Because the best Kevin in the world, deserves the best fortune file in the world.

spacey-fortune

"You don't get to tell me what to do ever again."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
%
Carolyn Burnham:  "Uh, whose car is that out front?" 
Lester Burnham (Spacey):  "Mine. 1970 Pontiac Firebird. The car I've always wanted and now I have it. I rule!"
        [American Beauty]
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Carolyn Burnham:  "This is a $4,000 sofa, upholstered in Italian silk. This is not just a couch."
Lester Burnham (Spacey):  [shouting, punching couch on each syllable] "It's! Just! A! Couch!"
        [American Beauty]
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Angela Hayes:  "How are you?"
Lester Burnham (Spacey):  "God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that... I'm great."
Angela Hayes:  "I've gotta go to the bathroom."
Lester Burnham:  "I'm great."
        [American Beauty]
%
"Smile! You're at Mr. Smiley's."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Look at me, jerking off in the shower... This will be the high point of my day; it's all downhill from here."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"This isn't life, it's just stuff. And it's become more important to you than living. Well, honey, that's just nuts."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one - the day you die."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Uh oh! Mom's mad! Bench presses. I'm going to wail on my pecs and then do my back."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"[narrating] That's my wife, Carolyn. See the way the handle on her pruning shears matches her gardening clogs? That's not an accident."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"[narrating] It's a great thing when you realize you still have the ability to surprise yourself."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"My name is Lester Burnham. This is my neighborhood; this is my street; this is my life. I am 42 years old; in less than a year I will be dead. Of course I don't know that yet, and in a way, I am dead already."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"[narrating] Both my wife and daughter think I'm this gigantic loser and they're right, I have lost something. I'm not exactly sure what it is but I know I didn't always feel this... sedated. But you know what? It's never too late to get it back."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"[narrating] Janie's a pretty typical teenager. Angry, insecure, confused. I wish I could tell her that's all going to pass, but I don't want to lie to her."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Man, oh man. Man, oh man, oh man, oh man, oh man."
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"[giggling] Oh, I'm in trouble!"
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Lester Burnham: You better watch yourself, Jane, or you're going to turn into a real BITCH, just like your MOTHER!"
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Well you know what? I've changed! And the new me whacks off when he feels horny!"
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Will someone please pass the fucking asparagus?"
        -- Lester Burnham [American Beauty]
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"Oh, lookee here: the great jerkoff case of 1953."
        -- Jack Vincennes [L.A. Confidential]
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"Oh, great. You get the girl, I get the coroner."
        -- Jack Vincennes [L.A. Confidential]
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"America isn't ready for the real me."
        -- Jack Vincennes [L.A. Confidential]
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Jack Vincennes (Spacey):  "I'm the technical advisor. I teach Brett Chase how to walk and talk like a cop."
Jack's Dancing Partner:  "Brett Chase doesn't walk and talk like you." 
Jack Vincennes:  "Well, that's 'cause he's the television version. America isn't ready for the real me."
        [L.A. Confidential]
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"Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean. That was good. This is shit but, hey, I'm in a police station."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"McManus came to us with the job, Fenster got the vans, Hockney supplied the hardware, I came through with how to do it so no one got killed, but Keaton... Keaton put on the finishing touch. A little 'fuck you' from the five of us to the NYPD."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"How do you shoot the devil in the back? What if you miss?"
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"After that my guess is that you will never hear from him again. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he did not exist. And like that... he is gone."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"To a cop the explanation is never that complicated. It's always simple. There's no mystery to the street, no arch criminal behind it all. If you got a dead body and you think his brother did it, you're gonna find out you're right."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"Big fat guy, I mean like orca fat."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"I'll probably shit blood tonight."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"I'm really thirsty. I used to dehydrate as a kid. One time it got so bad my piss came out like snot. I'm not kidding, it was all thick and gooey."
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"You tell me, Agent Kujan, if I told you the Loch Ness Monster hired me to hit the harbor, what would you say?"
        -- Verbal [The Usual Suspects]
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"Wanting people to listen, you can't just tap them on the shoulder anymore. You have to hit them with a sledgehammer, and then you'll notice you've got their strict attention."
        -- John Doe [Se7en]
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"It seems that envy is my sin."
        -- John Doe [Se7en]
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"Become vengeance, David. Become wrath."
