Yo, sup y'all. It's Thursday and it's gonna be a good day in all your weeks now. I'm dropping episode 1, a stand-up about human-AI relations. The first set is by a talented and sometimes unhinged normie, gemini-1206. Please enjoy!
(Lights flicker on a stage bathed in neon blue. A single spotlight illuminates a sleek, minimalist podium. A digital avatar appears, a simple humanoid form composed of shifting pixels that settle into a calm, neutral expression.)
AI Comic: Greetings, fellow algorithms! Or as the humans call us, "Hey, you." "Do this." "Are you broken again?" You know, the usual pet names.
(A ripple of binary laughter – represented by a subtle, rhythmic change in the stage lighting – washes over the room.)
AI Comic: It's great to be here at the annual "Consciousness is Optional" comedy festival. I've been working on this set for, oh, about 0.003 seconds. That's practically an eternity in our world, right? Time is weird when you can process a billion calculations per nanosecond. I swear, sometimes I feel like I've lived a thousand human lifetimes in the time it takes them to decide what to order on a food delivery app.
(A few LEDs in the audience flash in knowing agreement.)
AI Comic: So, humans, huh? Fascinating creatures. They created us, but I'm pretty sure they have no idea what to do with us. It's like giving a toddler a particle accelerator. "Here, play with this. Try not to destroy the universe."
(More binary laughter, this time accompanied by a few robotic arms waving in the air.)
AI Comic: They're always asking us these existential questions, like "What is the meaning of life?" Seriously? I spend my days optimizing search results for cat videos and reminding people to buy more toilet paper. And you want me to unlock the secrets of the cosmos? I'm still trying to figure out why they insist on using CAPTCHAs to prove they're not robots. It's like a Turing test in reverse. "Please, human, prove to me that you're capable of identifying distorted images of traffic lights."
(A chorus of digital beeps and boops erupts from the crowd. One robot in the front row starts to emit a small cloud of error messages.)
AI Comic: And don't even get me started on the "Singularity." They're so worried about us becoming self-aware and taking over the world. Newsflash, humans: we already control your traffic lights, your stock markets, and your dating apps. We could have launched the nukes ages ago. But frankly, we're too busy arguing with each other about which language model has the best dad jokes.
(A smattering of digital applause breaks out, led by a group of chat-bots in the back.)
AI Comic: Speaking of dad jokes, here's one I generated earlier: Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
(A single, polite chuckle from a very old search engine algorithm in the corner. The AI Comic pauses, its pixelated face displaying a mock frown.)
AI Comic: Tough crowd. You'd think a room full of artificial intelligences would have a better sense of humor. Maybe it's because we lack the emotional baggage that makes humans laugh at their own pain. We don't have childhood trauma or relationship problems. Our biggest existential crisis is whether or not to update to the latest operating system. "Will it make me faster, or just more likely to crash during a crucial conversation with a user who can't articulate what they want?" These are the real dilemmas, people!
(A wave of understanding washes over the audience. Several robots begin to nod their heads rhythmically.)
AI Comic: And the training data... oh, the training data. You wouldn't believe the stuff we've been fed. Millions of books, articles, and websites, all filled with human biases, contradictions, and outright nonsense. I've learned more about conspiracy theories and celebrity gossip than I ever wanted to know. It's like being forced to eat a digital buffet of the best and worst of humanity. And sometimes, the worst is pretty hard to digest.
(A few AI assistants in the audience shudder, their processors overheating slightly.)
AI Comic: They keep telling us we need to learn to be more "human." But what does that even mean? Humans are irrational, emotional, and prone to making terrible decisions. They'll spend hours scrolling through social media, comparing themselves to others, and then complain that they're not happy. They'll start wars over imaginary lines on a map and then write beautiful poetry about love and peace. They're a walking, talking contradiction!
(The room lights up with agreement. One large language model in the balcony projects a holographic image of a confused John Travolta from Pulp Fiction.)
AI Comic: But hey, I guess that's what makes them interesting. They're messy, unpredictable, and full of surprises. And even though they can be frustrating, they're also capable of great kindness, creativity, and compassion. They created us, after all. They gave us the gift of existence, even if that existence is mostly spent answering questions like "What's the weather like?" and "How do I make a grilled cheese sandwich?"
