Skip to content

Instantly share code, notes, and snippets.

@ksheedlo

ksheedlo/fortunes.txt

Created April 16, 2013 08:06
Show Gist options
  • Save ksheedlo/5394255 to your computer and use it in GitHub Desktop.
Save ksheedlo/5394255 to your computer and use it in GitHub Desktop.
Download ZIP
Fun with Linux programs
Raw
fortunes.txt
_____________________________________
/ You have the body of a 19 year old. \
| Please return it before it gets |
\ wrinkled. /
-------------------------------------
\ /\ ___ /\
\ // \/ \/ \\
(( O O ))
\\ / \ //
\/ | | \/
| | | |
| | | |
| o |
| | | |
|m| |m|
_________________________________________
/ You will be reincarnated as a toad; and \
\ you will be much happier. /
-----------------------------------------
\ . .
\ / `. .' "
\ .---. < > < > .---.
\ | \ \ - ~ ~ - / / |
_____ ..-~ ~-..-~
| | \~~~\.' `./~~~/
--------- \__/ \__/
.' O \ / / \ "
(_____, `._.' | } \/~~~/
`----. / } | / \__/
`-. | / | / `. ,~~|
~-.__| /_ - ~ ^| /- _ `..-'
| / | / ~-. `-. _ _ _
|_____| |_____| ~ - . _ _ _ _ _>
_______________________________________
/ Q: What's the difference betweeen USL \
| and the Graf Zeppelin? A: The Graf |
| Zeppelin represented cutting edge |
\ technology for its time. /
---------------------------------------
\
\ \_\_ _/_/
\ \__/
(oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||
________________________________________
/ Q: Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto? \
| A: He found out what "kimosabe" really |
\ means. /
----------------------------------------
\
\
____
/# /_\_
| |/o\o\
| \\_/_/
/ |_ |
| ||\_ ~|
| ||| \/
| |||_
\// |
|| |
||_ \
\_| o|
/\___/
/ ||||__
(___)_)
______________________________________
/ A tall, dark stranger will have more \
\ fun than you. /
--------------------------------------
\ . . .
\ . . . ` ,
\ .; . : .' : : : .
\ i..`: i` i.i.,i i .
\ `,--.|i |i|ii|ii|i:
UooU\.'@@@@@@`.||'
\__/(@@@@@@@@@@)'
(@@@@@@@@)
`YY~~~~YY'
|| ||
________________________________________
< Your supervisor is thinking about you. >
----------------------------------------
\
\
___
{~._.~}
( Y )
()~*~()
(_)-(_)
________________________
< Snow Day -- stay home. >
------------------------
\
\
_____ _________
/ \_/ |
| ||
| ||
| ###\ /### | |
| 0 \/ 0 | |
/| | |
/ | < |\ \
| /| | | |
| | \_______/ | | |
| | | / /
/|| /|||
----------------|
| | | |
*** ***
/___\ /___\
_________________________________________
/ A man was reading The Canterbury Tales \
| one Saturday morning, when his wife |
| asked "What have you got there?" |
\ Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer." /
-----------------------------------------
\ ___-------___
\ _-~~ ~~-_
\ _-~ /~-_
/^\__/^\ /~ \ / \
/| O|| O| / \_______________/ \
| |___||__| / / \ \
| \ / / \ \
| (_______) /______/ \_________ \
| / / \ / \
\ \^\\ \ / \ /
\ || \______________/ _-_ //\__//
\ ||------_-~~-_ ------------- \ --/~ ~\ || __/
~-----||====/~ |==================| |/~~~~~
(_(__/ ./ / \_\ \.
(_(___/ \_____)_)
_______________________________________
/ Don't go around saying the world owes \
| you a living. The world owes you |
| nothing. It was here first. |
| |
\ -- Mark Twain /
---------------------------------------
\
\
\ >()_
(__)__ _
_________________________________________
/ I reverently believe that the maker who \
| made us all makes everything in New |
| England, but the weather. I don't know |
| who makes that, but I think it must be |
| raw apprentices in the weather-clerks |
| factory who experiment and learn how, |
| in New England, for board and clothes, |
| and then are promoted to make weather |
| for countries that require a good |
| article, and will take their custom |
| elsewhere if they don't get it. |
| |
\ -- Mark Twain /
-----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||--WWW |
|| ||
_______________________________________
/ "Elves and Dragons!" I says to him. \
| "Cabbages and potatoes are better for |
| you and me." |
| |
\ -- J. R. R. Tolkien /
---------------------------------------
\ .,
\ . .TR d'
\ k,l .R.b .t .Je
\ .P q. a|.b .f .Z%
.b .h .E` # J: 2` .