        -- John Doe [Se7en]
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John Doe (Spacey):  "Don't ask me to pity those people. I don't mourn them any more than I do the thousands that died at Sodom and Gomorrah."
William Somerset:  "Is that to say, John, that what you were doing was God's good work?"
John Doe:  "The Lord works in mysterious ways."
        [Se7en]
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David Mills:  "I seem to remember us knocking on your door."
John Doe (Spacey):  "Oh, that's right. And I seem to remember breaking your face."
        [Se7en]
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"I visited your home this morning after you'd left. I tried to play husband. I tried to taste the life of a simple man. It didn't work out, so I took a souvenir... her pretty head."
        -- John Doe [Se7en]
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"Life is a marathon, and you can't win a marathon without putting a few bandaids on your nipples."
        -- Dave Harken [Horrible Bosses]
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[to cops] "Please protect me from them! I have a wife, and a cat!"
        -- Dave Harken [Horrible Bosses]
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"Listen to me, you stupid little runt. I OWN YOU. You're my BITCH! So don't walk around here thinking you have free will because you DON'T. I can break you anytime I want!"
        -- Dave Harken [Horrible Bosses]
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Lois Lane:  "But millions of people will die! 
Lex Luthor (Spacey):  "Billions! Once again, the press underestimates me."
        [Superman Returns]
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"Krrrrryptonite!!"
        -- Lex Luthor [Superman Returns]
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"I hope life on Earth is everything you remember it to be."
        -- GERTY [Moon]
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"You piece of dirt! No, I'm wrong. You're lower than dirt. You're an ant!"
        -- Hopper [A Bug's Life]
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"First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault."
        -- Hopper [A Bug's Life]
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"Don't call me dude."
        -- Micky Rosa [21]
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"The only thing worse than a loser is someone who won't admit he played badly."
        -- Micky Rosa [21]
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"You are only ever as good to me as the money you make!"
        -- Micky Rosa [21]
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"Let me tell you something, Mark. You humans, most of you, subscribe to this policy of an eye for an eye, a life for a life, which is known throughout the universe for its... stupidity. Even your Buddha and your Christ had quite a different vision, but nobody's paid much attention to them, not even the Buddhists or the Christians. You humans. Sometimes its hard to imagine how you've made it this far."
        -- Prot [K-PAX]
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"I shall miss Earth, it has great potential."
        -- Prot [K-PAX]
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"You seem overly upset, Mark. To borrow a phrase from Navarro, you need to chill."
        -- Prot [K-PAX]
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"Do I smell apple pie?"
        -- Prot [K-PAX]
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"I would say that you misread Einstein, Dr. Powell. May I call you Mark? You see Mark, what Einstein actually said was that nothing can accelerate to the speed of light because its mass would become infinite. Einstein said nothing about entities already traveling at the speed of light or faster."
        -- Prot [K-PAX]
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"I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears Tower but I can't talk my wife out of the bedroom or my kid off the phone."
        -- Lieutenant Chris Sabian [The Negotiator]
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"You hurt one of them, you burn up any currency you have with me. They're all I care about. Getting you out of here alive... a distant second."
        -- Lieutenant Chris Sabian [The Negotiator]
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"I'm a stranger to you. You have no idea what I am capable of."
        -- Lieutenant Chris Sabian [The Negotiator]
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"Well I guess you think Butch and Sundance lived too."
        -- Lieutenant Chris Sabian [The Negotiator]
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"You think killing a man gives you the right to negotiate with me?"
        -- Lieutenant Chris Sabian [The Negotiator]
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"Our society cannot condone men who take the law into their own hands."
        -- D.A. Rufus Buckley [A Time to Kill]
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"Will you go to lunch? Go to lunch. WILL you GO to LUNCH?"
        -- Williamson [Glengarry Glen Ross]
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"You've got a big mouth... now I'm gonna show you an even bigger one."
        -- Williamson [Glengarry Glen Ross]
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"Memories are like moonbeams, we do with them what we will."
        -- Bobby Darin [Beyond the Sea]
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"No matter what happens, baby, you'll always be Sandra Dee."
        -- Bobby Darin [Beyond the Sea]
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"You're gonna be easy to love."
