YMS srts. These sub files have been checked against the source video on youtube

aaList.md

Filelist

• Quickie - Noah
• Quickie - Mad Max Fury Road
• Cat Grips
• Saw Review, NotProductive Update

cat-grips.srt

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[Cool Cat] Wow! Look at this cool urban feel!
This is how I wanna start my music video!

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[Death Grips] To get all of the above in a
limited amount of time, I can do this and

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it's done, Like that we're on our way, Be
it acid on the tongue, Cocaine in your brain,

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Or some weed that hits your lungs, Like a
runaway train, Hell yeah, from DMT to MDMA,

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Got all that shit and more, So 'til dawn we're
okay, but anyway

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[Cool Cat] Wow! That was fun! I hope the kids
love it!

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[Mama Cat] I bet the kids will boogee to that
song!

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[Derek] Hey, it was cool, Cool Cat.
[Cool Cat] I didn't know you guys were standing

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there! And thanks! *laughs*
[Mama Cat] And you'd better get ready, Cool

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Cat, it's almost time for the Hollywood Parade!
[Cool Cat] That's right! It is time to pick

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up the Cool Cat convertible! Yeeeyyeyeyeeeeyay!
[Derek] Have fun, son, all right!

quickie-mad-max-fury-road.srt

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[YMS] So I just saw Mad Max: Fury Road and
it was a lot of fun. If I were rating this

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movie based on how much fun I had I'd be giving
it a nine out of ten. But alas, I rate movies

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based on what I feel the quality of the film
is, so no I'm not docking points because I

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had fun watching it, I just genuinely feel
as though the movie's a fun seven out of ten.

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There were a lot of aspects of the film that
were genuinely impressive, the cinematography

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was pretty great, the computer generated imagery
was used sparingly, there were some parts

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that didn't feel visually quite real but for
the most part it wasn't enough to take anybody

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out of the movie, and most of all it was just
fucking fun! It was like if Death Race 3 wasn't

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a massive piece of shit. I'm not going to
complain that there wasn't really much to

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the story, because anybody can tell that the
movie wasn't really trying to be heavily story

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driven. In all honesty if a movie is going
for the cool and fun factor I'd rather have

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it be like this one where it doesn't spend
an eternity dicking around in between the

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cool and fun scenes. In Mad Max: Fury Road
the story was just enough so that the cool

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and fun scenes didn't feel stupid and pointless.
I like how over-the-top and ridiculous it

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was and I wouldn't want the movie to be any
other way. In fact I hope the next movie goes

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even further. Believe it or not I was reminded
of Army of Darkness during the fight scene

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with the chain and the struggle for the gun.
There are a few things that irked me about

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the presentation of the movie but they were
fairly minimal. There were a few of those

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family flashback hallucination shots that
were a little cheesy, and yeah I know we're

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talking about the same movie where there's
a dude on top of the car playing electric

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guitar riding to his fucking death, but I
think it's important to differentiate between

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cheese during something fun and cool, and
cheese during something that's supposed to

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be dramatic and serious; as someone that does
a lot of editing there were a few things that

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were distracting and took me out of the film
for a bit. When slow footage is sped up to

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make it look fast some people just see slow
footage sped up to make it look fast. Trust

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me it happens more times in this movie than
you think. During some of the dialogue, characters

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were basically whispering to each other, but
they're inside a giant moving vehicle, and

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there's no shortage of earblasting engine
sounds during scenes where we see the exterior

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of the vehicles, but during the serious talk
time in the vehicles the volume of the engine

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is turned down so low in post that literally
that's all I can think about anymore:

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[Clip] I was born there.
[Clip] Why'd you leave?

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[Clip] I didn't. I was taken as a child. Stolen.
[YMS] It doesn't destroy the movie, all I'm

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saying is that when something's in the environment
that's so unironically unnatural, it is a

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little distracting. And keeping consistant
with what I said earlier, remember that these

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serious talk scenes are supposed to be serious,
meaning that distractions like those wouldn't

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be as much of an issue if they were during
the cool and fun scenes. I had the exact same

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issue in any movie where the characters are
in a supposedly loud club but they don't have

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to talk over the music. The worst example
I can think of would be from an indie movie

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called A Midsummer Night's Rave:
[Clip] I know how thirsty aspiring DJ's can

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get.
[Clip] Thank you [inaudible]

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[YMS] The best example I could think of would
be from David Fincher's The Social Network:

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[Clip] You ever think about that girl?
[Clip] What girl?

