trumpisms.clj

(def cards [
  "%s. High five, bro."
  "TSA guidelines now prohibit %s on airplanes."
  "It's a pity that kids these days are all getting involved with %s."
  "In 1,000 years, when paper money is but a distant memory, %s will be our currency."
  "Major League Baseball has banned %s for giving players an unfair advantage."
  "What is Batman's guilty pleasure? %s."
  "Next from J.K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Chamber of %s."
  "I'm sorry, Professor, but I couldn't complete my homework because of %s."
  "What did I bring back from Mexico? %s."
  "%s? There's an app for that."
  "%s. Betcha can't have just one!"
  "What's my anti-drug? %s."
  "While the United States raced the Soviet Union to the moon, the Mexican government funneled millions of pesos into research on %s."
  "In the new Disney Channel Original Movie, Hannah Montana struggles with %s for the first time."
  "What's my secret power? %s."
  "What's the new fad diet? %s."
  "What did Vin Diesel eat for dinner? %s."
  "When Pharaoh remained unmoved, Moses called down a Plague of %s."
  "How am I maintaining my relationship status? %s."
  "What's the crustiest? %s."
  "When I'm in prison, I'll have %s smuggled in."
  "After Hurricane Katrina, Sean Penn brought %s to the people of New Orleans."
  "Instead of coal, Santa now gives the bad children %s."
  "Life was difficult for cavemen before %s."
  "What's Teach for America using to inspire inner city students to succeed? %s."
  "Who stole the cookies from the cookie jar? %s."
  "In Michael Jackson's final moments, he thought about %s."
  "White people like %s."
  "Why do I hurt all over? %s."
  "A romantic candlelit dinner would be incomplete without %s."
  "What will I bring back in time to convince people that I am a powerful wizard? %s."
  "BILLY MAYS HERE FOR %s."
  "The class field trip was completely ruined by %s."
  "What's a girl's best friend? %s."
  "I wish I hadn't lost the instruction manual for %s."
  "When I am President of the United States, I will create the Department of %s."
  "What are my parents hiding from me? %s."
  "What never fails to liven up the party? %s."
  "What gets better with age? %s."
  "%s: good to the last drop."
  "I got 99 problems but %s ain't one."
  "It's a trap!"
  "MTV's new reality show features eight washed-up celebrities living with %s."
  "What would grandma find disturbing, yet oddly charming? %s."
  "What's the most emo? %s."
  "During sex, I like to think about %s."
  "What ended my last relationship? %s."
  "What's that sound? %s."
  "%s. That's how I want to die."
  "Why am I sticky? %s."
  "What's the next Happy Meal® toy? %s."
  "What's there a ton of in heaven? %s."
  "I do not know with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with %s."
  "What will always get you laid? %s."
  "%s: kid tested, mother approved."
  "Why can't I sleep at night? %s."
  "What's that smell? %s."
  "What helps Obama unwind? %s."
  "This is the way the world ends / This is the way the world ends / Not with a bang but with %s."
  "Coming to Broadway this season, %s: The Musical."
  "Anthropologists have recently discovered a primitive tribe that worships %s."
  "But before I kill you, Mr. Bond, I must show you %s."
  "Studies show that lab rats navigate mazes 50% faster after being exposed to %s."
  "Due to a PR fiasco, Walmart no longer offers %s."
  "When I am a billionaire, I shall erect a 50-foot statue to commemorate %s."
  "In an attempt to reach a wider audience, the Smithsonian Museum of Natural History has opened an interactive exhibit on %s."
  "War! What is it good for? %s."
  "What gives me uncontrollable gas? %s."
  "What do old people smell like? %s."
  "Sorry everyone, I just %s."
  "Alternative medicine is now embracing the curative powers of %s."
  "The U.S. has begun airdropping %s to the children of Afghanistan."
  "What does Dick Cheney prefer? %s."
  "During Picasso's often-overlooked Brown Period, he produced hundreds of paintings of %s."
  "What don't you want to find in your Chinese food? %s."
  "I drink to forget %s."
])

(defn random-number-from-zero-to-n
  [n]
  (int (Math/floor (* (rand) (float n)))))

(defn random-card
  []
  (cards (random-number-from-zero-to-n (count cards))))

(defn trumpism
  []
  (format (random-card), "Donald Trump"))

(defn print-n-trumpisms
  ([n] (print-n-trumpisms 1 n))
  ([i len]
    (println (trumpism))
    (if (< i len) (print-n-trumpisms (inc i) len))))

(defn print-twenty-trumpisms [] (print-n-trumpisms 20))

(print-twenty-trumpisms)