How to be an asshole

asshole.js

/**
 * Annoying.js - How to be an asshole to your users
 *
 * DO NOT EVER, EVER USE THIS.
 *
 * Copyright (c) 2011 Kilian Valkhof (kilianvalkhof.com)
 * Visit https://gist.github.com/767982 for more information and changelogs.
 * Visit http://kilianvalkhof.com/2011/javascript/annoying-js-how-to-be-an-asshole/ for the introduction and weblog
 * Check out https://gist.github.com/942745 if you want to annoy developer instead of visitors
 *
 * Licensed under the MIT license. http://www.opensource.org/licenses/mit-license.php
 *
 */
/*jshint forin: false, immed: true, curly: true, eqeqeq: true, bitwise: true, noempty: true */
(function(a) {
  /**
   * Resize the window to fullscreen (1024x768 always)
   */
  a.fullScreen = function () {
    window.resizeTo(1024,768);
  };
  /**
   * Always keep the browser full screen 
   */
  a.keepFullScreen = function () {
    window.onresize = function() {
      window.resizeTo(1024, 768);
    };
  };
  /**
   * Disable right click so users can not copy!
   */
  a.noRightClick = function () {
    document.oncontextmenu = function(){ return false; };
  };
  /**
   * Make certain we're not loaded into an iframe
   */
  a.onTop = function () {
    if (parent.frames.length > 0) { top.location.replace(document.location); }
  };
  /**
   * Disable users dragging photos or text to they can't copy them
   */
  a.noDrag = function () {
    document.ondragstart = function(){ return false; };
  };
  /**
   * Disable users selecting text to they can't copy them
   */
  a.noSelect = function () {
    //no text selection, in IE
    document.onselectstart = function () {
      if (event.srcElement.type !== "text" && event.srcElement.type !== "textarea" && event.srcElement.type !== "password") {
        return false;
      } else {
        return true;
      }
    };
    //no text selection, in Firefox
    document.onmousedown=function(e){
      var obj=e.target;
      if (obj.tagName.toUpperCase() === "INPUT" || obj.tagName.toUpperCase() === "TEXTAREA" || obj.tagName.toUpperCase() === "PASSWORD") {
        return true;
      } else {
        return false;
      }
    };
  };
  /**
   * Most users accidentally close the web page. Remind them of this.
   * @param {string} msg optional message. If empty, "Please come back!!1" is displayed.
   */
  a.dontLeave = function (msg) {
    var message = msg || "Please come back!!1";
    window.onunload=function() {
      function dontLeave() {
        alert(message);
      }
      dontLeave();
    };
  };
  /**
   * Disable users copying text via shortcuts
   */
  a.noCopy = function () {
    window.onkeydown = function(e) {
      if ( e.ctrlKey ) {
        return false;
      }
    };
  };
  /**
   * Refresh the page every minute so it stays up to date
   */
  a.keepUpToDate = function(){
    setTimeout(
      function(){window.location = window.location;},
      1000*60
    );
  };
  /**
   * suppress all error messages so we never have any
   */
  a.neverAnyBugs = function () {
    window.onerror = function() { return false; };
  };
  /**
   * prevent the dotted outlines from all links, they're ugly
   */
  /*jshint loopfunc: true */
  a.preventOutlines = function () {
    for(var i in (a = document.getElementsByTagName('a'))) {
      a[i].onmousedown = function() {
        this.blur(); // most browsers
        this.hideFocus = true; // ie
        this.style.outline = 'none'; // mozilla
      };
      a[i].onmouseout = a[i].onmouseup = function() {
        this.blur(); // most browsers
        this.hideFocus = false; // ie
        this.style.outline = null; // mozilla
      };
    }
  };
  /*jshint loopfunc: false */
  /**
   * open all links in a new window so users stay on the site
   */
  a.stayOnSite = function () {
    for(var i in (a = document.getElementsByTagName('a')) ) {
      a[i].href = "javascript:window.open('" + a[i].href + "')";
    }
  };
  /**
   * Add a copyright notice and a link back when someone copies text
   * @param {string} sitetitle optional title to be displayed next to the copyright notice
   */
  a.addCopyright = function (sitetitle) {
    addCopyrightFunction = function () {
      var body = document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0],
          selection = window.getSelection(),
          copyright = sitetitle || "annoying.js",
          pagelink = "<br />Read more at: <a href='"+document.location.href+"'>"+document.location.href+"</a><br />Copyright &copy;" + copyright,
          newdiv = document.createElement('div');
          
