Lewdles and their definitions, as of 2022-05-25

Lewdles-With-Definitions.txt

AHEGAO:A style of exaggerated facial expression often used in Japanese manga^ anime^ and hentai^ featuring such characteristics as crossed eyes^ protruding tongue^ and flushed cheeks to indicate sexual arousal or ecstasy. “I made an ahegao face when I found out Fall Guys was going free-to-play.”
AROUSE:To evoke or awaken sexual excitement. “If you really want to arouse me^ spank my ass and call me a dirty bitch. Or just make me a tray of cinnamon rolls^ I’m good with either.”
ASSES:More than one ass. “I kinda feel like they oversold the new Fillmore Butts video^ the description promised ‘a veritable cornucopia of tight asses’ but I don’t know if five asses really constitutes a cornucopia. I nevertheless busted multiple nuts to it and therefore give it three stars out of five.”
BEAVER:Slang for a woman’s genitals or pubic area. “Whatever you do^ don’t go to that new cut-price waxing place. I went last week and now my poor beaver looks like the Joker’s haircut in that deleted scene from The Batman.”
BOINK:Relatively harmless euphemism for sex^ suitable for use around uptight family members^ Fox News viewers^ etc. “Sorry grandma^ I can’t talk right now^ I’m boinking. Can I call you back later?”
BONED:Past participle of bone^ aka fuck/screw/copulate etc. Like fucked^ has a popular alternate non-sexual usage to describe a person or situation in deep trouble. “Well how can they be jamming us if they don’t know… if we’re coming? Break off the attack! The shield is still up! We are totally boned!” Lando Calrissian^ Return of the Jedi^ 1983
BONERS:Plural of boner^ which incidentally was Lewdle’s first ever word! “I’ve had some inopportune boners in my time^ but the one I got while delivering the eulogy at gram-gram’s funeral really takes the biscuit. To be fair^ it was a pretty hot eulogy.”
BROJOB:A blowjob between two male friends^ or bros^ in which one bro fellates the other bro purely to help him out due to a case of blue balls^ boredom^ etc. “Dude^ I haven’t been able to bust a nut since I sprained my wrist playing beer pong last week^ would you mind giving me a brojob to help me out?”
BUTTS:Plural of butt. “I like big butts and I cannot lie^ you other brothers can’t deny that when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face you get sprung.” President Gerald R. Ford inaugural address^ August 9^ 1974
CHUBBY:A semi-erect penis. “My mother-in-law just came to visit and when she hugged me it kinda gave me a chubby^ what do you think that means? Should I be concerned? Yes I know this is a Wendy’s drive-through. What^ you can’t have an opinion?”
CLIMAX:Synonym for orgasm. “I was just about to climax when one of the actors in the Pornhub video I was watching started doing a sponsored ad read for Raid Shadow Legends right in the middle of a reverse cowgirl. Is nothing sacred any more?”
CLITS:Plural of clit^ short for clitoris. “Yeah^ Brad likes to think of himself as a ladies’ man^ but I happen to know that you can count the number of clits he has successfully located in his lifetime on the fingers of Captain Hook’s left hand.”
CLUNGE:British slang for vagina. “Last night I found out my new boyfriend DVRs Tucker Carlson’s show every night. I told him that if he wants to watch that total fucking clunge he can forget about going anywhere near mine.”
COUGAR:An older woman with a ferocious sexual appetite for younger men. “I’m a little tired today^ I hooked up with this total cougar at the club last night^ she took me back to her place and tossed my salad.”
CRABS:Informal term for pubic lice^ small parasites that attach to the hair and skin near the genitals^ typically transmitted via sexual contact. “I’ve been itching down there ever since I hooked up with Daryl and now I’m starting to think he might have given me crabs^ that dirty fuck.”
