andyboyletextadventure.rb

require 'rubygems'
require 'twitter'

tweets = Twitter.user_timeline("andymboyle").collect {|r| r['text'] }.reverse
tweets = tweets.collect {|r| r.gsub(/(^|\s+)(?:I|me)([[:punct:]]|\s+|$)/i,'\1you\2') }
tweets = tweets.collect {|r| r.gsub(/(^|\s+)my([[:punct:]]|\s+|$)/i,'\1your\2') }
tweets = tweets.collect {|r| r.gsub(/(^|\s+)mine([[:punct:]]|\s+|$)/i,'\1yours\2') }
tweets = tweets.collect {|r| r.gsub(/(^|\s+)am([[:punct:]]|\s+|$)/i,'\1are\2') }
tweets = tweets.collect {|r| r.gsub(/(^|\s+)we'll([[:punct:]]|\s+|$)/i,'\1you\'ll\2') }
tweets = tweets.collect {|r| r.gsub(/(^|\s+)I'd([[:punct:]]|\s+|$)/i,'\1you\'d\2') }

tweets.each do |tweet|
  puts ">> #{tweet}"
  puts "\n"
  sleep 3
end

# >> @arhine you will make millions!
# 
# >> you think @mattwaite is leaving the airplane you are supposed to board.
# 
# >> And there @mattwaite is.
# 
# >> OH NO you THINK CUTE GIRL IS ON your FLIGHT. If you sit near her, you will mention that you have the words of her tattoo on your wall. Then you'll marry.
# 
# >> Fixing code while sitting at your airport terminal? Baller. Take that, various college professors who called you lazy.
# 
# >> Cute girl sat six rows ahead. Oh well. It wasn't meant to be. And now to read your New Yorker. #collegegraduate
# 
# >> SCREAMING CHILD ON PLANE. This ruins everything awesome about cute girl.
# 
# >> @harrisj Go confidentally in the direction if your dreams. She also has a the four F Jawbreaker tattoo. Main reason you'd marry her.
# 
# >> your wannabe romantic comedy has ended. you are now sitting next to two nice older women whose luggage you helped stow. See you all later.
# 
# >> @ahemphill Unrelated.
# 
# >> Attention Twitter: So after departing the plane in Minneapolis, you saw her standing and waiting. So you went up and...
# 
# >> ...told her that her tattoo was really cool. She didn't hear you. Her earbuds were in and you didn't notice. you then kept walking.
# 
# >> you made it to your gate for Sioux Falls. If she's on THIS flight, you will just assume she's an assassin. And thus ends the Saga of Cute Girl.
# 
# >> Say tuned in next week for The Adventures of Single, Chubby Nebraska Man As He Goes Through Life. Orson Welles plays The Professor.
# 
# >> Attention older guy rocking the fedora, London Fog jacket and fancy man scarf: HELL YEAH, sir!
# 
# >> Holy shit! you THINK you JUST SAW A ZUNE. This is a sign from the elder gods that means your trip shall bring you good fortune, right?
# 
# >> you want to go talk to that guy and ask him about other horrible life decisions he made.
# 
# >> So. Brett Favre will be on Dancing With The Tars next year. You heard it here first, folks. #guesses
# 
# >> Drinking beers with your sister and her fiancé IS AWESOME. #sisterswedding #southdakota
# 
# >> @MeghanEvans you like you a lot more now. #palinanecdotes #ihavenone