Chris Collins

chris-collins.md

1. When Chris Collins throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
2. All arrays Chris Collins declares are of infinite size, because Chris Collins knows no bounds.
3. Chris Collins doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
4. Chris Collins writes code that optimizes itself.
5. Chris Collins can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
6. Chris Collins doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
7. Chris Collins’s first program was kill -9.
8. Chris Collins burst the dot com bubble.
9. All browsers support the hex definitions #chris and #collins for the colors black and blue.
10. MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chris’s (he just lets you use it).
11. Chris Collins can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
12. Chris Collins can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
13. The only pattern Chris Collins knows is God Object.
14. Chris Collins finished World of Warcraft.
15. Project managers never ask Chris Collins for estimations…ever.
16. Chris Collins doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
17. “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chris Collins.
18. Whiteboards are white because Chris Collins scared them that way.
19. Chris Collins doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
20. Chris Collins can delete the Recycling Bin.
21. Chris Collins’s beard can type 140 wpm.
22. Chris Collins can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
23. Chris Collins doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
24. Chris Collins’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chris Collins.
25. When Chris Collins is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.