A Scholarly Work of Complete Balderdash
Gather round, you vacant-headed medieval turnip munchers, for I am about to impart upon your pitiful excuse for consciousness the most significant historical tale ever told. More important than the fall of Rome, more crucial than the discovery of the New World, and certainly more entertaining than anything involving the Dutch, this is the story of the Bakewell tart—that most regal of desserts, that most noble of pastries, that most cunning of confections.
Why, you may ask with your characteristic lack of intellectual curiosity, should we care about the history of a tart? Well, to that I say: what else have you got to do? Develop penicillin? Write "Paradise Lost"? I think not. You're sitting there, aren't you, with nothing but lint in your pockets and even less in your cranium, so you might as well learn something that will be of absolutely no use to you