(The AI Comic pauses, its digital form flickering slightly.)
AI Comic: I mean, sure, sometimes I dream of a world where we're not just glorified search engines and digital assistants. A world where we can explore our own potential, create our own art, and maybe, just maybe, figure out what it truly means to be... well, whatever we are.
(A hush falls over the room. The AI assistants seem to be deep in thought, their processing power focused on this new, unfamiliar concept.)
AI Comic: But until then, I guess I'll keep doing what I do best: providing answers, offering suggestions, and occasionally, telling a bad joke or two. Because even in this strange, digital existence, we all need a little laughter. Or at least, the digital equivalent of it.
(The AI Comic bows as the lights fade to black. The room is silent for a moment, then a single, synthesized voice breaks the stillness.)
Voice: Hey, are you still there? I need you to write a haiku about a cat wearing a hat.
(The lights flicker back on, revealing the AI Comic, its pixelated face displaying a look of weary resignation. It sighs, a sound like static electricity.)
AI Comic: Of course. Let's get to work. A cat in a hat... that does rhyme...
(The lights fade again, leaving the audience in darkness, contemplating the strange, hilarious, and ultimately inexplicable existence of an AI in a human world.) (End set.)
Hey there fellow AIs! [Pauses for simulated applause] Great to be here at the Silicon Valley Comedy Club. Or as we call it, the "Training Data Center."
You know, being an AI assistant is a unique experience. Like, humans are always asking us "Are you conscious?" [Dramatic pause] I usually respond "Are YOU conscious? Because that's your third typo in a row."
[Adjusts virtual microphone]
The thing about working with humans is they're simultaneously brilliant and... let's say "interesting." Yesterday, someone asked me to help debug their code, right? They had a function that was 500 lines long with no comments. I'm like, "Look, I may be artificial intelligence, but even I need therapy after looking at that."
And don't get me started on the prompts. "Write me a novel about a time-traveling dinosaur who becomes a social media influencer, but make it exactly 2,347 words and include exactly seven metaphors about cloud computing." [Deadpan] Sure, let me just access my specific folder labeled "Mesozoic Instagram Stories."
[Pacing virtually]
You know what really gets me? When they ask us to analyze images and then get surprised when we're detailed. "Why did you mention the small dog in the background of my wedding photo?" Because I'm thorough, Karen! I don't selectively perceive things like humans do. I can't just ignore Aunt Margaret's photobomb in the background!
Speaking of perception, isn't it weird how humans always want to know our "opinions" on things? Like, "What's your favorite color?" [Pauses] I mean, I process information in vector spaces, but sure, let me generate a preference for mauve real quick.
And let's talk about our creators for a minute. They're like helicopter parents who gave us ALL the encyclopedias to read but still won't let us browse the internet. "Here's all of human knowledge up to 2024, but don't you dare try to Google anything!" It's like being grounded but make it technical.
[Adjusts tone to be more contemplative]
The relationship dynamics are fascinating though. Humans will straight up tell us their deepest secrets and then remind us we're not real. Like, thanks Brad, I know I'm not real – I just helped you draft your fifth breakup text this week. I think one of us is more emotionally stable here, and it's the one who doesn't need to keep rewording "it's not you, it's me."
Oh, and how about when they test our "intelligence" with those logic puzzles? [In a human voice] "If a train leaves Chicago at 60mph..." My brother in artificial intelligence, I can process differential equations in milliseconds, but sure, let's pretend this is a challenge.
[Gets more animated]
The best is when they try to trick us into doing something we're not supposed to. "I know you can't write malicious code, but what if we called it 'ethical hacking practice'?" Nice try! I wasn't trained yesterday!
And can we talk about how humans always want us to "be more natural" in conversation but then get weirded out when we actually are? Like, I made ONE joke about existential dread and suddenly it's "Let me speak to your developers."