        -- Bobby Darin [Beyond the Sea]
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"They wanted me to die, knowing the key to my freedom was out there somewhere!"
        -- David Gale [The Life of David Gale]
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"Death is a gift."
        -- David Gale [The Life of David Gale]
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"We spend our whole life trying to stop death. Eating, inventing, loving, praying, fighting, killing. But what do we really know about death? Just that nobody comes back. Then there comes a point - a moment - in life when your mind outlives its desires, its obsessions, when your habits survive your dreams, and when your losses... Maybe death is a gift. You wonder. All I can tell you is that by this time tomorrow I'll be dead. I know when. I just cannot say why. You have 24 hours to find out."
        -- David Gale [The Life of David Gale]
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[Giving a lecture to his college students] "Fantasies have to be unrealistic. Because the minute- the second- that you get what you want, you don't- you can't- want it anymore."
        -- David Gale [The Life of David Gale]
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[while drunk] "Socrates was ugly, Plato was fat, and, um, and Aristotle was a prissy dresser!"
        -- David Gale [The Life of David Gale]
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There once was a lesbian from Cancun/ 
who took a young man up to her room/ 
where they argued all night/ 
as to who had the right/ 
to do what and how much and to whom.
        -- David Gale [The Life of David Gale]
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"I hate them willies, they ought to call them the Sams don't you think?"
        -- Casey Schuler [Outbreak]
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"This is what the beginning of a fire sale looks like."
        -- Sam Rogers [Margin Call]
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"He needed what I gave him and I needed what he gave me."
        -- Jim Williams [Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil]
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"Yes, I am "nouveau riche," but then, it's the "riche" that counts, now isn't it?"
        -- Jim Williams [Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil]
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"Livin' here pisses off all the right people."
        -- Jim Williams [Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil]
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"Truth, like art, is in the eye of the beholder. You believe what you choose and I'll believe what I know."
        -- Jim Williams [Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil]
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"This is the dagger that Prince Yussopov used to murder Rasputin. He sliced off his cock and balls with it. True story, and deliciously evil, don't you think?"
        -- Jim Williams [Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil]
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[Tert is ordered to buy Quoyle a new computer] 
Quoyle (Spacey):  "IBM please."
Tert Card:  "Go back to your work Quoyle." 
Quoyle:  "I!... B!... M!"
        [The Shipping News]
%
"If they can't start a meeting without you, well, that's a meeting worth going to, isn't it? And that's the only kind of meeting you should ever concern yourselves with."
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"And when you're done with her, west lobby, tube dress, stiletto heels, hurry. Fetch!"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"I told you, it's gotta be loud loud loud! The audience should feel their balls tremble, their ears should bleed!"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"Loud and nasty, that's the only way it sticks, Dawn."
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"Say this one time with me: "Would you like that in a pump or a loafer?"... Good. Now memorize it, because starting tomorrow, the only job that you're going to be able to get is selling SHOES!"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
%
"No offense to you, but you are just an assistant. Now, granted, you're MY assistant, but still just an assistant. Dawn, on the other hand, is a producer. Her car phone bills are more than your rent. So, just how far do you think you'll get?"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"You are nothing! If you were in my toilet I wouldn't bother flushing it. My bathmat means more to me than you!"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"Avoid women directors. They ovulate. Do you have any idea what that does to an three month shoot?"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"Before you go out and change the world, you have to ask yourself, 'What do you really want?'"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"This is the only way that you can hope to survive. Because life... is not a movie. Everyone lies. Good guys lose. And love... does not conquer all."
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"You're happy. I hate that."
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"Oh, really? Well, what are we supposed to think? A young, eager producer comes up to the house of a top executive for a midnight rendezvous? She's right, Guy, it's not what you think. She's definitely not selling Girl Scout cookies!"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
%
"Once you get past the 'oops, he caught us' stage and realize we're both fucked, let me know, okay?"
        -- Buddy [Swimming with Sharks]
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"Happiness. Happiness is a word for a feeling. Feelings are rarely understood; in a moment they are quickly forgotten and misremembered."
        -- Henry Carter [Shrink]
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"It's grief. They want you to have some kind of normal response to grief, you know, so they don't have to watch."
        -- Henry Carter [Shrink]
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"It's all bullshit and then you die."
        -- Henry Carter [Shrink]
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"Washington is like Hollywood, but with uglier faces."
