xkcd_2443.py

from random import choice

sw_strings = ["In this Star Wars movie, our heros return to take on the first order and new villian",
              ["Kyle Ren", "Malloc", "Darth Sebelius", "Theranos", "Lord Juul"],
              "with help from their new friend",
              ["Kim SpaceMeasurer.", "Teen Yoda.", "Dab Tweetdeck.", "Yaz Progestin.", "TI-83."],
              "Rey builds a new lightsaber with a",
              ["beige", "ochre", "mauve", "aquamarine", "taupe"],
              "blade and they head out to confront the First Order's new superweapon, the",
              ["Sun Obliterator", "Moonsquisher", "World Eater", "Planet Zester", "Superconducting Supercollider"],
              "a space station capable of",
              ["blowing up a planet with a bunch of beams of energy that combine into one.", 
                "blowing up a bunch of planets with one beam of energy that splits into many.",
                "cutting a planet in half and smashing the halves together like two cymbals.",
                "increasing the CO2 levels in a planet's atmosphere, causing rapid heating.",
                "triggering the end credits before the movie is done."],
              "They unexpectedly join forces with their old enemy",
              ["Boba Fett", "Salacious Crumb", "The Space Slug", "the bottom half of Darth Maul",
               "YouTube Commenters"],
              "and destroy the superweapon in a battle featuring",
              ["a bow that shoots little lightsaber-headed arrows.",
               "X-Wings and Tie Fighters dodging the giant letters of the opening crawl.",
               "a Sith educational display that uses force lightning to demonstrate the dielectric breakdown of air.",
               "Kylo Ren putting on another helmet over his smaller one.",
               "a Sith car wash where the bristles on the brushes are little lightsabers."],
              "P.S. Rey's parents are",
              ["Luke", "Leia", "Han", "Obi-Wan", "A random junk trader"],
              "and",
              ["Poe.", "BB-8.", "Amilyn Holdo.", "Laura Dern.", "a random junk trader.",
               "that one droid from the Jawa sandcrawler  that says GONK."]]

outstring = ""
for string in sw_strings:
    if type(string) == list:
        outstring += " {}".format(choice(string))
    else:
        outstring += " {}".format(string)
print(outstring)