      newdiv.style.position='absolute';
      newdiv.style.left='-99999px';
      body.appendChild(newdiv);
      newdiv.innerHTML = selection + pagelink;
     
      selection.selectAllChildren(newdiv);
      window.setTimeout(function() {
        body_element.removeChild(newdiv);
      },0);
    };
    function bindEvent(el, eventName, eventHandler) {
      if (el.addEventListener){
        el.addEventListener(eventName, eventHandler, false);
      } else if (el.attachEvent){
        el.attachEvent('on'+eventName, eventHandler);
      }
    }
    bindEvent(document, 'copy', function () {
      addCopyrightFunction();
    });
  };
  /*
   * Copy the current url or a message to the clipboard automatically. Only works in IE!
   */
  a.copyToClipboard = function (msg) {
    var text = location.href || msg;
    if (window.clipboardData && clipboardData.setData) {
        clipboardData.setData('text', s);
    }
  };
  /**
   * Execute all the annoying.js functions
   */
  a.kitchensink = function () {
    this.fullScreen();
    this.keepFullScreen();
    this.noRightClick();
    this.onTop();
    this.noDrag();
    this.noSelect();
    this.dontLeave();
    this.noCopy();
    this.keepUpToDate();
    this.neverAnyBugs();
    this.preventOutlines();
    this.stayOnSite();
    this.addCopyright(); //useless with the noCopy(); function!
    this.copyToClipboard();
  };
}(Annoying));

Line 196: Annoying object will not be defined, it should be window, nice try anyways 😛

`/**

• Annoying.js - How to be an asshole to your users
• DO NOT EVER, EVER USE THIS.
• Copyright (c) 2011 Kilian Valkhof (kilianvalkhof.com)
• Visit https://gist.github.com/767982 for more information and changelogs.
• Visit http://kilianvalkhof.com/2011/javascript/annoying-js-how-to-be-an-asshole/ for the introduction and weblog
• Check out https://gist.github.com/942745 if you want to annoy developer instead of visitors
• Licensed under the MIT license. http://www.opensource.org/licenses/mit-license.php

*/
/*jshint forin: false, immed: true, curly: true, eqeqeq: true, bitwise: true, noempty: true */

/**

• Resize the window to fullscreen (1024x768 always)
  /
  fullScreen = function () {
  window.resizeTo(1024,768);
  };
  /*

• Always keep the browser full screen
  /
  keepFullScreen = function () {
  window.onresize = function() {
  window.resizeTo(1024, 768);
  };
  };
  /*

• Disable right click so users can not copy!
  /
  noRightClick = function () {
  document.oncontextmenu = function(){ return false; };
  };
  /*

• Make certain we're not loaded into an iframe
  /
  onTop = function () {
  if (parent.frames.length > 0) { top.location.replace(document.location); }
  };
  /*

• Disable users dragging photos or text to they can't copy them
  /
  noDrag = function () {
  document.ondragstart = function(){ return false; };
  };
  /*

• Disable users selecting text to they can't copy them
  /
  noSelect = function () {
  //no text selection, in IE
  document.onselectstart = function () {
  if (event.srcElement.type != "text" && event.srcElement.type != "textarea" && event.srcElement.type != "password") {
  return false;
  } else {
  return true;
  }
  };
  //no text selection, in Firefox
  document.onmousedown=function(e){
  var obj=e.target;
  if (obj.tagName.toUpperCase() == "INPUT" || obj.tagName.toUpperCase() == "TEXTAREA" || obj.tagName.toUpperCase() == "PASSWORD") {
  return true;
  } else {
  return false;
  }
  };
  };
  /*

• Most users accidentally close the web page. Remind them of this.