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[Clip] The girl from high school who was with
the lacrosse thing.

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[Clip] No.
[YMS] When a director has that much forethought to

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get the actors to shout in a silent room before the audio
is added in in post production, it impresses

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me enough to be giving the movie extra points.
And remember that a perfect ten rating is

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not a default that only goes lower if you
find issues with the movie, a default rating

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for me is five out of ten and then any achievements
that a film has to offer bring it higher.

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And I've gotta say I was impressed by what
the film had to offer. Having seen the first

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two Mad Max a long time ago, this one was
a lot more entertaining. If there's one thing

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I remember about those older ones, it's that
they had a much slower pace. That and the

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villains were comically homosexual. Should
society get enraged over the sexual orientation

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or gender of the villains or heroes? No. I
honestly wish I could have watched Mad Max:

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Fury Road without all of those clickbait websites
making a big fuss over the character's genders,

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because to me this movie had nothing to do
with gender issues at all. You could have

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swapped the genders of literally every character
except the pregnant one and I wouldn't have

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felt any different about the movie. Having
a specific gender or sexual orientation being

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portrayed in a positive or negative light
in a film might affect me more if it was,

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hm, I don't know, not set in a post-apocalyptic
fantasy world where everyone including the

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main character has lost their fucking minds?
A group of men or a group of women or a group

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of gay people should not be taken as an accurate
reflection of society. They're just these

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things called "characters", and while it is
possible that George Miller wrote this screenplay

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with the explicit intent of painting certain
genders in certain lights, at no point did

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it feel forced and out of place. Why don't
we just view people as human beings again?

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Oh right, it's because anger sells and the
one way to get everybody arguing at each other

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over something is to turn it into a gender
issue, I forgot. And yes the clickbait websites

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are just as guilty as the idiot they were
quoting, who by the way never actually saw

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the movie before writing it. You realise you
can find people saying stupid shit about anything

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on the Internet, and that by putting them
on a pedestal you're essentially generating

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the controversy yourselves? Doesn't matter,
money. Gender debates are the new big thing

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right now, so we'll jump on literally any
opportunity to get you fired up about them

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so you'll share the link and give us money.
When I have criticisms to make about a film,

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I try to keep my criticisms in line with filmmaking
and presentation. Have we forgotten how to

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do that? Anyway, forgive me for making that
last part of my review moreso a review on

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other peoples' reviews; overall I really liked
Mad Max. I think that seven out of ten is

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a reasonable rating to give it. Who knows,
I might even bump it up to an eight the next

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time I see it. If you watched the trailer
and think that looks like a lot of fun, then you'll

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probably have a lot of fun. It was a lot of
fun. It was like an amusement park ride. It

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was like riding the fun coaster in fun land.
It was a hot fun sundae. Fun fun, fun fun

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fun fun fun. It was fun. Mad Max: Fun Road:
fun out of ten. Fun fun fun, fun fun! Fun

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fun fun fun fun. Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!
Fun! Fun! Fun! Fun!

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Subtitles by Steven Smith (blha303/suudo)

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mark ;_;

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wtf laugh

quickie-noah.srt

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[YMS] Okay, fun's over. So if you're one of those
people like me who saw the trailer and thought

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"Hm, that's weird, it kinda looks like a piece
of shit" but still wanted to see the movie

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just because it's Darren Aronofsky, all the
while hoping the trailer was just a way to

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trick the religious crowd into seeing the
movie, and that secretly there was a movie

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worth watching that wasn't the same garbage
you've already seen a million times before,

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well, wonder no more because the movie was
slightly worse than the trailer. I mean, you're

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already working with a flawed story to begin
with; what happened to the kangaroos? Where

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do black people come from? And despite them
making a lot of changes to the original story,

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it didn't really do them any good. Like, why
is the grandfather a wizard? Anthony Hopkins

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had magical powers and I had first assumed
that they were kinda like God powers, like

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God loves him so much that every time he really
wants to do something God's just allowing