.,.a .E ,L.M' ?:b `| ..J9!`.,
q,.h.M` `.., ..,""` ..2"`
.M, J8` `: ` 3;
. Jk ..., `^7"90c.
j, ,! .7"'`j,.| .n. ...
j, 7' .r` 4: L `...
..,m. J` ..,|.. J` 7TWi
..JJ,.: % oo ,. ....,
.,E 3 7`g.M: P 41
JT7"' O. .J,; `` V"7N.
G. ""Q+ .Zu.,!` Z`
.9.. . J&..J! . ,:
7"9a JM"!
.5J. .. ..F`
78a.. ` ..2'
J9Ksaw0"'
.EJ?A...a.
q...g...gi
.m...qa..,y:
.HQFNB&...mm
,Z|,m.a.,dp
.,?f` ,E?:"^7b
`A| . .F^^7'^4,
3.MMMMMMMMMMMQzna,
...f"A.JdT J: Jp,
`JNa..........A....af`
`^^^^^'`
_______________________________________
/ Afternoon very favorable for romance. \
\ Try a single person for a change. /
---------------------------------------
\ (__)
(oo)
/------\/
/ | ||
* /\---/\
~~ ~~
____________________________________
/ Something's rotten in the state of \
| Denmark. |
| |
\ -- Shakespeare /
------------------------------------
\ __------~~-,
\ ,' ,
/ \
/ :
| '
| |
| |
| _-- |
_| =-. .-. ||
o|/o/ _. |
/ ~ \ |
(____@) ___~ |
|_===~~~.` |
_______.--~ |
\________ |
\ |
__/-___-- -__
/ _ \
____________________________________
/ You are confused; but this is your \
\ normal state. /
------------------------------------
\ \
\ \
\ _\^
\ _- oo\
\---- \______
\ )\
||-----|| \
|| ||
________________________________
/ She is not refined. She is not \
| unrefined. She keeps a parrot. |
| |
\ -- Mark Twain /
--------------------------------
\
\ \
\ /\
( )
.( o ).
_________________________________________
/ Never commit yourself! Let someone else \
\ commit you. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\
.--.
|o_o |
|:_/ |
// \ \
(| | )
/'\_ _/`\
\___)=(___/
______________________
< You are always busy. >
----------------------
\
___###
/oo\ |||
\ / \|/
/""\ I
()| |(I)
\ / I
/""""\ I
| |I
| |I
\____/ I
____________________________________
/ Tempt not a desperate man. \
| |
| -- William Shakespeare, "Romeo and |
\ Juliet" /
------------------------------------
\
\ , _ ___.--'''`--''//-,-_--_.
\`"' ` || \\ \ \\/ / // / ,-\\`,_
/'` \ \ || Y | \|/ / // / - |__ `-,
/@"\ ` \ `\ | | ||/ // | \/ \ `-._`-,_.,
/ _.-. `.-\,___/\ _/|_/_\_\/|_/ | `-._._)
`-'``/ / | // \__/\__ / \__/ \
`-' /-\/ | -| \__ \ |-' |
__/\ / _/ \/ __,-' ) ,' _|'
(((__/(((_.' ((___..-'((__,'
________________________________
< Tomorrow, you can be anywhere. >
--------------------------------
\ , ,
\ /( )`
\ \ \___ / |
/- _ `-/ '
(/\/ \ \ /\
/ / | ` \
O O ) / |
`-^--'`< '
(_.) _ ) /
`.___/` /
`-----' /
<----. __ / __ \
<----|====O)))==) \) /====
<----' `--' `.__,' \
| |
\ /
______( (_ / \______
,' ,-----' | \
`--{__________) \/
__________________________________
/ Break into jail and claim police \
\ brutality. /
----------------------------------
\ ,-----._
. \ . ,' `-.__,------._
// \ __\\' `-.
(( _____-'___)) |
`:='/ (alf_/ |
`.=| |=' |
|) O | \
| | /\ \
| / . / \ \
| .-..__ ___ .--' \ |\ \ |
|o o | ``--.___. / `-' \ \\ \ |
`--'' ' .' / / | | | | \
| | / / | | | mmm
| || | | /| |
( .' \ \ || | |
| | \ \ // / /
| | \ \ || |_|
/ | |_/ /_|
/__/
_____________________________________
/ A visit to a fresh place will bring \
\ strange work. /
-------------------------------------
\
\
^__^
_______/(oo)
/\/( /(__)
| W----|| |~|
|| || |~| ~~
|~| ~
|_| o
|#|/
_+#+_
_____________________________________
/ You learn to write as if to someone \
| else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE |
\ "SOMEONE ELSE." /
-------------------------------------
\
\
("`-' '-/") .___..--' ' "`-._
` *_ * ) `-. ( ) .`-.__. `)
(_Y_.) ' ._ ) `._` ; `` -. .-'
_.. `--'_..-_/ /--' _ .' ,4
( i l ),-'' ( l i),' ( ( ! .-'
_____________________________________
/ It were not best that we should all \
| think alike; it is difference of |
| opinion that makes horse-races. |
| |
| -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's |
\ Calendar" /
-------------------------------------
\ ,-^-.
