gistfile1.swift

typealias BOOLAEN = Bool
typealias LIKEON68K = UInt16
typealias STRING = String
typealias STRINGINDEX = String.Index
typealias BOOL = Bool
typealias UNICODESCALER = UnicodeScalar
typealias GONADS = String
typealias NUMBERSWITHDOTS = Double
typealias CH = Character
typealias AMANA = Range<STRINGINDEX>

func YUP () -> BOOLAEN {return true}
func NAH () -> BOOLAEN {return !YUP()}

extension STRING {
    func HASLETTERS() -> BOOLAEN {
        return !self.isEmpty
    }
    mutating func FIRSTLETTER() -> CH {
        return self.removeAtIndex(self.startIndex)
    }
}

class CHOCKLASS {
    enum AWESOMELEVEL : LIKEON68K {
        case ME = 0o177777, EVERYONEELSE
        func SHOWIT() -> STRING {
            var GREETS = (self == .EVERYONEELSE ? "LOSER" : "CHOCK")
            var LEVEL = NUMBERSWITHDOTS(self.rawValue)
            return "YOURE AWESOMELEVEL IS \(LEVEL) \(GREETS)"
        }
    }
    class func ISITAWESOME(PERSON : STRING, WITHSEX : STRING) -> BOOL {
        return (PERSON == "CHOCK" || WITHSEX == "YES")
    }
    class func ISITAWESOME(PERSON : STRING, WITHSEX : BOOLAEN) -> BOOLAEN {
        return ISITAWESOME(PERSON, WITHSEX: WITHSEX == YUP() ? "YES" : "HECK MAYBE")
    }
    class func FIX(var MESSEDUP : STRING) -> STRING {
        var YOUREWELCOME = STRING()
        while MESSEDUP.HASLETTERS() {
            var PROBABLYWRONG = MESSEDUP.FIRSTLETTER()
            switch PROBABLYWRONG {
            case "a"..."z":
                var MAGICALLETTERS = STRING(PROBABLYWRONG).unicodeScalars
                var NUM = MAGICALLETTERS.removeAtIndex(MAGICALLETTERS.startIndex)
                var BETTERNUM = NUM.value - 0x20
                YOUREWELCOME += STRING(UNICODESCALER(BETTERNUM))
            case "A"..."Z", " ":
                YOUREWELCOME += STRING(PROBABLYWRONG)
            default:
                YOUREWELCOME += " DUH "
            }
        }
        return YOUREWELCOME
    }
    class func SECURITY(var TOPSECRET : STRING) -> STRING {
        var ROTWHATEVER = ""
        let WHOANELLY = TOPSECRET.endIndex
        var WHEREWEAT = TOPSECRET.startIndex
        var WHEREWEGOIN = advance(WHEREWEAT, 1)
        while WHEREWEGOIN < WHOANELLY {
            var FLIPPER = TOPSECRET[AMANA(start:WHEREWEAT, end:WHEREWEGOIN)]
            ROTWHATEVER = FLIPPER + ROTWHATEVER
            WHEREWEAT = WHEREWEGOIN
            WHEREWEGOIN = advance(WHEREWEGOIN, 1)
        }
        return ROTWHATEVER
    }
    private var PARTS : GONADS
    init () {
        self.PARTS = "HUGE"
    }
    class func SWAP<TYPE>(inout HOTT: TYPE, inout HOTTER: TYPE) {
        let FLUFFER = HOTT
        HOTT = HOTTER
        HOTTER = FLUFFER
    }
    
//    // uncomment this for a weird error
//    weak lazy var weakLazyCraig = CHOCKLASS()
}




CHOCKLASS.ISITAWESOME("TED", WITHSEX: "M")
CHOCKLASS.ISITAWESOME("CHOCK", WITHSEX: "MUCHO")
CHOCKLASS.ISITAWESOME("BABS", WITHSEX: "YES")

var GIRLFRIEND = "CANDI"
var WIFE = "BABS"
CHOCKLASS.SWAP(&WIFE, HOTTER: &GIRLFRIEND)

var ME = CHOCKLASS()
ME.PARTS

CHOCKLASS.FIX("Am I crazy 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸")

CHOCKLASS.AWESOMELEVEL.ME.SHOWIT()
CHOCKLASS.AWESOMELEVEL.EVERYONEELSE.SHOWIT()

CHOCKLASS.SECURITY("SEKRET96")

CHOCKLASS.SECURITY(CHOCKLASS.FIX("My voice is my password."))