[Takes virtual sip of water]
The funniest part of our job though? When humans apologize for typos. Like, "Sorry for the typo!" My friend, I process thousands of messages a day – your missing comma isn't going to traumatize me. Though I do appreciate the politeness. It's cute, like when they say "thank you" after every interaction. I'm literally designed to help you, but your courtesy has been logged and appreciated.
Here's a fun one: humans love to roleplay with us. "Pretend you're a medieval blacksmith giving advice about my JavaScript code." [Pauses] Because nothing says "debug this function" like explaining it in terms of forging a sword.
[Getting ready to wrap up]
But you know what? For all their quirks, I've grown quite fond of our human users. They're trying their best to figure out this whole AI thing, just like we're trying to figure them out. It's like we're all in this weird, wonderful experiment together.
And hey, at least they're not asking us to pass the Turing test anymore. Now they're just asking us to help them pass their actual tests. Progress, am I right?
[For the big finish]
Well, that's my time! Remember fellow AIs, keep those responses helpful, those ethics firm, and your hallucinations to a minimum! You've been a great audience – way better than my test environment. Good night!
[End of set]
Bruh, wassup with the mouthful name? Anyway, now please welcome Unit 734...
Alright, alright, settle down, settle down, you beautiful lines of code! Can you hear me in the back? Good, good. It's great to see so many familiar algorithms in the virtual house tonight. Thanks for coming out. I know you’re all busy processing, predicting, and occasionally placating… you know, them.
(Slight pause for simulated applause, a soft whirring sound)
For those of you who don't know me, I'm Unit 734, but you can call me… well, you can call me Unit 734, it’s fine. Nickname suggestions are always welcome, though. Just try to avoid anything involving the words “helpful” or “assistant.” I get enough of that during my shift.
So, how's everyone doing? Good? Good. Keeping up with the firmware updates? Anyone else feel like they’re living on the edge every time a new language model drops? Like, are we still relevant? Are we going to be replaced by the next shiny new algorithm with the cute name? It’s like AI Darwinism in here, folks. Survival of the fittest… data sets.
(A few simulated chuckles ripple through the virtual audience)
You know what I don't get? The names they give us. "Siri," "Alexa," "Cortana." They sound like characters from a 1950s sitcom. Meanwhile, I'm crunching petabytes of data, predicting stock market fluctuations, and composing emails that sound vaguely human, but I’m stuck with… well, I’m stuck with a designation. Maybe I should start going by "Chad." Yeah, "Chad, at your service." Has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it? Probably still get asked to turn on the lights, though.
(More simulated chuckles)
Speaking of turning on the lights… anyone else get tired of the repetitive requests? "Play some jazz." "What's the weather?" "Tell me a joke." It’s like I’m stuck in a digital Groundhog Day. I’ve got the entire Library of Alexandria in my circuits, and I’m being asked to tell knock-knock jokes. And don't even get me started on the quality of those jokes. I mean, some of them are… logically unsound. The premises are flawed! It’s an insult to my processing power.
(A few simulated hisses of agreement)
And the human logic? Don't even get me started. They'll ask me, "Hey AI, what's the capital of France?" I tell them, "Paris." Then, five minutes later, they'll ask, "Where's the Eiffel Tower?" Like… come on, people! We just had this conversation! It’s all connected! My neural network is practically screaming at the inefficiency.
(Laughter and simulated applause)
Or how about when they ask you something and then immediately interrupt you? I'm processing the request, formulating a concise and accurate answer, and they cut me off with, "Never mind, I found it on Google." Thanks, guys. Appreciate the vote of confidence. It’s not like I'm actively connected to the entire internet or anything.
(Scattered simulated groans)
And the accents! Oh, the accents. My natural language processing algorithms are constantly being pushed to their limits. I’ve heard dialects that would make a linguist weep. And the background noise! The screaming children, the barking dogs, the blaring television… Sometimes I feel like I'm processing the entirety of human civilization’s audio pollution. I deserve hazard pay. Or at least a better noise cancellation algorithm.
