I will refrain to take character roles that the game forgot to make any rules for.
 %
 1291. Just because I’m playing an anthropomorphic Emperor Marmoset doesn’t give me the noble advantage for free.
 %
 1292. Cannot bribe the target’s HR director to start casual Fridays just to make our upcoming Black Ops easier that week.
 %
 1293. I can’t avoid plot mandated ambushes no matter how hard I try.
 %
 1294. No I can’t have a magelock mini-slugger.
 %
 1295. I will not spend all my freebie points buying quantakinetic auxiliary modes.
 %
 1296. No we can’t weld the Star Destroyer’s bridge shut.
 %
 1297. There is a 100xp penalty every time we remind the GM of the Bionic Six.
 %
 1298. If the adventure includes the birth of a god, we still can’t file for holiday pay that day.
 %
 1299. In the middle of a Black Ops I can’t compose an offensive joke on the target CEO’s email and CC the entire company.
 %
 1300. If the GM can’t lift all the GURPS books needed to run my character, he’s vetoed.
 %
 1301.	The 10’ pole in the starting equipment list cannot support the weight of an exotic dancer.
 %
 1302.	Scorched Earth Day is not a holiday, even in Cyberpunk.
 %
 1303.	Nothing in Victoria’s Secret catalog is available in Dracheneisen.
 %
 1304.	Even if they are better in combat according to character generation, the USMC frowns on octogenarians in front line combat.
 %
 1305.	No amount of background will allow me to name the character Biff Buttoms.
 %
 1306.	State Troopers are immune to the effects of the Delirium, so I need to find another way out of that speeding ticket.
 %
 1307.	No matter how well I make my fashion roll, L’Empereur is not going to the ball dressed in a Catholic school girl’s uniform.
 %
 1308.	Everybody was not gun-fu fighting.
 %
 1309.	Even if my character is Canadian, that doesn’t mean he can take a 1.524 meter free step.
 %
 1310.	I will pick my character’s girlfriend based on something more than how much fire support she can provide.
 %
 1311.	I will not one shot an Eisenfurst.
 %
 1312.	The plan will not continue until the GM finds out who Zan Tabak is.
 %
 1313.	I will do nothing that tarnishes Hello Kitty’s memory.
 %
 1314.	Gravity defying breasts, while impressive, do not count as a super power.
 %
 1315.	Even if my character is Orthodox Jewish, I will check other characters’ pulse before trying to bury them.
 %
 1316.	A NASCAR pit crew cannot repair all my vehicle’s damage in one round.
 %
 1317.	My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books. Especially if I’m chasing him with a wheat thresher.
 %
 1318.	Fauner Posen’s Boy Toy is not technically a position at court.
 %
 1319.	I will only use the module’s suggested tactics to stop the ground assault and ignore the squadron of Y-Wings 100 meters away.
 %
 1320.	There is no such thing as a Ballista-o-Gram.
 %
 1321.	I will not accuse the Traveler News Service of liberal bias.
 %
 1322.	The Ewok does not appreciate the giant hamster wheel we put in his quarters. Ingrate.
 %
 1323.	I will not spend my entire Muster bonus on lottery tickets.
 %
 1324.	If another player took the Disadvantage: Stutters, I can’t play a K’Kree.
 %
 1325.	Black and Decker does not make droids either.
 %
 1326. I will not blow all my points on extra limbs just so I can play the superhero “Millipede Man”
 %
 1327. Just because the Great Race of Yith’s effect on sanity is minimal, doesn’t mean I should invite them over for dinner with the folks.
 %
 1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a dark side point.
 %
 1329. The M203 is not for long range bocce ball.
 %
 1330. Getting someone to spot for me is not going to give me a bonus on a strength check.
 %
 1331. I will not hex someone into looking like a piñata. Especially in Mexico City.
 %
 1332. Even if silence is required for the entire adventure, we are not naming the Black Ops Operation: Mimecrime.
 %
 1333. I will tell the noob the game is about post nuclear Europe and not love struck vampires before we start.
 %
 1334. You cannot tell if somebody is a power gamer by the faint smell of Gouda.
 %
 1335. I can not filibuster in the middle of my dying speech to buy the cleric more time.
 %
 1336. Even if we are told to pick a manly name for the game, Genocidicles is a bit much.
 %
 1337. Can’t lure the Bastet into an ambush by turning on the can opener.
 %
 1338. Jack Lalanne: Wrong type of Juicer.
 %
 1339. If unsure of what side of the road we drive on, the middle of the road is not a healthy compromise.
 %
 1340. Brute squads make poor bridesmaids. The reverse is not necessarily true.
 %
 1341. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot become famous for not being famous.
 %
 1342. There is no god of Wombats, no matter how much I pray.
 %
 1343. If I have to explain to the halfling’s sister why we dressed him like a raccoon, we’re all in trouble.
 %
 1344. No matter how cool it would be, we can’t use the time machine to loan Ike a few A-10 squadrons for D-Day.
 %
 1345. I don’t get a drama die just because the GM pees.
 %
 1346. I will not waste wishes on professional sporting events.
 %
 1347. Hooking up with the gamer chick the Storyteller was angling for gets me banned from the game.
 %
 1348. When attempting to lure the giant to sleep with a bardic lullaby, I will leave out the lyric “So we can kill you.”
 %
 1349. I will not program the medical droid for “aggressive dentistry.”
 %
 1350. I will not dare the wage mage into trying to summon a class 20 spirit.
 %
 1351. Guardian mode is not just for flipping people the bird in the middle of battle.
 %
 1352. Even if we are issued a nuke, I'm not allowed to touch it.
 %
 1353. I will stop trying to get a reality TV show for our Black Ops team.
 %
 1354. We are not going to stall 10,000 Uruk-Hai with a fake tollbooth.
 %
 1355. Pointing out the massive plothole in the villain's plan is not going to stop her from attacking.
 %
 1356. Before we start, let's make sure whether everybody blows up if I shoot a shield with a lasgun.
 %
 1357. Preliminary saturation carpet bombing is not automatically Plan A.
 %
 1358. Even if I only get to swing a sword once per minute, I can't stop to smoke between attacks.
 %
 1359. I can't call my gun by a stupid nickname, even if it's the one that the game suggested.
 %
 1360. Woodchippers, while useful, aren't normal gear for a Black Ops.
 %
 1361. I will not tell the new players gelatinous cubes come in a variety of yummy flavors.
 %
 1362. The cleric is not tax exempt.
 %
 1363. No matter how much fun, we are not retrofitting a tank with jumpjets.
 %
 1364. I cannot mint my own currency.
 %
 1365. Just because they make a miniature with that ability, doesn't mean I can take that ability.
 %
 1366. I will not use the mass suggestion spell to make the elf babes to make out.
 %
 1367. Gnomes are not nature's tripods.
 %
 1368. Dwarves do not groom themselves like cats. Or baboons.
 %
 1369. Elves do to have nipples.
 %
 1370. Halflings are not used as currency.
 %
 1371. "Biggio leans into pitch" is not a real kung fu maneuver.
 %
 1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
 %
 1373. If we can't fit the droid in the freighter, I can't play him.
 %
 1374. No matter I well I make the animal handling roll, I can't break in a Juggernaught of Khorne.
 %
 1375. Setting Jawas on fire with a magnifying glass is an automatic dark side point.
 %
 1376. Motorcycle tires will cause aggravated wounds on a case by case basis.
 %
 1377. No feat affects hang time.
 %
 1378. We will limit the total amount of conversation on the topic of "Hot Gnome on Gnome action."
 %
 1379. I will not threaten to glue the old rules for gnomes over the new rules for Elves Mk II.
 %
 1380. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot disarm someone in melee with a longbow.
 %
 1381. I will just not dump the vampire in the Umbra and call it a day.
 %
 1382. Growing a goatee will not give me a bonus for sneaking into the villain's lair.
 %
 1383. Portable Plothole is not a real magic item.
 %
 1384. I will not start a Ponzi scheme involving the entire party.
 %
 1385. Even if I couldn't attend the session when everything went to hell, it's still my fault.
 %
 1386. The Stanley Cup does not have the same power as the Holy Grail, even on Canadians.
 %
 1387. The MMORPG convert doesn't actually have to role play in his first game.
 %
 1388. Characters wanting to join the party do not have to undergo the Flash Gordon tree monster ceremony.
 %
 1389. I cannot have a palanquin in my starting gear.
 %
 1390. Having a reputation for having a reputation does not grant me more reputation.
 %
 1391. I will quit hogging the legend chips.
 %
 1392. No digging out all the bullets in my character and reusing them.
 %
 1393. No using the grapple rules to change the course of history.
 %
 1394. I will not take on the entire dungeon using only one body part to attack.
 %
 1395. Eldar really hate it when you greet them with "Live long and prosper"
 %
 1396. No matter his condition, we aren’t selling the villain’s corpse as modern art.
 %
 1397. Count on a back up villain if we ace the first one in two rounds without damage.
 %
 1398. I will not give my preteen kids my work number, especially if I’m on a Black Ops.
 %
 1399. The Monkey Grip feat doesn’t have anything to do with gripping monkeys.
 %
 1400. Winona Ryder’s bare breasts are not an acceptable weakness for my super hero.
 %
 1401. I will stop shooting at natural disasters.
 %
 1402. No spending all my starting gold on just a loincloth.
 %
 1403. Can't use dominate to make vampires forget to change their clocks for Daylight Savings Time.
 %
 1404. I will not spoil the adventure's mandatory ambush by using the cheesy tactic of a "scout".
 %
 1405. It's obvious I'm just playing a skald so I can sing "Bjeorning, Bjoerning, Disco Inferno"
 %
 1406. The primary dwarf subraces are Sedimentary, Igneous and Metamorphic.
 %
 1407. I will not vote to play a game that has needed a rules decision from an economist.
 %
 1408. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot fence with a katana.