CUMRAG:Any item that can be used to ejaculate into or clean up ejaculate after the fact^ such as a paper towel^ washcloth^ etc. “Stuck without a cumrag to mop up your jizz because you didn’t plan ahead before rubbing one out? An athletic sock can do the job in a pinch.” — Good Housekeeping magazine^ March 1957
CUNTS:Plural of \"cunt\"^ particularly potent slang for vagina. \"That porno we watched last night was insane^ my mom said she’d never seen so many dripping wet cunts in one place.\"
DOCKS:Third person singular verb for docking^ an intimate act in which the participants put the heads of their cocks together and one is enveloped within the foreskin of the other. Not to be confused with space docking^ which you absolutely should not look up. “When I first saw how perfectly my penis docks with yours^ that’s when I knew we were meant to be together.”
DOGGY:A sexual position in which one partner typically bends over on their hands and knees while the other penetrates or otherwise stimulates them from behind. “This guy I hooked up with asked if I wanted to try doggy^ but when I said yes he pissed on my floor then scratched at the door to go out. I think I’ll be deleting that dating app.”
EDGING:The act of delaying orgasm and intensifying sexual gratification by pausing stimulation moments before climax^ then resuming. \"You people might want to step back^ I've been edging for the past hour and a half and I'm about to go off like a fire hydrant.\"
ERECT:The rigid^ engorged state of a penis^ clitoris^ or nipples^ typically caused by sexual excitement. e.g. \"Is it weird that the mere sight of Ewan McGregor as Obi-Wan Kenobi immediately makes my nipples erect?\"
FEMDOM:Short for female dominatrix/domination^ describing a woman who dominates a submissive partner in sexual role-play^ or the act of domination itself. “Sorry I’m late^ last night I went on a date with a woman who turned out to be a total femdom^ so I was up all night with a ball gag in my mouth getting my ass cheeks worked over with a meat tenderizer. Anyway^ let me show you both the house. It’s a charming mid-century modern that just came on the market^ perfect for a young couple looking to start a family…”
FISTED:Past participle of fist^ the act of inserting one’s fingers^ or indeed entire hand^ into someone’s vagina or anus. “Sorry but I’m going to have to bail on that trip to the farmers market today^ Brian fisted me last night without any lube so I’m just going to spend the day on the couch with Netflix and an ice pack.”
FLAPS:Slang term for labia^ the folds of skin surrounding the exterior of the vagina. “Trying to come up with a funny joke about the word flaps on a Friday afternoon when I could be doing real work makes me question the wisdom of inventing this stupid fucking game.” - Gary Whitta
FLEDGE:The act of ejaculating into the asshole of one’s sexual partner^ then slurping the cum out with a straw. Similar to felching. But with a straw. “Brittzey from twitch wanted a shout-out^ so we figured fledge would be a good word to do it with.”
FRICK:A more socially acceptable substitute for “fuck”^ suitable for use at weddings^ funerals^ bat mitzvahs^ etc. “Frick! I forgot to save my game and now I have to do that whole fucking level over again.”
FUCKED:Past participle of “fuck”^ alternatively a more general term for something being in poor condition or an undesirable state of affairs. “I cannae give ye warp power just the now^ captain^ the engines are totally fucked!”
GAGGED:Past participle of gag^ the pharyngeal reflex that may be triggered when deep-throating a penis during fellatio. “I’ve gagged on a few cocks in my time and I’m not ashamed to admit it.” - your mom^ again.
GIRTH:The thickness of a penis. “My penis has more girth than it does length^ I refer to him as Colonel Otto Von Stubbington.”
GLUCK:Onomatopoeic descriptor for the sound made at the back of the throat while performing a particularly deep and energetic blowjob. “Oh yeah baby that’s right^ fuck my mouth harder *gluck* *gluck* *gluck*.”
GOATSE:Legendary photographic internet meme depicting an anonymous man using both hands to gape his asshole to a frankly astonishing degree. “I accidentally put a goatse pic in my sales presentation but I don’t think anyone noticed.”
