Uses of different knots

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Overhand: When you just gotta tie a knot.
Double overhand: When you just gotta tie a knot but you don't trust a regular overhand because life is cruel to you.
Figure eight knot: When you need a strong as hell loop that 100% won't fail on you such as when you're climbing mountains or rock walls although anything dangerous like that you should be using a double figure eight.
Running knot: This is barely a knot. Use it to choke yourself while you masturbate in your broom closet you sick fuck.
Granny knot: This is what you get the first two times you try to tie a square knot and fuck it up.
Sheep shank: An actual knot EMSK. Use it to shorten rope. It doesn't take too much pressure but if you put another secure rope through those two end loops it can hold down a trailer load.
Square knot: Another knot EMSK. Turns two pieces of equally thick rope into one. Use it to tie together the ends of your ugly-ass shark tooth necklace.
Bowline: Every sailor knows this but you should definitely know too. You know in movies where some dumb cunt falls down a cliff and is just hanging on to a rock and their mates have to send down a rope for them to grab onto and rescue them? If they knew how to tie a bowline with one hand they could have that rope around their waist as they got pulled to safety.
Sheet bend: Same use as the square knot but for when one rope is thicker than the other. Use it to tie your larger, thicker penis to another man's smaller, thinner one to show dominance.
Overhand bow: This is just an overhand knot with two ropes laying next to each other, like how your ex-girlfriend is laying next to another man and wishing he was you, you stud.
Carrick bend: When you want to tie two pieces of rope together but they are too thick and inflexible to make the sharp bends of a square knot, such as when you are docking a boat, or docking your best mate.
Bow knot: Good for tying your shoes when you get bored of how you learned to do it as a child. Also works for bikinis.
Figure eight double: As described above. You might see this when people are belaying rock climbers.
Clove hitch: When you want to tie a rope to a stick or spar this is generally the best way to do it. Tie a clove hitch around a thick branch, throw the branch into a strong tree above a river like a ninja grappling hook, and BAM you got a rope swing but not a very good one.
Half hitch: More like a half-assed hitch. Actually it's incredible useful for a bunch of more complex knots, but on its own it's fairly useless.
Timber hitch: Tie it round trees you fell with your big, manly arms to drag them back to camp. Add a half hitch to turn it into a Killick hitch.
Killick hitch: Can stop the Timber hitch from rolling out when you drag your tree, or to tie rope to odd shaped things
Halyard bend: Also to tie rope to cylindrical things like spars, but get's really fucking tight and hard to undo. At least it looks nice.
Rolling hitch: While the Timber hitch will let you drag a log behind you like a plow, the rolling hitch will let you drag it lengthways. Use it when you need to get large trees through a front door to play a prank.
Fisherman's bend: For when you want to attach an anchor to a rope. Anchors are best used when attached to rope. Bonus tip: attach said rope to your boat for extra usefulness.
Two half hitches: A good balance between being easy to undo and not untying under pressure. Use it to tie your dog to a street lamp while you go into a shop, or to tie your girlfriend to a street lamp while you go into your other girlfriend. Wrap around the pole twice if it is thinner than your wrist, this is called a round turn and two half hitches.
BONUS but not a very good bonus.
Lark's head: You already know what this is, it's not even a knot. It's crazy useful though, if a Lark's head breaks it's because your rope snapped. I used this for suspension bondage cause it's the only way to know 100% you won't let someone fall from the ceiling.
Cat's paw: A Lark's head with extra twists. People use it for fishing to attach hooks I think.
Every other knot on this infographic is fairly useless to your average dude. Some are maritime and fishing knots, others are so intuitive that you don't need a guide. If you're going to need to use one of the complex ones you won't be learning from a .jpg on the internet, you've probably already spent a lot of time learning it in meatspace. Anyway I hope this helped, feel free to add any corrections or extra info.