Epic taglines

eptag

"'Reality' should always be used in quotes." ë R. Buckminster Fuller
"A battle avoided cannot be lost." - Sun Tzu
"A gun gives you the body, not the bird." - Thoreau
"Ack! Phfft! Thptpth!" - Bill the Cat
"All battles are battles of the spirit." - Caine
"An argument isn't just contradiction." - Monty Python
"Another day, another mind-boggling adventure." - Calvin
"Another gruesome kill!" - Calvin
"Art thou up for some plowing?" - Amish pickup line
"Bad news, Mom. I sold my soul to the devil." - Calvin
"Blow the horn! Make everyone get out of our way!" - Calvin
"Bollo^H^H^Hther", said Pooh, on his VT220 emulator.
"Bother," said Pooh as the police tailed his white Ford Bronco.
"Bother," said Pooh, "what is the sound of one paw clapping?"
"Bother," said Pooh as he received another AOL startup disk.
"Bother," said Pooh, as Windows swapped out again.
"Bother," said Pooh, seducing a scintillating redhead.
"Bother," said Pooh, as he lubricated his paw.
"Bother," said Pooh, as Satan pointed out the fine print.
"Bother," said Pooh as he read alt.tigger.bounce.bounce.bounce
"Bother," said Pooh, as the Help Desk person arrived.
"Bother!" said Pooh, as he rolled over into the wet spot.
"Bother!" said Pooh, "I'M Brian of Nazareth!"
"Bother!" said Pooh as Vader cut off his right paw.
"Bother!" said Pooh, as Satan pointed out the small print.
"Bother!" said Pooh as he shot that bird in the wing.
"Bother!" said Pooh, "It's your husband and he has a gun."
"Bother!" said the Borg, "we assimilated a Pooh."
"Bother!" said Pooh, reading a feminist linguistic polemic.
"Bother!" said Pooh, sweating over a hot redhead!!
"Bother", said Buell, as his privates blew themselves to bits.
"Bother", said Pooh, as he parked the white Bronco.
"Bother", said Pooh, and opened fire.
"Bother" said Eeyore, as he smiled and kicked Pooh's ass.
"Boy, there's nothing worse than an inscrutable omen." - Calvin
"Calvin, we will not have an anatomically correct snowman."
"Can't we play something else?" - Hobbes
"Can't... Do... Plaid..." - Crusading Chameleon
"Careful, we don't want to learn from this." - Calvin
"Childhood is short and maturity is forever." - Calvin
"Close your eyes. What do you hear?" - Master Po
"Couldn't I be sedated for this?!" ë Calvin
"Crucifixion?!" "Yeah, first offense."
"Cucumbers", he said feverishly, "Lots of them. Big ones"
"Cute" and "interesting" are two different things.
"Dad, You wouldn't BELIEVE how it turned out!" -Jesus
"Dad always liked You best!" - Lucifer
"Damn, I'm starting to sound like you." - Peter to Caine
"Days like this don't let you savour a bad mood." - Calvin
"Die Jesu Domine... Domine Es Requium." <WHACK!>
"Do you think God lets you plea bargain?" - Calvin
"Do not control. Be in control." - Caine
"Do you remember *any* of my lessons?" - Caine
"Doh!" said POOH, with an identity crisis.
"Don't get me started." - Gene Kwiecinski
"Even my FRIENDS don't do what I want." - Calvin
"Ever sleep with a redhead?" "Not a wink!"
"Every second of our lives we are changing." - Caine
"Fear is only an asset when you can control it." -Caine
"Gee that bastard smells. No wonder they call him Pooh"
"GO TO HELL" - All in Christian love, of course.
"God told me" is no excuse for stupidity.
"Havoc," cried Pooh, as he let slip the dogs of war.
"He created OLD fossils!" "Yeah, riiiigghht!"
"Heresy signifies no more than private opinion." - Hobbes
"I think it's good that everyone becomes food." - Hobbes
"I think not", said the liberal, and surprised no one.
"I need a butt-kicker." - Peter to Caine
"I love it when he talks like this!" - Peter Caine
"I wish you would learn to make a sound." - Peter Caine
"I want to hear you scream in pain." "Play some rap."
"I had a very small conker" - Bill Casey
"I am the culmination of creation." - Calvin
"I know" is just "I believe" with delusions of grandeur.
"I can levitate birds but nobody cares..."
"I am Caine. I will......help....you."
"I don't want to watch anything that has a moral." - Calvin
"I get lost in your metaphysical corridors." - Blaisdell
"I knew a redhead once... see these scars?"
"I'm just very selective about the reality I accept." - Calvin
"I've changed my mind Hobbes. People ARE scum." - Calvin.
"I've concluded that nothing bad I do is my fault." - Calvin
"If people could put rainbows in zoos, they'd do it." - Hobbes
"If you do not trust others, they will not trust you." - Caine
"In a moment we will be under attack." - Caine
"In trust, as in love, there is always risk." - Caine
"Is the Tao in a hand-held calculator?" "It is."
"It takes an uncommon mind to think of these things, Hobbes."
"It's not that I MIND being chained in the basement..." - Calvin
"It's a poodle... set it on delicate." - Butthead
"Johnny, don't go! It's too dangerous!" "I don't care!"
"Let there be light... BLOODY HELL! Did I create this?"
"Let's see them figure THAT one out!" - Hobbes
"Life is full of little surprises." - Pandora
"Loneliness begins when the spaces are filled." Tao of Pooh
"Oh what the heck. I'll do it." - Calvin
"OK, cute gag, now PUT DOWN THAT HAMMER!" - Jesus
"On the surface... all is illusion." - Caine
"OS/2 is a sure thing, so it isn't gambling." - Q. Walls
"Pooh was a wise Taoist, wasn't he?" - Robin Mowat
"Press to TEST."...<Click>..."Release to Detonate."
"Prove that He isn't!" - every new fundie
"Regis Philbin? Some kind of plant?" - Caine
"Rush Limbaugh says so" is NOT proof!
"So who ELSE do I add to my list of total jerks?" - Calvin
"So many Nymphs, so little time." - Pan
"Some things don't need the thought people give them." - Calvin
"Someday I'll write my own philosophy book." ë Calvin
"Sometimes, if you wait, he'll top himself." - Hobbes
"Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" - Freud
"Sometimes you must risk all to find the truth." - Caine
"Sorry I missed you," he said, reloading.
"Sounds like something my father would say." - Peter Caine
"Stop that, son, you'll go blind." "I'm over HERE, Dad!"
"Strive to survive." - Caine
"Stubborn? I prefer the word...tenacious." - Caine
"The years a man has wear him down or hold him up." -Caine
"The world will come to the man who is truly wise." - Caine
"The stars are what binds the sky together" - Caine
"The true light of the soul is always clear and bright." - Caine
"There is virtually no application OS/2 cannot run." - Bill Gates
"There comes a time when we must turn and face the tiger." - Caine
"This one has spiwit." "Spiwit?" "Dewwing-do. Bwavado."
"To hide a feeling is to increase its force a thousand times." - Caine
"Tomorrow we seize the day, and throttle it!" - Hobbes
"What fuggin Indians?!" - Custer
"What the fluck was that?!" - The mayor of Hiroshima
"What kind of nut would CARE about all this?!!" - Hobbes
"What?!" he screamed. "OS/2 in ROM?!"
"What's the point of human existence?" - Calvin
"When we judge others, we judge ourselves." - Caine
"When I get back me and Fallwell are gonna TALK!" - Jesus
"Why ME, Dog?" pleaded the dyslexic.
"Windows 95: The Turkey That Fell to Earth" - London Times, 8/3/95
"You did WHAT in My name?" - Jesus
"You wanna bitch?" "No thanks dear, I already have one."
"You'll never see me quoted in a tag" - David Carlson
<==Hey, I'm legal!!
<snappy comeback><emoticon>
<whisper> Is he buying it...? No? Don't look at him... shhhh.
=8^> Look out! He has that look in his eyes again.
__________/oo\__________  "Is it safe to come out yet?"
10 * 3.14 = 30. God must use a Pentium.
10 days and 18 messages later: "Oh, I understand now"
128000 bytes found in 32 lost chains. Convert to taglines (Y/n)?
18-Wheeler Bumper sticker: Stop, or smile as you go under.
333: Beast lite, half the number, same evil power.
40 lashes??? If you use your tongue, you got a deal...
5000 of you and nobody brought the food!? - Jesus
640K ought to be enough for anybody. - Bill Gates, 1981
7 men walking home to one woman and WHAT are they singing?
80-hour workweeks make Jack a blubbering psychopath.
