Empathy has been the greatest skill I've developed and utilized during my career. My past colleagues and I often joked that I have an overactive empathy gland. Teaching my teams empathy (towards guests, towards each other and towards other departments) was one of my top focus points and something I felt passionate about as this skill could be carried by my team to whatever future path they followed. In hospitality I had to train my team not only to feel empathy, but to verbally speak empathy to the guests. To say something out loud to the guest to validate what they were feeling and to earn their trust. I got much better results dealing with guests and employees because of my ability to show empathy in difficult situations and to communicate in an empathetic way.
This exercise makes me thankful that I chose Turing because Turing is living their mission and preparing us well beyond just the technical side of things. Empathy is essential for software developers because you can't create a good product for the end users without understanding what the end users want and need from that software. The first article brought up an interesting point about how they gained so much seeing what the users experienced rather than just taking their word for it.
Empathy is essential for any job that involves communication and collaboration among teammates, bosses, clients, etc. It helps keep everyone on the same page, working toward the same goal. Keeping an empathetic mindset can also help teams prevent and navigate miscommunications. Empathy can be very valuable when there is confusion between communicators. When one party is confused, it often quickly leads both parties to frustration. Staying empathetic can naturally diffuse frustration and help those involved work through the confusion constructively. Empathy allows us to assume that everyone is doing their best. This is important on teams that work closely together as it helps minimize teams from getting sidetracked and losing time and productivity to frustrations and finger pointing.
There have been very few colleagues that I've had trouble working with or getting along with. However, I initially struggled to work and get along with a past coworker named Phil. Finding empathy towards him and communicating empathetically with him not only helped me work with him more effectively, but we also grew to enjoy each other's company. In the end I got along with him better than most others did. I really just had to remind myself that the things that made him difficult to work with and communicate with probably made life much harder for him that it was making it for me. With that reminder in mind, I was able to sit down with him over coffee and express that I wanted to try to work together better. This peace offering made him soften towards me and made my perspective shift from feeling like I was constantly battling with him to feeling like I could help him be more successful, happy and effective. Things got much easier quickly once our mindsets and communication shifted.
- When do you find it most difficult to be empathetic in professional settings? How can you improve your skills when faced with these scenarios?
It is most difficult for me to be empathetic when I'm worn down, exhausted, or already frustrated about not being able to
accomplish something that I'm working so hard to accomplish. For me, the opposite of empathy is defensiveness.
I find myself fighting feelings of defensiveness when I'm not at my best. I anticipate a fair amount of confusion and frustration during my upcoming career as a software developer. Staying focused on remaining empathetic will help me navigate those situations more gracefully and more effectively. It feels much more enjoyable to be empathetic than it does to be frustrated or defensive. Being mindful and purposeful in my own self care during Turing (and my career after Turing) will help me improve my empathy skills because it will help me avoid the pitfalls that come with being worn down and exhausted.
Another challenge area for me is that I historically have a pretty short fuse for listening to someone speak poorly of someone else. My empathy works against me, and works against me hard in this scenario. For example, if someone is talking about a driver who cut them off as if that driver is an idiot, I react poorly if I don't catch myself. I get upset and start defending the driver and start listing off all kinds of hypothetical empathetic scenarios that could be considered. Maybe they just got fired or maybe their dog died today or maybe they are distracted because they're really struggling with something or hurting, etc, etc. It's not fun or supportive of whoever is on the other side of it. I'm aware of this less-than-wonderful trait in myself and am continually working to change my reactions in this scenario. Mainly, I'm focusing on slowing down and thinking before just reacting. This challenge is literally the number one thing my husband and I end up fighting about. Poor guy. It sounds extra insane to type out like this. What's my deal?