Equally disgusting zshell configuration for people who enjoy disgusting shell functions and nonextensible configuration

.zshrc

# If you come from bash you might have to change your $PATH.
# export PATH=$HOME/.local/bin:$HOME/bin:/usr/local/bin:$PATH

export DEFAULT_USER=$USER

prompt_context() {}

# Path to your oh-my-zsh installation.
export ZSH="/home/sushisharkjl/.oh-my-zsh"

# Set name of the theme to load --- if set to "random", it will
# load a random theme each time oh-my-zsh is loaded, in which case,
# to know which specific one was loaded, run: echo $RANDOM_THEME
# See https://github.com/robbyrussell/oh-my-zsh/wiki/Themes
ZSH_THEME="agnoster"

# Set list of themes to pick from when loading at random
# Setting this variable when ZSH_THEME=random will cause zsh to load
# a theme from this variable instead of looking in ~/.oh-my-zsh/themes/
# If set to an empty array, this variable will have no effect.
# ZSH_THEME_RANDOM_CANDIDATES=( "robbyrussell" "agnoster" )

# Uncomment the following line to use case-sensitive completion.
# CASE_SENSITIVE="true"

# Uncomment the following line to use hyphen-insensitive completion.
# Case-sensitive completion must be off. _ and - will be interchangeable.
HYPHEN_INSENSITIVE="true"

# Uncomment the following line to disable bi-weekly auto-update checks.
# DISABLE_AUTO_UPDATE="true"

# Uncomment the following line to change how often to auto-update (in days).
# export UPDATE_ZSH_DAYS=13

# Uncomment the following line to disable colors in ls.
# DISABLE_LS_COLORS="true"

# Uncomment the following line to disable auto-setting terminal title.
# DISABLE_AUTO_TITLE="true"

# Uncomment the following line to enable command auto-correction.
ENABLE_CORRECTION="true"

# Uncomment the following line to display red dots whilst waiting for completion.
# COMPLETION_WAITING_DOTS="true"

# Uncomment the following line if you want to disable marking untracked files
# under VCS as dirty. This makes repository status check for large repositories
# much, much faster.
# DISABLE_UNTRACKED_FILES_DIRTY="true"

# Uncomment the following line if you want to change the command execution time
# stamp shown in the history command output.
# You can set one of the optional three formats:
# "mm/dd/yyyy"|"dd.mm.yyyy"|"yyyy-mm-dd"
# or set a custom format using the strftime function format specifications,
# see 'man strftime' for details.
# HIST_STAMPS="mm/dd/yyyy"

# Would you like to use another custom folder than $ZSH/custom?
# ZSH_CUSTOM=/path/to/new-custom-folder

# Which plugins would you like to load?
# Standard plugins can be found in ~/.oh-my-zsh/plugins/*
# Custom plugins may be added to ~/.oh-my-zsh/custom/plugins/
# Example format: plugins=(rails git textmate ruby lighthouse)
# Add wisely, as too many plugins slow down shell startup.
plugins=(git)

source $ZSH/oh-my-zsh.sh

# User configuration

# export MANPATH="/usr/local/man:$MANPATH"

# You may need to manually set your language environment
# export LANG=en_US.UTF-8

# Preferred editor for local and remote sessions
# if [[ -n $SSH_CONNECTION ]]; then
#   export EDITOR='vim'
# else
#   export EDITOR='mvim'
# fi

# Compilation flags
# export ARCHFLAGS="-arch x86_64"

# ssh
# export SSH_KEY_PATH="~/.ssh/rsa_id"

# Set personal aliases, overriding those provided by oh-my-zsh libs,
# plugins, and themes. Aliases can be placed here, though oh-my-zsh
# users are encouraged to define aliases within the ZSH_CUSTOM folder.
# For a full list of active aliases, run `alias`.
#
# Example aliases
# alias zshconfig=mate ~/.zshrc"
# alias ohmyzsh="mate ~/.oh-my-zsh"

# we stan vim
export EDITOR="vim"

# Classpath configuration
export CLASSPATH=/usr/lib/jvm/javafx-sdk-12.0.1/lib/

# multiplexing!
if [[ ! $TERM =~ screen ]]; then
        exec tmux
fi

# shortcuts
alias ccat="pygmentize -g"
alias wttr="curl wttr.in"
alias clock="tty-clock -c -s -r"
alias nmcli="nmcli -p"
alias pip="pip3"
alias py="python3"
alias python="python3"
alias graph="git log --graph --all"
alias wscan="wicd-gtk"
alias zshsrc="source ~/.zshrc"
alias za="zathura"

# because i can't fucking type
alias tlp bat="tlp battery"

# memes
alias lofi="mpv --video-unscaled=yes https://www.youtube.com/watch\?v\=hHW1oY26kxQ"
alias please="sudo" # this totally wasn't an expletive
alias :q="exit"
alias :x="exit"
function commit-all { # beautiful
    git commit -am " ' $(curl -s http://whatthecommit.com/index.txt) ' ";
    git push;
}