90% of PC problems are between the keyboard and the chair.
999 - the girlfriend of the Beast.
A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
A silent heart is musical.
A pious man is one who would be an atheist if the king were.
A person without a navel lives within all of us.
A stumble may prevent a fall.
A simple idea will be worded in the most complicated way.
A sufficiently advanced god would use evolution.
A narrow mind is usually accompanied by a wide mouth.
A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.
A new idea never originated in seminary - Charles Hodge
A person slow to anger is better than the mighty.
A person slow to anger is better than the mighty.
A person who says "I'm enlightened!" probably isn't.
A wholesome mind is wasted potential.
A woman may veil her face with a smile. - Gibran
A woman is a two-edged sword... driven through your skull
A woman's place is in the wrong.
A viola's range? 30 feet if kicked hard enough.
A person who says "I'm enlightened!" probably isn't.
A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
A wise man once said, "I don't know."
A truly advanced planet wouldn't use force.
A true friend walks in when everyone else leaves.
A vasectomy is never having to say you're sorry.
A very gentle beast, and of a good conscience. - Shakespeare
A mighty oak is the result of a nut that held its ground.
A tree fell right in front of me, and I didn't hear it.
A moving door hinge never corrodes.
A dress makes no sense unless it inspires men to remove it.
A messy kitchen is the sign of a sexy woman.
A dry sense of humor is better than slobbering everywhere.
A faith unquestioned is a faith unlived.
A fool and his money... Hey! Where's your wallet?
A fate worse than death: to be married alive.
A coward mistakes oppression for peace.
A committee is 12 men doing the work of one.
A banana, some chocolate syrup, and thou....
A Mac emulator under OS/2? You ARE sick!
A block away he wondered if he'd left behind a clue...
A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to make fun of.
A chat with you, and somehow death loses it's sting...
A friend is one before whom I may think aloud.
A cult is any religion without political power.
A little pot boils easily. - Dutch proverb
A little experience often upsets a lot of theory.
A lover teaches a wife all her husband kept hidden from her.
A man is only as young as the woman he feels!
A friend is someone who listens with the heart.
A man with loud talk makes truth itself seem folly.
A lady is a woman who makes a gentleman act like one.
A man without a woman is like a fish without a bicycle.
A good traveler leaves no track. - Lao Tzu
A good place to start from is where you are.
A journey of a thousand li starts under one's feet. - Lao Tzu
A halo has only to fall a few centimeters to become a noose.
A goat has a beard, but that does not make him a rabbi.
A hit! A most palpable hit! - Shakespeare
AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!
AARRGH! I'll not go off-topic! <prying hands from keyboard>
Above all things, reverence yourself.
Abraham to God: "Would you do it to YOUR son?"
Accepting today's morals often means we've none of our own.
According to the Weather Channel, hell just froze over.
Act non-action. 
Act with honour, but retain humility. - Tao Te Ching
Action should accumulate in wisdom. - Bhagavad Gita
Actually, there IS a banana in my pocket...
Actually, I am a lab mouse on stilts.
Adamant ignorance beats rational logic every time.
After the next war there may be no one left to honor the dead.
Against stupidity, the gods themselves contend in vain.
Ah, the vastness of space and time... and I end up here.
Alex, I'll take "Things Only I Know" for $1000.
Alive, and simply delighted!
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. - Buddha
All the tea in china: 356,000 metric tons.
All that is comes from mind. - Dhammapada 1,1, The Vedas
All things are made of Tao, and Tao is made of nothing.
All sane males tremble when women get submissive.
All the world's queer save thee & me; sometimes thou too.
All the world's a stage. I am waiting for the love scene.
All of a sudden, however, I began to really like asparagus.
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and UNLIMITED POWER.
All I want in life is an unfair advantage.
All generalizations are false, including this one.
All know the way, few actually walk it.
All rivers run into the sea, yet the sea is not full.
All religions are real for the believer.
Alone, I look down the road. Each must walk one's own path.
Alternative Music: An alternative to music....
Always forgive your enemies; they HATE that.
Always make stupid moves; it confuses your opponent.
Always consider the alternative before making a choice.
An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. - Gandhi
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste bad.
An old pond/The sound of water/When a frog jumps in. - Basho
An ounce of application is worth a ton of abstraction.
An attacker must vanquish; a defender need only survive.
An Agent of the Cosmic Balance (retired)
And the Really Rottens are in the lead...
And there was much rejoicing...
And now, my head will implode. <SCHULMPFH>
And this is the machine that goes PING!
And they said unto Jesus, "How the hell did you do that?"
And yes, stupidity runs rampant through modem America...
And God said let there be light... (clap on)
And God said, "NO NO, DON'T TOUCH THA..." <Big Bang>
And God smote Egypt with a plague of zucchini.
And Man said, "let there be God," and there was God.
And Satan said to God, "But where will YOU find a lawyer?"
Anger is a wind which blows out the lamp of reason.
Another proud member of Team OS/2!
Another good night not to sleep in a eucalyptus tree.
Another such victory over the Romans, and we are undone.
Another excellent OS/2 day goes by.
Anxiety is nature's way of getting you out of bed on time.
Any certainty is a delusion.
Anyone who will lie FOR you will lie TO you.
Anything worth doing is worth doing for sex.
Appriase the Lord! Tax church property and income.
Are you after MY pervert award or what??????
Are you a smoker, or do you naturally stink like that?
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
Are we far enough off topic to get jumped on yet?
Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.
Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom.
As long as you live, keep learning how to live. - Senaca
As long as you don't scream, Darling, you'll be fine.
As useful as an ashtray on a motorbike.
As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.
As a reward you may kiss my arse... ooooooooohhhh.
As he thinketh in his heart, so is he. - Proverbs 23:7
As long as the sun rises and your heart beats, Tao is there.
Ashley-Perry Statistical Axiom: Numbers are tools, not rules.
Ask me about my vow of silence.
Ask not that it be easy, but worth it.
Asking dumb questions is easier than fixing dumb mistakes.
At least Pee Wee wasn't TALKING during the movie...
ATHEISM: Deep religious faith in the non-existence of a god.
Attention: Unattended children will be sold as slaves.
August 24, 1995. The best day OS/2 has ever had!
Australian kiss: same as French, but down under!
Avoid damage: use your henchmen as ablative armor.
Avoid reality at all costs.
Avoidance. That is the first lesson in self-defense.
Away with him! Away with him! He speaks Latin. - Shakespeare
Awesomelly proud to be YOUR bud!
Bad day: a Christian Scientist with appendicitis.
Bad puns are watching us. I think the big one's giggling.
Baptist, Lutheran, Anglican... YOU can't even agree with you!
Baptists don't make love standing up. It's too close to dancing.
Be nice to flamers. They hate that.
Be like Pooh... eat your hunny.
Be good and you will be lonesome. - Mark Twain
Be patient with everyone, but above all yourself.
Be still as a mountain, move like a great river. - Wu Yu
Be careful, or I'll include you in my plans.
Be careful what you wish for; you just might get it.
Be careful when playing under the anvil tree.
Beakman of Borg: Resistance is futile, Lester. Ba-da-BING!
Because SOMEBODY has to do the dirty work.
Because it's there.
Because the Tao favours no finite thing, it is infinite.
Been there, done that, tripped the alarm, came here..
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Being bored is an insult to oneself.
Belief in a cruel God makes a cruel man. - Thomas Paine
Believe in Darwin; cancer cures smoking.
Believe in the bible? Hell no, I've read it.
Believe those who seek the truth; doubt those who find it.
Believing in yourself is the beginning of wisdom.
Bend the facts to fit the conclusion. It's easier that way.
Berra's First Law: You can observe a lot by just watching.
Betty Crocker is a flour child.
Beware of half-truths: You may have gotten the wrong half.
Beware standards your own religion can't uphold.
Beware the fury of a patient man. - John Dryden
Bias is cool. It gives you that extra edge in an argument.
Bill Gates is a closet OS/2 user.
Birds have bills too, but they keep on singing.
Birth, life, death. Repeat as necessary.
Blame not on stupidity what is best explained by ignorance.
Blasphemy: When a religious person dares to think.
Bo Peep did it for the insurance.
Bob Ross of Borg: Let's assimilate some happy little trees.
Boo....Boo....BOOOOOOOOO! - A cow with a cold.
Books on claustrophobia? Try that little room over there.
Books? I'd rather lend you my dog...he knows his way home.
Boolean Bible. It's all true and/or at least partly false
Brace yourself; worse attacks on your reason are coming along.
Brian and Sara are off to lovely Orlando, Florida.
BRICK (noun): National Bird of Palestine
Bring Windows to its knees: start an application.