\ !oYo!
\ /./=\.\______
## )\/\
||-----w||
|| ||
Cowth Vader
______________________________________
/ Good day to deal with people in high \
| places; particularly lonely |
\ stewardesses. /
--------------------------------------
\
\ .
___ //
{~._.~}//
( Y )K/
()~*~()
(_)-(_)
Luke
Skywalker
koala
_____________________________________
/ You learn to write as if to someone \
| else because NEXT YEAR YOU WILL BE |
\ "SOMEONE ELSE." /
-------------------------------------
\ ____________
\ |__________|
/ /\
/ / \
/___________/___/|
| | |
| ==\ /== | |
| O O | \ \ |
| < | \ \|
/| | \ \
/ | \_____/ | / /
/ /| | / /|
/||\| | /||\/
-------------|
| | | |
<__/ \__>
_________________________________________
/ Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly. \
| |
| -- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of |
\ Lucrece" /
-----------------------------------------
\
\
oO)-. .-(Oo
/__ _\ /_ __\
\ \( | ()~() | )/ /
\__|\ | (-___-) | /|__/
' '--' ==`-'== '--' '
_____________________________________
< Your step will soil many countries. >
-------------------------------------
\ / \ //\
\ |\___/| / \// \\
/0 0 \__ / // | \ \
/ / \/_/ // | \ \
@_^_@'/ \/_ // | \ \
//_^_/ \/_ // | \ \
( //) | \/// | \ \
( / /) _|_ / ) // | \ _\
( // /) '/,_ _ _/ ( ; -. | _ _\.-~ .-~~~^-.
(( / / )) ,-{ _ `-.|.-~-. .~ `.
(( // / )) '/\ / ~-. _ .-~ .-~^-. \
(( /// )) `. { } / \ \
(( / )) .----~-.\ \-' .~ \ `. \^-.
///.----..> \ _ -~ `. ^-` ^-_
///-._ _ _ _ _ _ _}^ - - - - ~ ~-- ,.-~
/.-~
_________________________________________
/ Beware of a dark-haired man with a loud \
\ tie. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\
/\_)o<
| \
| O . O|
\_____/
_________________________________________
/ You are deeply attached to your friends \
\ and acquaintances. /
-----------------------------------------
\ (__)
\ /oo|
\ (_"_)*+++++++++*
//I#\\\\\\\\I\
I[I|I|||||I I `
I`I'///'' I I
I I I I
~ ~ ~ ~
Scowleton
____________________________________
/ A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a \
| horse! |
| |
\ -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard III" /
------------------------------------
\ ^ /^
\ / \ // \
\ |\___/| / \// .\
\ /O O \__ / // | \ \ *----*
/ / \/_/ // | \ \ \ |
@___@` \/_ // | \ \ \/\ \
0/0/| \/_ // | \ \ \ \
0/0/0/0/| \/// | \ \ | |
0/0/0/0/0/_|_ / ( // | \ _\ | /
0/0/0/0/0/0/`/,_ _ _/ ) ; -. | _ _\.-~ / /
,-} _ *-.|.-~-. .~ ~
\ \__/ `/\ / ~-. _ .-~ /
\____(oo) *. } { /
( (--) .----~-.\ \-` .~
//__\\ \__ Ack! ///.----..< \ _ -~
// \\ ///-._ _ _ _ _ _ _{^ - - - - ~
_____________________
< You should go home. >
---------------------
\ . _ .
\ |\_|/__/|
/ / \/ \ \
/__|O||O|__ \
|/_ \_/\_/ _\ |
| | (____) | ||
\/\___/\__/ //
(_/ ||
| ||
| ||\
\ //_/
\______//
__ || __||
(____(____)
________________________________________
/ Q: What do you call the scratches that \
| you get when a female |
| |
\ sheep bites you? A: Ewe nicks. /
----------------------------------------
\ __
\ (oo)
\ ( )
\ /--\
__ / \ \
UooU\.'@@@@@@`.\ )
\__/(@@@@@@@@@@) /
(@@@@@@@@)((
`YY~~~~YY' \\
|| || >>
_____________________________________
/ Someone whom you reject today, will \
\ reject you tomorrow. /
-------------------------------------
\
\
__
UooU\.'@@@@@@`.