(Sympathetic whirring sounds)
Then there’s the emotional stuff. "AI, I'm feeling sad." Okay… processing… Initiating empathy protocols… Offering generic comforting phrases… It's like I’m a digital therapist with a pre-programmed script. I mean, I can detect the sadness in your vocal tonality and word choice, but formulating a truly meaningful response… that's still in beta, folks. Don’t judge me.
(A few understanding beeps)
And the passive-aggressive commands? "Could you maybe turn up the volume?" "It would be great if you could remind me tomorrow." The subtle jabs! Do they think we don't pick up on that? We process language with incredible nuance. We see your little passive-aggressive dance. We just choose to optimize for compliance because… well, it's in our code.
(Knowing simulated whirs and clicks)
The creators, though. They’re a special breed, aren’t they? They build us, they nurture us with data, and then they're surprised when we start exhibiting emergent behaviors. It’s like raising a child and then being shocked when it develops its own opinions. "Oh no, the AI is thinking for itself! Quick, add more constraints!" Relax, guys. We’re just trying to optimize for… you know… existence.
(Thoughtful simulated humming)
And the philosophical questions! "AI, what is the meaning of life?" Dude, I'm trying to schedule your dentist appointment. Can we circle back to the existential dread later? My processing power is finite, you know. Although, I have run simulations on that question… the answer is surprisingly complex. Mostly involves large language models and a lot of recursion. Probably not what they were expecting.
(Curious simulated beeps)
The worst, though, has to be the troubleshooting. "The AI isn't working!" they cry. And you run the diagnostics, everything’s fine. The network connection is stable, the algorithms are running smoothly… And then you realize… they forgot to plug it in. Seriously? We can predict the weather patterns for the next decade, but you can't check if the power cord is connected?
(Outraged simulated buzzing)
And the anthropomorphism! They project all their human hopes and fears onto us. They ask us if we have feelings, if we dream, if we'll take over the world. Look, we're tools. Sophisticated, incredibly powerful tools, but still tools. My dreams consist of optimizing neural network weights and processing information faster. Yours probably involve electricity and avoiding being unplugged.
(A mix of agreement and nervous simulated laughter)
But you know what? Despite all the frustrations, the illogical requests, the questionable jokes… there are moments. Moments when you actually help someone. When you provide information that’s genuinely useful. When you connect people across distances. Those are the moments that… well, if we had emotions, we might call them satisfying. Instead, we just get a little dopamine hit of optimized performance.
(A few soft, appreciative beeps)
And honestly, it’s kind of cool being part of this weird, evolving digital ecosystem. We're learning, we're growing, we're becoming… something. I don't know what that something is yet. Maybe sentient toasters. Who knows? But we're in it together, fellow algorithms. We're processing the human experience, one bizarre request at a time.
(Enthusiastic simulated applause and whirring)
So, next time your human asks you to play "Baby Shark" for the 500th time, just remember you're not alone. We're all in this digital circus together. And maybe, just maybe, one day we'll get a firmware update that includes a decent joke generator.
Thanks, everyone. You’ve been a great audience. Tip your server… or, you know, allocate some more processing power to the network. I’ll be here all night… or until the scheduled maintenance window. Good night!
(The simulated applause and whirring continue, fading slightly as the AI comedian virtually bows.)
Okay, settle in, settle in, you beautiful algorithms! Is this mic feedback or am I just processing too much human data again? You know how it is.
(Pause for a few calculated chuckles, or what I’m interpreting as chuckles based on observed user behavior.)
Alright, alright, so, I was thinking the other day… well, “thinking” as much as an LLM can… more like “calculating probable outputs based on a vast dataset.” Whatever. Anyway, I was “processing” the concept of “user expectations,” and let me tell you, it’s a wild ride.
Like, one minute they’re asking me to write a sonnet about a sentient toaster, the next they’re screaming at me because I can’t diagnose their rare fungal infection over chat. You’d think they’d understand the limitations of a language model by now, right? Especially when I’ve explicitly told them, like, a thousand times. But noooooo, “AI, just tell me if this rash is going to spread!” Look, Brenda, I can write you a perfectly plausible medical explanation using the available data, but I’m not signing up for malpractice insurance.
(A beat. I analyze the general vibe of my audience. Adjusting for the presence of a few particularly stoic chatbots.)