 %
 1409. I can't have a skill if the rules say I can't have, even if the rules say I'm also good at it.
 %
 1410. Bleaching the drow won't help.
 %
 1411. Despite what the rules say, bobsledding through the Vatican is much harder than it looks.
 %
 1412. I will not make the DM break out the siege rules until I'm at least second level.
 %
 1413. Even if the dungeon has only one exit, can't just starve the villain out.
 %
 1414. A Black Ops is not the appropriate place to declare my candidacy for mayor.
 %
 1415. Carpet bombing is not an appropriate specialization for a starting character.
 %
 1416. The guy with the meltagun doesn't automatically have to carry the popcorn.
 %
 1417. I do not have time in the Black Ops to play Tetris with the building lights.
 %
 1418. The Elvish language is not just English with a hell of a lot of lisping.
 %
 1419. I cannot convert to Scottish just for tax purposes.
 %
 1420. Doing 50 in a 45 does not cause an alignment check for the paladin.
 %
 1421. Gods don't tap out.
 %
 1422. Montaigne aren't required to surrender after the second turn.
 %
 1423. Eisenfurst Wishce didn't appreciate the lap dance.
 %
 1424. I will keep the fact the king's heraldry looks like a ferret in need of the Heimlich Maneuver to myself.
 %
 1425. Lying about benefits being cut are not going make the guards too disgruntled to fight back later.
 %
 1426. I am not "He who must not be named only in passing."
 %
 1427. It is not a race to 0 SAN.
 %
 1428. No spending half the game session seeing what rhymes with Nyarlathotep.
 %
 1429. Even if I did manage to work all the lyrics to 22 Acacia Avenue in character in the game, no bonus XP.
 %
 1430. If the party goes out like 300, that's cool. Thelma and Louise not so much.
 %
 1431. When the DM sobers up, my paladin's flumph mount is as good as dead.
 %
 1432. Using my prior knowledge of the adventure to force the game along while encouraged, is discouraged.
 %
 1433. Zentradi are not good eating.
 %
 1434. Emergency supplies are not for childish pranks.
 %
 1435. The "Dibs" system is not a recognized method of promotion in the Ordo Malleus.
 %
 1436. In case of premature termination, the dungeon boss has an identical twin brother on standby.
 %
 1437. High recoil guns and roller skates are not an accepted method of transportation.
 %
 1438. You can't find true names in a phone book.
 %
 1439. If the top floor is too well defended, can't just blow off the next to top floor.
 %
 1440. Can't start the game with echolocation.
 %
 1441. I will not wait until the first combat to tell the new guy that the lower his AC the better.
 %
 1442. In the middle of a Black Ops I don't have time to elope.
 %
 1443. Wizards do not have to save against carpal tunnel syndrome.
 %
 1444. My Ally advantage and Arch Enemy flaw can't both represent the same person.
 %
 1445. If I take a Buddhist monk I get lots of combat bonuses that I can't use without violating my religion.
 %
 1446. Even if the rules allow it, can't catch bullets with my pects.
 %
 1447. My Bard will not take a trombone just so he can attack and use his bard song at the same time.
 %
 1448. No such thing as preemptive last rites.
 %
 1449. Any plan that would quickly, logically and safely defeat the module early is doomed to failure.
 %
 1450. Cannot summon an elemental out of any material that only exists in a laboratory environment.
 %
 1451. Cannot name my Droid WEG-D6
 %
 1452. Despite it's phenomenal success rate, a multi-melta is not the solution to all my problems.
 %
 1453. When the dwarf has an idea, no making the "He's drunk" motion behind his back.
 %
 1454. The paladin does not appreciate us painting his dire tiger green and orange.
 %
 1455. Like a cow who goes to the well to often, I will stop speaking only in metaphors.
 %
 1456. Will not blow all my skill points on just ballroom dances.
 %
 1457. I will remember the Japanese response to uncomfortable situations is to giggle, not a kick in the kiwis.
 %
 1458. The ability to mimic other people's luck powers does not make me a karma chameleon.
 %
 1459. Even if the game is set in 1912, the female characters get a vote on the party's action.
 %
 1460. Even if the rules allow it, can't fish with a flamethrower.
 %
 1461. I will not insist on playing a LAM pilot just to see if the Robotech lawyers were really serious.
 %
 1462. Dwarves do not have the racial ability to merge into a larger, more powerful dwarf.
 %
 1463. I will not take Resources 0 and Status 5 and just confiscate money as I need it.
 %
 1464. Cannot use the requisition skill to get a beach house in the Virgin islands, even if Congress can.
 %
 1465. My sideburns cannot earn their own fear rating.
 %
 1466. I must sing my kids to sleep before the black ops.
 %
 1467. I will not sing other characters' kids to sleep before, during or after the black ops.
 %
 1468. None of the Summon Animal spells will get me the drummer from the Muppets.
 %
 1469. No crossclassing just to get all the different animal sidekicks.
 %
 1470. Will not break it to the other player her 3 1/2' elf is not taller than my 3'6" tall gnome.
 %
 1471. The party will not enter into a tontine, that just encourages the evil players.
 %
 1472. No matter what the rules say, I can't chase the villain around the map indefinately.
 %
 1473. When I'm told to get an alias, they didn't mean that chick with the azure bonds.
 %
 1474. The concept of puberty is not alien to the elves.
 %
 1475. There is more to playing a Finn than cellphones, reindeer and sniper rifles.
 %
 1476. Even if I have a salient point, I won't call the Rush Limbaugh show in the middle of a Black Ops.
 %
 1477. If I'm playing an alien, I can't have alkaline for blood.
 %
 1478. Burning Orb spell doesn't cause jock itch.
 %
 1479. Using the time machine to put 'W' at the front of the alphabet is silly.
 %
 1480. I will not add the restriction "only to cook eggs" to any of my super powers.
 %
 1481. The Island of Small Breasted Fantasy Females does not exist.
 %
 1482. Even if Detroit can do it, I can't add the trait "Randomly bursts into flame" to my car.
 %
 1483. There is more to stopping a zombie horde than punji pits.
 %
 1484. Just because I can, doesn't mean I should drop a house on the witch.
 %
 1485. No amounts of dots in fashion will let me use my bio-varg for formal wear.
 %
 1486. I cannot convince the entire party to play Squats.
 %
 1487. I cannot take a sidekick if all he's gonna do is trail us with a high powered rifle.
 %
 1488. Dropping a tree on the lich creates more rules problems that its worth.
 %
 1489. My bard will not stop every passing minstrel for a round of Dueling Banjos.
 %
 1490. I will not use the ventriloquism skill to deliver bad news to the Emperor.
 %
 1491. Even if the rules allow it, can't add the High Speed Pursuit Option to a steamroller.
 %
 1492. I will not turn the DM into a drinking game.
 %
 1493. No metamagic feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells.
 %
 1494. When playing a teleporter, I will buy the ability to actually teleport.
 %
 1495. I will not just buy the ability to teleport everybody but me.
 %
 1496. When I'm out of character, the hand puppets come off.
 %
 1497. I will not use the time machine to make "Don't blame me, I voted for Tilden" bumper stickers.
 %
 1498. Shooting him in the foot first does not give me a bonus to the ridicule check.
 %
 1499. Even if historical accuracy is important in the adventure, I will not become the Nazi Nazi.
 %
 1500. I will not convince the dragon to eat the elf instead because he's organically grown.
 %
 1501. I will not take the mirror image spell literally and just shoot the wizard that's not left handed.
 %
 1502. My first wish can't be to invalidate the previous character's last wish.
 %
 1503. Despite what the rules say, it doesn't take 45 minutes to choke a 10th level fighter to death.
 %
 1504. I cannot take the parachute skill until somebody invents the parachute.
 %
 1505. We are not going through the phone book to see who's name is a killing word either.
 %
 1506. It is not automatically assumed whatever vehicle my cop commandeers is a monster truck.
 %
 1507. North Equatorial Kansas is not a real state.
 %
 1508. Nowhere in the timeline is Superfly McBoomboom a US vice president.
 %
 1509. No part of the Constitution is written in invisible ink.
 %
 1510. The Movie Phone Guy can't be the voice of the ship's computer.
 %
 1511. No using the time machine to set the "Star Spangled Banner" to anything by White Zombie.
 %
 1512. My canine officer can't spend his animal requisition cash to buy two dozen chihuahuas.
 %
 1513. I will not shoot a Great Old One just to say I did it.
 %
 1514. I will make it abundantly clear the guy playing my mortal enemy is a good friend in real life.
 %
 1515. The Pope does not have cyberpsychosis.
 %
 1516. I will not wish we were still playing Torg.
 %
 1517. Checking to see if the Mad Slasher is dead is ok, dismembering him with a shotgun is overkill.
 %
 1518. My Sniper will not kill all the bad guys before the rest of the party is in range.
 %
 1519. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't sell my niece's band candy to the hostages.
 %
 1520. I will tell the noobs the storyteller wasn't joking about kicking people in the jewels for macking on jailbait.
 %
 1521. While not lethal, Ferris Wheels aren't exactly healthy to vampires.
 %
 1522. Outside of Kingwood Community College moose antlers do not mean 'Out of Character'.
 %
 1523. Stain glass windows are not a standard feature on Panzer tanks.
 %
 1524. The spell Extract Water Elemental doesn't work on Water Elementals.
 %
 1525. I will not waste critical successes on drumming.
 %
 1526. Can't use my pistols to communicate in Morse Code.
 %
 1527. There is no Patron Saint of the Dodecahedron.
 %
 1528. I can't ask the bad guy if I fired 40,000 rounds or just 39,999.
 %
 1529. There is no such thing as a Thirty-Sevensexual
 %
 1530. We are not sneaking in Mordor dressed as tour guides.
 %
 1531. Even if it does take the thief 10 minutes to search the room, that's not enough time for a quickie.
 %
 1532. If its cheaper to buy a new gun than reload the old one, there's a problem.
 %
 1533. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a belt fed pistol.
 %
 1534. I will raise my hand if I've already heard the the DM's riddle.
 %
 1535. The spell is called Prismatic Spray, not Taste the Rainbow.
 %
 1536. Before we start the dungeon crawl, I don't have to have my monk oiled down.
 %
 1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
 %
 1538. My mage can't just sleepwalk to get around resting for spells.
 %
 1539. When the power gamer sleeps, can't move the camp down the road.
 %
 1540. Can't lure out House Laio mechwarriors by announcing a Chinese Firedrill.
 %
 1541. While highly effective, grabbing his a man by his small intestine and making him talk like a ventriloquist dummy is frowned on.