Buddhism: Music by God; Lyrics by Siddharta Gautama.
Buddhist ordering pizza: "Make me one with everything."
Bulges appeared in the fabric of time. Great ugly bulges.
Burro: an ass. Burrow: a hole in the ground. Got it now?
Busier than a Mormon at a wife swapping party.
but what I really want to do is direct.
but this time I'm serious!
But you thaid is was a pith helmet!
But, Your Honor, the light had dopplered to green.
But we know he meant you.
But if you convert us ALL, who ya gonna hate THEN?
But I've got 1000 glaciers, poised and ready to roll over Africa..
By Golly... for a moment there, it all made sense...
By the time this message gets back on topic, WE'LL ALL BE DEAD!
C:\> rename \whatIsaid \whatImeant_
Call me insane again & I'll eat your other eye too.
Call me Moby. Let me tell you what REALLY happened.
Call on God, but row away from the rocks. - Indian proverb
Call ME mad, will you? You'll see! You'll ALL see!!
Can I flirt with you?
Can you find the mispelled word in hear?
Can't we discuss this like adults, Stinkyface?
Capital punishment ends recidivism.
Capital punishment means never having to say "You again?"
Carnivorous Freudians eat their Jung.
Catch the OS/2 Revolution!
Certe, Toto, sentio nos in Kansate nin iam adesse.
Chain tagline-now stolen [270] times. Steal & add 1!
Change it! Change it, Butthead!! This sucks!! This sucks!!!
Chaos often breeds life, when order breeds habit.
Character is what you are in the dark. - John Worfin
Character, like a photograph, develops in darkness.
Children come from God. He can't stand the noise either.
Chocolate syrup is good on ice cream, too.
Christianity: God on a stick.
Christians are God's ambassadors, not His policemen.
Civilization is fun!  It keeps me busy.
Civilized people need love for full sexual satisfaction.
Clinging to sanity by a thread. Hand me those scissors..
Come and be bound in my ecstasy... <coiling rope>
Coming alone, departing alone, both are delusions. - Ikkyu
Coming soon: EDLIN for Windows!
Coming soon: Windows 95 for the Nintendo!
Commie 1-Liner Ninja Consultant & Short-Order Cook
Computer users do it with occasional power surges.
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.
Confidence is what you have before you have understanding.
Confusion creates jobs.
Confusion is the only true road to understanding.
Conquest is easy; control is not.
Consider yourself hugged.
Contentment: enjoying the scenery along the detour.
Conventionality is not morality.
Convert or Die? Oh, yeah, like it'll mean anything THEN.
Convert or Die?! Oh, yeah, that's REAL tolerant.
Could we work on that patience lesson some other day?
Courage is mastery of fear, not absence of fear. - Twain
CPR Instructors DO IT with a vertical stroke!
Crawl to begin. Triumph to complete. Renounce to leave.
Creationism: Never just read when you can misinterpret.
Creationism: Shift the burden of proof to your critics.
Creationism: Never acknowledge your demonstrated errors
Creationism: Lying for the Lord is okay.
Creationism: You only lose arguments to liberal fascists.
Creationism: The "Maxwell Smart" of science.
Creationism: Snatching fantasy from the jaws of reality
Creationism: the belief that common sense is wrong.
Creationism: Any challenge is a personal insult.
Creationism: Always pretend to know more than you do.
Creationism: Claim evidence, then slip away.
Creationism: Hit and run ("The Brannan Rule")
Creationism: Insist that science ignores your proof.
Creationism: Ignored evidence will go away.
Creationism: Lying for the Lord is okay.
Creationist "evidence"? Stop me if you've heard THIS one...
Criminal acts are very exciting :) - Ky Moffet
Crisis management works beautifully until a crisis occurs.
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Cultivate happiness and it becomes a habit.
Cunnilingus is a real tongue twister!
Cunning linguists do it with words!
Curious how naked death is less obscene than naked women.
Death is the unfortunate side effect of attacking a cop.
Death is merely a chance to roll a new character.
Death to all fanatics!
DEATH TO THE... uh, who are we fighting now, anyway?
Did you get that, or do I HAVE to include a <GRIN>?
Did you want something else?
Did I say HELL? I meant HECK.
Did I really say that out loud?
Difference of opinion is advantageous in religion. - Jefferson
Difficult to see. Always in motion is the future.
Difficulty is not in new ideas, but escaping old ones.
Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack.
Dip me in honey and throw me to the lesbians.
Divorce is not an effective deterrent to marriage.
Do not underestimate the power of the Force.
Do students of Zen Buddhism do Om-work?
Do not take liberties with gods, or weary them. - Confucius
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Do what comes naturally now. Throw a tantrum.
Do that again and I'll grind you down to blood and screams.
Do you remember ANY of my lessons? - Caine
Do I BELIEVE in the Bible?! HELL man, I've SEEN one!!!
Do Tagline Haiku!/Just seventeen syllables/In a single line.
Do moderators post off-topic in other areas?
Do not anger a Bard, for you would make a funny song.
Do not follow their footsteps; seek what they sought.
Does history record any case where a majority was right?
Doesn't look, feel, or smell like an egg. Damn bird.
Dog is man's best friend. Man's leg is dog's best friend.
Don't say to a cop: "Wanna race to the station, Sparky?"
Don't say to a cop: "Back off, Barney, I've got a piece!"
Don't say to a cop: "You'll NEVER get cuffs on me, PANSY!"
Don't question authority; it doesn't know either.
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
Don't worry, it's not loaded.
Don't unplug it, it will just take a moment to fix.
Don't stay at the Fiddle Hotel. It's a vile inn.
Don't worry; it's nothing reincarnation won't cure.
Don't be shy! Talk dirty to me!
Don't anthropomorphize things. They don't like it.
Don't confuse GROWING UP with BLENDING IN!
Don't ever slam a door; you might have to come back!
Don't let schooling get in the way of your education.
Don't judge the parade by a few clowns.
Don't let your mind wander. It's too small to be alone.
Don't you just hate it when there's not enough room to fin
Double your pleasure. Double your fun. Xerox your paychecks.
Doubt is the beginning of wisdom.
Duck: National bird of Iraq
Dust is a protective covering sent from God.
E=MC≤... Nice job Albert, now show your work.
Easily amused, and laughing about it.
Eat at Akbar and Jeff's Airport Snackbar
Eat at Akbar and Jeff's Tofu Hut
Ego Julius Ceasar Borgorum. Vedi, Vidi, Assimilati.
EMTs love to play Doctor!
English is the de facto lingua franca - Randy Cassingham
Equality of the sexes leaves women standing on buses.
Errr, this is the ANIMAL_SEX Echo.
ESTO ERROR: Equipment Smarter Than Operator
Eternity may well be composed of a very deep silence.
Even if you understood women, you'd never believe it!
Even the finest teaching is not the Tao itself.
Even if you are insane it doesn't mean that you're wrong.
Ever notice how fundies like to argue with taglines?
Ever put a Slinky on an escalator?
Ever get the feeling your Guardian Angel is laughing?
Every person gets to heaven in their own way.
Every man thinks his own burden the heaviest.
Every seed is a longing. - Gibran
Every snowflake falls in the right place - Zen proverb
Every journey is best measured by those you've touched.
Every exit is an entrance into something else.
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Everybody looks brave holding a machine gun.
Everyone is GIFTED. Some just open the package sooner.
Everyone makes mistakes; if not, we'd all be single!
Everyone has opinions, but I think you're hallucinating...
Everyone's got one.
Everyone's watching YOU now...
Everything furthers. - I Ching
Everything that is not mandatory is forbidden.
Everything I need to know I got from Gilligan's Island.
Excuse me while I change into something more formidable.
Excuse me, but I haven't quite ripped my clothes off yet...
Excuse me as I crouch here 'ahint my asbestos shield...
Exiting pontification mode.....
Experience is what you get when you don't get what you want.
Explaining water will not make the mouth wet. - Takuan
Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing. - Spock
Fact of Life #15: Heads bleed. Walls don't.
Fact: Most criminals were raised by heterosexual parents.
Failure reading left brain: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)rolic?
Failure(n.): Opportunity to try again, more intelligently.
Faith is powerful only when accompanied by enlightenment.
Faith is the bird that sings while it is still dark.
Fall in love with Christ, not Christianity.
Fall not in love; it will stick to your face.
Family Values? Jesus was raised by his stepfather.
Famous Last Words: "I think it's dead."
Famous last words: "Don't worry, I can handle a redhead."
Fatal Error 69: Echo sex posted to "ALL"
Fatal System Error: (A)bort (R)etry (G)et OS/2
Feces occurs.
