cacophony.php

<?php

if (strpos(`uname`, 'Darwin') === false) {
    fwrite(STDERR, "This only works on macOS, sorry.\n");
    exit(1);
}

$voices = array_map(
    function($voice) {
        return (explode(' ', $voice))[0];
    },
    explode("\n", trim(`say -v ?`))
);

$words = explode("\n", trim(file_get_contents('/usr/share/dict/words')));

$num_voices = intval($argv[1]) ?: 10;
$num_words = intval($argv[2]) ?: 10;

for ($i=0; $i < $num_voices ; $i++) {
    $voice = $voices[array_rand($voices)];
    $word_list = join(" ", array_map(function() use ($words) { return $words[array_rand($words)]; }, range(1, $num_words)));
    $wpm = rand(80, 120);
    exec("say -v {$voice} -r {$wpm} {$word_list} > /dev/null 2>/dev/null &");
}