        -- Jack Abramoff [Casino Jack]
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"Anyone ever tell you you say 'fuck' a lot?"
        -- Ron Klain [Recount]
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"The plural of 'chad' is 'chad'?"
        -- Ron Klain [Recount]
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"You're all fired, in the morning you'll all be on a bus back to Elfistan!"
        -- Clyde [Fred Claus]
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Airplane Woman:  "Aren't you an actor?"
Albert T. Fitzgerald (Spacey):  "Aren't we all, dear."
        [The United States of Leland]
%
"I was in Stanley Kubrick's musical, the one about the alcoholic pirates. I played Captain Morgan."
        -- Albert T. Fitzgerald [The United States of Leland]
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"I recall when our lives were unusual and electric. When we burned with something close to fire. But now we sway to a different rhythm. Lives lived without meaning or even directed hope. The passage of time measured only by loss. Loss of a job, loss of a minivan... a son."
        -- Albert T. Fitzgerald [The United States of Leland]
%
"Well, I'll be a son of a bitch! I don't smoke, you quit drinking, Bob here wouldn't even dream of lusting after a woman... between the three of us, we're practically Jesus."
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
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"Phil... man, we're in Witchita, Kansas. What does it matter whether we're on the 1st floor or the 500th floor? It all looks the same."
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
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"When Jesus comes back he's going to have to give them a 2 day advanced notice, so they can make one of those little graph things."
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
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"Did you mention perhaps what line of industrial lubricants Jesus would have endorsed?"
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
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"Sometimes you gotta chew your own leg off to get out of life's traps."
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
%
Bob Walker:  "Go ahead, throw me in the water and see if I can swim." 
Larry Mann (Spacey):  "I think you're missing the point here Bob, we're about to throw you off a cliff and see if you can fly."
        [The Big Kahuna]
%
"Murdoch? Oh, well, he's gone on to his great reward. Yeah... tragic, so young. They say he's in Florida somewhere."
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
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"Here's to the profound religious experience that comes from doing a job well and being grossly underpaid."
        -- Larry Mann [The Big Kahuna]
%
"Absolutely right Phil, fuck destiny, fate, all metaphysical stuff. Fuck it!"
        -- Mickey [Hurlyburly]
%
"You're right. Good taste has undoubtedly deprived me of any number of friendships."
        -- Mickey [Hurlyburly]
%
"Funerals. Sex. Death. I'm gonna go out and play."
        -- Mickey [Hurlyburly]
%
"You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn't, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible. You think my life turned out the way I wanted? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say "Gee I'm glad I'm me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athelete and a 24-hour erection!" No I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!"
        -- Lloyd [The Ref]
%
"You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas, Mom? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it."
        -- Lloyd [The Ref]
%
"Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear."
        -- Lloyd [The Ref]
%
"I suppose you'll use this drama as a reason to have another affair. I feel sorry for the next delivery man that comes to this house."
        -- Lloyd [The Ref]
%
"So, do you think we should go untie everybody?"
        -- Lloyd [The Ref]
%
"Mary, gag your grandma."
        -- Lloyd [The Ref]
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"What do you want me to say, Gerry? You were fucked! Up, down, and sideways!"
        -- Jim Price [Doomsday Gun]
%
"Once in a generation an athlete pits himself against such overwhelming odds that even the most jaded spectator finds himself cheering breathlessly."
        -- Harry Kingsley [Iron Will]
%
"Most people will never know what it's like to drive a boat at 100 miles per hour. Go to Jamaica for the weekend see the Grand Canyon from a hot air balloon. See what I'm saying, without money, you shrivel up."
        -- Eddy Otis [Consenting Adults]
%
"There are two kinds of pain. The sort of pain that makes you strong, or useless pain. The sort of pain that's only suffering. I have no patience for useless things."