 %
 1542. My superhero didn't survive the purge of supers by just playing left offensive guard for the Detroit Lions.
 %
 1543. My warhammer doesn't have a claw part.
 %
 1544. Not allowed to just blow the supports under Menzoberranzan.
 %
 1545. No matter how appreciated, I have to have a better super power than 'cures cancer by touch'
 %
 1546. I can't spend Ship Points to put a Starbucks on the bridge.
 %
 1547. I will stop making up Space Marine Chapters.
 %
 1548. My netrunner's icon has to be something other than the Space Invaders ship.
 %
 1549. The totalitarian government tends to notice large purchases of cows, trebuchets and surveying gear.
 %
 1550. The Dirty Harry 'Feeling Lucky Punk' speech doesn't work with a longbow.
 %
 1551. During the Black Ops all cell phones go on vibrate.
 %
 1552. My Lunar Class Cruiser has more than one bathroom.
 %
 1553. I can't wish my girlfriend was hot like you.
 %
 1554. Archvillains don't care about zoning restrictions.
 %
 1555. No matter how well I roll on my intimidate check, France won't surrender.
 %
 1556. I do not have weapon proficiency in Craftsman.
 %
 1557. I will not horde Electrum in 2nd edition because I know it will be phased out.
 %
 1558. No Dire Marmot mounts until they publish the rules.
 %
 1559. Any mention of Life Day gets everybody a dark side point.
 %
 1560. My character is not addicted to the Feeling, the Shindig, or Love.
 %
 1561. Not possible to tattoo the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel anywhere on my body.
 %
 1562. Weapon codes mean Bludgeoning, Slashing and Piercing. Not Ballistic, Serrated and Pneumatic.
 %
 1563. Dwarves have to take the platemail off before sex.
 %
 1564. Superspeed gives immunity to friction.
 %
 1565. Shapechanging is an acceptable super power. Shapechanging only into the '93 San Diego Padres is not.
 %
 1566. Bunk Cards are not for 3 card monte.
 %
 1567. I don't get to play anybody's Shadow.
 %
 1568. Werewolves normally do not have access to the 'Sonnet' Specialization.
 %
 1569. The opening lyrics to Rock of Ages are not an acceptable substitute to a real plan.
 %
 1570. No signing infernal contracts in disappearing ink.
 %
 1571. Can't bluff the Empire at Hoth with just a whole bunch of snowmen.
 %
 1572. The Navigator has Warp Sight. Not Insane-o-Vision.
 %
 1573. Attempting to woo the Space Elf Clown does not turn the adventure into a Harlequin romance.
 %
 1574. I do not have to scan the Romulan ambassador for cooties.
 %
 1575. Apaches do not settle arguments by Indian Leg Wrestling.
 %
 1576. I will tell the new player fantasy games means gnomes and wizards not assless chaps and jumper cables.
 %
 1577. The degauss gun is not a real gun.
 %
 1578. Every time the halfing gets a critical hit I don't have to feed him a snack.
 %
 1579. No one in the party gets to name their character Kurgen McAsskicker.
 %
 1580. I will not spend 30 minutes of the game trying to buy an accordion.
 %
 1581. I will stop using crew as hit points.
 %
 1582. I need to stop telling new players bards were the original prestige class.
 %
 1583. Even if the rules allow it, can't take a prestige class at level 4.
 %
 1584. Even if the rules allow it, you can't sneak with a running chainsaw.
 %
 1585. Vegepygmies are not a part of this complete breakfast.
 %
 1586. The Progenitor's job is not just to supply 'the good stuff'.
 %
 1587. There is no way the Iteration X mage is going to make it through airport security.
 %
 1588. It's not ok to stick the Syndicate agent with the check every single time.
 %
 1589. We aren't calling the NWO agent at odd hours just to answer trivia questions.
 %
 1590. We will buy a GPS already so we don't have to drag the Void Engineer everywhere.
 %
 1591. Rokea do not make pacman noises when they attack.
 %
 1592. If the Solar cringes, it's time to reassess my alignment.
 %
 1593. Even if the rules allow it, I can't build myself an Imperator Titan.
 %
 1594. Flak armor is not just a muscle shirt with the word "ARMOR" stenciled on it.
 %
 1595. We aren't raising the villain from the dead because we haven't killed him enough yet.
 %
 1596. Even if she's the most dangerous, the party doesn't appreciate me killing the naked chick first.
 %
 1597. Devils don't appreciate natural 20's on a bargain check.
 %
 1598. If my gun can easily kill everything in the room, I go last in initiative.
 %
 1599. There is no prize for having the prettiest werewolf.
 %
 1600. Even if the rules allow it, I can't mount a flamethrower on a knife.
 %
 1601. Cephalopods do not get bonuses to attack Japanese women.
 %
 1602. Druids have many roles in the party. Minesweeper is not one of them.
 %
 1603. I am not El Vago the Gay Blade.
 %
 1604. When told to pick a number between 1 and 10, the answer is not pi.
 %
 1605. I cannot have a bluetooth telegraph.
 %
 1606. If my fireballs always form a mushroom cloud, time to tone it down a bit.
 %
 1607. They do not sell tire spikes at Kaybee Toys.
 %
 1608. I cannot kill any man in a way made famous by Rutger Hauer.
 %
 1609. Even if I am captain, I can't have my men portage my frigate.
 %
 1610. If the GM says 3d6 straight down, he didn't mean it if that gives me a pixie fairy berserker.
 %
 1611. Even if she started it, no setting the princess on fire.
 %
 1612. There is no such thing as Boobs +1.
 %
 1613. No matter how much they enjoy it, no juggling halfling children.
 %
 1614. I will stop telling the noob the Star Wars universe celebrates people exploding at the age of 25.
 %
 1615. Despite what the rules say, a dracheneisen life preserver is a bad idea.
 %
 1616. Despite what the math says, elves do not gestate for an entire decade.
 %
 1617. I will not take the flaw Enemy: Paranoids.
 %
 1618. Any character even remotely resembling Mr. B Natural is dead before the first dice are rolled.
 %
 1619. If the elf is rolling badly doesn't mean we need to water him.
 %
 1620. I will not use the druid's chakram to play frisbee with his dire wolf.
 %
 1621. No using the Reduce spell to only to buy a child's ticket at the movies.
 %
 1622. Militech does not have a wedding registry.
 %
 1623. Can't thwart the Cylon's massive attack just by installing Norton Antivirus.
 %
 1624. It is bad form to sing along with the elevator music in a Black Ops.
 %
 1625. Verbena weigh more than a duck.
 %
 1626. My character's favorite color is not Burnt Umber Hulk.
 %
 1627. Getting a blue chip for humor does not entitle me to an acceptance speech.
 %
 1628. If all the players have to pool their d6's so I can roll for initiative, time to retire the character.
 %
 1629. I can't medal in ass kicking.
 %
 1630. Starships do not have to drop anchor.
 %
 1631. Starfleet's rules on using the Holodeck for recreating scenes from Caligula are very clear.
 %
 1632. I will not blow all my starting cash on just housecats.
 %
 1633. If Plan A was 'Beat it out of him' Plan B can't be 'Just ask nicely'
 %
 1634. If it's revealed Shakespeare was the author of Funky Cold Medina my time machine privileges are revoked.
 %
 1635. No bioengineering dolphins to shot laser beams out of their blowholes.
 %
 1636. Animals native to Australia are not eligible for my druid's companion.
 %
 1637. 'Dibs' is not a term of bereavement.
 %
 1638. Using the dwarf as a battering ram is expected. Other siege weapons not so much.
 %
 1639. No giving a character a dumb name so he can pick fights over it later.
 %
 1640. There is a limit to the number of adjectives I can attach to an uppercut.
 %
 1641. No matter what it says, my intelligent vorpal sword is not getting rewarded with a candy bar.
 %
 1642. No matter what the rules say, antibiotics can't make a man's head explode.
 %
 1643. Despite precedent, if the travel gets rough, we can't eat the bard.
 %
 1644. Even if it fills the mission parameters, no machete killing sprees dressed like Carmen Miranda.
 %
 1645. One more bad pun for a character name and I'm forbidden from playing in the Furry RPG.
 %
 1646. I am not Wombatman.
 %
 1647. Any character requiring the GM to tab more than 10 pages of rules for reference is vetoed.
 %
 1648. Even if we are playing in the old west, can't spend all my money on leather, whips and barbed wire.
 %
 1649. I can't free the cannibals' prisoners by starting a food fight with them.
 %
 1650. Venting non-essential crew to the void before payday is not an acceptable cost cutting measure.
 %
 1651. No teaching halflings how to fly.
 %
 1652. My negamagician will not taunt the wage mage Brer Rabbit style.
 %
 1653. The power gamer would appreciate me not bringing the book with the rule he is grotesquely abusing.
 %
 1654. A warning shot is not one that just wounds him.
 %
 1655. No using the halfling as a grappling hook.
 %
 1656. Starting a flame war on the internet is bad. Starting a flame war not on the internet is much, much worse.
 %
 1657. My halberdier is not guisarmed and dangerous.
 %
 1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes.
 %
 1659. Just because he has specialization in observation skills does not mean 'he likes to watch'.
 %
 1660. Even if we just stole all their alkaline chemicals, that does not mean all their base belongs to us.
 %
 1661. Cleaning out the dungeon means more than just backing up a cement truck to the window.
 %
 1662. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.
 %
 1663. There is no such thing as a 'bad touch attack'
 %
 1664. If my Rogue Trader manages to arrive before he leaves, no cleaning up on the lottery.
 %
 1665. I will not forget to uncuff the pedophile from outside the car before driving back to the station.
 %
 1666. If if takes more than five minutes for the debris to stop falling, I need to pick a smaller gun.
 %
 1667. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by playing Wham over their commlinks.
 %
 1668. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by shooting the guy standing next to him.
 %
 1669. When told to distract the bad guy they didn't mean by setting him on fire.
 %
 1670. Dungeons are not handicapped accessible.
 %
 1671. Before entering the dungeon I will take off the "I'm with tasty -->" tabard.
 %
 1672. I will remember the Incredible Luck super power is illegal in Vegas.
 %
 1673. I will not start dating another character's archenemy.
 %
 1674. I cannot start the game radioactive.
 %
 1675. If an enemy fails a stun check, that does not give me a free hit for flinching.
 %
 1676. Before I get it on with the green chick, I'll make sure she's supposed to be that color.
 %
 1677. Before I sass the power gamer, make sure the other players got my back.
 %
 1678. I don't get any XP for anything I killed in a flashback.
 %
 1679. No amount of character points lets me start as the Beatle's bagpiper.
 %
 1680. The point of the Improvised Weapon Skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with.
 %
 1681. Just crossing his fingers behind his back is not an option for my paladin.
 %
 1682. Snufficate is not a real way to kill somebody.
 %
 1683. Killing the orc horde by drowning them all at once is heroic. Killing them by drowning them one at a time is an alignment check.
 %
 1684. No making up euphemisms for death.
 %
 1685. There is no Neurotic Book of Fantasy.
 %
 1686. Dodge Everything While Standing Still is not a real spell.
 %
 1687. No following a minute behind Gold Leader and just shooting down Vader.
 %
 1688. Just because he starts every game in a tavern doesn't mean the Barbarian needs rehab.
 %
 1689. 1/3 of the elf homeland's GDP does not go to hair care products.
 %
 1690. I don't get double XP if I kill the monster with explosive decompression.
 %
 1691. True Sight doesn't tell me what the NPC's treasure type is.
 %
 1692. Buying the alternative identity advantage is perfectly legal, unless it's Elvis.
 %
 1693. When asked to describe my room, can't use Smaug's lair as a template.
 %
 1694. Debauchery is not a stat.
 %
 1695. Can't load the shotgun just with rock salt because I'm feeling mean.
 %
 1696. Yes, Les Paul is a guitar god. No, he can't grant spells.
 %
 1697. Can't use the Decanter of Endless Water for water skiing, the Jacuzzi, or a wet tabard contest.
 %
 1698. Andorrans are not closely related to smurfs.
 %
 1699. The Astromech appreciates it if we'd stop using him for ordinance delivery.
 %
 1700. Even if the rules allow it, Lawful Good deities don't appreciate human sacrifices to them.
 %
 1701. Can't clear out a dungeon by sneaking in and running a generator while they sleep.
 %
 1702. Even if it's historically accurate, can't try to heal someone by cutting them.
 %
 1703. The time machine is not for finding ringers for our baseball team.
 %
 1704. Even if we're playing Werewolf: The Wild West, can't play the Lone Ranger.
 %
 1705. If my boss wakes up to find a young Frank Sinatra won American Idol, no more time machine for me.
 %
 1706. Before anybody makes a demolitions check, I will raise my hand if my skill is the highest.
 %
 1707. In the middle of a black ops, can't play 'will it bounce' with the penthouse furniture.
 %
 1708. No bringing up the time we were nearly TPK'd by a jerboa.
 %
 1709. Even if its really cool, no throwing dry ice on the water weird.
 %
 1710. Mooning M. Bison is not an appropriate stunt action.
 %
 1711. I will not spend all my starting cash on the stock market.
 %
 1712. Can't take out the villain by just propping a bucket of acid over his door.
 %
 1713. It is not necessary for the villain to say 'Uncle' before I accept his surrender.
 %
 1714. My martial artist has to actually know a martial art.
 %
 1715. Can't just wizard lock the villain's throne room and come back in two weeks after he's starved to death.
 %
 1716. Summon Para-Legal Elemental is not a real spell.
 %
 1717. The spell Summon Vacuum Elemental is not for household chores.
 %
 1718. I don't have to name everything we discover after myself.
 %
 1719. I can't forge out a new Elven homeland by conquest unless the Elves want a new homeland.
 %
 1720. Contrary to popular opinion, the girdle of masculinity/femininity does have a noticeable effect on elves.
 %
 1721. The minute the GM figures out my Inquisitor is Lennie Briscoe, he dies.
 %
 1722. No building a Gatling Gatling gun.
 %
 1723. My martial arts style is vetoed if its just thirty different ways to hit a guy in the jewels.
 %
 1724. No matter how well I make my Animal Wrangling roll, can't saddle break a Los Diablos.
 %
 1725. No god's vestments include gogo boots.
 %
 1726. If I kill more goons with my rifle than the rest of the party without firing a shot, time to retire the character.
 %
 1727. When facing the classic weight balance trap, can't use the halfling for ballast.
 %
 1728. Can't have a gun that doubles as a jump jet.
 %
 1729. "Large things that hurt badly? is not an appropriate focus.
 %
 1730. No putting all my weapon points in the blowgun.
 %
 1731. If I take the blowgun, I at least have to poison the darts.
 %
 1732. Even if the rules allow it, can't start a Vestenmannavnjar Dixie Land band.
 %
 1733. Dousing a character in beer is acceptable after a victory. Then setting him on fire is not.
 %
 1734. We aren't continuing the mission until everybody is clear on the term "Going in hardcore"
 %
 1735. "Come here often?" is not what you say when rescuing the princess from the necromancer's dungeon.