GOBBLE:Slang for fellatio. “After a long hard day at work^ there’s nothing I enjoy more than to gobble on a long hard cock.” — your mom
GONZO:A sub-genre of pornographic film that dispenses with story lines and characterization and instead gets straight to the fucking. Often typified by low production values. e.g. \"That gonzo film I watched last night had such shaky camerawork I had a tough time busting a nut to it.\"
GOOCH:Alternative name for the perineum^ the area between the genitalia and the asshole. See also taint^ grundel. “Sorry I’m late everyone^ I accidentally nicked my gooch while I was shaving my balls in the shower. Anyway^ here’s my resume and references^ I think you’ll find I’m extremely well suited for this position.”
GROWER:A penis which may seem deceptively small while flaccid but which enlarges to an impressive size when erect. “I’m a grower^ not a shower.”
GUMMY:A blowjob delivered by a toothless person. “I finally beat Doris at dominoes but she didn’t get her pension check yet so she offered to give me a gummy instead. Better go wash my cock.”
GUSHER:Someone who projectile squirts during sex^ particularly during orgasm. “Oh God keep going^ I’m close. And fair warning^ I’m a gusher and about to go off like a fire extinguisher.”
HANDY:Slang for handjob. Which in turn is slang for manually stimulating a penis to ejaculation. e.g. \"I didn't have enough cash to tip the pizza guy so I gave him a handy instead.\"
HENTAI:Pornography in the form of anime and manga. “A friend of mine got me into hentai a few years ago^ now I’m deep down the rabbit hole and I can’t watch porn any more unless it has tentacles involved.”
HINEY:Butt^ backside^ anus^ bottom. “Before we go any further^ I should let you know — if you put it in my hiney I’ll giggle and say “Oh^ fudge!” like a Keebler elf. It freaks some people out so I like to give a warning ahead of time.”
JOBBY:Scottish slang for poop. “I was staggering back from the pub last night when I suddenly realized I had a massive jobby brewing. I was never going to make it home in time so I snuck into the alley behind the chip shop^ pulled down mah troosers and opened the bomb bay doors.”
KANCHO:A game popular in Japan in which participants join both hands together to make finger-guns and then attempt to sneak up on an unsuspecting victim and poke them in the ass while yelling “kancho!” (slang for enema). “Hmmmm^ Hideo looks pretty unsuspecting right now^ I’m going to sneak up and kancho him!”
KINKY:Involving or given to unconventional tastes in sex. “The guy I met on Tinder said he was kinky but when I went to his place he was dressed like Sonic the Hedgehog and whacking off into a box of Chicken in a Biskit. Even I have my limits^ so I just left.”
LEWDS:Soft-core erotic photographs that stop short of full nudity^ most commonly taken as selfies for private use such as sexting or controlled distribution via sites like OnlyFans^ etc. “I gave my phone to my grandma to show her the baby pictures but she swiped too far and totally saw some of my lewds. FML.”
MERKIN:A hairpiece designed for the pubic region^ sometimes worn by actors in nude scenes^ but also considered fashionable in certain trendy hipster circles. “Goddammit^ I lost my merkin at Burning Man^ do you how long it took me to knit together all those pubes?”
MOIST:A word universally enjoyed by everyone^ describing the wettish^ sticky state of the genitalia caused by sexual arousal. “Watching Tottenham Hotspur batter Arsenal in the North London Derby made me positively moist with joy!” - Spurs fans Adele^ Tom Holland^ and Sir Kenneth Branagh^ probably.
MOMMY:Common nomenclature for one who assumes a motherly persona during sex^ typically providing gentle maternal love^ care^ and affection to their partner as part of sexual role play. “Yes mommy^ I’ve been a very good boy today and I’d love to suck on your big ol’ titties.”
MOPED:Derogatory term for an unattractive person who is good in bed. “Don’t tell anyone I’m dating Trevor^ he’s a total moped. Really fun to ride^ but I wouldn’t want any of my friends to see me on him.”
