Festivity

festivity.txt

 _________________________________________
/  Festivity Level 1: Your guests are     \
| chatting amiably with each other,       |
| admiring your Christmas-tree ornaments, |
| singing carols around the upright       |
| piano, sipping at their drinks and      |
| nibbling hors d'oeuvres.                |
|                                         |
| Festivity Level 2: Your guests are      |
| talking loudly -- sometimes to each     |
| other, and sometimes to nobody at all,  |
| rearranging your Christmas-tree         |
| ornaments, singing "I Gotta Be Me"      |
| around the upright piano, gulping their |
| drinks and wolfing down hors d'oeuvres. |
|                                         |
| Festivity Level 3: Your guests are      |
| arguing violently with inanimate        |
| objects, singing "I can't get no        |
| satisfaction," gulping down other       |
| peoples' drinks, wolfing down Christmas |
| tree ornaments and placing hors         |
| d'oeuvres in the upright piano to see   |
| what happens when the little hammers    |
| strike.                                 |
|                                         |
| Festivity Level 4: Your guests, hors    |
| d'oeuvres smeared all over their naked  |
| bodies are performing a ritual dance    |
| around the burning Christmas tree. The  |
| piano is missing.                       |
|                                         |
| You want to keep your party somewhere   |
| around level 3, unless you rent your    |
| home and own Firearms, in which case    |
| you can go to level 4. The best way to  |
\ get to level 3 is egg-nog.              /
 -----------------------------------------
        \   ^__^
         \  (oo)\_______
            (__)\       )\/\
                ||----w |
                ||     ||