Nick : an elevator engineer Laura : a beautiful girl Betsy : an intelligent elevator robot Shane : the simpleton Fireman : a fireman
[Nick places an "out of order" sign outside of the elevator and enters. Walks up to Betsy's control panel and opens it.]
Nick : How are we doing today Betsy? (Reads dials on the control panel and makes some minor adjustments)
Betsy : No better than yesterday. No worse than tomorrow.
Nick : Well, I am in a good mood today. I am going to ask Laura out.
Betsy : Laura is a materialistic, shallow and heartless woman.
Nick : But she is beauitufl!
Betsy : According to my logs, the last time you tried asking Laura out, she told you that you did not make enough money.
Nick : And now I am a Senior Elevator Engineer. Now I make enough money right?
Betsy : This can only end badly.
Nick : Why are you such a drag Betsy.
Betsy : You programmed me to be correct Nick, not to be emtionally supportive. Everything I say is for your own good. I am telling you this, so you can't come back to me and tell me "if only someone told me". I am telling you so now. She is going to break your heart.
Nick : I agree with everything that you have just said. But I am not going to listen to you. She is going to fall in love with me and I am going to prove you wrong. Now Betsy, did you prepare for the accident that we are going to have today?
Betsy : I did.
Nick : Well? Is everything in place?
Betsy : Yes. This morning, I have annouced that there will be free chocolate muffins at the kitchen on the 15th floor at 2:30pm. At 2:25pm, Laura will go from the 7th floor, where she sits, to the 15th floor. When she reaches the 15th floor, she will find that there are no more muffins. Dissapointed, she will go back to her own floor. But you, Nick, will be waiting for her in this elevator with two chocolate muffins and some flowers. She will enter, and when you signal to me by saying the phrase "Laura, what a surprise", I will experience a power outage. Then, under the romanticly dim emergency lights, eating chocolate muffins, and she will fall in love with you.
Nick : Excellent, quite excellent.
Betsy : May I remind you, the chances of this ... act of yours working is estimated at exaclty 0.01 %.
Nick : An act you say? Yes. An act. All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players. This love story just happens to be written by me!
Betsy : Sigh, lets get going then, it is almost 2:30.
Nick : To the 15th floor!
[Elevator stops]
Nick : Why are we stopping?
Betsy : I don't know, I can't control it.
Nick : Impossible... Unless...
[Door opens, enter shane]
Betsy : Congratulations, you have pressed the button exactly 157 times, activating the emergency override system.
Shane : Wow I can't believe that worked!
Nick : Shane!
Shane : Nick!
Nick : Shane! I told you, the emergency override is for emergencies only!
Shane : This is an emergency! There are free chocolate muffins on the 15th floor!
Nick : There are no muffins on the 15th floor!
Shane : No, there must be, Betsy annouced it this morning!
Nick : No, the muffins is a lie! You have to get out. Right now. [looks at watch] We have no time to waste! Betsy, kick him out!
Betsy : I can't kick people out of the elevator Shane, you removed my robot arm last week, remember?
Nick : Agh! Shane! [Puts hand through hair in fustration]
Shane : Ah I see how it is, you want all the muffins for yourself. You sly fox. Well, I am not going anywhere. Betsy, take us to muff'n heav'n.
Betsy : All thrusters upwards.
[Elevator stops again]
Nick : No! Why have you stopped again?
Betsy : It's happening again, some has activated the emergency override system!
[Elevator door opens and enters Laura]
Laura : I can't believe that just worked!
Nick : Laura! What a surprise!
Betsy : This elevator is experiencing a power outage. Help is on the way. Meanwhile please enjoy each other's company.
Nick : Betsy no! Not now!
Laura : Oh my!
Nick : Laura! I thought you'd be on the 15th floor by now. Didn't Betsy tell you that there were going to be free chocolate muffins?
Laura : Yes, but I just had to stop by the 10th floor for the free pizza. Are we too late? Are there any muffins left?
Shane : Nick says there are no more muffins left. Or rather, he wants us to believe there are no more muffins so he can have them all to himself. Am I right?
Nick : No... not at all. I... In fact I have some muffins with me right now! Would you guys like some?
Shane : You had muffins with you this ENTIRE TIME and you didn't say anything? Oh you are insufferable nick! [Takes muffin]. Mmm, delicious!
Nick : [Hands muffin to Laura] Here laura. Take it.
Laura : [Takes muffin] Why thank you. [Eats muffin]
Nick : Say... isn't this quite romantic?
[Romantic music is heard]
Laura : Yes indeed, I have always wanted to be stuck in an elevator.
Nick : Yes, how wonderful it is. And to be stuck with you!
Shane : And with muffins!
Nick : Oh Laura, it is indeed quite wonderful. We are cut off from the outside world. We are transported into an alternate universe. Everything outside of these six walls are but a figment of our memories and imagination. Think, for these following magical moments, we might as well be the only people alive in this world! You and I laura, you and I!
Shane : And me!
Laura : Nick, I want to be stuck in an elevator not because I enjoy being stuck. Its because I get to be saved! I can't wait to meet my hero, the man who is going to pull me out of this dark pit of anxiety and fear. Betsy said help is on the way, I should start getting afraid soon.
Nick : But you are safe! You are here with me! I built this elevator and I can get us out right now if I wanted to!
Laura : That's not the same Nick. Uh, you don't get it. I am just going to sit here and wait in distress.
Shane : You knew how to get out this ENTIRE TIME and you didn't say anything? Oh you are insufferable nick!
Betsy : Ouch! Someone is forcing the doors open! Help!!!
[Enter fireman]
Fireman : Mam are you alright?
Laura : Oh fireman! Thank god you finally arrived. I am in distress. Here, save me! [Offers hand to fireman] Oh I am saved! Oh I love you! [Kisses fireman]
Nick : But you are supposed to fall in love with me! I am your one true love! You weren't even afriad at all before he came in. He didn't save you. It was all an act!
Laura : All the world's a stage, And we are merely actors Nick. This love story just happens to be written by me! Fireman, take me away!
[End]