git-rofl

#!/bin/bash

green=$(tput setaf 2)
yellow=$(tput setaf 3)
blue=$(tput setaf 12)
reset=$(tput sgr0)
cols=$(tput cols)

# Associative array of branches and upstreams. The keys are the local branches
# and the values are their upstreams (if any)
eval "branches=($(git for-each-ref --shell --format='%(refname:short)' 'refs/heads/*'))"
eval "upstreams=($(git for-each-ref --shell --format='%(upstream:short)' 'refs/heads/*'))"

declare -A dates messages hashes order

i=0
while b=${branches[i]}; IFS=$'\t' read -r date hash message; do
    dates[$b]=$date
    hashes[$b]=$hash
    messages[$b]=$message
    ((i++))
done < <(git log --no-walk --format='%at%x09%h%x09%s' "${branches[@]}" | sort -n)
max=$i

current=$(git symbolic-ref -q --short HEAD)

for ((i = 0; i < max; i++)); do
    blen=${#branches[i]}
    ulen=${#upstreams[i]}
    (( blongest = blen > blongest ? blen : blongest ))
    (( ulongest = ulen > ulongest ? ulen : ulongest ))
done

# Max length of message = width - Length of YYYY-MM-DD * master origin/master hash 
(( n = cols - (23 + blongest  + ulongest) ))

for ((i = 0; i < max; i++)); do
    b=${branches[i]}
    u=${upstreams[i]}

    bfmt='%1s %s%-*s%s'
    [[ $b = $current ]] && mark=* || mark=
    bargs=( "$mark" "$green" "$blongest" "$b" "$reset" )

    ufmt='%s%-*s%s'
    uargs=( "$blue" "$ulongest" "$u" "$reset" )

    hfmt='%s%s%s'
    hargs=( "$yellow" "${hashes[$b]}" "$reset" )

    m=${messages[$b]:0:$n}

    printf "%(%Y-%m-%d)T $bfmt $ufmt $hfmt %s\n" "${dates[$b]}" "${bargs[@]}" "${uargs[@]}" "${hargs[@]}" "$m"
done