Feminism has raised sexism against men to social acceptability.
Fight crime... not the police.
Fighting Evil with silly, pointless, almost humorous posts.
First listen to sermon. THEN eat missionary.
First, push the button. Then find out what it does.
Fish are born in water; man is born in Tao. - Chuang Tzu
Flirt with me like that again and I'll follow you anywhere.
Flood evidence? Ancient cultures lived by rivers.
Flowers leave their fragrance in the hands that bestow them.
Flowing water never stagnates.
For crying out loud, let the rabbit have some cereal!! 
For what you consider love, I would need a Klingon woman.
Forget the favors given; remember those received. 
Free and single again!
Free speech is not a euphemism for bad manners.
Freedom OF religion includes freedom FROM religion.
Freedom means choosing your burden. - Hephzibah Menuhin
Fund = give cash to; amentalism = brainlessness
Fundie Motto: If thinking is too hard, quote Scripture.
Fundies? Mmmmm, them's good eatin'!
Funny how landlocked peoples have no flood myth...
Funny off-topic messages are always on-topic.
Funny; only sensible people agree with me.
Future OS/2 users are current Windows users; be kind.
Get forgiveness now! Tomorrow you may not feel guilty.
Get a taste of religion... bite a nun!
Get out the Crisco.
Get thee behind me, Satan! You push, I'll steer...
Get OS/2 WARP before the other 16 bits rust!
Get OS/2 WARP - the best Windows tip around!
Give evil nothing to oppose, and it will disappear.
Give me ambiguity... or give me something else.
Give them all they want, and all they will want is more.
Go ahead and leave. See if I care.
Go ahead and touch me. I want you to feel good.
Go outside. Sit down. If your butt is wet, don't plow.
Go Fascinate Someone Else.
GO TO HELL! (all in Christian love, of course.)
God is subtle, but He is not malicious. - Einstein
God has no religion. - Gandhi
God isn't dead; He's just busy petting His cat.
God never laughs at my jokes.
God always has another custard pie up His sleeve.
God created Adam first so he'd have a chance to talk.
God created silk so women could be naked when fully clothed.
God made the integers; all else is the work of Man. - Kronecker
God save those who have Hallmark Cards for brains....
God's all right; it's His fan clubs I worry about.
Good corporals are far more important than good generals.
Good sex means being told "Stop and I'll Kill You!!!!"
Got too many birds on his antenna.
Grape nuts? What do they do with the rest of the grape?
Gravity is a law. Violators will be brought down.
Great difficulty in the beginning works supreme success.
Great warrior? Wars not make one great. - Yoda
Great! Now he's as crazy as you are!
Guess it's time for Plan "B," huh?
Hah! You're one too!
Half the truth is often a great lie. - Franklin
Happiness is finding the owner of a lost bikini.
Happiness is your favorite program moving to OS/2.
Hate, like acid, destroys the vessel that contains it.
Hatred is NOT a family value.
Having studied Christianity, I became Taoist.
He who follows the natural way is always one with the Tao.
He who is content cannot be ruined. - Lao Tzu
He who angers you, conquers you! - Elizabeth Kenny
He who owns a teacup is no longer free...
He who laughs last uses OS/2.
He who seeks the Tao will continually lose.
He continues to post off topic, he scores!
He pities the plumage but forgets the dying bird. - Paine
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato
He who adds not to his learning diminishes it. - The Talmud 
He's off topic. Send him to.... THE COMFY CHAIR!
He's not a dog! He's a Canine-American!
He's a few Branch Davidians short of a bonfire...
He's a CHICKEN, I tell you! A giant chicken!
Heaven forbid I should accept the God atheists don't.
Heaven is where thou standest. - Bˆhme
Heaven and Earth are ruthless.
Heisenberg may have slept here.
Hell is empty, and all the devils are here. - Shakespeare
Hello? Front desk? Gideon left his Bible here.
Help me look, please? I've lost my damn innocence again.
Help stamp out philatelists.
Help! I've fallen, and I kind of LIKE it down here!
Here is my fist, please run towards it very fast.
Here lies an atheist. All dressed up with nowhere to go.
Hey, God! It's not funny anymore! I want my rib back!
Hey, Darwin! Bite me! - God
Hey, what does this RESET butto
Hey Butthead, does this suck? - Beavis
Hey... I think I'll make that into a tagline!
Hey... a Chia Head... nice... thank you...
Him strong like bull... smart like streetcar.
Hiroshima 45, Chernobyl 86, Windows 95
History repeats itself because nobody listens.
Hmph. Saviors. Forgiveness. A Jedi craves them not.
Ho! Ha! Guard! Turn! Parry! Dodge! Spin! Thrust! <BOING!!!>
Honest, officer! I was just eating the fries she dropped!
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope!
How you do anything is how you do everything.
How do you double the value of a Pinto? Fill the tank.
Hugs don't feel as good on the computer.
Humanity prefers comfort over truth.
Humility gives the sea its power. - Lao-Tzu
Humility, like darkness, reveals the heavenly lights.
Hurting yourself is not sinful - just stupid.
I respect faith, but doubt is what gives you an education.
I really must learn not to argue with ignorance.
I run the convenience store on the road less traveled.
I saw it in a cartoon, but I'm pretty sure I can do it...
I ought to cast you out, or smite you, or something.
I post, I just don't read...
I must go now, for there they go... and I'm their leader...
I think I just heresied on several important religions.
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
I swear! I didn't know she was inflatable! 
I stepped on a tetanus needle today; NOW what?
I speak for the little birdies that follow me around.
I think I left the stove on.
I just love nonverbal communication!
I just injured a groin muscle; it wasn't mine!
I just hope I can face my death the way Obi-Wan did.
I have to stop now, my fingers are getting hoarse.
I keep him on a short leash... just don't get too close...
I like quality, not quantity.
I love to snatch kisses! (Did I say that right?)
I love cooking my children and leaving out commas.
I love birds. My favorite is the rosy-breasted pushover.
I like young girls. Their stories are shorter.
I may be weird, but around here it's barely noticeable.
I will not prescribe medication - Bart Simpson
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment - Bart Simpson
I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty - Bart Simpson
I will not encourage others to fly - Bart Simpson
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones - Bart Simpson
I will not instigate revolution - Bart Simpson
I have this sneaking suspicion that my antics amuse the gods.
I wonder what Mr. Ed would do.
I will, on rare occasions, attempt the unlikely.
I will not torment the emotionally frail - Bart Simpson
I will not spank others - Bart Simpson
I will not carve gods - Bart Simpson
I will defend to the death your right to my opinion.
I threw caution to the wind. It threw it back. I ducked!
I thought I'd entered an alternate universe or something.
I thought EVERYONE knew Stones & Windows don't go together!
I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.
I tried phone sex but the receiver got stuck.
I try to make everyone's day a little more surreal. - Calvin
I wasn't kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth.
I want a CHEESEBURGER, ONION RINGS, and a LARGE ORANGE DRINK!
I wanna be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.
I use OS/2 WARP and I don't care who knows!
I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.
I don't care if I AM a lemming. I'm NOT going!
I can talk about this rationally... it just takes a tight rein.
I can't do anything about it; it shines all on its own.
I can levitate birds, but nobody cares...
I can hardly forbear throwing things at him. - Shakespeare
I believe in a God that doesn't need heavy financing.
I can't even stand the feel of cauliflower any longer.
I cannot teach him. The boy has no patience. - Yoda
I didn't order "uhhh", I ordered fries, pie, and coke.
I didn't know it was impossible when I did it.
I didn't believe in reincarnation last time either.
I couldn't repair your brakes so I made your horn louder.
I am still learning. - Michelangelo's motto, at age 85
I am not deliciously saucy - Bart Simpson
I MUST be Taoist; they keep telling me I'm in the Way!
I MAY be wrong... but that doesn't mean you're RIGHT.
I DID NOT see Elvis.
I AM serious. And don't call me Shirley. 
I am Cornholio... are you trying to censor me?!
I am Jesus of Borg. Blessed are they who are assimilated.
I am at two with the universe.
I am above mere material things and...HEY, YOU DINGED MY CAR!!!
I am a man; nothing human is alien to me.
I am NOT off topic! I demand to talk to th@#$%&^** NO CARRIER
I digress; you ramble; she's off-topic.
I dinna know ya' c'uld get wool from 'em too!
I had Taglines that were PRO lawyer, and lost 'em both.
I got all these bulldozers & things to lie in front of...
I go to skewl every once in a while...
I gave up on a wife, and married my computer.
I had to hit him - he was starting to make sense.