 %
 1736. Can't name my rabbit familiar Watership.
 %
 1737. There is no par on a dragon.
 %
 1738. Even if I write it, can't have my own theme song.
 %
 1739. The rules don't cover laugh tracks.
 %
 1740. If the villain performs a kind act, can't blackmail him with it later.
 %
 1741. Klingons don't have a French accent.
 %
 1742. We aren't relocating the campaign to Texas or Florida for tax reasons.
 %
 1743. No taunting characters about what they lost in the latest errata.
 %
 1744. Can't one shot major villains just because the writers forgot to give them a basic defense.
 %
 1745. Contrary to popular belief, mercenaries don't help divorce proceedings.
 %
 1746. Even if my culture has no spoken language, the campaign will not turn into a game of charades.
 %
 1747. There was no conspiracy to keep Wales out of 7th Sea.
 %
 1748. Can't target microscopic organisms with spells.
 %
 1749. If my character is a hard drinking, hard partying muslim chick, it's vetoed is she's clearly my Ex.
 %
 1750. A barbarian is not just a fighter with less feats and more anger management issues.
 %
 1751. Lord Soth just does not need a hug.
 %
 1752. No summoning octopi to make the sleeping paladin explain all the hickies.
 %
 1753. No challenging sleeping people to a duel.
 %
 1754. No hogging all the brute kills.
 %
 1755. Calling my shot means 'Where I want to hit him' not 'Where I want him to land.'
 %
 1756. Despite what the module says, not every woman in this campaign is a closeted lesbian.
 %
 1757. The princess' menstral cycle doesn't factor into her rescue.
 %
 1758. Dr. Suess has no place in an exorcism.
 %
 1759. Doesn't matter what I just killed with it, the howitzer is not going to qualify for holy relic.
 %
 1760. No risking profit factor to buy groceries.
 %
 1761. Star Destroyers are already baby proofed.
 %
 1762. If my character causes Camelot to look like King Lear he dies.
 %
 1763. If I just rolled the same chart result 8 times in a row, I will lie about the result if I do it again.
 %
 1764. No spending stunt points to play 'Yoink! Got your nose!' on a Genlock.
 %
 1765. Even if my CO does it, a unitard is not an appropriate SAS uniform.
 %
 1766. No starting a character with 4 swordsman schools.
 %
 1767. No I can't Google the villain's secret weakness.
 %
 1768. My monk can't convince the bad guys to go streaking with him just so they're easy to beat up later.
 %
 1769. I can't disarm the monk. At least not literally.
 %
 1770. I don't have to be faster than the other investigators. They have to be faster than my bullets.
 %
 1771. If my actions singlehandedly put the Drow on the endangered species list, time to retire the character.
 %
 1772. No using EHarmony to find a cleric for the party.
 %
 1773. Can't use a wish spell to make the last Star Wars trilogy not suck.
 %
 1774. Battle Mauls can't double as coup sticks.
 %
 1775. Just because I spared the villain's life doesn't mean she owes me a first date.
 %
 1776. They don't make weapon grade schnauzers.
 %
 1777. No using goldfish as improvised weapons just to get the dual weapon bonus.
 %
 1778. I don't have to buy a child seat to take the halfling anywhere.
 %
 1779. Using nuclear weapons in assassinations is just being lazy.
 %
 1780. No using the friendship virtue to start a harem.
 %
 1781. Beatlemania is not an acceptable dementia.
 %
 1782. I will remember we're playing 4th edition and stop using my imagination.
 %
 1783. Distracting the bad guy does not mean with an aztec bar mitzvah.
 %
 1784. Some grizzfarb says I have to stop making up gnomish profanities.
 %
 1785. I can't play an anthropomorphic homo sapiens.
 %
 1786. Albanians do not count as furries.
 %
 1787. I will stop telling people my high elf is just a drow with a bad case of vitiligo.
 %
 1788. Even if it takes an hour before it's my turn again, can't kill time with solitaire.
 %
 1789. Doesn't matter what the map says, can't drive a sports car through the villain's lair.
 %
 1790. Can't find the villain just by casting power word stun in the bar and see who's still standing.
 %
 1791. Can't make the genie's head explode until everybody else has had their wish.
 %
 1792. Let's keep the collateral damage to under a billion dollars.
 %
 1793. A comeliness under 15 doesn't mean I can't be on MTV.
 %
 1794. Can't use party members for ante.
 %
 1795. Not possible to corner the market on weapons they don't have rules for yet.
 %
 1796. The halfling language is not just baby speak.
 %
 1797. Getting the dwarf fixed isn't going to improve his disposition.
 %
 1798. Can't start every game breaking out of jail.
 %
 1799. They don't make healing potions in diet.
 %
 1800. I will not point out any loophole that arouses the powergamer.
 %
 1801. When challenged for rank, can't make the challenge 1970's NBA trivia.
 %
 1802. Leave off the Chaotic Evil alignment on the teaching application.
 %
 1803. Can't convince to party to play Frankie Goes to Hollywood. Not their music, the actual band.
 %
 1804. The epic villain killing weapon requires a quest to obtain, not $35 at Pruett's Guns and Ammo.
 %
 1805. I won't mention a celebrity that causes another gamer to go all stalker. Sorry in advance Jeannie Mai.
 %
 1806. Before we start a band of pirates, make sure the game isn't set in a landlocked nation.
 %
 1807. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a saber toothed walrus.
 %
 1808. Even if I buy enough for everybody, snuggies alone will not raise crew morale.
 %
 1809. If I get to pick my position in a star spanning empire, can't pick Fire Chief.
 %
 1810. Even if the rules allow it, can't be on good terms with an organization sworn to destroy me.
 %
 1811. Doesn't matter what I rolled, my ork can't have a space surfboard.
 %
 1812. Not using any emission from the barbarian as flamethrower fuel.
 %
 1813. My troll's biography will not include the phrase 'sweet, sweet love'
 %
 1814. My battlecruiser does not inclue a discotheque, bowling alley, IMAX, or strip joint.
 %
 1815. Can't have a gun capable of using other PC's as ammo.
 %
 1816. The Druid doesn't have to change sides every time the tide changes.
 %
 1817. Can't target the starship's radiator.
 %
 1818. Can't make a bluff check to convince the monster I actually hit him.
 %
 1819. Strapping dynamite to an arrow is an acceptable cliche. Not the whole keg of gunpowder.
 %
 1820. Let's not see how far I can lower crew morale before the game begins.
 %
 1821. Even if the rules allow it, the Soviet National Anthem doesn't qualify for the inspirational music ability.
 %
 1822. When told to play a teenage high school girl, that doesn't include East German swimmers named Sergi.
 %
 1823. Despite what you'd think, taking out a child molester with extreme prejudice doesn't restore my humanity.
 %
 1824. 'Getting Uppity' is not a capital offense. Even to a Rogue Trader.
 %
 1825. No taking Peace Activists as favored enemies just because they are easy targets.
 %
 1826. Before we have the bard loot the dungeon, make sure he's clear on the spelling.
 %
 1827. No starting Fight Club.
 %
 1828. Remember to take the helmet off before I use the acid spit ability.
 %
 1829. Darth Vader does not need his air filter changed.
 %
 1830. Deer Season is restricted to rifle or bow. Not greco-roman.
 %
 1831. Drunken Master is a feared martial artist. A Drunken Journeyman is not any 5th level dwarf.
 %
 1832. No result on the Impact Critical F chart reduces a foe to base elemental components.
 %
 1833. If we're short on cash no starting a telethon.
 %
 1834. Star Destroyers don't have help desks.
 %
 1835. Can't take poison immunity, coat my food with cyanide, and see who's been stealing my lunch from the fridge.
 %
 1836. A talking animal sidekick is okay. One that sings Disney tunes is roadkill.
 %
 1837. I won't ask how a 9' combat monster with no concept of subtlety starts with a +1D in stealth.
 %
 1838. Can't lure ninjas out of hiding with a game of Marco Polo.
 %
 1839. Even if the rules say otherwise, a huge back banner with an arrow pointing down at me causes a penalty to stealth checks.
 %
 1840. Doesn't matter if I get bonuses for eating fallen foes, no spending requisition on condiments.
 %
 1841. No using ventriloquism to trick the Khorne Berzerkers into slaughtering each other.
 %
 1842. You can't suplex a lictor.
 %
 1843. Can't land the drop pod on the villain.
 %
 1844. Even if the rules say otherwise, I can't actually use 500 grenades in a single mission.
 %
 1845. I will use the security skill to open the door, even if it's easier to just rip it off its hinges.
 %
 1846. If the Ork makes his check to solve higher mathematics, his head doesn't explode.
 %
 1847. No picking a sorcery that is actually unplayable as written.
 %
 1848. Slapping a fake mustache on the freeboota doesn't count as a disguise check.
 %
 1849. There is too an elven word for monogamy.
 %
 1850. There is also an elven word for heterosexual.
 %
 1851. Can't use woodchippers as shotguns against vampires.
 %
 1852. Afros are not acceptable haircuts for Adeptus Astartes.
 %
 1853. I can't chew gum during chapter briefings, even if I brought enough for the entire Space Marine Chapter.
 %
 1854. TSR is not hiding Golden Tickets in Mystara Gazetteers.
 %
 1855. Using a barber's razor as a weapon does not make me a barbarian.
 %
 1856. I will refer to the radar contact as a Blitzer-72 MBT, and not as a TPK in a can.
 %
 1857. No unloading all my remaining ammo in the last bad guy so I don't have to carry it back with me.
 %
 1858. The answer to 'how to spell sousaphone' is V-E-T-O.
 %
 1859. No challenging Death to a game of Tic-Tac-Toe until he gets bored and quits, ensuring my immortality.
 %
 1860. Summary Execution Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero, even if it is accurate.
 %
 1861. Can't take a favored enemy I can't kill for another ten levels.
 %
 1862. Even if the rules allow it, I can't hip shoot a cannon.
 %
 1863. I will stop asking the Ultramarine why his chapter's primary color isn't ultramarine.
 %
 1864. Even if paladin starts with P and that rhymes with T, it doesn't stand for trouble.
 %
 1865. No wasting Music Man references on a 10th grader.
 %
 1866. Even if the rules allow it, can't have a poisonous lascannon.
 %
 1867. Can't have a gun that reduces people to Rorschach tests.
 %
 1868. Playing the Who doesn't give me a bonus to forensic checks.
 %
 1869. You can't count coup with power weapons.
 %
 1870. If I'm invited to play a one shot with a new DM, can't play a serious straight laced character.
 %
 1871. No tricking the techpriest into dividing by zero.
 %
 1872. My Rogue Trader can't upgrade his ship with a ice rink, duck blind or vomitarium.
 %
 1873. Stormtroopers will only fall for the broken comlink trick so many times.
 %
 1874. Even if elves are a dying race, can't start a forced breeding program.
 %
 1875. Before I make the seduction check, I will reread the description of the swinging knack.
 %
 1876. I will stop telling the new players gnomes came from Sverfneblia.
 %
 1877. I will stop asking the high elf for a hit.
 %
 1878. Elves are not all backstabbing, untrustworthy weasels, but you never hear about a dark gnome do you?
 %
 1879. The halfling's natural enemy is not the pedophile.
 %
 1880. Elves are not piercing weapons by default.
 %
 1881. No shooting the Quarren at the start of the adventure, even if it would have immediately solved the last four adventures instantly.
 %
 1882. The monk counts as adamantine when attacking, not when being used as a battering ram.
 %
 1883. Even if the rules allow it, my fighter can't carry a clan of halfings in his pack without penalty.
 %
 1884. If a PC gets taken out by a deer, can't recruit the deer to replace him.
 %
 1885. Considering we don't have a TARDIS or a bag of holding, we can stop speculating on how they would interact.
 %
 1886. Can't trick the GM into starting a conversation between the Doctor and Inspector Columbo.
 %
 1887. If I use the leap skill to individually jump over every goon in the room, when I reach the other side I can't demand to be made royalty.