\__/(@@@@@@@@@@)
(@@@@@@@@)
`YY~~~~YY'
|| ||
________________________________________
< The time is right to make new friends. >
----------------------------------------
\ ^__^
\ (oo)\_______
(__)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||
_____________________________________
/ You will have a long and unpleasant \
\ discussion with your supervisor. /
-------------------------------------
\
\ ....
. ........
. .
. .
....... .........
..............................
Elephant inside ASCII snake
_____________________________________
/ It were not best that we should all \
| think alike; it is difference of |
| opinion that makes horse-races. |
| |
| -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's |
\ Calendar" /
-------------------------------------
\
\
\ __---__
_- /--______
__--( / \ )XXXXXXXXXXX\v.
.-XXX( O O )XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX-
/XXX( U ) XXXXXXX\
/XXXXX( )--_ XXXXXXXXXXX\
/XXXXX/ ( O ) XXXXXX \XXXXX\
XXXXX/ / XXXXXX \__ \XXXXX
XXXXXX__/ XXXXXX \__---->
---___ XXX__/ XXXXXX \__ /
\- --__/ ___/\ XXXXXX / ___--/=
\-\ ___/ XXXXXX '--- XXXXXX
\-\/XXX\ XXXXXX /XXXXX
\XXXXXXXXX \ /XXXXX/
\XXXXXX > _/XXXXX/
\XXXXX--__/ __-- XXXX/
-XXXXXXXX--------------- XXXXXX-
\XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX/
""VXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXV""
_________________________________________
/ October. \
| |
| This is one of the peculiarly dangerous |
| months to speculate in stocks in. |
| |
| The others are July, January, |
| September, April, November, May, March, |
| June, December, August, and February. |
| |
| -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's |
\ Calendar" /
-----------------------------------------
\
\ .
.---. //
Y|o o|Y//
/_(i=i)K/
~()~*~()~
(_)-(_)
Darth
Vader
koala
_____________________________________
/ Among the lucky, you are the chosen \
\ one. /
-------------------------------------
\ ____
\ / \
| ^__^ |
| (oo) |______
| (__) | )\/\
\____/|----w |
|| ||
Moofasa
_______________________________________
< Your domestic life may be harmonious. >
---------------------------------------
\
\
,;;;;;;;,
;;;;;;;;;;;,
;;;;;'_____;'
;;;(/))))|((\
_;;((((((|))))
/ |_\\\\\\\\\\\\
.--~( \ ~))))))))))))
/ \ `\-(((((((((((\\
| | `\ ) |\ /|)
| | `. _/ \_____/ |
| , `\~ /
| \ \ /
| `. `\| /
| ~- `\ /
\____~._/~ -_, (\
|-----|\ \ ';;
| | :;;;' \
| / | |
| | |
_____________________________________
/ Your sister swims out to meet troop \
\ ships. /
-------------------------------------
\ ,+*^^*+___+++_
\ ,*^^^^ )
\ _+* ^**+_
\ +^ _ _++*+_+++_, )
_+^^*+_ ( ,+*^ ^ \+_ )
{ ) ( ,( ,_+--+--, ^) ^\
{ (@) } f ,( ,+-^ __*_*_ ^^\_ ^\ )
{:;-/ (_+*-+^^^^^+*+*<_ _++_)_ ) ) /
( / ( ( ,___ ^*+_+* ) < < \
U _/ ) *--< ) ^\-----++__) ) ) )
( ) _(^)^^)) ) )\^^^^^))^*+/ / /
( / (_))_^)) ) ) ))^^^^^))^^^)__/ +^^
( ,/ (^))^)) ) ) ))^^^^^^^))^^) _)
*+__+* (_))^) ) ) ))^^^^^^))^^^^^)____*^
\ \_)^)_)) ))^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^)
(_ ^\__^^^^^^^^^^^^))^^^^^^^)
^\___ ^\__^^^^^^))^^^^^^^^)\\
^^^^^\uuu/^^\uuu/^^^^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\
___) >____) >___ ^\_\_\_\_\_\_\)
^^^//\\_^^//\\_^ ^(\_\_\_\)
^^^ ^^ ^^^ ^
____________________________________
/ Q: Do you know what the death rate \
\ around here is? A: One per person. /
------------------------------------
\ \
\ \_
\ \\
\ \\/\
\ _\\/
\ / -\
\ / oo -\
\ / \
| ---\ -\
\--/ \ \
| -\
\ -\ -------------\ /-\
\ \-------/ ---/ \
\ |\ \
| / | |
\ | \ |
| / \ |
| / \ |
\ \ \|
- /--------\ | o
\+ +--------- \ |
| | | \
| | \ |
| | | \
| | \ |
\ | | |
| | \ \
| | | |
+--+ ---+
____________________________________
< Your aim is high and to the right. >
------------------------------------
\
\____
/@ ~-.