I hail from Maryland. Wherein hail you from?
I have seen the evidence. I want DIFFERENT evidence.
I have erased the thin line between genius and insanity....
I have a firm grip on reality. Now I can strangle it.
I hate emergency vehicles. All the names are backwards.
I feel used, cheap, and dirty. Could you do that again?
I feel like a million tonight... but, one at a time. - Mae West
I don't CARE if you're on fire! Stop screaming like that!
I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to do.
I do begin to have bloody thoughts. - Shakespeare
I do and do for you kids and this is the thanks I get.
I have seen the truth and it makes no sense.
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
I either want less corruption or a chance to participate.
I don't want the whole world, just your half.
I don't see you, so don't pretend you're there.
I don't need a team. I'm a certified OS/2 lunatic.
I do some of my best work when I'm not thinking
I don't plan on a nuclear winter. - John Windhorst
I wear leather everything. - Rob Fleming
I refuse to be intimidated by reality anymore!
I still think I'm gonna miss sex.... - Terry Vernon
I'd kill for two weeks at this time of year! - Alan Bremner
I'd love to, but I feel a song coming on.
I'd love to, but I changed my locks; now I can't get out.
I'd love to, but I'm writing a love letter to Jody Foster.
I'd rather be flogging the peasants...
I'd love something just a bit bigger. - Bill Casey
I'd be a Christian, if it wasn't for Christians. - Gandhi
I'm not off-topic, I'm just on a different topic!
I'm not insensitive, I'm male. See the difference?
I'm not posting off-topic, I'm expanding the conversation.
I'm not trying to kiss you; I'm adjusting your restraints.
I'm not arrogant, I just have a problem with mortals...
I'm not confused. I'm just well mixed. - Robert Frost
I'm not angry... just terribly, terribly hurt.
I'm very selective about what I accept as reality.
I'm starting to worry about this voyage. - Kermit
I'm sorry my karma ran over your dogma.
I'm proud to have been a part of your moral decline.
I'm one with the Universe...on a scale from 1 to 10.
I'm wobbling, and I CAN'T FALL DOWN! - Weeble
I'm a syrupy mess. Who can I hug? - Calvin
I'm broad-minded. I hardly think of anything else.
I'm a Zen nudist; I'm naked in my own mind
I'm NOT laughing at you... I'm laughing NEAR you!
I'm FLYING I'm FLYING! >>THUD<<
I'm dangerous when I know what I'm doing.
I'm going to leave before you start attracting flies.
I'm not afraid of commitment; I'm committed to being single.
I'm mooning you now, you just can't see me.
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing.
I'm hit!!! <GASP> Tonto, go on without me!!! <FLOP>
I'm not much, but I'm all I think about.
I'm too lovable to stay mad at for very long. - Gene Kwiecinski
I've got to start listening to those quiet, nagging doubts.
I've got plenty of common sense! I just choose to ignore it.
I've had a difficult past few lives.
I've no time to prepare a profound message.
I've done it (in a Chieftain) and it's great fun! - Les Bush
I've got a lot of hunny on my nice nose - Winnie The Pooh
I've got a swell idea - let's put on a show!
IBM, marketing sushi: "Buy our raw dead fish!"
IBM: It Beats Mac.
IBM Principle: Machines should work. People should think.
Ideal weight for a lawyer: 2Ω lbs., including the urn.
If she screams, lick it again!
If she won't live forever, why give her a diamond?
If seeing is believing, some skeptics wouldn't look.
If the enemy is in range, SO ARE YOU.
If the family skeleton must remain, make it dance.
If love is the law, someone better start enforcing it.
If more Christians read the Bible there'd be less of them.
If my car ran on OS/2, I'd be there by now.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to?
If it's worth getting upset about its worthy of amnesia.- Bandler
If you can't elucidate, eschew obfuscatory interlocutions.
If you can't sing good, sing loud.
If you do not strive with others, you will be free from blame.
If you can't do it well, enjoy doing it badly.
If you can read this, you're in range.
If women like it, it's erotica. If men like it, it's pornography.
If you ain't cool without it, you ain't cool with it.
If you are willing to die, you can do anything!
If the theists would just shut up, the gods could speak.
If you do not trust others, they will not trust you.
If I put water in my dog's mouth, will bells ring?
If a felon is one who commits a felony, God is an iron.
If a problem has a single neck, it has a simple solution.
If I follow you home, will you keep me?
If I die, I forgive you; if I recover, we shall see.
If Christ loved & forgave people, why can't Christians?
If Christ were alive today, you wouldn't LET him in church!
If God lived on earth, people would break his windows.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If all you have is a pie, everything looks like Soupy Sales.
If it isn't cruel and unusual, it isn't punishment.
If it isn't love, it'll have to do 'til I get some sleep.
If it screams, it's best not to eat it.
If it happens, it must be possible.
If it ain't the voices, it's those flying leprechauns!
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success.
If it ain't broke, try installing something else.
If it was easy, they'd send someone else.
If you don't like the news, go make some of your own.
If you want to hide your face, walk naked.
If you want to be full, let yourself be emptied.
If you think you're confused now, just wait until I explain.
If you're going to walk on thin ice, you may as well dance.
If you're happy and you're Zen, clap your hand.
If your mind goes blank, remember to turn down the sound.
If you're not busy bein' born, you're busy dyin'.
If you think health care's expensive, wait 'til it's free.
If you search for the unknown, expect to be surprised.
If you play Satanic music backwards, do you get hymns?
If you had an off switch, would you tell anyone?
If you pray for the ACLU, will they sue you?
If you reply to this message, you have to do me.
If you save the world too often, it starts to expect it.
If you roll, get up, & run backwards, do you catch fire?
Imagination is more important than knowledge. - Einstein
Imagination is the foundation of reality.
Imagination is intelligence having fun.
IMAGINE! I was accused of being an ADULT the other day!
In theory, everything works.
In the wind of the mind arises the turbulence called "I."
In your hurry to disagree with me, you reinforced my opinion.
In every gain there is a loss. - Master Po
In the mass mind there is no mind - just mass.
In private, women are much more perverted than men.
Insanity Meter: ççççççççççççççççõõ 90%
Inside a dog, it really is too dark to read.
Instant gratification just isn't fast enough anymore....
Instinct is intelligence without self-consciousness.
Insults are effective only where emotion is present.
Intelligence is a river; the deeper it is, the quieter.
Interesting if true, and interesting anyway. - Mark Twain
Iron sharpens iron; scholar, the scholar.
Is it just me, or is my monitor breathing?
Is a bear catholic? Does the Pope... uhh... oh, wait.
Isn't this the OFF-TOPIC conference?
Isn't posting off-topic exhilarating?
It is profitable, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
It is only to the individual that a soul is given - Einstein
It is easier to stay out than get out. - Twain
It is best to read the forecast before we pray for rain.
It matters not so much what you sing, but why.
It looks like blind screaming hedonism won out.
It worked before; it doesn't now. I ain't changed anything.
It ain't bestiality if the bear loves you.
It ain't compatible unless it's OS/2 compatible!
It ain't the best until it supports OS/2.
It is a bad plan that admits of no modification. - Syrus
It balances! It balances! Run the bloody paychecks.
It works better when you turn the brightness up.
It's easier to obtain forgiveness than permission.
It's hard to work in a group when you're omnipotent.
It's better to have loved and lost than to marry her.
It's been lovely, but I have to scream now.
It's okay to call someone stupid; just don't prove it.
It's not what you say, it's what I think you said.
It's not just reality that matters.
It's okay to laugh in the bedroom, but don't point.
It's a Tao thing, there is nothing TO understand.
It's Psychosomatic. You need a lobotomy. I'll get a saw.
It's a Zen thing, trying to understand won't help.
It's a dirty job, but someone has to pawn it off.
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.
It's a lot of work to build from scratch an entire world.
It's about to hit the fan! Everyone to the shelter, NOW!
Jesus said "feed my sheep," NOT "bludgeon them to death".
Just the other day I... no, wait... that wasn't me.
Just then, a bird crapped on his head.
Just stay away from those products from ACME, Mr. Coyote.
Kinda like getting your arm caught in machinery.
KISS: A secret told to the mouth instead of the ear.
Knowing others is wisdom; knowing yourself is enlightenment.
Language was born from our deep inner need to complain
Last thing I remember is this leggy red-head with a whip.
Learn to respond, not react.
Leave the binary thinking to your CPU.
Let programmers be many and managers few. - Tao of Programming
Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you. - Beelzebub.
Let your speech be better than silence.
Let him that would move the world, first move himself.
Let's say you get shot in the head... think it'll tickle?
