8 Ways to Make Better Commitments to Change
❌ Avoid vague goals: "Get more sleep" | "Eat better" | "Be more relational" ✅ Make it specific: "Be in bed by 10pm" | "Eat vegetables twice today" | "Schedule coffee with my friend on Wednesday"
Ask yourself: How will I know if I accomplished this? Can I measure it?
❌ Don't just handle single events: "Go to bed early Wednesday for my Thursday meeting" ✅ Create patterns that continue: Focus on establishing habits that will build throughout the week and beyond
Remember: This isn't just a to-do list item - it's about creating lasting change.
✅ Start each phone call by reporting: "My commitment to change this week was..." ✅ Don't wait until you have progress to report - the phone call itself often gets you back on track ✅ Let others hear what's working - their successes can inspire new ideas for you
❌ Avoid comparison traps: Comparing your progress to others in group ✅ Focus on your next step: Where am I right now, and what's my next baby step forward?
Remember: Everyone's journey is different - different speeds, seasons, backgrounds, and trauma.
✅ Build momentum: If something is working, keep going with it for multiple weeks ✅ Layer and build: Week 1 might be keeping a limbic journal, Week 2 might be analyzing patterns you see
It's okay to work on the same area for 2-5 weeks if you're building on it.
Track yourself - are your commitments always in the same area?
Mix it up across life areas:
- Physical: Sleep, exercise, nutrition
- Mental: Learning, reading, thought patterns
- Relational: Marriage, friendships, family
- Emotional: Processing feelings, limbic responses
- Spiritual: Prayer, Bible study, worship
✅ Connect to what you're learning: What came up in this week's homework? ✅ Address your faster scale: What's driving you down? What double bind are you in? ✅ Wait until the end of group to finalize your commitment - let the discussion spark ideas
Example: If your faster scale shows you feeling unappreciated → commitment could be "Spend 2 minutes each morning reflecting on God's love for me"
✅ Look ahead at your week: What potential triggers or challenges do you see? ✅ Be proactive, not reactive: Plan for the difficult moments
Ask yourself: "If I was going to relapse this week, when would it most likely happen?" Then build your commitment around protecting that time.
Examples:
- Spouse traveling = increased isolation risk
- Stressful work deadline = exhaustion trigger
- In-laws visiting = relational stress
- Home alone = access to triggers
Before finalizing your commitment, ask:
- Is it specific enough that I'll know if I did it?
- Does it create a pattern, not just handle one event?
- Am I comparing this to others, or is it right for me?
- Does it connect to what I'm learning or struggling with?
- Does it address a challenge I see coming this week?
Remember: This tool works. The commitment to change can be one of the most powerful tools in your recovery journey when used well.