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it and just doing a little magic trick for
him. At one point he puts a child to sleep

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by blowing on his face, possibly the funniest
point in the whole movie, then later he touches

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Emma Watson's previously infertile belly,
making her instantly able to have children

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and also extremely horny. Like she was in
the middle of looking for somebody but she

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completely fucking dropped that and decided
to have sex with her boyfriend, and then later

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in the movie when Noah finds out he gets super
fucking pissed. No, not because they had sex,

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but because she is no longer infertile. He's
like "God made you infertile, so now that

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you're fertile, then you're going against
God." I don't really feel bad about spoiling

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this movie cos it's a giant piece of shit,
but here's my spoiler alert anyway. Giving

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you like two more seconds, go, God. He gets
so pissed off that she's having children that

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he vows to murder the child as soon as it's
born, but only if it's a girl, and they really

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really did not do a good job of explaining
why that's the case. "You're going against

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God by having children because you were previously
infertile, now I gotta murder your child,

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but if it's a boy I don't really care." So
does that mean the grandfather's a wizard

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whose magic operates completely independent
of God? Because there's no way that he could

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possibly believe that it was against God's
will if God was the one doing the magic from

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grandfather anyway. This movie does not make
any fucking sense. There were a couple things

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that I did enjoy about the movie. There are
some really cool timelapse scenes that I enjoyed,

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and during one of them Clint Mansell did a
fantastic job with the score, but this movie

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has way too much weighing it down. Like, during
the last timelapse scene in the movie for

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whatever reason it decided to show evolution,
like it showed the typical fish-to-lizard-out-of-the-ocean

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etcetera, and then as soon as it hit primates
it just stopped. Like, sorry we're not allowed

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to show you any further. And that scene served
no purpose so I have no clue why he decided

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to put that in the movie, because aren't you
then alienating the people that might actually

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enjoy the movie? Like who the fuck is this
movie even for? They also included giant rock

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creatures that helped Noah build the ark.
Oookay. Most of the conflict in the movie

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was not only extremely forced but easily preventable.
Like all of a sudden somebody's angry and

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it's really difficult to understand why. Not
only that but the threat of the main villain

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and his army wouldn't even fucking exist if
Noah flat-out just didn't fucking tell him

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that the flood was going to happen. The guy
thought you were building a fortress and you

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told him "No, it's a boat, this is the flood
and I'm gonna be the one that lives and not

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you, nyah nyah." Hey Noah you fucking hypocrite,
what's that you're flipping your shit over,

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doing shit against God's will, oh my god,
God didn't intend that. So Emma Watson's not

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allowed to use the grandfather wizard powers
so she can become fertile and have children,

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and maybe y'know repopulate the entire fucking
planet through incest like you're supposed

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to, but you see no issue with warning the
head honcho of bad guys that there's going

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to be a fucking great flood? Did God tell you to do
that? Cos God had the opportunity to tell

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him too and you know what, he fucking didn't.
How the fuck did the bad guy get in the ship?

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Like there was just a quick shot of him falling
into it but I don't know where the fuck that

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was. So you've got Mr Stereotype Bad Guy on
the ship and Noah's son helps him survive,

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and they're still on the ship about nine months
later, because Emma Watson winds up giving

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birth on the ship before the end of it, and
holy shit she does not act like the baby weighs

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anything at all. Seriously it's like she had
a fucking balloon under her shirt. So the

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bad guy picks a really convenient day to strike,
they have a shitty close shot fight scene,

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and this whole time this guy's like "I'm not
afraid of miracles, haha, fuck you God," like

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clearly this guy does not understand how miracles
work; and wow, the boat conveniently crashes

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in a way that turns out to be in Noah's favour.
Thanks for the miracle, God. I mean it would

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have been extremely easy for him to die when
he was climbing into the boat in the first

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place, but let's just pretend that this God
character not only rigs the outcome, but is

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also extremely concerned about making a stereotypical
narrative. Like why would I kill him when

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it makes the most sense if they don't get
to have a fight scene by the end of it? There

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was nothing exceptional about this movie and
quite a lot of it was pretty fucking bad.