NARDS:Slang for testicles. e.g. \"Elden Ring is a really cool game but playing it is a bit like being kicked repeatedly in the nards.\"
NASTY:Particularly sexually depraved^ kinky^ lewd^ etc. “Hey^ remember Two Girls One Cup? That was some nasty shit.”
NOOKIE:Harmless euphemism for sex. “Yeah nookie is great but have you tried canceling plans at the last minute?”
PECKER:Slang for penis (chiefly U.S.) “I’d like to speak to the manager please^ there’s a glory hole in the men’s room but when I shoved my pecker in it nothing happened. What kind of establishment are you running here?”
PEGGED:The state^ typically as a man^ of having been fucked in the ass by a person wearing a dildo. “My wife blindfolded me and said she was going to give me a sexy surprise for our anniversary^ and then she fucking pegged me with a strap-on the size of a can of Pringles. God I love that woman.”
PERVY:Sexually perverted. “Have you tried Lewdle? It’s like the pervy version of Taylordle.”
PLUMS:Testicles. “Last night I had this dream where I was kicking Elon Musk repeatedly in the plums. I’ve never been so disappointed to wake up.”
PRECUM:The clear fluid that oozes from the tip of a penis when sexually aroused. e.g. \"That episode of The Great British Bake-Off was so sexy a little precum trickled out while I was watching!\"
PROBE:To insert a finger or object into an asshole for the purpose of sexual stimulation. “I was abducted by aliens who wanted to probe my ass. I told them the restraints would not be necessary.”
PUBES:Slang for pubic hair. e.g. \"Excuse me waiter but I appear to have discovered some rather wiry pubes in my steak tartare. Would you care to explain?\"
PUNANI:Slang for vagina^ popularized by citizen journalist Ali G. “I knew that dress was a bad choice for the ambassador’s reception! When I stepped out of the limousine everyone got an eyeful of my punani.”
RANDY:The state of feeling sexually excited^ horny. “I was feeling so randy last night that I tried to fuck a pie like the guy in that movie. Unfortunately the only one I had was a frozen Sara Lee that was even harder than my cock. It didn’t end well but I give myself A for effort.”
RAWDOG:Sexual intercourse without the use of a condom. “We were both feeling pretty horny last night but we were out of rubbers so we decided to rawdog it.”
RIMJOB:The sexual act of orally pleasuring someone's asshole. Also known as rimming.  e.g. \"Thanks Adam! That was the best rimjob I've had since the 80s!\"
SCREW:Informal term for having sex. \"Looks like the wi-fi's gonna be down for a while^ wanna screw?\"
SCROTE:Short for scrotum^ often used as a pejorative term for a useless or unworthy person. “I lent Cliff fifty bucks for his dog’s hernia operation^ then it turns out he doesn’t even own a dog and he used it to buy an NFT of a monkey shaving its asshole^ that stupid fucking scrote.”
SHAGS:Plural of shag^ a British term for the act of fornication popularized worldwide by the Austin Powers films. “Do I make you horny baby? Would you like to shag me? Because I’ve got an absolutely massive thick veiny cock that I’d love to shove right up your sopping wet cunt. Oh behave!” — Austin Powers^ International Man of Mystery (1997).
SHTUP:To fornicate/fuck (Yiddish origin). “I know it’s probably a meshuga idea but I’m going to booty call my ex^ it’s been ages since I had a good shtup.”
SIMBA:The practice of ejaculating on one’s sexual partner^ then smearing some of the cum across their forehead with one's thumb while dramatically exclaiming “Simbaaaaa!” like Rafiki in The Lion King. “Simbaaaaa!” 
SMEGMA:The thick^ white substance comprised of fatty oil secretions and dead skin cells that collects under the foreskin of the penis or in the folds of the vulva. “I need to jump in the shower before we go out^ I haven’t had a chance to in a couple of days and there’s enough smegma down there to spread on a cracker.”