Let's win this one and go home. - George A. Custer 
Let's play Doctor. You cut, I'll sue.
Life is full of little surprises. - Pandora
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Life is like a cat with a guitar. I don't know why.
Life is a spoon; nourish the world or poke your eye out.
Life is like a simile.
Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat.
Lighthouses are more helpful then churches - B. Franklin
Like a cow in tall grass, I'm udderly tickled to be here.
Listen to what experts say can't be done. Then do it.
Listen with the breath. - Chuang Tzu
Live life like there's no yesterday.
Living life on the edge of insanity. <nudge>
Locked my coathanger in the car. Good thing I had the key.
Logic is the beginning of wisdom, not the end.
Looking to God for answers is premature.
Love is an obsessive delusion that is cured by marriage.
Love is a hole in the heart.
Love is blind, but marriage is an eye opener.
Love handles?? I've got VICE GRIPS!!
Love; a grave mental disease. - Plato
Mac users laugh at OS/2 users. Why? OS/2 users use Windows apps.
Make 150 old ladies say the "F" word: yell "BINGO!"
Make both love and war. Get married.
Man is a piece of the universe made alive. - Emerson
Man: "Pray for strength" God: "What a bunch of whiners"
Man... this wouldn't even make a good Jeff Foxworthy joke.
Mann tracht und Gott lacht (Man thinks, and God laughs)
Marriages are made in Heaven, but so are thunder and lightning.
Marriages tend to spoil perfectly good relationships.
Married? Who, me? I can't mate in captivity!
Marrying is not Marriage.
Mastering others requires force; mastering self needs strength.
May all your desires be granted at once. - Chinese curse
May your path be filled with groovy scenery!
Maybe this world is another planet's Hell.
Maybe it was something your mother took during pregnancy.
Maybe we were meant to fight our way through.
Maybe God is a kid playing SimEarth.
Meditation - it's not what you think!
Microsoft: Making it easier to choose OS/2.
Microsoft: putting the "backward" into "backward compatible."
Microsoft Marketing: P.T. Barnum meets David Koresh.
Militant Evangelical Taoists: Send money, but not to us!
Minimum wage for politicians.
Moderator, OFF-TOPIC conference
Moe! Larry! The cheese! Moe! Larry! The cheese!
Mommy! The Ascended Masters are TEASING me again!
Monsters come in many forms.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. - H.G. Wells
More fun than picking your nose with a hot-dog tong.
Most people don't look dumb till they start talkin'.
Most people would rather die than think. Many do. - Russell
Most people are unfit for human consumption. - Dave Oldridge
Mr. Custer? Can I be excused for the rest of the afternoon?
Muddling in the puddle of my stream of consciousness...
Must go... some Jehovah's Witnesses need shouting at.
My pet rock bit me.
My train of thought just derailed.
My lunch is on fire... I guess it's done. Gotta run...
My true religion is kindness - the Dalai Lama.
My upbringing is filled with inconsistent messages. - Calvin
My "Inner Child" is a sick little bastard.
My HMO assigned me to Dr. Kevorkian.
My life is not organized around high probability events.
My inner child is tossing mashed potatoes at the ceiling.
Myths are based on truth.
Natural redheads: Nature's aphrodisiac!
Neutrality favors the oppressor. - Bishop Desmond Tutu
Never mistake motion for action...
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Never mistake endurance for hospitality.
Never underestimate the power of a redhead!
Never trust a religion which is less than 3,000 years old.
Never underestimate the purr of a woman.
Never agree with me; it shakes my self confidence.
Never argue with a woman when she's tired or rested.
Never cut what can be untied.
Never fight with a bear in his own cave.
Never go into a hug off balance.
Never let your willpower get the best of you.
New "Divorced Barbie!" It comes with all Ken's stuff.
Nice guys finish last, but we get to sleep in.
Nice shot, eh? What? Wrong net?
Night of the Living Thread!
No pain like that of refusal.
No thanks, I already have a nagila.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
No, Woody, I said 'TUCK the kids in bed!' - Mia Farrow
No, officer, I was conducting a physics experiment.
No amateur crastinator am I.
No matter how you write "jeopardy" it looks wrong.
No officer, I was conducting a physics experiment.
No one can think clearly with clenched fists.
No, it wasn't much of a letter, but you're not much of a grandma.
None of you exist; my sysop types all this in.
Not being able to breathe is a special fear for me.
Not to understand a man's purpose does not make HIM confused.
Nothing a vulture hates more than biting into a glass eye.
Nothing anybody tells you about marriage helps.
Nothing is intuitive, in its fullest form.
Now you're standing in my killing field!
Now, back to minding my own business...
Now for some intelligent thought... well, maybe not...
O Lord, protect me from having to read the manuals.
Off-topic, yes, but useless knowledge should not be wasted...
Off-topic messages - the only way to find out anything.
Officer, is that a PR-24 or are you just glad to see me?
Oh no! Not another learning experience!
Oh what fun to riot and sing a slaying song tonight!
Oh stewardess! I speak jive.
Oh God, if there is one, save my soul, if I have one - Voltaire
Oink (FLAP) oink (FLAP) oink (FLAP) oink (FLAP)
Okay, I pulled the pin; now what? Where are you going...?
Okay Kitty Cats, Read My Beak; No... More... Birds!
Old soldiers never die...young ones do.
Old immortals never die, they just... well... they just don't.
On-Topic Meter [\E...o...F ] Yup! Below "E" on this one!
On the eighth day God said, "Did I do that?"
On-Topic Meter [ E..\o...F ] Well...it's marginal.
Once a misfit leaves, another will be recruited.
Once swords are crossed the gun becomes useless. - Musashi
Only Warped minds use OS/2.
Oof! I made this one so heavy even I can't move it! - God
Ooh! Watch out! The walls are pointy!
Open mouth, insert foot, echo internationally.
Operating at WARP speed with OS/2!
Opportunity knocks. Karma hunts you down.
Organ Harvesters are coming to paint a big red "X" on you.
OS/2 users Do It three ways!
OS/2 users do it protected.
OS/2, 4Dos and 4OS2 : My computer is happy again..
OS/2 has done since '92 what Win95 still cannot in '96.
OS/2 could mean "Obviously Superior." - John Dvorak
OS/2 - Half its OS is tied behind its back, just to make it fair.
OS/2 Warp: Anything less would be uncivilized.
OS/2 Warp: Logic, not magic.
OS/2. Solution for a Small Planet.
OS/2: 32-bit beauty that's more than just skin-deep.
OS/2: Upgrades are free. Who would PAY for upgrades anyway?
OS/2: The same thing as NT, only it works. - J. Dvorak
OS/2: The only software that makes Windows look good.
OS/2: Windows done RIGHT!
OS/2: Windows with safety glass.
OS/2: Not just another pretty program loader!
OS/2: The Operating System of Champions!
OS/2: The choice of the next generation.
Ouch! Nasty! That could have been ME!
Our National Health Plan - Don't Get Sick.
Our most sacred tears never seek our eyes. - Gibran 
Pain is inevitable. Misery is optional.
Paramedics save lives; EMTs clean suction units.
Paranoid dyslexic agnostic wonders if dog watches him.
Paul Lynde to block...
People who don't like OS/2 have a hard time finding why.
People who know, chose OS/2.
People will believe anything if you whisper it.
People are people. You can quote me on that. - John Boncoddo
Permit someone to make you angry, and they conquer you.
PHENOMINAL COSMIC POWERS... itty-bitty tagline space.
Philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
Philosophy: A route leading from nowhere to nothing.
Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex.
Phone sex is fun, but it leaves button marks on your butt.
Plan to throw one away. You will anyhow.
Please God, could I just have my rib back instead?
Please post again; I'm adjusting for windage.
Polar bear - Cartesian bear after coordinate transform.
Polaroids: what polar bears get from sitting on icecap
Posting here adds to the universal Chaos.
Power corrupts, but OS/2 is kinda neat.
Practice random kinds of senseless... No, wait...
Pray for a good harvest, but keep on hoeing.
Prayer is asking for rain; faith is then bringing an umbrella.
Predestination was doomed from the start.
Pretend to spank me. I'm a pseudo-masochist!
Priests should marry. It'll give them working knowledge of Hell.
Profanity is the linguistic crutch of inarticulate bastards.
Program requires at least 640K. Bugger that, I run OS/2!
Programmer died in shower (lather, rinse, repeat)
Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
Put your ear down close to your soul & listen hard. - Sexton
Quoth the Eeyore, "Never mind." - Edgar Allen Pooh
Rap makes me miss disco.