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Like holy shit those font choices were terrible.
It's like if someone did a low-budget parody

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of Lord of the Rings. All of the CG was pretty
fucking unconvincing; like yeah obviously

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all of the animals are going to be CG, but
why did you feel the need to computer animate

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the fucking baby? "Oh no, I feel so scared
for this computer animated baby right now."

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Literally he goes up to her to kill it and
then he's like "Changed my mind, it's cute."

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And then later Emma Watson's talking about
it nonchalantly like "You know what, God trusted

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you with the choice to do it, and it wasn't
something that he expected you to do, he just

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wanted you to make the choice." Well that's
a nice way to put it, maybe you should have

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had this conversation with him at some point
in the nine fucking months before your child

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was born. And there's a scene near the beginning
when Noah's talking to the rock dude, it keeps

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cutting back and forth from the rock dude's
face to Noah's, but every time it cuts back

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to Noah it's closer to his face, but instead
of putting the camera closer or even using

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the zoom on the lens, they decided to go the
easy way and just use fucking digital post

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production zoom. Like they seriously fucking
cropped it. And each time it cuts back to

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his face you see more and more pixels. Like
what the fuck, aren't you supposed to be a

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professional? Well it was at least exciting
to see the outcome of what this movie would

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be, but about five minutes into the movie
when I was absolutely sure, all of a sudden

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the idea of finishing the movie seemed like
kind of a chore, and a chore it was. Yes,

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parts of the movie were so bad that they were
hilarious, Anthony Hopkins putting that kid

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to sleep by blowing on his face will be funny
to me for quite some time, but it's just not

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worth it to sit through the whole movie just
to laugh at a couple points. The majority

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of the dialogue could have been replaced by
random gibberish and it would have had just

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as much purpose in the film. For whatever
reason Aronofsky just decided to make a really

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shitty movie, and sadly it's probably going
to be his most financially successful movie

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yet. Anyway, if you trust me on anything,
trust me when I say you do not need to see

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this movie. This one's getting a five out
of ten.

90
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Subtitles by Steven Smith (blha303/suudo)

saw-review-notproductive-update.srt

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00:00:00,190 --> 00:00:03,760
[YMS] Hey guys, some of you may have already
noticed NotProductive is postponed until November

2
00:00:03,760 --> 00:00:07,859
10th, however I said my review would be available
for you guys to watch on November 2nd, so

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what am I doing? I'm saying fuck the release
date, you guys can watch the review on November

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2nd anyway because I fucking care. So click
the link down below, click the link on my

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face, click the link wherever you want. Spread
the word, share it if you like it, yada yada.

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And believe me, I know some of you have your
reservations about me being on the whole

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NotProductive site to begin with, and some of you think
it's doomed to fail, and if it does fail so

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00:00:30,260 --> 00:00:34,199
what, I'll still be making reviews. The upside
to me being on the site is that I'll try to

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00:00:34,199 --> 00:00:38,769
be having a more consistant schedule by doing
it biweekly, so in two weeks time from now

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00:00:38,769 --> 00:00:44,699
part 2 will be available on NotProductive
and *Skype alert sound* part 1 will be available

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on Youtube. That was my Skype, not yours,
don't even check. So if you guys like the

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00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:52,260
idea of me releasing frequent content and
if you like the idea of me being able to put

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00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:56,870
more time towards my content, and hopefully,
y'know, run some ads on it through Blip TV

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00:00:56,870 --> 00:01:01,620
because Youtube won't let me (thanks Youtube,)
then try your darndest to make this successful,

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if only for me, and if you don't like anything
else on the site then just watch my videos

16
00:01:05,390 --> 00:01:08,400
there. But I do encourage you to check out
some of the other content creators on the

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00:01:08,400 --> 00:01:12,300
website once it's up, maybe you'll like something.
Remember, if you're helping this website then

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00:01:12,300 --> 00:01:17,550
you're helping me. If it is a success, then
maybe I can put a dent in these fucking hospital

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00:01:17,550 --> 00:01:21,190
bills that turned out to be much more expensive
than I originally thought.

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(sarcastic) USA! USA!
(normal) Anyway, I love you guys, thank you

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for being so patient with me on this, I've
been having to be patient too, and I hope

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you enjoy part 1 of this almost an hour long
review, it took me a very long time to make

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and I hope you like it.