A potential, CoffeeScript-esque nicer PHP

gistfile1.txt

// ----------------------
// NO <?php TAG!
// ----------------------


// ----------------------
// SIGNIFICANT WHITESPACE ELIMINATES THE NEED
// FOR CURLY BRACES (YAY)
// ----------------------
class Sessions extends MY_Controller

	// ----------------------
	// WHY DO VARIABLES NEED TO BEGIN WITH A DOLLAR?
	// SIMILARILY, WHY DO METHOD CALLS NEED PARENTHESIES?
	// ----------------------
	models = array 'user'
	
	// ----------------------
	// METHODS DON'T NEED THE 'function' KEYWORD, IT IS DROPPED
	// AND A DASHROCKET IS USED INSTEAD. LIKE SO:
	//
	// 	function blah($name, $email)
	//
	// BECOMES...
	//
	// 	blah (name, email) ->
	// ----------------------
	__construct ->
	
		// ----------------------
		// NOT SURE ABOUT THIS... 'parent::' becoming '^'
		// ----------------------
		^__construct()
		
		// ----------------------
		// $this IS REPLACED WITH @, AND static:: IS REPLACED
		// WITH @@. THE -> OPERATOR IS REPLACED WITH .
		// ----------------------
		@load.model 'session_model'
	
	// GET /sessions/new
	// ----------------------
	// METHODS THAT ARE ONE LINE DON'T NEED THE INDENTATION
	// ----------------------
	get_new -> @title = 'Login'
		
	// POST /sessions
	post_create ->
		// ----------------------
		// METHODS THAT RETURN AN ASSOC ARRAY AND ARE THEN
		// ASSIGNED TO MULTIPLE VARIABLES CAN BE ASSIGNED WITH MASS-ASSIGNMENT,
		// ELIMINATING THE NEED FOR A $session VARIABLE.
		//
		// email, password = @input.post 'session'
		//
		// BASICALLY MEANS
		//
		// $session = $this->input->post('session');
		// $email = $session['email'];
		// $password = $session['password'];
		//
		// ALSO WORKS WITH NUMBERED ARRAYS
		//
		// one, two = some_array_method()
		//
		// MEANS
		//
		// $array = some_array_method();
		// $one = $array[0];
		// $two = $array[1];
		// ----------------------
		email, password = @input.post 'session'
		
		// Try to log us in
		// ----------------------
		// NO NEED FOR if (!...), JUST USE unless. ALSO, ALL SUPERFLUOUS
		// PUNCTUATION (brackets, braces etc) ARE REMOVED.
		// ----------------------
		unless @session_model.login email, password
			@session.set_flashdata 'error', @session_model.login_error
			redirect 'sessions/new'
		
		// Cool! Redirect to the products page and kick some arse
		@session.set_flashdata 'message', 'Successfully logged in'
		redirect 'products'
	
	// POST /sessions/delete
	post_delete ->
		@session.unset_userdata 'user_id'
		
		// Redirect
		@session.set_flashdata 'message', 'Successfully logged out'
		redirect 'sessions/new'
	
	// GET /sessions/edit
	get_edit -> @title = 'Update Account'

original.php

<?php

class Sessions extends MY_Controller {
	public $models = array('user');
	
	public function __construct() {
		parent::__construct();
		
		$this->load->model('session_model');
	}
	
	// GET /sessions/new
	public function get_new() {
		$this->title = 'Login';
	}
		
	// POST /sessions
	public function post_create() {
		// get the POST vars
		$session = $this->input->post('session');
		$email = $session['email'];
		$password = $session['password'];
		
		// Try to log us in
		if (!$this->session_model->login($email, $password)) {
			$this->session->set_flashdata('error', $this->session_model->login_error);
			redirect('sessions/new');
		}
		
		// Cool! Redirect to the products page and kick some arse
		$this->session->set_flashdata('message', 'Successfully logged in');
		redirect('products');
	}
	
	// POST /sessions/delete
	public function post_delete() {
		// Destroy the user session
		$this->session->unset_userdata('user_id');
		
		// Redirect
		$this->session->set_flashdata('message', 'Successfully logged out');
		redirect('sessions/new');
	}
	
	// GET /sessions/edit
	public function get_edit() {
		$this->title = 'Update Account';
	}
}

Use Python and save yourself a lot of trouble.

Is this just a concept, or have you written a parser for this?

I'm looking for solutions like this too. See also:
https://github.com/unu/ladyphp
https://github.com/c9s/gutscript#synopsis