Reading goes faster if you don't sweat comprehension. - Hobbes
Real Men do it with CONSENT.
REAL men don't waste their hormones growing hair.
Reality is often inaccurate.
Reality is all a point of view.
Reality: the visible part of this total spiritual experience. -J. Hinds
Reality has no inside, outside, or middle part. - Bodhidharma
Reality is a sham.
Reason is man's imitation of divinity - Santayana
Red hair is a sign of psychic instability.
Redhead means red hair EVERYWHERE!
Reduced to a quivering mass of misfiring neurons.
Refuse novocaine... transcend dental medication
Religion is the translation of philosophy into action.
Religion keeps the poor from murdering the rich - Napoleon
Religion is a defense against the experience of God - Jung
Religious peddlers will be hideously martyred.
Remember, healing is a process, not an event.
Remembrance is a form of meeting. - Gibran
Roll me over, lay me down and do it again.
Running OS/2, and loving it!
Sad because I am utterly alone. - The Crow
Satan to Christian: "The Jews were right."
SATANIC (say tan' ik) n. Anything a Fundie doesn't like.
Satanism is a Christian religion.
Save on toilet paper; use both sides.
Save your breath for your inflatable date.
Say no, then negotiate.
Self-righteousness is not religion.
Sex is like air. It's only a big deal if you can't get any.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the Question. YES is the answer!
She said, "Deeper, deeper!" so I quoted Nietzsche in her ear. 
Shhh! Everyone! Here comes the Church Lady!
Shhhhh! The Christians think they're alone up here. - God
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - C. Jung
Silence is evidence of superb language skills.
Since when is talking a sign of thinking?
Sitting on a hilltop blowing bubbles is educational.
Sleep deprivation is fun. You see such pretty colors!
Sleep faster. We need the pillows. - Yiddish proverb
Smile if you are wearing sexy underwear.
Some people just don't learn unless there's blood spilled.
Some people are so heavenly minded they're no earthly good.
Some use the Bible as if it were a constable's handbook.
Some days it's not worth chewing through the restraints.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill.
Someday you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.
Sometimes I feel like I've got a guardian idiot.
Sometimes playing the game is better than winning it.
Sooner or later, you'll run OS/2!
Sorry, I don't have those problems anymore. I run OS/2.
Speak the truth; leave immediately after. - Slav Proverb
Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee. - Job 12:8
Spitwads are not free speech - Bart Simpson
Squeeeeeeel like a pig boyeee Squeeeeel!! Loudah! Loudah!
Squirt guns don't squirt people... kids do.
Stability brought about by force is not stability at all.
Standards are wonderful; so many to choose from!
Steal this tagline, and you're gonna get a spanking.
Stop complaining about Windows! You could be running OS/2!
Stove Top? I'm stayin'!
Straight but not narrow.
Strong and bitter words indicate a weak cause.
Stupidity is a force with which both God & Satan must contend.
Sudden prayers make God jump.
Sum Homo. Nihil Humani mi alienatum est.
Support OS/2 - Show Windows 95 to your friends!
Swordpoint conversions are suspect.
System Halted. Press any key you like. It won't help.
Tact is getting your point across without stabbing someone.
Take off from thyself the wrappings of limitations.
Talk sense to a fool & he calls you foolish. - Euripides
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either.
TazDOS: Inflatable life raft found. Eat? (Yeah/yeah/yeah/yeah)
Telephone sex? But those holes are so SMALL!
Ten minutes later, he was singing a duet with his can opener.
Thank you for not being perky.
Thank you for not mooning your checkout girl.
That was MY tantrum. YOU should indulge once in a while.
That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest.
That without substance can enter where there is no room.
That makes two people I know with a dog named Gabby.
That's not line noise, my modem's speaking in tongues.
The only tool diplomacy has is language.
The only time we'll disagree is when you're wrong.
The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon
The only imperfect thing in nature is the human race.
The only argument against the wind is to put on a coat.
The proof of gold is fire. - Ben Franklin
The problem isn't ignorance, but the illusion of knowledge.
The peacemaker is never in the way.
The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal.
The quest for enlightenment is dangerous to the caterpillar.
The map is not the territory. - Alfred Korzbyski
The less effort, the faster and more powerful you will be.
The last time we had a President Buchanan, we got the Civil War.
The master does nothing, yet nothing remains undone.
The meek are contesting the will.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
The moderator has banned this tagline from the echo.
The more you know, the less you understand - Lao-Tzu
The kingdom of God is within you. - Luke 17:21
The universe looks smooth, if you stand back far enough.
The unexamined life is not worth living. - Socrates 
The truth shall make you free, but first it shall piss you off.
The waitress drew a smiley face on my check.
The way that is spoken of is not the enlightened way.
The words of the prophets are written in the tagline files....
The word "bulldozer" wandered through his mind for a moment.
The wise man reads books and life itself. - Lin Yutang
The trouble with YHVH is, he thinks he's God.
The tree remains, but not the hand that planted it.
The sacred lies in the ordinary.
The reverse side also has a reverse side. - Japanese proverb
The reports of OS/2's death are greatly exaggerated.
The still mind of the sage is a mirror of heaven and earth.
The sun is never the worse for shining on a dunghill.
The time is NOW for OS/2!
The taste of Zen is the taste of tea.
The real in us is silent; the acquired is talkative. - Gibran
The world owes you nothing. It was here first. - Twain
The beginning of wisdom is the definition of terms.
The answer is ashdkjhasdhgsaghjadgasdsad.
The annoying thing about organized religion is that it isn't.
The best armor is to keep out of range.
The best things in life aren't things.
The center of the universe is 2 cm behind my forehead.
The bird of paradise alights upon the hand that does not grasp.
The best way to get praise is to die.
The Way of the sage is to act but not to compete - Lao Tzu
The Universe is the beating heart of the living Creator.
The Sage fusses over nothing and thus spoils nothing.
The Philosophy Shop - Your source for discounted ideas
The Church has appropriated God for its own ends! - Machiavelli
The Sanskrit word for "war" means "desire for more cows."
The Tao is an empty vessel, used but never filled - Lao tzu
The Tao is near and people seek it far away. - Menicus
The Tao is an empty vessel; it is used but never filled.
The key is to give them something they're not expecting.
The devil didn't make me do it, but he had the best idea.
The good is that to which all things aim. - Aristotle 
The garbage disposal gods demand an offering of a spoon.
The forest would be silent if no birds sang except the best.
The good news is that the bad news was wrong.
The greatest joy in life is doing what people say you cannot.
The hands that help are holier than the lips that pray.
The greatest man in history was the poorest.
The first to raise his fist loses the argument.
The first step towards philosophy is incredulity.
The enemy is fear. We think it is hate, but it is fear - Gandhi
The easy way is always the hardest way.
The early worm has a death wish.
The early worm deserves the bird.
The fabric of space-time isn't merely curved, it's bent.
The first rule of holes: when you're in one, stop digging.
The fewer the facts, the stronger the opinion.
The fear of death keeps us from living, not from dying.
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
There is a tiny plant here, murmuring "water, water".
There is an absolute truth, but language fails miserably.
There will always be someone who would fold gold foil
There is no need to seek truth, only stop having views.
There is no joy without affliction.
There is wisdom in the raven's head.
There are no OS/2 viruses. Nobody writes ANYTHING for OS/2.
There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.
There are some remedies worse than the disease.
There comes a time when we must turn and face the tiger. - Caine
There's a fine line between wise and weird.
There's nothing wrong with Windows that OS/2 won't fix!!
There's no recession. I just LIKE being underemployed!
There's intelligent life on earth, but I'm just visiting.
They say give your money to God, but they give you THEIR address.
They told me I was gullible... and I believed them.
They always find me anyway.
Thieves demand your money or your life; women want both.
Things are more like they used to be than they are now.
Things are always clearer in the cold post-upload light. - Wally
Think hard now! Which one is Shinola?
Think you're confused? Wait until I explain it.
This isn't Hell, but you can see it from here.
This is God. STOP!
This message is from a real cunning linguist!
This tagline vibrates if you rub it the right way.
This Charlie Brown must have been a very wise man.
This beats a waltz with a wet ferret in a fusebox.
This incarnation has been my most gruelling. - Dalai Lama
Those easily offended should be frequently offended.
Those who want the fewest things are closest to the gods.
Three out of five people aren't the other two.
Tie 2 birds together; though they have 4 wings, they cannot fly.
Time is not a line, but a series of now-points.
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly. - Cicero
To live is to risk dying.
To make the gods laugh, tell them your plans.
To learn more about paranoids, follow them around!
To live alone, to be both beast and god: a philosopher.
