Business
- location
- likelihood of going bust
Ambience
- quietness
- acoustics
- ambience (incl music, lighting, comfort)
- simplicity
- smell
Facilities
- bathrooms?
- cleanliness
- smell
- temperature management devices yes/no?
- appropriateness of use of temperature devices. Etc.
- cleanliness/hygiene incl toilets
Decoration
- vomit inducing level of art
- murderous thought inducing level of platitudes on wall/chalk board
- number of colours of chalk on chalkboard
Clientelle
- hipster factor
- degree of pretentiousness
- relative safeness of other patrons
- attractiveness of clientelle
Political correctness
- percentage wall coverage of trans flag
- free Palestine present/absent
- unisex toilet with redundant trans inclusive sign yes/no?
Seating
- seating availability
- seating comfort
- seating hipsterness
- is it comfortable to sit?
Table
- ass and elbow comfort
- is it elbow on table friendly or not?
- is the table stable or does it wobble?
- is it a good size table?
- the height of it?
Other
- outside space
- sofas and chairs
Workability
- chair seat to table top ratio; is it suitable for ergonomic laptop usage?
- can you charge your phone/laptop etc near to where you sit?
Staff
- friendliness of staff
- barista's coolness
- barista's hipsterness
- barista's degree of ridiculousness
- female barista hotness
- staff friendliness
Service
- speed of service
- staff efficiency
- tipping culture
- suggested percentage on POS system
- tip jar messaging
Offering
- ease of comprehension of menu
- selection of coffees
- selection of pastries
- what else do they serve?
Crockery
- how is the cup?
- nice to hold and drink from?
Value
- price/value for money
- quality and value for money of any food (sweet and savoury)
- price (over £3.50 should be 0 points)
Coffee
- quality (see James Hoffman YouTuber barista extraordinaire)
- variety
- taste
- strength
- price
- value
- pH and temp on collection, then temp after 3 minutes (relevant for a latte imo)
- is the coffee served too hot or too weak?
Milk
- skimmed milk
- milk choice (e.g. milk, skimmed, soya, oat, lactose free)
Possible coffee rating system
- order the same drinks at each:
- espresso
- rateable (without adding milk of course)
- body and the mouth feel
- temperature (never too hot but stays warm)
- taste
- it shouldn’t be watery
- flat White
- will enable you to discern latte art skills…(the tapping and swirling etc)
- should never be any visible bubbles
- should be a completely blended texturised foam
- consider the texture, temperature again
- you should be able to sip instantly - as with the espresso -
- but it should stay a decent temperature throughout
Pastries
- girth of muffins
- moisture of muffins
- how fresh are the pastries
- acceptable level of croissant flake; all down my clothes but not too much.