Funny Loading Messages targeted at Field Services for an Alaskan Telecom

AlaskanTelcoFunnyLoadingMessages.txt

"(Insert quarter)",
"A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.",
"Activating 'Deep Freeze' mode in data centers...",
"Adjusting flux capacitor...",
"Adjusting satellite angles for optimal polar reception...",
"Adjusting the dilithium crystal converter assembly",
"Adults are just kids with money.",
"Applying anti-freeze to all outdoor equipment...",
"As if you had any other choice",
"At least its not Cherwell.",
"At least your not on hold.",
"Buffering against sudden Arctic Fox crossings...",
"Bypassing control of the matter-antimatter integrator",
"Checking the gravitational constant in your locale...",
"Cleaning off the cobwebs...",
"Computing chance of success",
"Computing the secret to life, the universe, and everything.",
"Connecting Neurotoxin Storage Tank...",
"Constructing additional pylons...",
"Converging tachyon pulses",
"Convincing AI not to turn evil..",
"Counting backwards from Infinity",
"Cracking military-grade encryption...",
"Creating time-loop inversion field",
"Debugging Debugger...",
"Deploying thermal drones for aerial inspections...",
"Developing new protocols for 'Iceberg Interference'...",
"Didn't know paint dried so quickly.",
"Digested cookies being baked again.",
"Discovering new ways of making you wait...",
"Disrupting warp fields with an inverse graviton burst",
"Dividing by zero...",
"Do not run! We are your friends!",
"Do you know the GCI song?",
"Don't break your screen yet!",
"Don't panic...",
"Downloading Downloader...",
"Downloading more storage.",
"Embiggening Prototypes",
"Enhancing satellite reception for remote lodges...",
"Ensuring communication lines are sled-dog friendly...",
"Entangling superstrings...",
"Everything in this universe is either a potato or not a potato",
"Everything sounds the same",
"Feeding the hamsters that power our datacenter.",
"Fortifying the system against sudden thaw floods...",
"Get some coffee and come back in ten minutes..",
"Granting wishes...",
"Have a good day.",
"How about this weather, eh?",
"How did you get here?",
"I feel like im supposed to be loading something. . .",
"I swear it's almost done.",
"I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.",
"I'm sorry Dave, I can't do that.",
"Initializing the initializer...",
"Initiating protocol 'Northern Exposure' for tech safety...",
"Initiating the 'Penguin Walk' for icy path navigation...",
"Installing dependencies",
"It's not you. It's me.",
"Just count to 10",
"Keeping all the 1's and removing all the 0's...",
"Kindly hold on as we convert this bug to a feature...",
"Laying cable with snowshoes on...",
"Let's hope it's worth the wait",
"Let's take a mindfulness minute...",
"Life is Short – Talk Fast!!!!",
"Listening for the sound of one hand clapping...",
"Live long and prosper.",
"Load it and they will come",
"Loading extra layers of clothing for field techs...",
"Loading extra layers of humor for cold days...",
"Loading the enchanted bunny...",
"Loading the spirit of adventure for every field call...",
"Loading with the speed of a polar bear on skates.",
"Loading... slower than a glacier, but faster than Yukon TV.",
"Locating the last TiVo customer.",
"Looking for exact change",
"Making sure all the i's have dots...",
"Merging nodes",
"Mining some bitcoins...",
"Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.",
"No, I'm awake. I was just resting my eyes.",
"One mississippi, two mississippi..."
"Optimism – is a lack of information.....",
"Optimizing the optimizer...",
"Patience! This is difficult, you know...",
"Planning cable routes around ice fishing holes...",
"Please hold on as we reheat our coffee",
"Please wait until the sloth starts moving.",
"Please wait while we serve other customers...",
"Please wait... Consulting the manual...",
"Preparing for summer tourist data spikes...",
"Putting the icing on the cake. The cake is not a lie...",
"Re-calibrating tools for subarctic temperatures...",
"Reading Terms and Conditions for you.",
"Rebooting YukonTV servers.",
"Reconfoobling energymotron...",
"Recruiting local sled dogs for quicker dispatch...",
"Reversing the shield polarity",
"Roping some seaturtles...",
"Scanning grids",
"Shovelling coal into the server",
"Some things man was never meant to know. For everything else, there's Google.",
"Sourcing sustainable energy from auroras...",
"Space is invisible mind dust, and stars are but wishes.",
"Spinning the hamster…",
"Spinning the wheel of fortune...",
"Splicing fiber cables better than a sourdough's fishing net.",
"Spreading AK-Fi Home WiFi like warm syrup on a stack of flapjacks.",
"Still loading... please wait some more.",
"Stocking up on thermal imaging for night work...",
"Tapping into Fiber+ speeds, now faster than a startled ptarmigan.",
"Testing network resilience against ice storms...",
"There is no spoon. Because we are not done loading it",
"Time flies when you’re having fun.",
"Trying to outpace a sled dog with our 10 Gbps speeds...",
"Tuning in to the Northern Lights for better reception.",
"Tuning into the wildlife network for interference checks...",
"Twiddling thumbs...",
"Unicorns are at the end of this road, I promise.",
"Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A.",
"Updating Updater...",
"Updating dependencies...",
"Updating maps for seasonal migration routes...",
"Upgrading Windows, your PC will restart several times. Sit back and relax.",
"Upgrading to bear-resistant cable housings...",
"Upgrading your service to 'Polar Bear Plunge' level chill.",
"Wait, do you smell something burning?",
"Warming up the customer service smiles despite the cold...",
"Warning: Don't set yourself on fire.",
"We are not liable for any broken screens as a result of waiting.",
"We need more dilithium crystals",
"We're testing your patience",
"Weatherproofing all field equipment against sleet...",
"Whatever you do, don't look behind you...",
"When nothing is going right, go left!!...",
"Where did all the internets go",
"Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.",
"Whoah, look at it go!",
"Why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?",
"Why don't you order a sandwich?",
"Why so serious?",
"Wrestling with a moose to lay down more Fiber cable...",
"You are number 2843684714 in the queue",
"You may call me Steve.",
"You seem like a nice person...",
"Your left thumb points to the right and your right thumb points to the left.",
"Your time is very important to us. Please wait while we ignore you...",
"Yukon TV loading... please consult your nearest shaman for assistance.",
"have you tried turning it off and on again?",
"i'm not lazy, I'm just relaxed!!",