SPANK:To slap someone's buttocks with an open hand or flat object such as a paddle for the purpose of sexual gratification. e.g. \"Spank me harder^ professor^ I've been a very naughty girl!\"
SQUIRT:When fluid is expelled from the vagina during orgasm. e.g. \"Jenny squirted in my face while I was going down on her last night and honestly I ain't even mad.\"
STIFFY:An erect penis. “I had a stiffy all the way through that new Oscar Isaac movie. I’m only human^ after all.”
SYBIAN:Brand name of a range of large industrial-grade vibrators manufactured by Abco Research Associates. Designed to be straddled and operated via a handheld dial pad. Capable of bringing about bone-shaking orgasms. e.g. \"I took my first Sybian ride last night and have since concluded that men have no reason to exist.\"
TAGNUT:Dried pieces of fecal matter adhering to the hairs around the asshole. Also known as klingons^ dangleberries^ coco pops^ bum crumbs^ winnits. “The As Seen On TV people rejected my patented tagnut remover^ I swear those people don’t know a million-dollar idea when they see one.”
TEABAG:To lower one’s testicles into someone’s mouth^ or drape the scrotum over their face^ commonly in the form of an immature prank. Also widely known in the Halo online community as the act of repeatedly crouching over a vanquished opponent to simulate said prank. “If that motherfucker teabags me one more time I swear I’m going to rage-quit.” 
THROB:A pulsating^ swelling sensation in the genitalia caused by increased blood flow when sexually aroused. “I’m so excited for Issue #1 of Batman - Fortress^ written by Lewdle co-creator Gary Whitta and in all good comics stores May 24 that my dick is positively throbbing with anticipation.”
TITJOB:The act of manually stimulating a penis by enveloping it between a pair of breasts. “I was a bit bored last night so I tried to give myself a titjob using a couple of burger buns. I couldn’t really get anything going but it seemed a shame to waste the buns so I put them back in the bread bin. I’m sure my roommates won’t notice.”
TODGER:Penis (chiefly British). “I invested my life savings in cryptocurrency^ which turned out to be the financial equivalent of setting fire to my todger.”
TOOBIN:The act of masturbating while on a Zoom call. Inspired by attorney and CNN legal analyst Jeffrey Toobin^ who gained notoriety by getting busted doing it. “I noticed Chad didn’t really seem all that engaged on the sales call^ I think he might have been toobin.”
TOSSER:(Chiefly British) Another form of “wanker”^ derived from tossing off^ or masturbating. Used less in a sexual context and more as a form of derision or abuse. “Did you see that interview with Donald Trump and Piers Morgan the other night? Hard to know which one is the biggest tosser.”
TRIBS:Third person singular verb for tribadism^ aka tribbing^ a sexual act in which two participants stimulate each other’s vulvas by rubbing and/or grinding them together. “My new girlfriend and I don’t have too much in common but she tribs like a goddamn porn star so I’m not going anywhere.”
TRUMP:(Chiefly British) A fart^ or the act of farting. “You’d better open a window^ I had a particularly spicy prawn vindaloo last night and I can feel a real five-alarm trump coming on.”
WANKER:Technically^ one who masturbates. But more commonly used^ chiefly in the UK^ Australia and New Zealand^ to describe an excessively unpleasant or pretentious person; an asshole. “Oh fuck me^ it’s that wanker Piers Morgan again. Quick^ change the channel!”
WILLY:Harmless slang for a penis^ particularly when in a flaccid state. “I might not have a big willy^ but it’s not the size that matters^ but what you do with it. Unfortunately I have no idea what to do with it either.”
YONIC:Relating to or shaped like the external female genitalia^ from “yoni”^ a symbol of worship associated with the Hindu goddess Shakti. “Have you seen that new Al Wakrah stadium they built for the World Cup in Qatar? It’s a bit^ um… yonic.”
ZADDY:A handsome^ sexy^ fashionable^ typically older man. Think Harrison Ford^ Idris Elba^ that guy who used to play the most interesting man in the world in the Dos Equis commercials. “I don’t care what anyone says^ Bobcat Goldthwait is a total zaddy. This is a hill I’m willing to die on.”