insert_firefly_quote.rb

#!/usr/bin/env ruby -w

require "enumerator"
require "pstore"

prefs = PStore.new(
  File.expand_path("~/Library/Preferences/com.macromates.textmate.add_whit")
)
scope = ENV["TM_PROJECT_DIRECTORY"] || ENV["TM_FILEPATH"] || :global
used  = prefs.transaction(true) { prefs[scope] || 0 }

selection, count = nil, 0
DATA.enum_for(:each, "").each_with_index do |quote, i|
  next if used[i].nonzero?
  selection = [quote, i] if rand(100) + 1 <= 100 / (count += 1)
end

comment = (ENV["TM_COMMENT_START"] || "#")      + " "
indent  = (ENV["TM_COLUMN_NUMBER"] || 0).to_i   - 1
width   = (ENV["TM_COLUMNS"]        || 80).to_i
if selection.nil?
  `osascript -e beep`
else
  prefs.transaction { prefs[scope] = used | (1 << selection.last) }
  
  puts( selection.first.sub(/\s+\Z/, "").map do |line|
    prefix     =  comment
    prefix     += $&      if line.sub!(/^\s+/, "")
    line_width =  width - (prefix.length + indent)
    line.gsub!( /(.{1,#{line_width}}|\S{#{line_width + 1},})(?: +|$\n?)/,
                "\\1\n" )
    line.map { |l| " " * indent + prefix + l }
  end.flatten.join.sub(/^\s+/, "") )
  print " " * indent
end

__END__
We're not gonna die. We can't die, Bendis. You  know why? Because we are so... very... pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.

We will rule over all  this land, and we will call it... 'This Land'.

Ah, curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Ten percent of nuthin' is... let me do the math here... nuthin' into nuthin'... carry the nuthin'...

If anyone gets nosy, just... you know... shoot 'em.
  Shoot 'em?
Politely.

I brought you some supper but if you'd prefer a lecture, I've a few very catchy ones prepped... sin and hellfire... one has lepers.

Testing, testing. Captain, can you hear me?
  I'm standing right here.
You're coming through good and loud.
	'Cause I'm standing right here.

Well they tell you: never hit a man with a closed fist. But it is, on occasion, hilarious.

Shouldn't you be off bringing religiosity to the Fuzzie-Wuzzies or some such?
  Oh, I got heathens aplenty right here.

What the hell's goin' on in the engine room? Were there monkeys? Some terrifying space monkeys maybe got loose?

Do you know what the chain of command is here? It's the chain I go get and beat you with to show you who's in command.

You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?
	Fought with a lot of people in the war.
And your husband?
  Fight with him sometimes, too.

Every man there go back inside, or we will blow a new crater in this little moon. 

You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

I know him. And I think he's a psychotic lowlife.
	And I think calling him that is an insult to the psychotic lowlife community.

Don't care much for fancy parties. Too rough.

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.
	See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with.

Captain will come up with a plan.
  That's good. Right?
Possibly you're not recalling some of his previous plans.

I am a Shepherd. Folks like a man of God.
  No, they don't. Men of God make everyone feel guilty and judged.

Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. Whaddya suppose  that makes us?
  Big damn heroes, sir.
Ain't we just!

The girl is a witch.
  Yeah, but she's our witch.

You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like woman, I'm a mystery.

I need this man to tear all my clothes off.
  Work, work, work.      

If you take sexual advantage of her, you're  going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.

Well, my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.

This must be what going mad feels like.

Bible's broken. Contradictions, false logistics--doesn't make sense.

Noah's ark is a problem. We'll have to call it early quantum state phenomenon. Only way to fit 5000 species of mammal on the same boat.

We gotta go to the crappy town where I'm the hero!

No! Can't. Too much hair.

You paid money for this, sir? On purpose?

Which one do you figured tracked us?
  The ugly one, sir.
Could you be more specific?

Get her running again?
  Yeah.
So not running now?
  Not so much.

You're afraid we're going to run out of air. That we'll die gasping. But we won't. That's not going to happen. We'll freeze to death first.

Point of interest? Offering to shoot us might not work so well as an incentive as you might imagine.

Hey! How was your thing?
  As advertised -- lots of needles and cold exam tables. I heard you had some excitement.
Oh, nothin' much -- lotsa runnin' round, little gunplay... couple needles.

Yes, I'd forgotten you're moonlighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
  No. But I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

Ah, the pitter patter of tiny feet in huge combat boots.

One of you is gonna fall and die. And I'm not cleaning it up.

Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
	You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lambie-toes.

Okay, um, I'm lost. Uh, I'm angry, and I'm armed...

Hey, I've been in a firefight before! Well, I was in a fire. Actually, I was fired from a fry-cook opportunity. I can handle myself.

I mean, I'm the one she swore to love, honor and obey.
  Listen..." (beat) "She swore to obey?
Well, no, not... But that's just my point! You she obeys! She obeys you! There's obeying going on right under my nose!