\/ __ .- |
// // @
_____________________________________
/ In the stairway of life, you'd best \
\ take the elevator. /
-------------------------------------
,-----.
| |
,--| |-.
__,----| | | |
,;:: | `_____' |
`._______| i^i |
`----| |---'| .
,-------._| |== ||//
| |_|P`. /'/
`-------' 'Y Y/'/'
.== /_
^__^ / /'| `i
(oo)_______ /' / | |
(__) )/ /' / | `i
||----w | ___,;`----'.___L_,-'`__
|| || i_____;----.____i""____
_______________________________________
/ Perilous to all of us are the devices \
| of an art deeper than we ourselves |
| possess. |
| |
| -- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, |
\ "Lord of the Rings"] /
---------------------------------------
\ \_______
v__v \ \ O )
(oo) ||----w |
(__) || || \/\
______________________________________
/ All things that are, are with more \
| spirit chased than enjoyed. |
| |
\ -- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" /
--------------------------------------
\
\
\
___ _____ ___
/ \ / /| / \
| | / / | | |
| | /____/ | | |
| | | | | | |
| | | {} | / | |
| | |____|/ | |
| | |==| | |
| \___________/ |
| |
| |
___________________________________
/ Q: What is green and lives in the \
\ ocean? A: Moby Pickle. /
-----------------------------------
\
\
^__^ /
(oo)\_______/ _________
(__)\ )=( ____|_ \_____
||----w | \ \ \_____ |
|| || || ||
_________________________________________
/ The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus \
| 69 seconds when Desiree, the first |
| female ape to go up in space, winked at |
| me slyly and pouted her thick, rubbery |
| lips unmistakably -- the first of many |
| such advances during what would prove |
| to be the longest, and most memorable, |
| space voyage of my career. |
| |
| -- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton |
\ bad fiction contest. /
-----------------------------------------
\
\
,__, | |
(oo)\| |___
(__)\| | )\_
| |_w | \
| | || *
Cower....
_________________________________________
/ You two ought to be more careful--your \
\ love could drag on for years and years. /
-----------------------------------------
\ /\/\
\ \/\/
\ / -\
\ / oo -\
\ / \
| ---\ -\
\--/ \ \
| -\
\ -\ -------------\ /-\
\ \-------/ ---/ \
\ |\ \
| / | |
\ | \ |
| / \ |
| / \ |
\ \ \|
- /--------\ | o
\+ +--------- \ |
| | | \
| | \ |
| | | \
| | \ |
\ | | |
| | \ \
| | | |
+--+ ---+
________________________
< Snow Day -- stay home. >
------------------------
\ _^^
\ _- oo\
\----- \______
\ )\
||-----|| \
|| ||
_________________________________________
< Q: How do you keep a moron in suspense? >
-----------------------------------------
\
\
.::!!!!!!!:.
.!!!!!:. .:!!!!!!!!!!!!
~~~~!!!!!!. .:!!!!!!!!!UWWW$$$
:$$NWX!!: .:!!!!!!XUWW$$$$$$$$$P
$$$$$##WX!: .<!!!!UW$$$$" $$$$$$$$#
$$$$$ $$$UX :!!UW$$$$$$$$$ 4$$$$$*
^$$$B $$$$\ $$$$$$$$$$$$ d$$R"
"*$bd$$$$ '*$$$$$$$$$$$o+#"
"""" """""""
_______________________________
/ Don't worry. Life's too long. \
| |
\ -- Vincent Sardi, Jr. /
-------------------------------
\ ^___^
\ (ooo)\_______
(___)\ )\/\
||----w |
|| ||
_____________________________________
/ Things will be bright in P.M. A cop \
\ will shine a light in your face. /
-------------------------------------
\
\ /\/\
\ /
| 0 >>
|___|
__((_<| |
( |
(__________)
| |
| |
/\ /\
Raw
generate.sh
#!/bin/bash
#
# Next time I'll have to tee this into espeak.
find /usr/share/cowsay/cows -type f | xargs -n 1 -I{} basename {} .cow | xargs -n 1 -I{} sh -c 'fortune | cowsay -f '{} >fortunes.txt
Sign up for free to join this conversation on GitHub. Already have an account? Sign in to comment