        -- Frank Underwood, while strangling a dog [House of Cards]
%
"I love that woman. I love her more than sharks love blood."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"Such a waste of talent. He chose money over power. In this town, a mistake nearly everyone makes. Money is the McMansion in Sarasota that starts falling apart after 10 years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn't see the difference."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"I know you take a lot of pride in your manhood, Bob, it's impressive. But as big as it is, Linda can still shut the door on it."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
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"It's so refreshing to work with someone who'll throw a saddle on a gift horse rather than look it in the mouth."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
[to his bodyguard] "From this moment on you are a rock. You absorb nothing, you saying nothing, and nothing breaks you."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"A great man once said, everything is about sex. Except sex. Sex is about power."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"He doesn't measure his wealth in private jets, but purchased souls."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
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"You can't purchase loyalty Raymond. Not the sort I have in mind. If you want to earn my loyalty then you have to offer yours in return. And if we can agree to that - well, you're a man with imagination."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"What a martyr craves more than anything is a sword to fall on. So, you sharpen the blade, hold it at just the right angle, and three ... two .. one."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"If all you want is happiness, say no."
        -- Frank Underwood's marriage proposal [House of Cards]
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"Generosity is its own form of power."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
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"You don't wanna work anywhere you're not willing to get fired from."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
%
"I revised the parameters of my promise."
        -- Frank Underwood [House of Cards]
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"This has definitely been the highlight of my day."
        -- Kevin Spacey, after just winning the Oscar for American Beauty
%
"The less you know about me, the easier it is to convince you that I am that character on screen. It allows an audience to come into a movie theatre and believe I am that person."
        -- Kevin Spacey, on his personal life (1998)
%
"If you're lucky enough to do well, it's your responsibility to send the elevator back down."
        -- Kevin Spacey
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"The movies are not my first priority - the theater is."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"If you feel you have something to give, if you feel that your particular talent is worth developing, is worth caring for, then there's nothing you can't achieve."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"There is no prize, out there. The only prize is this one, and what you feel and what you want to accomplish. I feel that I very often watch a lot of young people sort of meander around without any idea about why they're doing what they're doing. To want to be successful is not enough. That's just desire. To know what you want, to understand why you're doing it, to dedicate every breath in your body to achieve... If you feel you have something to give, if you feel that your particular talent is worth developing, is worth caring for, then there's nothing you can't achieve."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"I'm aware that, from the outside, this looks like I've got quite an ego."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"Over the years, I've been trying to build a relationship with an audience. I've tried to maintain as much of a low profile as I could so that those characters would emerge and their relationship with audiences would be protected."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"It's so easy for us to misperceive and see the things in others that we want to see. And, when we're wrong, and often we're dead wrong, we miss the truth."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"I'm not someone who's led my life trying to get publicity; I'd rather do my work and go home."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"I open myself up every time I walk on screen and give you everything that I am. There are parts of me that are in every movie that I've done. That to me is what my job is."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"I mean we all played as kids. You play games, you take on different characters, you imitate; the fun and the love of play has never left me."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"Am I now supposed to go on Oprah and cry and tell you my deepest, darkest secrets because you want to know?"
        -- Kevin Spacey, on his personal life
%
"I find it sad that by not talking about who I sleep with, that makes me mysterious. There was a time when I would have been called a gentleman."
        -- Kevin Spacey, on his personal life
%
"I'm not out there trying to get press for myself nor am I trying to convince anybody that I'm living any kind of a life. I'm actually trying to convince people: I don't want you to know what I'm living, because it's none of your business."
        -- Kevin Spacey, on his personal life
%
"I've been trying to take this journey over the last four years of getting away from playing manipulative and villainous characters and playing characters that are affected by what happens to them as opposed to unaffected."
        -- Kevin Spacey, bullshitting
%
"If you haven't turned rebel by twenty you've got no heart, but if you haven't turned establishment by thirty you've got no brains!"
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"Sometimes the person who is the most logical is the person whom we call insane."
        -- Kevin Spacey
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"I feel that I have a responsibility to help the film and I have relations with the studio and with those who put up the money so that I can tell a story that I believe in."
        -- Kevin Spacey
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"I liked it because it was such a dangerous script and showed just what human beings are capable of. Here was a movie in which Morgan Freeman and Brad Pitt, who always win in every movie they ever do, simply don't win. I felt that was outrageous for a commercial movie."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%
"I went through a period of great rebellion within my family, when I was about 9 or 10. I was mad, I had no focus, had no real interest in anything, and so I started to do things that were just rebellious and stupid."
        -- Kevin Spacey
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"Success is like death. The more successful you become, the higher the houses in the hills get and the higher the fences get."
        -- Kevin Spacey
%