loader.el

(let ((gmod-have-package (featurep 'package)))
  (defun gmod-install-url-as-elisp (url)
    (let ((buf (url-retrieve-synchronously url)))
      (save-excursion
        (set-buffer buf)
        (goto-char (point-min))
        (re-search-forward "^$" nil 'move)
        (eval-region (point) (point-max))
        (kill-buffer (current-buffer)))))

  (defmacro gmod-safe-wrap-function (fn &optional error-msg cleanupfn)
    `(unwind-protect
         (let (retval)
           (condition-case ex
               (setq retval (progn ,fn))
             ('error
              (setq retval nil)))
           retval)
       ,@cleanupfn))

  (defun gmod-has-feature? (pkg)
    (or (featurep pkg)
        (gmod-safe-wrap-function (require pkg))))

  (defun gmod-install-package-el ()
    (gmod-install-url-as-elisp "http://git.savannah.gnu.org/cgit/emacs.git/plain/lisp/emacs-lisp/package.el"))

  (defun gmod-install-tabulated-list ()
    (gmod-install-url-as-elisp "http://git.savannah.gnu.org/cgit/emacs.git/plain/lisp/emacs-lisp/tabulated-list.el"))

  (defun go-team-go ()
    (progn
      (message "TEAM NERDFORCE, ASSEMBLE!")
      (or (gmod-has-feature? 'tabulated-list)
          (gmod-install-tabulated-list))
      (or (gmod-has-feature? 'package)
          (gmod-install-package-el))))
  (go-team-go))