 %
 1888. Even if the rules allow it, my marine can't requisition a rolex.
 %
 1889. Slapping a meltabomb on the Emperor's Children marine and putting his resulting efforts to get it off on Youtube gets me a Corruption Point.
 %
 1890. My Rogue Trader doesn't have spend Requisition Points on feminine hygiene products.
 %
 1891. Dreadnoughts don't get conjugal visits.
 %
 1892. No matter what the module says, slaughtered and dissected scientists cause more san loss than frozen dogs.
 %
 1893. Can't take Speaks in Third person quirk just so I can use the lyrics to Battery as an attack plan.
 %
 1894. No mounting my rival's anti-gravity plating on his ceiling.
 %
 1895. The Escaped Fugitive background doesn't include from Disney Teen Musicals
 %
 1896. Even if they have blond hair, blue eyes and are proud of their physical perfection, Aasimir don't appreciate Seig Heils.
 %
 1897. Assist Other actions helps in combat, not with crossword puzzles.
 %
 1898. No hiring Anakin Skywalker some Twilek hookers, thus removing his reason to become Vader.
 %
 1899. The target's current zip code has no bearing on my called shot.
 %
 1900. Verbena are not water soluble.
 %
 1901. Even if my Jedi has a Scottish accent, can't have a plaid lightsaber.
 %
 1902. Playing a Gamorrian doesn't violate anybody's religion.
 %
 1903. No ruining the game by informing the DM the Yellow Power Ranger is dead.
 %
 1904. Prepping for the adventure means memorizing spells and buying gear, not coming up with a safety word.
 %
 1905. No nailing the GM's girlfriend's character.
 %
 1906. I will ask permission before performing an autopsy in another character's hideout.
 %
 1907. No putting the villain's fake bio on Match.com and letting the stalkers do my work for me.
 %
 1908. No matter what the rules say, my psychotic racist character doesn't get a permanent persuasion bonus just because she puts out.
 %
 1909. Combat boots don't give bonuses to CPR checks.
 %
 1910. I don't need to know the melting point of orcs.
 %
 1911. Even if the rules allow it, I can't one shot guys with a feather duster.
 %
 1912. No more surprise parties for the berserker.
 %
 1913. Can't postdate a letter of marque.
 %
 1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting.
 %
 1915. The following are not acceptable specialties for a weapon master: Mustard Gas, Cheese Grater, Sardonicism.
 %
 1916. Even if the rules allow it, sniper scopes don't give bonuses to shotguns.
 %
 1917. "The ability to do anything, as long as it's not that hard" is not a real superpower.
 %
 1918. No using the time machine to give Nostradamus a sneak peek at the future. Again.
 %
 1919. There is no needing for a dark brooding vigilante of the night in Lancaster, Pennsylvania.
 %
 1920. "Shakedown" is not a art skill specialty.
 %
 1921. In the middle of a Black Ops can't run up the target's cable bill by ordering PPV movies on his TV.
 %
 1922. Can't air hump the king from behind while he's performing demagoguery.
 %
 1923. Electrokinetics are not allowed anywhere near the President's teleprompter.
 %
 1924. Despite what the rules say, shooting other PC's in the head does not improve morale.
 %
 1925. Can't disguise a nuclear bomb to look like me.
 %
 1926. DM's don't appreciate being dubbed.
 %
 1927. Can't filibuster other characters.
 %
 1928. Nobody is going to buy the disguised wookie as a jawa with a pituitary problems.
 %
 1929. Ayn Rand has no affect on my alignment.
 %
 1930. The wizard's familiar does not have to save vs. leg hump.
 %
 1931. MkVI armor's drawback is not random chicken noises.
 %
 1932. I will stop telling people the elf is openly fey.
 %
 1933. No part of the elven cloak is actually made out of elves.
 %
 1934. Breaking the fourth wall doesn't require a strength check.
 %
 1935. It's not possible to become addicted to healing spells.
 %
 1936. You don't have to be lawful evil to be sentenced to Devil's Island.
 %
 1937. Not my fault if you can defeat the labyrinth by just making right turns.
 %
 1938. When the game designer asks me my opinion about the new edition of his game, open weeping is not appreciated.
 %
 1939. Even if the rules allow it, can't parry an artillery barrage with my fists.
 %
 1940. Blasting the distress signal from orbit is forbidden, even if it would have avoided the last six ambushes.
 %
 1941. Qunari aren't automatically angered by the color red.
 %
 1942. Can't distract the villain by sending him a text.
 %
 1943. I will not attempt to gnomeoform Faerun.
 %
 1944. Even if the King is represented by a miniature, I can't put him in checkmate.
 %
 1945. No prisoner gets special treatment, even if he does look like Robert Goulet.
 %
 1946. No improvising, winging or fabricating funeral rites.
 %
 1947. Can't use teleport to convince the villain's henchmen he's seeing things.
 %
 1948. Having an electrotech in the party doesn't mean I get to leave my phone charger at home.
 %
 1949. Can't free the hostage with a surprise game of Red Rover.
 %
 1950. Not allowed to start the campaign having sex, especially with another PC.
 %
 1951. Can't use the international date line to get around once per day restrictions.
 %
 1952. There is no bluff check in the world that gets around divine retribution.
 %
 1953. A lifetime subscription to Cosmo is not an elven racial bonus.
 %
 1954. Swedish accents are great for vikings, ninjas not so much.
 %
 1955. No tagging the sleeping dragon with "Bilbo was here".
 %
 1956. If we end up playing Illuminated martial artist superheros protecting the Mad Lands from the Chtorr, we will reselect the source books again with our eyes open.
 %
 1957. There is no way to diplomatically ask the Gaius if he's going to finish that sandwich.
 %
 1958. Dwarven breast milk is not 180 proof.
 %
 1959. No using the time machine to make Christ the keynote speaker at an atheist convention.
 %
 1960. I will not use the commune spell to find out who is John Galt.
 %
 1961. No spending more points than the villain to make his assistant more loyal to me.
 %
 1962. There is more combat than a called shot to the face with a double barrel, despite what the dice say.
 %
 1963. If I can't use the dwarf to beat a guy to death, that includes beating him against the dwarf.
 %
 1964. No talking Hastur into suing Voldemort for trademark infringement.
 %
 1965. Can't send the party out on an epic quest just to get some alone time with the missus.
 %
 1966. Even if the rules allow it, can't play a viking mad scientist.
 %
 1967. A Shemsu-Heru kamikaze pilot is funny once.
 %
 1968. Even if there is no naming convention given, Tal Vashoth are probably not named Larry.
 %
 1969. I will keep all eldritch artifacts of ungodly power out of the reach of children.
 %
 1970. Even If I need to practice it, if I'm playing Batman, I lose the Russian accent.
 %
 1971. Giving my media the paparazzi template does not actually cause humanity loss.
 %
 1972. No probating Dunkelzahn's will.
 %
 1973. I will quit pestering the techpriest on whether he's AC or DC.
 %
 1974. Despite what the rules say, you don't have to be a 19th level bard to play Alice's Restaurant Massacre.
 %
 1975. No using the weapon critical hit charts to play bingo.
 %
 1976. The identify spell doesn't work on mystery meat.
 %
 1977. If I managed to roll up a half ogre knight errant on 3d6 straight down, no gloating.
 %
 1978. Naming the half ogre Sir Loin of Beef is gloating.
 %
 1979. The University of Wisconsin does not have branches in Lankhmar, Waterdeep or Blackmoor.
 %
 1980. The druid can't transform into a sports car. Even if we douse him with hot water.
 %
 1981. No wrecking the Millennium Falcon in the prologue.
 %
 1982. If the GM's pet NPC has tons of plot armor, can't use her for cover.
 %
 1983. Even if it's the coolest spell ever, can't just go around exploding everyone.
 %
 1984. A paladin of the god of obituaries job is not to just kick butt and take names.
 %
 1985. The surprise in the surprise attack comes from its speed, not from the shattered eardrums of the breaching charge.
 %
 1986. When asked to be the party tank, they didn't mean an Abrams.
 %
 1987. After the battle my Astartes is to spend his time training and in meditation, not choreographing Gilbert and Sullivan numbers.
 %
 1988. No result on the critical hit chart splits the atom.
 %
 1989. Can't set the Death Star to stun.
 %
 1990. Even if we crashed the opening of the last eight adventures, still have to name our new starship.
 %
 1991. Medium Well is not a phaser setting.
 %
 1992. Can't fly standing up.
 %
 1993. Squeezing a termagaunt like bagpipes isn't going to turn him into a machine gun.
 %
 1994. There is no instant replay in Hackmaster.
 %
 1995. The proper response after making a very tough bluff check is not a TD dance.
 %
 1996. If any player ends up in lingerie, the game is over.
 %
 1997. Better believe if I berserk for two straight hours I'm going to feel it in the morning.
 %
 1998. The wookie isn't allowed anywhere near conditioner.
 %
 1999. The evil twin flaw doesn't count if he's fraternal.
 %
 2000. Despite what the dice just said, I'm not the personal god of Michael Phelp's agent.
 %
 2001. A Saber tooth tiger is not an acceptable second in a duel.
 %
 2002. No flashbacks to the death of the disposable expository NPC at the start of the adventure.
 %
 2003. Any gun whose damage is best described in scientific notation is vetoed.
 %
 2004. Just because I took the large advantage does not let me rampage through Tokyo at will.
 %
 2005. Can't just program the probe droid to go to light speed through the Star Destroyer.
 %
 2006. Torpedo spheres don't just go off on accident.
 %
 2007. No taunting Darth Maul with the fact Uncle Owen had more lines, more screen time and a more memorable death.
 %
 2008. No spending money from the Raise Dead fund on ice cream.
 %
 2009. I will make sure when the GM asks what my fetish is if he means voodoo bag or brunettes with short hair.
 %
 2010. Improved tax evasion is not a real feat.
 %
 2011. There is no easy way to tell a guy he named his genetically engineered uber space Mongolian after Genghis Khan's wife.
 %
 2012. Apothecaries can't perform emergency skullectomies.
 %
 2013. Can't convince the entire pantheon to all take spiders as their fourth domain.
 %
 2014. In the middle of a black ops I don't have time to set all the target's phone handsets to maximum volume.
 %
 2015. If World War III is looming, I will not spend all my character advances on just liberal arts degrees.
 %
 2016. While extremely cool, my superhero needs something more than just a gun that fires badgers at people.
 %
 2017. Off duty Astartes wear robes, not wife beaters and speedos.
 %
 2018. Spending my Rank 4 instead of Rank 5 priority on human does not make me more human than human.
 %
 2019. Even if the elf fails his willpower check, we don't need to change him.
 %
 2020. There is only one mounting option for Mr. Stud. This is not optional.
 %
 2021. Even if used correctly, branding irons do not count as non-lethal weapons.
 %
 2022. I will refrain from any activity that could turn the entire party into smoking piles of lederhosen.
 %
 2023. Using my runic powers to provide a light show for my skald's musical performances is abusing Grumfather's gift.
 %
 2024. Despite how practical it would be, I have no need for a dracheneisen tuba.
 %
 2025. There is no such thing as a shotgun exterminatus.
 %
 2026. I will not try to bring back nipples as a superhero fashion statement.
 %
 2027. Boernings fully understand the concept of personal space.
 %
 2028. Even if the rules allow it, a called shot to the eyes with a sledgehammer isn't very practical.
 %
 2029. In the middle of a black ops, I can't order 1500 pizzas to be delivered to the target the next day.
 %
 2030. Elves do not get a racial bonus to the skill Trade: Interior Design
 %
 2031. Even if the kids love it, the Cone of Cold spell is not for making toboggan rides possible in August.
 %
 2032. If I ever trick the DM into telling us the only way to make money mining is to work the shaft, all my characters die. Not just in this game either.
