Swordfighting for Might Pirates; requires https://www.npmjs.com/package/hubot-response

responses.js

[
  {
    "match": "You fight like a Dairy Farmer!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "How appropriate! You fight like a cow!"
  },
  {
    "match": "This is the END for you, you gutter crawling cur!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "And I've got a little TIP for you, get the POINT?"
  },
  {
    "match": "I've spoken with apes more polite than you!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion!"
  },
  {
    "match": "Soon you'll be wearing my sword like a shish kebab!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "First you better stop waving it about like a feather duster."
  },
  {
    "match": "People fall at my feet when they see me coming!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Even BEFORE they smell your breath?"
  },
  {
    "match": "I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Your hemorroids are flaring up again eh?"
  },
  {
    "match": "I once owned a dog that was smarter than you.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "He must have taught you everything you know."
  },
  {
    "match": "Nobody's ever drawn blood from me and nobody ever will.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "You run THAT fast?"
  },
  {
    "match": "Have you stopped wearing diapers yet?",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Why? Did you want to borrow one?"
  },
  {
    "match": "There are no words for how disgusting you are.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Yes there are. You just never learned them."
  },
  {
    "match": "You make me want to puke.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "You make me think somebody already did."
  },
  {
    "match": "My handkerchief will wipe up your blood!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "So you got that job as janitor, after all."
  },
  {
    "match": "I got this scar on my face during a mighty struggle!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose."
  },
  {
    "match": "I've heard you are a contemptible sneak.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all."
  },
  {
    "match": "You're no match for my brains, you poor fool.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them."
  },
  {
    "match": "You have the manners of a beggar.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me."
  },
  {
    "match": "Now I know what filth and stupidity really are.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I'm glad to hear you attended your family reunion."
  },
  {
    "match": "Every word you say to me is stupid.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I wanted to make sure you'd feel comfortable with me."
  },
  {
    "match": "I've got a long, sharp lesson for you to learn today.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "And I've got a little TIP for you. Get the POINT?"
  },
  {
    "match": "I will milk every drop of blood from your body!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "How appropriate, you fight like a cow!"
  },
  {
    "match": "I've got the courage and skill of a master swordsman.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I'd be in real trouble if you ever used them."
  },
  {
    "match": "My tongue is sharper than any sword",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "First, you'd better stop waving it like a feather-duster."
  },
  {
    "match": "My name is feared in every dirty corner of this island!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "So you got that job as a janitor, after all."
  },
  {
    "match": "My wisest enemies run away at the first sight of me!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Even BEFORE they smell your breath?"
  },
  {
    "match": "Only once have I met such a coward!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "He must have taught you everything you know."
  },
  {
    "match": "If your brother's like you, better to marry a pig.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "You make me think somebody already did."
  },
  {
    "match": "No one will ever catch ME fighting as badly as you do.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "You run THAT fast?"
  },
  {
    "match": "My last fight ended with my hands covered with blood.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I hope now you've learned to stop picking your nose."
  },
  {
    "match": "I hope you have a boat ready for a quick escape.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Why, did you want to borrow one?"
  },
  {
    "match": "My sword is famous all over the Caribbean!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Too bad no one's ever heard of YOU at all."
  },
  {
    "match": "You are a pain in the backside, sir!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Your hemorrhoids are flaring up again, eh?"
  },
  {
    "match": "There are no clever moves that can help you now.",
    "response": "Yes there are. You just never learned them."
  },
  {
    "match": "Every enemy I've met I've annihilated!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "With your breath, I'm sure they all suffocated."
  },
  {
    "match": "You're as repulsive as a monkey in a negligee.",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I look THAT much like your fiancée?"
  },
  {
    "match": "Killing you would be justifiable homicide!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Then killing you must be justifiable fungicide."
  },
  {
    "match": "You're the ugliest monster ever created!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "If you don't count all the ones you've dated."
  },
  {
    "match": "I'll skewer you like a sow at a buffet!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "When I'm done with you, you'll be a boneless filet."
  },
  {
    "match": "Would you like to be buried, or cremated?",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "With you around, I'd prefer to be fumigated."
  },
  {
    "match": "Coming face to face with me must leave you petrified!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Is that your face? I thought it was your backside."
  },
  {
    "match": "When your father first saw you, he must have been mortified!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "At least mine can be identified."
  },
  {
    "match": "You can't match my witty repartee!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "I could, if you would use some breath spray."
  },
  {
    "match": "I have never seen such clumsy swordplay!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "You would have, but you were always running away."
  },
  {
    "match": "En garde! Touché!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Oh, that is so cliché."
  },
  {
    "match": "Throughout the Caribbean, my great deeds are celebrated!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Too bad they're all fabricated."
  },
  {
    "match": "I can't rest 'til you've been exterminated!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Then perhaps you should switch to decaffeinated."
  },
  {
    "match": "I'll leave you devasted, mutilated, and perforated!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Your odor alone makes me aggravated, agitated, and infuriated."
  },
  {
    "match": "Heaven preserve me! You look like something that's died!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "The only way you'll be preserved is in formaldehyde."
  },
  {
    "match": "I'll hound you night and day!",
    "description": "swordfighting for might pirates",
    "listener": "hear",
    "response": "Then be a good dog. Sit! Stay!"
  }
];