Fizzbuzz in SPL

fizzbuzz.spl

use Lingua::Shakespeare;

On a popular drinking game.

Tybalt, the player of today's game.
Romeo, who keeps butting in.
Balthazar, a limiting factor.

		       Act I: Before the game.
	
		     Scene I: An uninvited guest.
[Enter Balthazar and Tybalt]
Tybalt:
	Listen to your heart.
Balthazar:
	You plum.
[Exit Balthazar]
[Enter Romeo]
		      Scene II: Romeo's question.
Romeo:
	Is the remainder of the quotient between yourself and the sum
	of a trustworthy fellow and a hero as good as nothing?
Tybalt:
	If so, let us proceed to scene V.

		      Scene III: Romeo continues.
Romeo:
	Is the remainder of the quotient between yourself and the sum
	of an angel and a beautiful blossoming flower as good as nothing?
Tybalt:
	If so, let us proceed to scene VI.

		     Scene IV: The easy way out.
Romeo:
	Open your heart.
Tybalt:
	Let us proceed to scene VII.

	      Scene V: Tybalt and the art of flattery.
Tybalt:
	
	You mighty brave charming honest handsome noble fellow! You
	are as bold as the sum of a big old hero and yourself. You are
	as fair as the sum of a loving son and yourself! Speak your mind.

	You are as rich as the sum of yourself and the quotient between
	yourself and your large purse. Speak your mind.

	You are as warm as the sum of yourself and a summer's day. You
	are as cute as the sum of yourself and a pretty proud fine
	little thing. Speak your mind. Speak your mind!

	Is the remainder of the quotient between myself and the sum of
	my thing and your lovely cute sister as good as nothing?

Romeo:
	If not, let us proceed to scene VII.

	     Scene VI: Tybalt starts to run out of steam.
Tybalt:
	You cunning fellow. You are as mighty as the difference
	between yourself and a stupid vile half-witted damned dirty
	lying coward. Speak your mind.

	You are as large as the product of yourself and the good Lord.
	You are as small as the sum of yourself and the difference
	between a cat and a beautiful blossoming lovely red
	rose. Speak your mind.

	You are as big as the sum of yourself and a good old pony. You
	are as big as the sum of yourself and a thing. Speak your
	mind. Speak your mind!

		  Scene VII: The next round begins.
Tybalt:
	You cunning fellow. You are as mighty as the sum of yourself
	and the cube of a little cat. Speak your mind!
Romeo:
	You are as good as the sum of yourself and a King.
Tybalt:
	Am I better than Balthazar?
Romeo:
	If not, let us return to scene II.
[Exeunt]