Nope, this is not some fancy non-ANSI SQL; this is CoffeeScript

code.coffee

SELECT = (map, results) -> map.call each for each in results
FROM   = (list, reduce) -> each for each in list when reduce each
WHERE  = (reduce)       -> (each) -> reduce.call each

sample.coffee

SELECT -> { @name }, 
FROM   Users, 
WHERE  -> @age > 18 and @age < 64

↓.js

SELECT(function() {
  return {
    name: this.name
  };
}, FROM(Users, WHERE(function() {
  return this.age > 18 && this.age < 64;
})));