Life Essay-随笔

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🌲 An exploration of life's philosophy, personal growth, and self-actualization.

🌼 关于生活哲学、个人成长与自我实现的随笔/读书笔记。

love-and-beloved-zh.md

被爱到底是什么感觉？

养过猫吗？

猫科动物是独居动物，在食物链层级很高。

独居动物天然没有社会性需求，也就是说它不需要得到同伴的认可、鼓励、肯定等等情绪反馈，它完全自给自足，不需要外界的情绪价值。

它们可以天然的按照自己的想法，想干嘛就干嘛。

想躺就躺半天，一动不动，跟着太阳挪身体。

躺够了就起来随便找东西玩，大道桌子上的花瓶，小到地上的螺丝钉和小甲虫，都可以是它们的玩具，随便什么东西都能兴高采烈玩上大半天。

饿了就去找吃的，渴了就去找水喝。

当且仅当它觉得玩够了，想找个舒服地方睡觉的时候，会跑来主人身边蹭两下，找到大腿或者肚皮处松软的地方躺下睡觉。

养过猫的就知道，你需要猫按照你的意志做什么吗？

根本不需要。

仅仅是它的存在本身，就已经足够抚慰你的各种情绪了。

你上了一整天班累瘫了回家，看到猫就心情好了起来。

在外受了委屈带了情绪回家，看到猫就只剩下开心。

累了痛了，抱上猫撸一顿搂着睡个觉心情就好了。

就是这样。

这就是爱和被爱。

爱和被爱

你不需要 TA 做什么，仅仅是 TA 的存在本身就已经给了你巨大的能量，让你在和世界的对抗中感觉有了坚强的后盾。

你不会去评判 TA 的懒散和躺平，反而你需要 TA 的那份安逸来帮你缓解焦虑。

你不会去批评 TA 惹祸精一样的闲不住，打碎了花瓶弄翻了桌子都是第一时间关心 TA 受伤了没，然后赶紧去打扫现场。

你接受 TA 的任何方面，哪怕是上完厕所不埋沙子就大摇大摆一屁股坐你新衣服上。

哪怕是凌晨你睡得正香时跳上你床头一屁股坐你脸上，你都愿意接受。

你不会要求 TA 按照你的想法去做改变，不会要求 TA 要做到如何如何你才会爱 TA，不会在 TA 要跑要跳要睡要闹的时候去干涉。

更不会对 TA 说，你看我有多么多么爱你，所以你要如何如何。

仅仅是 TA 的存在本身，就已经让你感觉幸运无比。

你只会默默准备好吃的、好喝的，默默帮 TA 清理猫砂，帮 TA 打扫战场，帮 TA 准备好玩具、衣服和驱虫药。

这就是爱。

而从对方的视角来看，这就是被爱。

love-and-beloved.md

What Does It Feel Like to Be Loved?

Have you ever owned a cat?

Felines are solitary animals, high up in the food chain hierarchy.

Solitary creatures by nature have no social needs, meaning they do not require emotional feedback such as approval, encouragement, or affirmation from their peers. They are entirely self-sufficient and do not seek emotional value from the outside world.

They can naturally act according to their own will, doing whatever they please.

If they want to lie down, they can lie there for hours without moving, shifting position with the sun.

Once they've had enough rest, they get up and find something to play with, be it a vase on the table or a screw and beetle on the ground. Anything can be their toy, and they can play joyfully with any object for a long time.

When they're hungry, they seek food; when thirsty, they seek water.

Only when it decides it has played enough and wants a comfortable place to sleep does it come to its owner, nuzzle a couple of times, and find a soft spot on the thigh or belly to lie down and sleep.

Those who have owned cats know, do you need the cat to do anything according to your will?

There's no need at all.

Just its presence is enough to soothe all sorts of emotions.

After a tiring day at work, you come home and your mood instantly improves when you see the cat.

If you come home with grievances and emotions, seeing the cat leaves only happiness behind.

Tired and in pain, hold the cat, pet it, cuddle, and sleep, and your mood gets better.

That's it.

This is love and being loved.

Love and Being Loved

You don't need them to do anything; their mere existence already gives you tremendous energy, making you feel strong and supported in your confrontations with the world.

You won't judge their laziness and lying around; instead, you need their tranquility to help alleviate your anxiety.

You won't criticize them for being a troublemaker who can't stay still. If they break a vase or tip over a table, your first concern is whether they are hurt, and then you quickly clean up the scene.

You accept all aspects of them, even if they don't bury the sand after using the toilet and sit on your new clothes with a sway.

Even if they jump on your bed and sit on your face at dawn while you're sleeping soundly, you are willing to accept it.

You won't ask them to change according to your thoughts, you won't demand that they have to do such and such for you to love them, and you won't interfere when they want to run, jump, sleep, or make noise.

You won't even say to them, "Look at how much I love you, so you should do this or that."

Just their presence already makes you feel incredibly lucky.

You only silently prepare delicious food and drinks, silently help them clean the litter box, clean up the battlefield, and prepare their toys, clothes, and deworming medicine.

This is love.

From the other's perspective, this is being loved.