Gear Up - Empathy

empathy_gearup_mod0.md

1. What role does empathy play in your life and how has it helped you?

   I feel that empathy plays a significant role in my interactions, interpersonally as well as internally. It does almost feel like a tricky topic for me to approach because it seems so inherent. Recognizing that it is a skill one can foster and develop, it feels more like something I wouldn't be able to shake if I tried, and would rather find the most holistically beneficial ways to understand and deal with these relative emotions. In my previous professional role designing and building custom fine art framing, I experienced the benefits of building trust and rapport with clients through empathetic design interactions. I've navigated consequences in my past which, tumultuous and difficult as they were for me, I know would likely have been worse for a person of color than for myself as a young, white female - besides that the rules broken were instituted with the intention of crippling these other communities in the first place, not mine. Further, I am aware that while I still carry the shadow of those consequences, I'm also still a young-ish, white female and unless it comes up, people will not generally assume that history attached to me, where they may wrongly assume it true for someone who looks differently. I feel that many people are taking a closer look at this facet of social disparity now, and hopefully bringing empathy to the conversation. This interpretation of empathy informs my path forward. It has been long enough that I've somewhat disconnected from that piece of my history, but still feel the pull to identify with and to help others who may experience hardship, whether by result of a decision they regret, or so often by systems beyond their own control. Now as I move into the tech space, I am grateful that Turing does so support this social awareness and engagement as I want to carry the technical skills I learn forward without sacrificing alignment with my values.

2. How does empathy help you build better software?

   Similar to the way in which I felt it help me design better solutions for preserving and displaying a client's artwork, I can see empathy here as a revelatory tool to adjust an initial direction or inspire a new approach that may have been unconsidered without real collaboration. This was reflected in the Bressler blog article, and I think it certainly extends beyond software, but I think this is also why UX design seems to have grown to such significance. Because actually understanding what the user does with a product, or what they want to be able to do with it, can be more important as a goal than the idealized preconception. Designing around the artwork always started with asking the client questions about their space and intentions for the work before I'd be pulling out any materials. Even then, there were plenty of times that, after working through some options and not gaining traction, they might say something that clicks, that I'd been unaware to consider before, and would shift the overall direction of the design to something they were happy with but may not have know how (or to) communicate to start. It seems the same process can and should apply to building software that serves its purpose, and hopefully goes even further.

3. Why is empathy important for working on a team?

   We rarely know what another person is dealing with, urgently or as baggage. Especially as the tech industry works to represent a more diverse population, these varying backgrounds will almost inevitably give rise to frictions and conflicts as people approach things in different ways. If I'm coming at a problem in a certain way, it's because (so far) that's the way that makes sense to me and seems right. Another person may be looking at the same problem with a different way to approach the solution, and feel equally justified in their reasoning. Without empathy, this could be a conflict. With empathy, this can be an opportunity for learning, growth and compromise. Better yet, if the communication is empathetic and leads to a successful merging of ideas, or shared appreciation of which makes the most sense and why, this can strengthen the relationship between team members to build on if/when similar situations arise later.

4. Describe a situation in which your ability to empathize with a colleague or teammate was helpful.

   Understanding that we are all humans seems so basic and so essential. I have a tendency to be negatively self-criticizing. I appreciate the effect as it drives me to improve, and to work hard toward high standards, but it can easily be more debilitating than inspiring. While I do seem to apply this more strongly to myself, I've also been aware of this imposing a (generally unwelcome/unwelcoming) higher critical standard on colleagues. It's one of those things that feels more difficult to change because achieving higher quality is noble and defensible, right? But I have found that relaxing my strive for 'correctness' has a direct impact on softening tense relations with teammates/coworkers. For me, this has looked like recognizing that my own standard may actually be less realistic (or at least in the work environment, less cost-conscious) and can come off as disrespectful to the standards of my coworkers who likely also have a respectable standard, wanting to take pride in their work, just maybe not with the attachment to perfectionism.

5. When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?

   I can get introverted, especially when I'm feeling like I'm not measuring up. Unfortunately, this has proven to cripple communication. Likewise, as Daniel Goleman discussed, being so in one's own head makes it far more difficult and less likely to notice and engage with what someone else may be experiencing. In his TED talk Goleman also metions the findings of a study of seminary students, showing that feeling rushed or late is a determining factor in our willingness to engage with others. I've felt this most recently within the small group that I joined for the course of Mod0, set up by Amy and intended to focus on sharing and collaboration as we worked through the material. While I think we all started with the right intentions, I noticed myself and the others seeming withdrawn from that group support as we got closer to the deadline - suddenly a sense of 'every man for himself' that seemed counter to what we might all have idealized as the goal of the group. It can be so easy to feel the pressure and just put my head down to accomplish what I am supposed to, but this can easily take me away from connecting to potentially helpful supports. I can work on this by remembering what I discussed above, to relax the attachment and accept a more realisticly acheivable result, and to not shut myself down from communicating proactively. Part of this is really just getting more comfortable interacting with people, especially in this tech-oriented space, to see some of the diversity of perspectives which already exist and be reassured of the humanness of those around me. This feels more difficult remotely, but so far I am participating in the yoga group and grab-a-donut slack channel to be paired with a random Turing community member each week, and pushing myself to be the first to reach out and schedule the chat. (It's less scary and going better than I may have worried.)