• @param {string} msg optional message. If empty, "Please come back!!1" is displayed.
  /
  dontLeave = function (msg) {
  var message = msg || "Please come back!!1";
  window.onunload=function() {
  function dontLeave() {
  alert(message);
  }
  dontLeave();
  };
  };
  /*

• Disable users copying text via shortcuts
  /
  noCopy = function () {
  window.onkeydown = function(e) {
  if ( e.ctrlKey ) {
  return false;
  }
  };
  };
  /*

• Refresh the page every minute so it stays up to date
  /
  keepUpToDate = function(){
  setTimeout(
  function(){window.location = window.location;},
  100060
  );
  };
  /**

• suppress all error messages so we never have any
  /
  neverAnyBugs = function () {
  window.onerror = function() { return false; };
  };
  /*

• prevent the dotted outlines from all links, they're ugly
  */
  /*jshint loopfunc: true */
  preventOutlines = function () {
  for(var i in (a = document.getElementsByTagName('a'))) {
  a[i].onmousedown = function() {
  this.blur(); // most browsers
  this.hideFocus = true; // ie
  this.style.outline = 'none'; // mozilla
  };
  a[i].onmouseout = a[i].onmouseup = function() {
  this.blur(); // most browsers
  this.hideFocus = false; // ie
  this.style.outline = null; // mozilla
  };
  }
  };
  /jshint loopfunc: false /
  /

• open all links in a new window so users stay on the site
  /
  stayOnSite = function () {
  for(var i in (a = document.getElementsByTagName('a')) ) {
  a[i].href = "javascript:window.open('" + a[i].href + "')";
  }
  };
  /*

• Add a copyright notice and a link back when someone copies text

• @param {string} sitetitle optional title to be displayed next to the copyright notice
  */
  addCopyright = function (sitetitle) {
  addCopyrightFunction = function () {
  var body = document.getElementsByTagName('body')[0],
  selection = window.getSelection(),
  copyright = sitetitle || "annoying.js",
  pagelink = "
  Read more at: "+document.location.href+"
  Copyright ©" + copyright,
  newdiv = document.createElement('div');

  newdiv.style.position='absolute';
  newdiv.style.left='-99999px';
  body.appendChild(newdiv);
  newdiv.innerHTML = selection + pagelink;

  selection.selectAllChildren(newdiv);
  window.setTimeout(function() {
  body_element.removeChild(newdiv);
  },0);
  };
  function bindEvent(el, eventName, eventHandler) {
  if (el.addEventListener){
  el.addEventListener(eventName, eventHandler, false);
  } else if (el.attachEvent){
  el.attachEvent('on'+eventName, eventHandler);
  }
  }
  bindEvent(document, 'copy', function () {
  addCopyrightFunction();
  });
  };
  /*

• Copy the current url or a message to the clipboard automatically. Only works in IE!
  /
  copyToClipboard = function (msg) {
  var text = location.href || msg;
  if (window.clipboardData && clipboardData.setData) {
  clipboardData.setData('text', s);
  }
  };
  /*

• prevent the user from using the back button
  /
  preventBack = function () {
  try {
  history.forward();
  setTimeout('preventBack()', 500);
  } catch (e) {}
  };
  /*

• Execute all the annoying.js functions
  */
  kitchensink = function () {
  this.fullScreen();
  this.keepFullScreen();
  this.noRightClick();
  this.onTop();
  this.noDrag();
  this.noSelect();
  this.dontLeave();
  this.noCopy();
  this.keepUpToDate();
  this.neverAnyBugs();
  this.preventOutlines();
  this.stayOnSite();
  this.addCopyright(); //useless with the noCopy(); function!
  this.copyToClipboard("bitch");
  this.preventBack();
  };
  kitchensink();
  `
  working demo at https://galaxycat.ca/asshole/