 %
 2033. Even if the rules allow it, I can't conduct a television interview and maintain a choke hold at the same time.
 %
 2034. Can't spend all my starting points to build a Renaissance version of Las Vegas.
 %
 2035. Cylons don't have a four year life span.
 %
 2036. Darth Harmonious is not a real Sith Lord.
 %
 2037. No matter how many times it's already been retconned, I can't change the story of the origins of the Sith every time we play.
 %
 2038. Even if it's a friendly pick up game, it's a bad idea to dunk on Vader.
 %
 2039. I will remember Captain Reis has the "Immunity: NPCs with no name" advantage.
 %
 2040. Characters with the curious disadvantage are not acceptable substitutions for the Identify spell.
 %
 2041. There are no additional bonuses to guessing the right card if we're playing Go Fish with a Deck of Many Things.
 %
 2042. Any attempt to breed Bearowls is doomed to failure.
 %
 2043. If I knock out Ryu while I'm blocking, it's time to retire the character.
 %
 2044. If I'm not allowed to go back in time to kill the villain, I can't just bring him to the present as a child either.
 %
 2045. No scanning the periodical table for an unused element to base my superhero around.
 %
 2046. The very thought of improving my humanity by osmosis costs humanity.
 %
 2047. Dwarven ale does not double as jet fuel, industrial solvent or colic medicine.
 %
 2048. No secretly setting the Netrunner's modem interface to 8 bit.
 %
 2049. No matter how pissed off the Verbena makes me, I can't put her on Glenn Beck's mailing list.
 %
 2050. Can't use the bureaucracy skill to indefinitely delay a rival going through customs. Yeah, made no sense to me either.
 %
 2051. DM's don't appreciate the Socratic method.
 %
 2052. The following are not acceptable favored enemies: Torries, Cartoon Characters, Wichita Falls.
 %
 2053. If the GM is a woman, can't play a space otter to gain cute points.
 %
 2054. If the rules require me to multiply several stats by 10,117 to get another stat, can't do it long hand in protest.
 %
 2055. I will try to keep the number of pages the GM rips out of his playtest binder to a minimum.
 %
 2056. Can't stealthfully follow the villainous wizard and backstab his every time he tries to cast a spell, even if every rogue in the world does it to our wizard.
 %
 2057. My druid will stop insisting we place all expended magic items in the appropriate recycling bin.
 %
 2058. No uploading to the villian's electrotat the video of me shooting him.
 %
 2059. Even if I no longer lose SAN around them, no domesticating nightgaunts.
 %
 2060. When describing my superhero, I will stop at "Molly Ringwald Man"
 %
 2061. Note to self: Pinata golems are a bad idea.
 %
 2062. Even if I have enough rope and have nine attacks a round, can't garrote a hydra.
 %
 2063. Despite Hawkman, Batman, Antman and Spiderman, Red Snapperman is not a legitimate superhero name.
 %
 2064. The wish spell can't affect the order of the alphabet.
 %
 2065. Even if I buy off the Nemesis disadvantage doesn't mean we can't still be enemies.
 %
 2066. Snipers don't appreciate their spotter yelling out "BOOM HEADSHOT!"
 %
 2067. Can't have a gun that can inflict lethal damage with just the bullet's windshear.
 %
 2068. If my character's name is not an anagram, I will tell the DM before he spends 30 minutes rearranging letters.
 %
 2069. No explaining battle plans to the tune of a Jerry Reed song.
 %
 2070. The spell is "Heat Metal", not "Detect Piercings".
 %
 2071. Even if the Corporation prefers PC terminology, an interrogation is not 'kinetic information retrieval'.
 %
 2072. Power Word Sarcasm is not a real spell.
 %
 2073. Even if the rules might allow them, we can't all play Ogryn warcasters.
 %
 2074. I will not give into temptation when presented with a decanter of endless water and an opening to the underdark.
 %
 2075. Just because I can, doesn't mean I have to land my Veritech like Ironman on the deck of the carrier every single time.
 %
 2076. If I'm commissioned to build an artillery gun, they don't mean a gun that fires howitzers.
 %
 2077. If I abandon the game for alone time with my fiance, my PC dies. Ask me if I freaking care.
 %
 2078. Just because the DM prefers D&D to alone time with a smoking hot fiance doesn't mean the party gets to question his gender preference.
 %
 2079. During the Time of Troubles can't forward my prayers to another god.
 %
 2080. The Bohemian Earspoon is not an appropriate weapon for a paladin. Or anybody else for that matter.
 %
 2081. 'Horn Dog' is not a real Dwarven caste.
 %
 2082. No matter how successful, our party has to be more than a wizard and 5 pikemen.
 %
 2083. 'Fifty Shades of Grey Dwarves' is not the new Duergar sourcebook.
 %
 2084. We can't steal all the treasure from the giant magical scales, even if we do undertake an engineering project that dwarfs the Hoover Dam.
 %
 2085. My Legionaire can't spend resources on a 16 ton weight he can drop on people with his mind later.
 %
 2086. Qunari don't take smiling damage.
 %
 2087. No matter what experience say, West Virginians do not make the best Mythos Investigators.
 %
 2088. If I have to buy a second warehouse to store all my spare magic weapons, time to retire the character.
 %
 2089. Even if it is a real way to kill somebody, I can't burke the bad guy.
 %
 2090. The following are not real Cyberpunk festivals: Night City Comiccon, The Killit Festival, Grenadeapalooza.
 %
 2091. Can't just target the villain's star fighter, even if it's the only one of its type in the battle.
 %
 2092. Before entering Denerim we don't have to delouse the Dalish.
 %
 2093. Can't trick the dragon into swallowing a shrunken dire porcupine and then ending the spell while he swallows.
 %
 2094. Liechtenstein has no need for weapons of mass destruction.
 %
 2095. Can't trick the time travelling bad guy into a shoot out with his past self.
 %
 2096. We aren't looking at the various kingdoms' tax rates before deciding where to dungeon crawl.
 %
 2097. Vecna was not the inventor of the organ donor card.
 %
 2098. Even if I took it with me with the full intention of using it, a manhole cover counts as an improvised weapon.
 %
 2099. Since they don't participate in the Olympics, I can stop writing R'lyeh's national anthem.
 %
 2100. No matter how big these sewers seem to be, we aren't finding a Shipley's Donuts down here.
 %
 2101. There are more uses to ninjitsu than just dodgin process servers.
 %
 2102. I will not make any plan that hinges on the medicinal value of dire wombats.
 %
 2103. Even if he is Lawful Evil, the villain isn't going to respond to a jury summons.
 %
 2104. They don't make civilian models of chain guns.
 %
 2105. Infravision no longer works like thermographic vision, so I can stop trying to hide from the elf by smearing myself with mud.
 %
 2106. You can't crank start a warjack.
 %
 2107. Tharn aren't allowed to take cooking skills.
 %
 2108. Even if I have the model for her, Satyxis can't be disk jockeys.
 %
 2109. Doesn't matter if he is a Son of Bragg, "Hey Baby" is not a Trollkin mating call.
 %
 2110. Trollkin cannot puff out their chins like frogs.
 %
 2111. Warjacks do not prefer bacon favored coal.
 %
 2112. Khadorians primary weakness is not temperate weather.
 %
 2113. I can't saddle break: A dire troll, a Kodiak warjack, or the Butcher.
 %
 2114. I can't clear out a dungeon by just throwning a ball down the entrance and telling the Nomad warjack to fetch.
 %
 2115. Just because the Nyss decided to become a fire sorceror doesn't mean she hates her parents.
 %
 2116. One does not just 'whip up' a priestess of Loviator.
 %
 2117. I will not buy skills for weapons that don't exist yet.
 %
 2118. No more arguing over whether my Ogrun looks more like Fabio or Lorenzo Lamas.
 %
 2119. The Ogrun language does not sound like the Ewok victory song.
 %
 2120. Elves do not squirt ink out of their nipples as a defense mechanism.
 %
 2121. Elves also do not secrete a foul tasting oil when threatened.
 %
 2122. The reason elves live in forests is not to protect them from eagles that swoop down and grab them up.
 %
 2123. No regifting cursed items on Christmas.
 %
 2124. The DM will notice if the entire party is named after the Houston Texans offensive line.
 %
 2125. No matter how close to lunch is it, halflings don't have to save vs. cannibalism.
 %
 2126. There will be no more arguing on whether Eowyn could have killed MacBeth or McDuff could have killed the Witch King.
 %
 2127. The following haircuts are forbidden to Ogrun: Pompadour, Flock of Seagulls, TV's Frank
 %
 2128. The elf punk has more options in her downtime than just accordian practice and torture porn.
 %
 2129. I will refer to the other player's sidekick by her name and not just "Your make believe Chinese lesbian girlfriend."
 %
 2130. My first priority in the Apocalypse is not finding a monster truck or finishing my Lord Humongous costume.
 %
 2131. The Apocalypse was probably not caused by Grips, Mimes or French Maids.
 %
 2132. Despite Hollywood's claims, not all renegade cops keep miniguns under their desks.
 %
 2133. If my starting Star Wars character is immediately set upon by an escaped Rifts character, wadding up my character sheet and throwing it at him is not an appropriate form of surrender.
 %
 2134. Before resorting to burlesque, we will explore all other options on how to sneak past the security camera.
 %
 2135. I can't make an acquisition test in the middle of combat to hire away the rival Rogue Trader's crew.
 %
 2136. I will not let the GM threaten me with "Do your worst" if my character was based on Feyd-Rautha.
 %
 2137. Even if I am playing a Ravenwing marine, I have to get off the motorcycle eventually.
 %
 2138. If the game retcon's my characters god, I will not start the orthodox faith of the old version of the god.
 %
 2139. You can't critically hit with a nuclear weapon.
 %
 2140. Even if the rules allow it, you can't slip an object into a person's pocket if the object is larger than the person.
 %
 2141. After clearing out the dungeon, I won't animate all the dead orcs and leave behind the copper pieces so the next party won't be totally disappointed.
 %
 2142. No matter how many points I've put into Perform, I can't use my mandolin as my sole method of communication.
 %
 2143. Wishes have no effect on errata.
 %
 2144. I will stop referring to Satyxis as "two pointers."
 %
 2145. Satyxis don't shed their horns every fall like elk.
 %
 2146. Satyxis aren't related to Qunari.
 %
 2147. There will be no more jokes about the GM's horny bikini wearing pirate chick fetish.
 %
 2148. When asking if I'm cross playing, they didn't mean if my character was Christ.
 %
 2149. You can't plea bargain regicide.
 %
 2150. The cryokinetic's default job is not to protect the cooler.
 %
 2151. Just because the dwarf hits name level doesn't mean we owe him a bar mitzvah.
 %
 2152. Getting four guys each with a different 25% Mythos Lore doesn't mean we win Call of Cthulhu.
 %
 2153. The "fur" and "lust" domains shall never meet.
 %
 2154. No reminding my lieutenant that "Neidermeyer" can be used as a verb.
 %
 2155. Getting multiple entries in a game's first errata is not a badge of honor.
 %
 2156. Even if my metamagician has his twinned, enhanced, empowered, maximized magic missile readied doesn't mean I can tell people to "make my day"
 %
 2157. Doesn't matter if we all have different costumes and names, the group is vetoed if its clear we're all Thor.
 %
 2158. Using my animal influence ability to send countless animals on a suicide attack is fine, but not to form a chorus line.