Preacher, don't the Bible have some pretty specific things to say about killing? 
  Quite specific. It is, however, somewhat fuzzier on the subject of kneecaps.

Woman, you are completely off your nut.

What was the cargo?
  They were dolls.
They were little geisha dolls with big heads that wobbled!
  Hey, people *loved* those!

Also? I can kill you with my brain.

He's my husband.
  Well who in the damn galaxy ain't?

I hate to bring up our imminent arrest during your crazy time, but we gotta move.

Do not fear me. Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony...

Oh! That was bracing. They don't like it when you shoot at them. I worked that out myself.

This distress call wouldn't be taking place in someone's pants, would it?

If they got guns, and brains at all...
  They have guns.

Well, lady I must say... you're my kinda stupid.

When I want a lot of medical jargon, I'll talk to a doctor. 
  You are talking to a doctor.

We're deep in space, corner of No and Where.

How did your brain even learn human speech? I'm just so curious.

Psychic, though? That sounds like something out of science fiction.
  We live in a space ship, dear.

You  know, with the exception of one deadly and unpredictable midget, this girl is the smallest cargo I've ever had to transport. Yet by far the most troublesome.

A government is a body of people usually notably ungoverned. 

No power in the 'verse can stop me. 

Your husband has demanded that we sleep together. 

I've never shot anyone before.
	I was there, son. I'm fairly sure you haven't shot anyone yet.

What did y'all order a dead guy for? 

Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing. 

Hell, this job I would pull for free.
  Then can I have your share?
No.
  If you die, can I have your share?
Yes.

So, what are we doing?
	Oh, crime.
Crime? Good! Okay! Crime.

Tell you what I think. I figure that fella we run into did everyone on board. Killed 'em all. Then he decided to take a swim, see how fast his blood would boil out his ears.
  You're a very "up" person.

It's a real burden, being right so often. 

The legs. Oh yeah, definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down. Her legs, and right where her legs meet her back. Actually, that whole area. That, and above it. 

OK, everyone not talking about sex, in here! Everyone else, elsewhere!

Don't you ever stand for that sort of thing. Someone ever tries to kill you, you kill them right back!

My god. You're like a trained ape. Without... the training.

No, this must be what going mad feels like.

You are very much lacking in imagination.
  I imagine that's so, sir.

What happened about me?

It sounds like the finest party I could imagine gettin' paid to go to. 

See how I'm not punching him? I think I've grown. 

We was just about to spring into action, Captain. Complicated escape and rescue op.
  I was going to watch. It was very exciting.

Is that him?
  That's the buffet table.
Well, how can we be sure... unless we question it?

Never goes smooth. How come it never goes smooth! 

They weren't cows inside. They were waiting to be, but they forgot. Now they see the sky, and they remember what they are.
  Is it bad that what she said made perfect sense to me?

This is the last time. Last time with cows. Hear there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings? 

Could you not do that while we're... ever? 

You could've gotten off with the shepherd for some meditation at the Bathgate Abbey. Could'a been meditating on the wonders o' your rock garden by now.

Figures--first time in the Core, and what do I get to do? Dig through trash. Why couldn't he send me shopping at the Tri-plex, or... Ooh! Synchronizers! 

Are you Alliance?
  Am I a lion?

I only hurt people because they keep getting in the way of me finding you. Tell her.
  What am I? Your advocate?
You are starting now.
  He's really very... gentle... and fuzzy. We're becoming fast friends.

You folks are all insane.
  Well, my sister's a ship. We had a complicated childhood.

I can't keep track of her when she's not incorporeally possessing a spaceship. Don't look at me. 

She understands, but she doesn't comprehend. 

You know, you ain't quite right.
  It's a popular theory.

Well, I don't like the idea of someone hearing what I'm thinking.
  No one likes the idea of hearing what you're thinking.

I know something ain't right.
  Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.

That's right, of course, 'cause they wouldn't arrest me if we got boarded, I'm just the pilot. I can always say I was flying the ship by accident. 

Your mouth is talking. Might want to look that. 

Remember, you've only got to scare him.
  Pain is scary.

One of those will feed a family for a month. Longer if they don't like their kids too well. 

I'm trying to think of a way for you to be cruder. I just... It's not coming. 

I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.

Your disreputable men are here.
  Better go take their money.

Just an honest brawl between folk.

Hell, if I'd 'a wanted schooling, I'd've gone to school!

I'm thinkin' you weren't burdened with an overabundance of schooling.

I suppose you heard most of that.
  Only because I was eavesdropping.

Every well-bred petty crook knows that the small, concealable weapons go to the far right of the place setting.

I'll kill a man in a fair fight... or if I think he's gonna start a fair fight.  Or if he bothers me, or if there's a woman, or if I'm gettin' paid... mostly when I'm gettin' paid.

Never sneak up on a man while he's handling his weapon.

I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

You got the right same as anyone to live and try to kill people.

I really know how to show a girl a... disgusting time.