To lead the people, walk behind them. - Lao Tzu
To the Caliph I am dirt, but to dirt, I am Caliph.
To teach is to learn twice.
To suppress a truth is to give it a force beyond endurance.
To subdue the enemy without fighting is the acme of skill.
To not know is bad; to wish to not know is worse.
To tolerate everything is to teach nothing.
To believe possibilities is not faith, but philosophy.
To be, and not to be - Zen Shakespeare
To attract a vegetarian, make a noise like a wounded vegetable.
To a man with an empty stomach, food is God. - Gandhi
To know Tao, be still and look within.
To die but not perish is to be eternally present - Lao-tzu
To him who is in fear, everything rustles.
To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends.
To hide a feeling is to increase its force a thousand times.
To get rid of an enemy, one must love him. - Leo Tolstoy
Today the sun, tonight the MOON! WHEN WILL IT END?
Today's heathen-burning is brought to you by the Holy Church!
Tomorrow the sun comes up in the west.
Total Spiritual Enlightenment helps me score with the babes.
Tree falls in forest. Hits Milli Vanilli. Someone else screams.
True greatness knows gentleness.
Truth is a clap of the hands.
Try not. Do, or do not. There is no TRY.
Two monologues do not make a dialogue.
Uhh... we're, like, closed or something. Go away.
Ultimately, good will triumph over evil, cuz good is cute.
Unbreakable toys are useful for breaking other toys.
Understand the balance of nature and respect all creatures...
Undertake no undertaking. 
Unless you were maybe... lying unconscious on the ground.
Unless you've got some kind of PROBLEM with that...
Unpopular Bible Fact: Jesus associated with hated minorities.
Unpopular Bible Fact: He who hates, risks going to Hell.
Unpopular Bible Fact: Jesus spoke out against hypocrites.
Unpopular Bible Fact: Hatred of others is unChristian.
Using birdseed, get pigeons to spell out nasty words.
Vehemence is no guarantee of truth. - Isaac Asimov
Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Exploration Team: 1999-1955
Vibrating pocket pagers, a whole new dimension of phone sex!
Vidi, vici, veni - I saw, I conquered, I came.
Virginia is for lovers, but Pennsyvania has Intercourse.
Vitrum edere possum; mihi non nocet.
War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ketchup is a Vegetable...
Warning: Objects in mirror are stupider than they appear.
Wasting time is an important part of living.
Watch out... the paranoids are after you.
We do not recognize our souls until they are in pain. - Crow
We have enough youth; how about a fountain of SMART?
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.
We change not from seeing the light, but feeling the heat.
We must all make sacrifices. You may be next.
We landed on the moon while children starved.
We need not think alike to love alike.
We are here to ridicule reality. Where is it?
We all come from Tao and to Tao we shall return.
We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. - Angelou
We can't help him, nurse; he has on dirty underwear.
We cannot be both innocent and silent witnesses.
We carry within us wonders we seek without us.
We'll make him listen to whiny protest songs from the sixties.
We're lost, but we're making good time.
We're replacing your DNA with new Folger's crystals.
Wear audacious underwear under the most solemn business attire.
Wedding rings: the world's smallest handcuffs.
Welcome to discorporate headquarters...
Welcome to the Future! It's just starting now...
Went outside yesterday. It was very big. Went back in.
Were you aroused when Bugs Bunny dressed as a girl?
What is your position on extramarital sex?
What was my original face before I was born?
What is the sound of one hand clapping?
What was on their minds when they abbreviated "Kentucky?"
What was my original face before I was born?
What you see can depend on what you look for.
What I lack in restraint, I make up for in remorse.
What are the instructions doing in the trash??
What do you call a well-hung bear? Genital Ben.
What happens if you touch these two wires togeth
What happens to your fist when you open your hand?
What would the speed of lightning would be if it didnt zigzag?
What? Kill them all? Yes, plate of food. I will obey.
Whatever does not destroy me makes me stronger.- Nietzche
Whatever you are, be a good one. - Abraham Lincoln
When the horse is dead, it's best to get off it!
When the body sleeps, the soul is enfolded in One. - Chuang Tzu
When the mind is ready, a teacher appears. - Zen saying
When the bird and the bird book disagree, believe the bird.
When the Gods want to punish us, they give us what we want.
When you deal with the insane, always pretend you're sane.
When they put the straight jacket on, my nose always itches.
When the solution is simple, God is answering - Einstein
When you seek it, you cannot find it. - Zen proverb
When all else is lost, the future still remains.
When a sage is angry, he is no longer a sage.
When a finger points at the moon, the fool looks at the finger.
When men lack a sense of awe, there will be disaster. - Lao Tzu
When all think alike, then no one is thinking.
When in doubt, threaten damnation.
When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time.
When did I say "build an amusement park?" - Jesus
When you can see the space shuttle, get out of the way - D. Kier
Where will YOU be when your laxative starts working?
Where was Mrs. Robinson when I was a teenager?
Where you've been means much less than where you're going.
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
Wherever you live is your temple if you treat it like one.
Whew! I'm glad THAT'S over.....
White chocolate coating will make almost anything edible.
Why does everyone like the Tao so much at first?
Why can't you be a non-conformist like everyone else?
Why is the universe here? Where else would it be?
Why attack God? He may be as sad about us as we are.
Why buy cologne when you can wipe a magazine on you?
Will cure virgins for food.
Windows 95: Compiled under an OS/2 DOS session! Bwaahahahaha!
Windows 95 repair kit: A copy of OS/2 Warp.
Windows 95: Simulated OS/2
Windows' OS/2 support is PATHETIC...
WinErr: 001 Non-Microsoft Application Encountered.
WinErr: 005 Multitasking attempted - System confused
Winner of the 1996 "Idiotic Off Topic Message" award.
Winnie The Pooh: Last of the Great Western Zen Masters.
Winter is Nature's way of saying, "UP YOURS!"
Wisdom consists of knowing when to avoid perfection.
Wise up! Stop blaming the victim.
With friends like these, who needs hallucinations?
With one foot in his mouth, he said, "Hmmmm, woo hhccchh."
Woke up, wandered around, opened a window, saw a bulldozer....
Woman is a two-edged sword... driven through your skull.
Womb University: Stay inside; it's warm, dark & safe.
Womb University: No such thing as an impermeable fluid sac.
Womb University: The floating stuff tastes good.
Womb University: When PO'd, kick lots. It gets attention.
Womb University: 9 months is long enough to be with any woman.
Womb University: Avoid the wire hanger.
Womb University: Don't play with tube from belly.
Women may not hit harder, but they may hit lower.
Women take to good-hearted men. Also from.
Women are the Devil's agents. - Russian proverb
Women? Equality? Good, I hate holding doors!
Wooden Stick 3.1: Props open Windows
Worrying is praying for what you don't want
Yes, God has a sense of humor. No, I don't understand it.
You made a woman MEOW?
You know you've arrived when they start stealing your tags.
You must be the change you wish to see in the world. - Gandhi
You have entered Rising Sun. Set your clocks back 20 years.
You don't have to cling to truth with white knuckles. 
You will be told about it tomorrow. Go home and prepare.
You think you have troubles? My sundial is slow.
You probably receive get-well cards from nurses.
You never act da way ya should & I like it.
You, you, and you - panic. The rest of you, come with me.
You can never become happy. You can only BE happy.
You are approaching Tao. Continue, but don't look for it.
You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.
You can turn ANY conversation into one about sex!
You HAD a twin brother, but he didn't listen to me.
You can't be careful on a skateboard, man. - Stephen King
You can't free a fish from water.
You cannot kill time without injuring eternity.
You can't be late until you show up.
You can be Mennonite now and have a pierced eyebrow.
You can't do just ONE thing.
You're hooked when you spend all night editing Taglines.
You're not losing more hair, you're gaining more scalp.
You're hooked when you sign your handle to your checks.
You're hooked when you experience screen vision.
You're being followed; cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
You're all insane and trying to steal my magic bag!
You've obviously been educated beyond your intelligence.
You've been a bad girl. Now go to my room.
Your god died for your sins? What did you do?
Your mother poses for the Far Side!
Your ex just called... she's with the IRS now...
Your motherboard wears combat reboots!
Your proctologist called; your head is ready.
Your analyst has you confused with another patient.
Your boss is thinking about you.
Your daily life is your temple and your religion. - Gibran
Your password is pitifully obvious.
Zeal without knowledge is fire without light.
Zen Monks Do It and Don't Do It.
Zen is simply a voice crying, "Wake up! Wake up!"
Zen monk returned vacuum cleaner. Too many attachments.
Zen is looking for the spectacles which sit on your nose.
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