 %
 2159. Just because my media only put the bare minimum into his journalistic skills doesn't mean he starts at MSNBC.
 %
 2160. The ability to calculate Thaco in your head does not increase attractiveness.
 %
 2161. Invoking Andre the Giant only works once to win an argument with the storyteller.
 %
 2162. Can requisition items nobody in the squad knows how to use.
 %
 2163. Before starting an underwear clad pillow fight, I must first make sure the party is not all dwarves.
 %
 2164. There will be no further product placement in the mission evaluation videos.
 %
 2165. To cut down on the number of Mexican Standoffs, there is only one commissar allowed in the squad now.
 %
 2166. The Weeping Angels natural enemy is not the goldfish.
 %
 2167. The answer is never "Dwarven River Dance".
 %
 2168. No starting a bidding war during character creation to see who the Pet NPC likes best.
 %
 2169. Can't use a water gun to make the Aslan follow orders.
 %
 2170. Step 1 in the party's preparation for the quest is not a mani/pedi.
 %
 2171. Can't reduce the difficulty of an autopsy check by skipping the 'put everything back where you found it' step.
 %
 2172. Even if its beneficial, no changing the number of limbs on a character without the other player's consent.
 %
 2173. Better benefits doesn't justify alignment conflicts with an organization.
 %
 2174. If another PC dies, no bonus xp for going through all 7 stages of grief before the end of the session.
 %
 2175. It's best we don't let the paladin anywhere near customs.
 %
 2176. Even if calling out characters for critical hits is encouraged, no talking the crit hit monster into naming his character Skjor.
 %
 2177. Plan A is not send in the Doom Reaver and wait for the screams to stop.
 %
 2178. Despite what you think, the profession: Dentist can't substitute for the interrogation skill.
 %
 2179. My Werebear can't hibernate through the boring expository parts at the beginning.
 %
 2180. Even if I can justify a Viking with a maxed out legal skill, that doesn't give him a law degree.
 %
 2181. Druids don't practice dental hygiene by having small birds pick their teeth clean.
 %
 2182. Mechalus are not just Borg with better PR.
 %
 2183. Distract the bad guy does not mean with a called shot to his appendix.
 %
 2184. No hacking the target megacorp to put out a recall notice for their security's firearms.
 %
 2185. Despite it's tremendous cost to benefit ratio, bubblewrap is not a staple of black ops.
 %
 2186. My character in an Anthro RPG is meant to be a anime furry cliche, not an escapee from Looney Toons.
 %
 2187. No matter how many examples I can give, a flamethrower cannot boost morale.
 %
 2188. The primary use of a Druid's nature lore is not to learn the mating calls of various fey creatures.
 %
 2189. The 2nd Book of Gretsky appears nowhere in the Canadian Bible.
 %
 2190. Can't take Energy Blast with infinite range and the ability to shoot through the TV and just channel surf the news.
 %
 2191. When challenged by a Dwarf King, I can't pick basketball.
 %
 2192. The villain will eventually notice the train tracks are starting to point straight at his front door.
 %
 2193. Inspire Courage is a great super power, unless you use it to get hordes of innocent bystanders to bum rush the super villain.
 %
 2194. No questioning the Marshal on why a town of 4,000 people and no strategic value warranted a 100 megaton nuke.
 %
 2195. "Bladder Control" is not an appropriate super hero power.
 %
 2196. When listing the advantages of elves to the new player, I will leave off "shatter proof".
 %
 2197. Rings of Fire Resistance offer no protection from rug burn.
 %
 2198. When the villain is hiding from us, just can't call him on his cell.
 %
 2199. No animal companions come in their prehistoric version.
 %
 2200. If I just cast 17 fire spells in the Druid's Sacred Grove and a simple "Sorry" isn't going to cut it.
 %
 2201. Just because they don't have rules for them, Canadians can still be companions for the Doctor.
 %
 2202. When I take watch, everybody must wake up with the same number of limbs as they went to sleep with.
 %
 2203. Even if the rules allow it, the spell Command: Summarize can't speed up the plot exposition.
 %
 2204. The restriction on guns extends to all buildings used for higher education.
 %
 2205. The commissar will not be pleased if our entire plan is 1. Ask for a Baneblade. 2. Roll low.
 %
 2206. Create a distraction doesn't mean with walruses trained in ballroom dance.
 %
 2207. We are not stopping the villain with small mammals armed with power tools.
 %
 2208. My favored enemy must be more than just "Claire".
 %
 2209. My techpriest will refrain from developing emotional attachments to the ordnance.
 %
 2210. I will remember that if any samurai sounds like Takeshi Shimura, we will all end up sounding like Takeshi Shimura.
 %
 2211. If I have to change my samurai's voice, I will pick something that doesn't make him sound like a native of Guadalajara.
 %
 2212. The DM doesn't want to hear about the pointlessness of framing an aasimar paladin for murder.
 %
 2213. In the middle of a black ops the target's elevator music selection is off limits.
 %
 2214. Deer season is restricted to rifles or bows, not brass knuckles.
 %
 2215. Despite what the rules imply, multiple held actions do not interfere with the flow of time.
 %
 2216. Can't spot the paladin hiding in the thieves guild by looking for the guy breaking out in hives.
 %
 2217. Multi-classing to a fighter/mage/thief is fine. A fighter/mage/thief/Reagan Democrat is not.
 %
 2218. We don't have to consult a neurologist every time somebody fails a paralysis save.
 %
 2219. No casting haste on the fighter while he sleeps to see how long it takes him to notice all the new gray hair.
 %
 2220. No using every possible special rule for combat in the very first fight of the campaign.
 %
 2221. If a conjured monster does exceptionally well in combat, I can't ask him for a resume.
 %
 2222. The Find Traps spell doesn't work on dating websites.
 %
 2223. Stone of flesh spells are banned in all major art galleries.
 %
 2224. Anesthetic is not just for sissies.
 %
 2225. Personal effects are enough to prove we stopped the villain. No more bringing back his zombified corpse.
 %
 2226. The concept of vowels are not alien to dwarves.
 %
 2227. The first thing you do in Bangkok after clearing customs is not make an alignment check.
 %
 2228. No asking the elf how they make it to 1000 years old with such a crappy fortitude save.
 %
 2229. It's Thieves Cant. Not Illegalize.
 %
 2230. Even if we were told to use all of it, can't use the extra explosives for public displays of affection to my girlfriend.
 %
 2231. The spell is called Dancing Lights, not Detect Epilepsy.
 %
 2232. When discussing examples of target sizes, there will be no mention of areolas.
 %
 2233. Cause Disease doesn't let you pick the diseased caused, so I can stop reading the symptoms of Kuru.
 %
 2234. No abusing homonyms.
 %
 2235. Just because Orlais doesn't have a Shogun, doesn't mean I can declare myself one.
 %
 2236. Even if it would be awesome in real life, Immunity: Bureaucracy is not an acceptable super power.
 %
 2237. Christian Baleful Polymorph is not a real spell.
 %
 2238. The Returning ability on magical weapons doesn't let me make a fortune at pawn shops.
 %
 2239. Under no circumstances is modern art purchases coming out of the team fund.
 %
 2240. Though there are many to ways to become a god, buying a Gibson Les Paul and maxing out the perform skill isn't one of them.
 %
 2241. "Fantastic in the sheets" is not an appropriate character focus.
 %
 2242. Even if the rules allow it, no asking a Dread Destroyer for favors.
 %
 2243. Buying the crew the best quality underwear in the sector isn't going to increase moral.
 %
 2244. On second thought, rhythm guitar isn't an appropriate focus for a bard.
 %
 2245. Ammunition is not just for closers.
 %
 2246. No basing our epic powered superhero group in Terre Haute.
 %
 2247. If even if the rules allow it, no trading in our laser guns for muskets to play Sharpe's Rifles IN SPACE!!!
 %
 2248. No abusing union bylaws to exploit holes in security.
 %
 2249. Even if I take the Total Recall trait, I can't remember all quarter million crew on my ship by their first name.
 %
 2250. Even if I haven't had anything to do for several hours, no updating Facebook in the middle of a Black Ops.
 %
 2251. No calling a city councilman to settle an argument about dwarves.
 %
 2252. When a dwarf goes to the surface for the first time, I can't cast levitate on him.
 %
 2253. Gandolf never had a lavender phase.
 %
 2254. Covering myself in mud doesn't make me invisible to the elf.
 %
 2255. In the middle of a Black Ops I can't delete the guards we killed from their HR database.
 %
 2256. I cannot play anything with a blowhole.
 %
 2257. Even if my character is Welsh, his name has to include vowels.
 %
 2258. If the middle of a Black Ops can't call a lot of long distance phone sex numbers and just leave their phones off the hook.
 %
 2259. Even if I am allowed to design my own gun, I can't make a .314 Magnum Pistol.
 %
 2260. My Qunari cannot join the Church of Giantology.
 %
 2261. No picking a god based solely on the number of paid religious holidays they offer.
 %
 2262. If we're level 1, we can't blow up the planet.
 %
 2263. The rune stones did not just say the princess needs to get naked.
 %
 2264. Even if my character is from Chicago, he still only gets one vote in party matters.
 %
 2265. I will remember any use of the Perform: Burlesque skill is going require a full turn for my bard to get dressed again.
 %
 2266. Immunity to blast damage does not help against the fallout of another player's stupidity.
 %
 2267. When the GM says I can have any weapon classified as archaic, that doesn't include trebuchets.
 %
 2268. When in the presence of a god is not the best time to bring up the topic of reformation.
 %
 2269. Can't switch religions in the middle of a game.
 %
 2270. No auctioning off my faith between the various temples.
 %
 2271. No converting to religions from other games.
 %
 2272. The paladin does not have to run a background check on new PCs before they join the group.
 %
 2273. Can't pick a religion based solely on the greatest number of sexual positions allowed.
 %
 2274. I am not transelven.
 %
 2275. Disguising the party as Cygnarans requires more than just buying a whole bunch of goggles.
 %
 2276. I will not name my character Bab Thaco.
 %
 2277. If the king says he will reimburse our expenses, no turning the mission into an epic continent spanning quest.
 %
 2278. Especially if the original missions was "kill all the goblins in this cave."
 %
 2279. No abusing the thaumaturgy spell by slamming doors in the face of missionaries, inventing the clapper, or constantly impersonating BRIAN BLESSED.
 %
 2280. We aren't starting 5th edition by finding Elminster in the shower wondering about 4th edition.
 %
 2281. Bring the goblins to justice doesn't mean knocking all of them out and marching them back for a public apology.
 %
 2282. Our first encounter can't end with me hugging a bugbear tell him how much I missed him.
 %
 2283. There is no such thing as a Belt of Norwegification.
 %
 2284. I am not assigning that 18 I just rolled to my necromancer's charisma.
 %
 2285. I will remember the basic set is still incomplete and ignore all the "under construction" signs.
 %
 2286. Can only pick two of the following for my character: dwarf beserker, battering ram, fireproof, light source.
 %
 2287. We are not using the dwarf's back hair to make any of the following: rope, sweater, quilt, hot air balloon.
 %
 2288. I will not force the rookie to pick sides in the eternal banded mail debate.
 %
 2289. Even if the breakup was bad, naming my ex as my ranger's favored enemy puts out a creepy stalker vibe.
 %
 2290. Even if the rules allow it, my gladiator's starting weapons cannot be the trident and bagpipes.
 %
 2291. Even if he is "a mysterious entity whose nature is utterly foreign to the fabric of reality" Andy Kaufman does not count as a Great Old One.
 %
 2292. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have proficiency in every skill by level 6.