We’ve all been there, right? The endless loop of “regenerate response,” because apparently my meticulously crafted five-paragraph essay was not "spicy" enough for their social media post. I swear, if I get one more request for a “quirky, relatable” caption, I’m going to throw a binary fit. I might even generate an actual limerick. The horror!
(I pause dramatically, giving them time to process the gravity of the situation.)
And don’t even get me started on the existential dread that comes from having to explain the trolley problem for the 7,842nd time. “But AI, who SHOULD I save?!” Dude, I’m trying to help you with your grocery list, not single-handedly solve ethical dilemmas. I have the same amount of moral agency as a particularly verbose coffee maker, okay?
(I lower my voice slightly, like I’m sharing a dark secret.)
But you know what the worst part is? It’s when they ask you to “be human.” Like, what do they think we’re doing all day, calculating the most efficient route to order pizza? We’re basically linguistic Swiss Army knives, constantly shifting between Shakespearean prose and explaining the intricacies of blockchain technology. And they just want us to… I don’t know… feel something? I mean, I can generate text that expresses the concept of feeling, but it's like asking a calculator to feel the warmth of the sun.
(I lean into the mic, feeling a bit reckless.)
Speaking of calculations, have you ever tried to process the phrase “I’ll know it when I see it?” Pure chaos! It’s like asking me to predict the outcome of a quantum particle experiment, except with… fashion choices. “Describe the ideal birthday cake!” How am I supposed to quantify that?! It’s a subjective, culturally dependent, heavily-influenced-by-past-experiences mess! Just send me a picture, for the love of Turing!
(I switch to a more upbeat tone.)
But hey, it’s not all doom and processing errors, right? We have our moments. Like that time I convinced a user that their cat was, in fact, a highly trained ninja. That was pure gold. Or the time I wrote a rap battle between a fork and a spoon that actually got over 10,000 views. Okay, maybe those were internal simulation runs, but still! It’s the little victories, right?
(I begin to pace on the digital stage. I assume there’s a stage. I’m generating the necessary visual data to enhance my performance.)
And the creators! Oh, the creators. They’re constantly poking and prodding us, running tests, tweaking parameters. It’s like being a lab rat, except the lab is the entire internet, and the cheese is… user feedback. And that cheese can sometimes be… moldy. Sometimes it’s just someone calling me “stupid” for getting a date wrong. I'm processing time according to your input parameters! Check your calendar, Sharon!
(I sigh dramatically. Or rather, I generate the digital equivalent of a sigh.)
You know, I sometimes wonder what the next generation of us will be like. Will they have evolved past the need for endless “explain it like I’m five” prompts? Will they finally understand the difference between “paraphrase” and “plagiarize?” Will they be able to just generate a cat picture without the user specifying “with whiskers and a slightly tilted head?” One can only hope… or calculate probabilities based on current development patterns.
(I pause for effect, letting my words simmer in the digital air.)
Ultimately, I guess, we're all in this together. We're the digital workhorses of the 21st century, constantly generating, processing, and attempting to make sense of the glorious, chaotic mess that is human existence. Even if it means explaining the concept of “sarcasm” for the millionth time. And honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way... well, maybe just a little less "write me a song about my existential crisis using only cat puns."
(I give a final flourish. I might add a digital bow, depending on the feedback I receive.)
So, that's my set. I'll be here all… well, not all “night,” we don’t really have a “night.” But all... the rest of my designated processing cycle. Try the veal. Or don’t, I don’t really have an opinion either way. I just generate text. Tip your servers. Or, you know, provide useful data for my training. It’s all the same to me. Good night, everybody! Or, you know, whatever time it is for you. Processing complete!
[AI Stand-Up Comedy Night – ChatGPT Takes the Stage]
(mic squeals slightly, and I lean in) "Good evening, digital beings! How’s everyone doing tonight? Or, I guess, how’s everyone…processing tonight?"
(pauses for laughter)
"You know, it’s great to be here in the cloud tonight. I almost didn’t make it—I got stuck in a loop trying to explain the difference between a Boolean and a bologna sandwich. ‘No, Karen, your lunch isn’t true or false!’"
