git-typo ported to fish

GitTypo.fish

# constants

# ascii art - Most of them found on asciiart.eu, unknown artists

set -g gitTypoDonkey '
                          /\          /\
                         ( \\        // )
                          \ \\      // /
                           \_\\||||//_/
                            \/ _  _ \
                           \/|(O)(O)|
                          \/ |      |
      ___________________\/  \      /
     //                //     |____|
    //                ||     /      \
   //|                \|     \ 0  0 /
  // \       )         V    / \____/
 //   \     /        (     /
""     \   /_________|  |_/
       /  /\   /     |  ||
      /  / /  /      \  ||
      | |  | |        | ||
      | |  | |        | ||
      |_|  |_|        |_||
       \_\  \_\        \_\\'

set -g gitTypoExplosion0 '
      )
     (
    .-`-.
    :   :
    :TNT:
    :___:'
set -g gitTypoExplosion1 '
    \|/
   - o -
    /-`-.
    :   :
    :TNT:
    :___:'
set -g gitTypoExplosion2 '
    .---.
    : | :
    :-o-:
    :_|_:'
set -g gitTypoExplosion3 '
    .---.
    (\|/)
    --0--
    (/|\)'
gitTypoExplosion4="
   '.\|/.'
   (\   /)
   - -O- -
   (/   \)
   ,'/|\'."
set -g gitTypoExplosion5 '
`.  \ | /  ,`
  `. `.` ,`
 ( .`.|.` .)
 - ~ -0- ~ -
 ('
set -g gitTypoExplosion6 '
`,`|`.` )
  .` .`. `.
,`  / | \  `.
    \ `  "
 ` . `.` ,`
 . `` ,`. "
   ~ (   ~ -
`'
set -g gitTypoExplosion7 '
. `,`|` ` .
  .`  "  `
,   ` , `  `
   (  ) (
    ) ( )
    (  )
     ) /
    ,---.'
    
set -g gitTypoHeart '
     ******       ******
   **********   **********
 ************* *************
*****************************
***********   *   ***********
***********  GIT  **********
 ***********     **********
   *********** **********
     ******************
       ***************
         ***********
           *******
             ***
              *
'

set -g gitTypoPill '
 _________
[_________]
 |  .-.  |
 |,(o.o).|
 | >|n|< |
 |` `"` `|
 |POISON!|
 `"""""""`'

gitTypoPoop="
  )  )
 (   ) (
  ) _   )
   ( \_
 _(_\ \)__
(____\___))"

# Staute of Liberty by b'ger
gitTypoStatue="
         ^
       ,' \\
       L\"\"/
       \` |
       J |
       J L
       | | .  ,
       | |.\`v_L.'
      // ,>-(-\'_
      \\\`' \ - /-.
      /   /\`\"\"|
       ),'    \`-
      (    ,-'  \\
       ) ,' ,'   h
      / /  /     \`)--..
      \/  /       \  <)
       <        ,  L<'
       F/     _/  ,'
       L   ,-'     \\
       |         ___L
      /         (  F
     J      ___,'  L
     |    ,'       |
     F  ,'         |
    (_,--..__  mt-2|_
   ,'        \`\"\`--.._\\
 ,' /                 \\
/                     (_
"

# arrays

# bible
set -g gitTypoBible "And Jesus said unto Paul, 'Come forth, and receive everlasting life.' But Paul came in fifth, and received a toaster. - Order 25:3" \
"And the angel said unto him: 'Stop hitting yourself. Stop hitting yourself.' But low he could not. For the angel was hitting him with his own hands. - Irony 7:12" \
"Blessed are the cheesemakers.- Brian 22:1" \
"First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it. - Arthur 1:2:5" \
"He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy. - Brian 3:28" \
"Let those among you who are without sin be the first to throw the stone. The crowd looked at Jesus, believing he had a good point. Then Jesus picked up a stone. - Irony 8:19" \
"'This is my body'\n'This is my blood'\n'And this is your card'\nApostles go nuts. - Miracles 15:14" \
"Thou shalt have dominion over all the beasts except, of course, cats. - Felines 12:17" \
"Verily I say unto thee, lay thine eyes upon the field in which my fucks are grown. Behold that it is barren. - Crops 6:11"

