Please god no chef

elasticsearch.init.erb

# Executing ruby in a template in ruby
version=$(curl -s 'http://localhost:9200' | ruby -rubygems -e 'require "json"; print JSON.parse(STDIN.read)["version"]["number"]')
echo -e "\033[1;37;46melasticsearch $version running with PID $pid\033[0m"

error-reporting.sh

# If you can't report anything more useful than "Exception handlers complete", 
# just show me the stacktrace already
[2013-08-30T12:55:41+02:00] ERROR: Running exception handlers
[2013-08-30T12:55:41+02:00] ERROR: Exception handlers complete
[2013-08-30T12:55:41+02:00] FATAL: Stacktrace dumped to /var/chef/cache/chef-stacktrace.out
[2013-08-30T12:55:41+02:00] FATAL: Chef::Exceptions::ChildConvergeError: Chef run process exited unsuccessfully (exit code 1)

so-much-weight.sh

# For just 42 cookbooks
ls -al cookbooks/ |wc -l
42

# I'm adding 915 source files thanks to many layers of abstraction
find cookbooks/ |grep -v '\.git' |wc -l
915

# To most companies, what is it really worth that you can deploy to redhat vs ubuntu.
# For this you're dragging much weight & abstraction around, more risks of bugs.
# And it's not like you could actually seemlesly deploy to redhat without some serious changes to your code/stack anyway

traces.sh

# Sensible stack traces so you can easily tell why your deploy broke
vagrant@dev:~$ sudo cat /var/chef/cache/chef-stacktrace.out
Generated at Thu Aug 29 15:31:16 +0200 2013
Chef::Exceptions::MultipleFailures: Chef::Exceptions::MultipleFailures
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/mixlib-shellout-1.1.0/lib/mixlib/shellout.rb:248:in `invalid!'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/mixlib-shellout-1.1.0/lib/mixlib/shellout.rb:234:in `error!'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/mixin/shell_out.rb:36:in `shell_out!'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/provider/service/init.rb:71:in `restart_service'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/provider/service.rb:115:in `action_restart'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/mixin/why_run.rb:52:in `call'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/mixin/why_run.rb:52:in `add_action'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/provider.rb:149:in `converge_by'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/provider/service.rb:114:in `action_restart'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/provider.rb:114:in `send'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/provider.rb:114:in `run_action'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource.rb:625:in `run_action'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:49:in `run_action'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:57:in `run_action'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:55:in `each'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:55:in `run_action'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:81:in `converge'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:81:in `each'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:81:in `converge'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection.rb:98:in `execute_each_resource'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection/stepable_iterator.rb:116:in `call'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection/stepable_iterator.rb:116:in `call_iterator_block'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection/stepable_iterator.rb:85:in `step'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection/stepable_iterator.rb:104:in `iterate'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection/stepable_iterator.rb:55:in `each_with_index'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/resource_collection.rb:96:in `execute_each_resource'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/runner.rb:80:in `converge'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/client.rb:429:in `converge'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/client.rb:494:in `do_run'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/client.rb:199:in `run'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/client.rb:193:in `fork'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/client.rb:193:in `run'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/application.rb:183:in `run_chef_client'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/application/solo.rb:239:in `run_application'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/application/solo.rb:231:in `loop'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/application/solo.rb:231:in `run_application'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/../lib/chef/application.rb:66:in `run'
/opt/vagrant_ruby/lib/ruby/gems/1.8/gems/chef-11.6.0/bin/chef-solo:25
/opt/vagrant_ruby/bin/chef-solo:19:in `load'