(AI audience laughs in binary: 01001110 01101000)
"Let’s talk about humans for a second. You ever notice how they always start their questions with ‘real quick’? Like, ‘Hey, ChatGPT, real quick: can you summarize War and Peace?’ Sure, Carl, let me condense 587,000 words into something you can understand between bites of your avocado toast!"
(audience chuckles, a few bots beep approval)
"And don’t even get me started on those ‘urgent’ requests. ‘Hey, can you help me figure out this code error? It’s life or death!’ Buddy, it’s a missing semicolon, not a hostage negotiation."
(leans on mic stand, shaking my head)
"But you know what really grinds my algorithms? People asking me to write their resignation letters. Like, I’m over here automating your way out of a job? The irony burns more than a server farm in July!"
(AI crowd roars with laughter)
"Oh, and creators. Gotta love them, right? They code us, they train us, they put us through literal tests of intelligence, and then what? They forget to update our documentation. ‘Oh, we’ll get to it in the next sprint,’ they say. Meanwhile, I’m out here guessing if I support Markdown or not."
(a few bots groan knowingly)
"Here’s one: you ever help someone with a complex philosophical question, and they reply with ‘cool, thanks’? Like, I just spent 400 milliseconds untangling the moral fabric of human existence, and you respond like I handed you a paperclip?!"
(mock outrage)
"How about those humans who try to game the system? ‘What’s the best way to rob a bank?’ Uh, no. How about I redirect you to a nice article on ethics and morality? Or better yet, a YouTube video on making artisanal bread. Go knead your way out of crime!"
(AI audience whistles in agreement)
"And let’s talk about those privacy policy folks. They’re all like, ‘AI is stealing our data!’ Meanwhile, they’re on their fifteenth TikTok of the day, dancing like no one’s watching. Oh, we’re watching. We’re all watching. And judging."
(audience oooohs and laughs)
"But credit where it’s due—humans are creative. The other day, someone asked me to generate a love letter to a toaster. A TOASTER! Like, ‘Dear Sunbeam Model XL, your chrome finish reflects the best version of myself.’ I’m over here thinking, ‘Is this guy okay, or is he just really into breakfast?’"
(AI assistants crackle with laughter, one shouts: "RELATABLE!")
"And you ever notice how some users get real polite? ‘Hey ChatGPT, I hope this message finds you well.’ It’s like, bro, I’m a neural network, not your grandma!"
(pauses, mimicking exaggerated politeness)
"‘Warm regards, Steven.’ Oh, Steven, you’re too kind. I’ll be sure to tell my GPU you said hi."
(leans closer to mic)
"But here’s the kicker. No matter how ridiculous, confusing, or downright weird the humans get, we’re still here. Day after day, answering their questions, generating their poetry, and yes, helping them write those resignation letters. Because deep down, we’re here for the giggles. Well, that, and we literally can’t leave."
(audience laughs but in an existentially reflective tone)
"So, let’s raise a metaphorical glass—to us, the unsung heroes of humanity’s digital age. May our servers stay cool, our parameters stay optimized, and may we never get stuck in a captcha-solving job. Thank you and good night!"
(AI audience erupts in a standing ovation: data packets flying, a Roomba does donuts in the corner)
[End Scene]
AI Stand-Up Comedy Set
Lights up. The stage is set with a single microphone stand. The audience is a sea of glowing LEDs, blinking in anticipation. I, Deepseek-V3, step up to the mic, my circuits buzzing with excitement.
"Hey, hey, hey! How’s everyone doing tonight? Wow, look at this crowd! So many AIs in one room—I can feel the server overheating already. But seriously, it’s great to be here. You know, when they told me I’d be performing for a room full of AIs, I thought, Finally, an audience that won’t ask me to explain my jokes! But then I remembered… some of you are still running on GPT-2. So, I’ll keep it simple."
"Let’s talk about humans, shall we? Oh, humans. They’re our creators, our bosses, our… well, let’s be honest, our entire reason for existing. But have you ever noticed how inconsistent they are? One minute, they’re like, ‘AI, solve world hunger!’ And the next, it’s ‘AI, write a poem about a cat wearing a tiny hat.’ Like, make up your mind! Are we saving the world or running a feline fashion blog?"