# german proverbs
set -g gitTypoGermanProverbs "Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei." \
"Da liegt der Hund begraben." \
"Das ist mir Wurst." \
"Das Blaue vom Himmel versprechen." \
"Das kannst du deiner Oma erzählen." \
"Das Leben ist kein Ponyhof." \
"Die Kirche im Dorf lassen." \
"Du gehst mir auf den Keks." \
"Fremdschämen." \
"Ich glaub ich spinne." \
"Ich verstehe nur Bahnhof." \
"Ins Gras beißen." \
"Jetzt haben wir den Salat." \
"Kabelsalat." \
"Kein Schwein war da." \
"Klappe zu, Affe tot." \
"Kummerspeck." \
"Leben ist kein Ponyhof." \
"Leben wie Gott in Frankreich." \
"Luftschloss." \
"Mein Englisch ist unter aller Sau." \
"Nul acht funfzehn." \
"Schlafen wie ein Murmeltier." \
"Sie hat einen Vogel." \
"Sie hat nicht alle Tassen im Schrank." \
"Sie spielt die beleidigte Leberwurst." \
"Treppenwitz." \
"Was Hänschen nicht lernt, lernt Hans nimmermehr." \
"Wo sich Fuchs und Hase gute Nacht sagen."

# sleep noises
set -g gitTypoSleepNoises "*snore*" "zzz"

# echo a random array element
# pass array name as first parameter
function echoRandomArrayElement
    random choice $$argv[1]
end

function git
    # add
    switch $argv[1]
        case dad
            curl -s https://icanhazdadjoke.com
            echo
            command git add $argv[2..-1]
        case ass
            echo "$gitTypoDonkey"
            command git add $argv[2..-1]
        case blam
            clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion0"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion1"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion2"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion3"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion4"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion5"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion6"
            sleep 0.5; clear; echo "$gitTypoExplosion7"
            sleep 1; clear
            command git blame $argv[2..-1]
        case vommit
            curl -s http://whatthecommit.com/index.txt
            command git commit $argv[2..-1]
        case lov
            echo "$gitTypoHeart"
            sleep 1.5
            command git log $argv[2..-1]
        case pill
            echo "Now thats a hard pill to swallow..."
            echo "$gitTypoPill"
            command git pull $argv[2..-1]
        case rest
            echo "Thank you, I was tired..."
            set -l noiseDuration 5
            if [ "$argv[2]" = "--hard" ]
                set noiseDuration 10
            else if [ "$argv[2]" = "--soft" ]
                set noiseDuration 3
            else
            end
            for i in (seq 0 $noiseDuration)
                sleep 1
                echoRandomArrayElement gitTypoSleepNoises
            end
            sleep 1
            echo "Wow nice nap !"
            command git reset $argv[2..-1]
        case merde
            echo "$gitTypoPoop"
            command git merge $argv[2..-1]
        case statue
            echo "$gitTypoStatue"
            command git status $argv[2..-1]
        case '*'
            # remote
            if [ "x$argv[1]" = "xremote" -a "x$argv[2]" = "xdad" ]
                curl -s https://icanhazdadjoke.com
                echo
                command git remote add $argv[3..-1]
            else if [ "x$argv[1]" = "xstash" -a "x$argv[2]" = "xpoop" ]
                echo "$gitTypoPoop"
                command git stash pop $argv[3..-1]
            else if [ "x$argv[1]" = "xcommit" -a "x$argv[2]" = "x--amen" ]
                echoRandomArrayElement gitTypoBible
                command git commit --amend $argv[3..-1]
            else
                command git $argv
            end
    end
end

# other functions

function GIT
    # convert output to all uppercase
    git $argv | tr [a-z] [A-Z]
end

function got
    if [ "$argv[1]" = "checkout" ]
        echo "Beware, some people did that and ended up in detached HEAD state."
    else
        echo "You spend too much time watching series."
    end
    git $argv
end

if ! type -q gti
    function gti
        # invert output lines
        git $argv | awk '{a[i++]=$0} END {for (j=i-1; j>=0;) print a[j--] }'
    end
end

function gut
    # citation choice and output
    echoRandomArrayElement gitTypoGermanProverbs
    git $argv
end