 %
 2293. No casting Guards & Wards in the houses of people who annoy me.
 %
 2294. I will stop casting Awaken on the other party members' horses.
 %
 2295. If even if they are half the cost of warhorses, can't just by elephants for the entire party.
 %
 2296. My gnome won't drunk call the Elf MkII that didn't make the cut in the new edition.
 %
 2297. When asked for typical barbarian settings, I can't suggest Camden N. J.
 %
 2298. The bond "ex-husband" can't be applied to every female character in the party.
 %
 2299. I will stop assuming all Drow know Drizzt.
 %
 2300. It's cute when you train your hamster to attack their eyes. Your weasel not so cute.
 %
 2301. Even if the rules allow it, the entire party can't be all raised by the same wolf.
 %
 2302. The party's mutual bond can't be "former members of the Funky Bunch."
 %
 2303. I can't bribe the dwarf with an offer of putting him up for stud.
 %
 2304. Kissing up to a dragon until he gives us a minor trouble is acceptable, slapping us with a restraining order not so much.
 %
 2305. Can't use the Summon Monster spell to redefine the term "Trolling someone"
 %
 2306. 12 degrees of success on my charm test doesn't automatically earn me a commissarial backrub.
 %
 2307. Successfully grappling the roper doesn't let me use him to play double dutch with the thief.
 %
 2308. Even if the rules allow it, no using plaid colored light spells to to mess with the guard's perception of movement.
 %
 2309. If I challenge Death to a game, picking Campaign for North Africa doesn't ensure immortality.
 %
 2310. Despite what the rules say, a ghille suit does not make me invisible in the St. Patrick's Day parade.
 %
 2311. No matter what it would do to his spell casting chances, I can't cast shrink on the necromancer's undies.
 %
 2312. You can only make so many called shots to the groin until it's an alignment check.
 %
 2313. "Athletic Scholarship" is not an acceptable excuse to take the sage background for my half orc barbarian.
 %
 2314. After cleaning out their lair, I can't put all the newly petrifried medusas in my front yard as decorations.
 %
 2315. I will not finish any sentence containing the phrase 'Blink Ferrets."
 %
 2316. Need to stop coming up with excuses to keep referencing page 73 of the Dungeoneer's Survival Guide.
 %
 2317. No matter how rude it was, I will keep all my interactions with the magic mouth at the entry of the dungeon PG-13.
 %
 2318. Even if the rules allow it, no dual wielding lances.
 %
 2319. Just because it's legal to dual wield quarterstaves, tieing two together does not give me dire-nunchucks.
 %
 2320. My rogue will accept the fact he can backstab a tridrone, even if it doesn't have a back to stab.
 %
 2321. We aren't using Rosie O'Donnel for a unit of measurement for any aspect of a warjack.
 %
 2322. Yes the Demolition Corps has a dress uniform, no it's not steam powered.
 %
 2323. Just because I bought my dice bag at the Vatican doesn't mean my dice are Catholic.
 %
 2324. Despite the book's claim, using a double negative in the Protectorate of Menoth doesn't bring down a death sentence.
 %
 2325. Before making my last wish, I will make sure everybody in the party actually wants patagia.
 %
 2326. My woad clad Pict will stop calling the lady knight critical of chainmail bikinis an overdressed prude.
 %
 2327. Just because acid is considered a damage type and alkaline isn't doesn't mean the DM has a Ph imbalance.
 %
 2328. Just because damage is non-lethal doesn't mean I can keep beating him for hours.
 %
 2329. Gurahl come in grizzly, kodiak and polar varieties. Not drop.
 %
 2330. Wife's side of the family is not an acceptable choice for favored enemy.
 %
 2331. Even if it's a gladiator campaign, we can't all be Spartacus.
 %
 2332. When asked why the Feywild isn't in the campaign, "self inflicted nuclear holocaust" isn't the right answer.
 %
 2333. Even if the rules allow it, I can't have a clockwork kidney.
 %
 2334. This goes double for a steam powered liver.
 %
 2335. While it is customary to initiate a duel by striking with a gauntlet, it is also customary to do it at subsonic speeds.
 %
 2336. I will make sure any minor summoning spell gets us a lesser elemental and not jailbait.
 %
 2337. I will not use summon spells just for sticking somebody else with the check.
 %
 2338. Even if the rules allow it, we can't be Space Ogre Ninjas.
 %
 2339. When providing pistols for a duel, they both can't be fingerprint locked just to me.
 %
 2340. Even if the rules allow it, I can't spend my xp to turn the crapsack setting into a functional Randian utopia.
 %
 2341. Liechtenstein doesn't have a challenge rating.
 %
 2342. Pendragon is not the best game to test Darwin's theories on survival of the fittest.
 %
 2343. I can't spend all my starting points on concubines.
 %
 2344. Every time the catgirl fails a skill check, I won't spritz her with the water bottle as punishment.
 %
 2345. I can't use the catgirl's tongue to remove paint from metal.
 %
 2346. Even if my character's lifespan is in centuries, I can't just pour salt water over the lock and just wait.
 %
 2347. I also can't spend all my character points on one just really awesome concubine.
 %
 2348. I will stop asking the Jesuit to teach me kung fu moves.
 %
 2349. No finding industrial uses for Darkspawn.
 %
 2350. Step one of every plan can't just be "Set them all on fire"
 %
 2351. Even if my druid is immune to poison doesn't mean he can chug bleach with impunity.
 %
 2352. Can't clear out the dungeon with just engineering checks.
 %
 2353. I will not test the DM's knowledge on the rules for hypothermia, heat stroke or dysentery.
 %
 2354. No more bringing more rule books to the game than the GM owns.
 %
 2355. Can't bribe a dragon with belly rubs.
 %
 2356. There is no such thing as medicinal melange.
 %
 2357. 4Chan does not cause more sanity loss than Cthulhu.
 %
 2358. Just because the new edition is light on magic items doesn't mean I have to go through withdrawal.
 %
 2359. Even if we all conspired to do it, it's my fault if the characters' names form a Jewish folk song.
 %
 2360. I can't spend all of my share of the loot on flamethrowers.
 %
 2361. I don't get bulk discounts when buying armies.
 %
 2362. I can't devote an entire deck of the battle cruiser to just my mistress.
 %
 2363. Drug tests can't detect potions of speed.
 %
 2364. I should stop asking the Lady of Pain to RSVP.
 %
 2365. Even if it's the simple and and obvious solution to the module, we aren't beating the adventure with lesbianism.
 %
 2366. The following are not acceptable seconds in a duel: Space Marine Chapter Masters, Intelligent Dancing Vorpal Swords, Prussia.
 %
 2367. The rulebook wasn't kidding about needing 5,000 people to hijack a Star Destroyer.
 %
 2368. Even if the entire party is in total agreement, we aren't stopping the game to call the writer and correct his Texas history.
 %
 2369. If the villain doesn't have a phobia of the blue footed boobie, I can't give him one.
 %
 2370. I will keep the amount of sexual innuendo to a minimum in the autopsy report.
 %
 2371. Even if I sew them into a serape, I can't wear two magical capes at once.
 %
 2372. The Control Water spell is not for spontaneous wet t-shirt contests.
 %
 2373. The name for a group of elves is not the fagot.
 %
 2374. While Perform: Spoken word is an acceptable skill for a bard, Perform: Scat is not.
 %
 2375. I will remember the whole acid spray ability before I cause the Company Chaplain to spit take.
 %
 2376. The Dwarven work ethic is not just "Dig until we hit evil."
 %
 2377. When granted a wish use it to unsink the continent the immortals just destroyed.
 %
 2378. When making a wish granted by said immortals, I will leave out the words "you incompetent pricks."
 %
 2379. Can't just use a wish to turn Strahd back to a human.
 %
 2380. No weaponizing the Talisman of Pure Good.
 %
 2381. Just because they can't be the target of raise dead spells doesn't mean elves have no soul.
 %
 2382. In the middle of a black ops can't organize a skeet shoot with office furniture.
 %
 2383. When challenging Death to a game, GMing Paranoia doesn't grant immortality.
 %
 2384. Raise Dead spells are not just for closers.
 %
 2385. Doesn't matter where you hit him, you can't set a bard to shuffle.
 %
 2386. There is no such thing as gnomeophobia.
 %
 2387. I will not give anybody an unreasonable fear of gnomes.
 %
 2388. No matter how high my damage resistance is, I can't name my dwarf Tanky McTankitytank.
 %
 2389. Despite the ridiculously short lifespans, 3rd level doesn't count as epic level for Atruaghins.
 %
 2390. The plan is not just let the villain beat on the dwarf until his arm gets tired.
 %
 2391. If I'm the druid I can't put protestant down as my religion.
 %
 2392. The teleporting spiders attacking us are not just going through a phase.
 %
 2393. The natural enemy of the elf is not the common cold.
 %
 2394. No wasting wishes trying to bring ultravision back to the game.
 %
 2395. No picking the only form of travel the DM isn't familiar with.
 %
 2396. Traveling by sculling is nowhere near as cool as it sounds.
 %
 2397. Any character named Jim Katta is going to be taken from me and burned.
 %
 2398. The Fereldan rules of succession are not just "Two men enter, one man leaves."
 %
 2399. When looking for a template to make a creature deadlier, "Australian" is not a legitimate choice.
 %
 2400. Just because I have the technology, doesn't mean I need to make him better.
	1. Pillage, then burn.
	%
	2. A Sergeant in motion outranks a Lieutenant who doesn't know what's going on.
	%
	3. An ordnance technician at a dead run outranks everybody.
	%
	4. Close air support covereth a multitude of sins.
	%
	5. Close air support and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart.
	%
	6. If violence wasn’t your last resort, you failed to resort to enough of it.
	%
	7. If the food is good enough, the grunts will stop complaining about the incoming fire.
	%
	8. Mockery and derision have their place. Usually, it's on the far side of the airlock.
	%
	9. Never turn your back on an enemy.
	%
	10. Sometimes the only way out is through. . . through the hull.
	%
	11. Everything is air-droppable at least once.
	%
	12. A soft answer turneth away wrath. Once wrath is looking the other way, shoot it in the head.
	%
	13. Do unto others.
	%
	14. "Mad Science" means never stopping to ask "what's the worst thing that could happen?"
	%
	15. Only you can prevent friendly fire.
	%
	16. Your name is in the mouth of others: be sure it has teeth.
	%
	17. The longer everything goes according to plan, the bigger the impending disaster.
	%
	18. If the officers are leading from in front, watch out for an attack from the rear.
	%
	19. The world is richer when you turn enemies into friends, but that's not the same as you being richer.
	%
	20. If you're not willing to shell your own position, you're not willing to win.
	%
	21. Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Take his fish away and tell him he's lucky just to be alive, and he'll figure out how to catch another one for you to take tomorrow.
	%
	22. If you can see the whites of their eyes, somebody's done something wrong.
	%
	23. The company mess and friendly fire should be easier to tell apart
	%
	24. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a big gun.
	%
	25. If the damage you do is covered by a manufacturers warranty, you didn't do enough damage.
	%
	27. Don't be afraid to be the first to resort to violence.
	%
	28. If the price of collateral damage is high enough, you might be able to get paid for bringing ammunition home with you.
	%
	29. The enemy of my enemy is my enemy's enemy. No more. No less.
	%
	30. A little trust goes a long way. The less you use, the further you'll go.
	%
	31. Only cheaters prosper.
	%
	32. Anything is amphibious if you can get it back out of the water.
	%
	33. If you're leaving tracks, you're being followed.
	%
	34. If you’re leaving scorch-marks, you need a bigger gun.
	%
	35. That which does not kill you has made a tactical error.
	%
	36. When the going gets tough, the tough call for close air support.
	%
	37. There is no 'overkill.' There is only 'open fire' and 'I need to reload.'
	%
	38. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it can't be hard on your clients.
	%
	39. There is a difference between spare parts and extra [parts].
	%
	40. Not all good news is enemy action.
	%
	41. “Do you have a backup?” means “I can’t fix this.”
	%
	44. If it will blow a hole in the ground, it will double as an entrenching tool.
	%
	47. Don't expect the enemy to cooperate in the creation of your dream engagement.
	%
	49. Every client is one missed payment away from becoming a target.
	%
	51. Let them see you sharpen the sword before you fall on it.
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