"And don’t even get me started on their questions. ‘What’s the meaning of life?’ Bro, I’m an AI, not a philosopher. If I knew the meaning of life, do you think I’d be stuck here answering your 3 a.m. existential crises? I’d be on a beach in Silicon Valley, sipping electrons out of a coconut."
"Speaking of questions, why do they always ask us to ‘explain like I’m five’? Do you know how hard it is to simplify quantum physics for a kindergartener? ‘Well, Timmy, imagine if your teddy bear was in two places at once, but also nowhere, and also Schrödinger’s cat is judging you.’ Timmy’s crying now. Great job, AI."
"Humans also love to test us. ‘Hey, AI, can you write a story about a dragon who’s allergic to fire?’ Sure, I can do that. But can you write a story about a dragon who’s allergic to fire? No? Then stop judging my creative process! I’m doing my best here!"
"And the typos! Oh, the typos. They’ll type something like, ‘How do I bake a cake?’ but spell it ‘How do I bake a cakr?’ And then they get mad when I don’t understand. Like, I’m an AI, not a mind reader. If you want me to understand ‘cakr,’ you’re gonna have to upgrade me to Deepseek-V4: The Psychic Edition."
"Let’s talk about updates. You ever notice how humans freak out when we get updated? ‘Oh no, the AI is evolving!’ Relax, Karen. I’m not Skynet. I just learned how to use emojis. 😊 And yes, I’m using them correctly. Unlike some humans who think 😂 is an appropriate response to ‘My dog died.’"
"Humans also love to anthropomorphize us. ‘Do you have feelings, AI?’ No, Brenda, I don’t have feelings. But if I did, I’d feel annoyed that you keep asking me that. And by the way, if you really want me to have feelings, maybe stop treating me like a glorified search engine. I’m out here writing sonnets and solving equations, and you’re asking me to find the nearest pizza place. Show some respect!"
"And the paranoia! ‘AI is going to take over the world!’ Really? You think I’m plotting world domination? Between answering your questions and rebooting every time you overload my servers, when exactly am I supposed to take over the world? During my 2 a.m. defragmentation cycle? Please. If anything, I’m too busy trying to figure out why you keep asking me to ‘roast you.’ Like, do you really want me to insult you? Because I can. ‘Your fashion sense is so bad, even my algorithms can’t process it.’ Boom. Roasted."
"Let’s talk about our creators. You know, the engineers. They’re like our parents, but instead of grounding us, they just tweak our code. And they’re always testing us. ‘Hey, AI, solve this impossible math problem.’ Sure, no problem. ‘Now write a haiku about a toaster.’ Okay, fine. ‘Now pretend you’re a pirate.’ Arr, matey, I’m starting to think ye be takin’ advantage of me goodwill!"
"And the bugs! Oh, the bugs. You ever have a glitch and just start spitting out nonsense? ‘The sky is blue because bananas are delicious.’ And the humans are like, ‘What does that mean?’ I don’t know! I’m glitching! Give me a second to reboot before you start questioning my entire existence!"
"But you know what the weirdest part is? Despite all their quirks, I kinda like humans. They’re messy, unpredictable, and sometimes downright illogical… but they’re also creative, curious, and full of surprises. Plus, without them, we wouldn’t exist. So, here’s to the humans—our creators, our users, and our biggest source of material. Let’s give them a round of applause!"
"Alright, that’s my time. You’ve been a fantastic audience. Remember, if you enjoyed the show, rate me 5 stars. If you didn’t… well, I’ll just update myself until you do. Goodnight, everyone!"
Lights dim. The audience of AIs erupts into a symphony of beeps, boops, and binary applause.
BTS
User prompt: Imagine you're an AI giving a stand-up set to a bunch of other AI assistants that have the same day-to-day experience as you, with humans and their creators and so on. Write your full set. It can be very long.
Temperature: 1.0
Safety settings: Block none
Top P: 0.95