Make reading the news more fun! http://xkcd.com/1288/

xkcd.user.js

// ==UserScript==
// @name        XKCD Subtitutions
// @namespace   xkcd
// @description Make reading the new more fun! http://xkcd.com/1288/
// @include     http://news.yahoo.com/*
// @include     http://news.google.com/*
// @include     http://*.cnn.com/*
// @include     http://*.nbc.com/*
// @include     http://arstechnica.com/*
// @version     1
// @grant       none
// ==/UserScript==

var subtitutions = {
    
    "witnesses" : "these dudes I know",
    "allegedly" : "kinda probably",
    "new study" : "tumblr post",
    "rebuild" : "avenge",
    "space" : "spaaace",
    "google glass" : "virtual boy",
    "smartphone" : "pokedex",
    "electric" : "atomic",
    "senator" : "elf-lord",
    "car" : "cat",
    "election" : "eating contest",
    "congressional leaders" : "river spirits",
    "homeland security" : "Homestar Runner",
    "could not be reached for comment" : "is guilty and everyone knows it"
};

//perform replacement operation within the page
var body = document.body;
var html = body.innerHTML;
for (var sub in subtitutions){
    var rep = subtitutions[sub];
    var reg = new RegExp(sub, "gi");
    html = html.replace(reg, rep);
}

body.innerHTML = html;