Empathy has played an interesting role in my life. I'm an empathetic person, as I think most people are. I've always "felt" for others but haven't always acted on it. Acting on empathy helped me the most as a teacher. Being a high school physics teacher forced me to put on the minds of my students. Without understanding their perspective and rationalization for misconceptions, I wouldn't have been a very effective teacher. Empathy has also been essential in developing relations with others, both personally and professionally. Having an emotional connection as a foundation for a positive relationship can't exist without empathy.
I think empathy can help me build better software by seriously considering the end user. If a team is able to consider all of the needs of the user by putting themselves in their shoes, I think a superior product will prevail. It's also interesting to consider the idea of modular software. If I'm building something on a team, exercising empathy could help me build software that is more easily altered in the future without impairing the rest of its functionality.
I think that actively exercising empathy takes out a lot of the guesswork in communicating with a team. Empathy means that I'm considering the perspective, needs, and ideas of the other person. Actively listening and asking clarifying questions can go a long way in making others feel heard and their ideas valued as well as being a 'best practice' in terms of getting things done effeciently. I also wouldn't want to be on a team where I wasn't being listened to or was being consistently talked over. If we talk over someone too frequently and don't acknowledge their ideas, they are likely to stop contributing as many ideas.
When I was a high school physics teacher, I was the only physics teacher at my school but there were two physics teachers at our much larger sister high school. The district decided we had to align our curricula, and I was very worried about this because I taught things with a very different philosophy and used standards based grading instead of traditional points/weighted grading system. I went into the meeting with a bunch of research on why-my-way-is-superior and lots of documentation, almost like I was preparing for battle. After we had all done a brief walk-through of our grading systems and curricula, we talked to each other about our student populations. I learned that my colleagues were having entire physics sections with special education students with very comprehensive IEPs. When I understood why my colleagues had the system they had, out of necessity, I was able to put my "my-way-or-the-highway" attitude to the side and we created a hybridized system that met both of our needs.
I find it most difficult when I feel that people aren't taking responsibility for the actions or when they are attempting the drive the group in the direction that they want (instead of what the group has decided on). I also have a low tolerance for time wasters. If somebody is late, having sidebar conversations, or bringing up topics irrelevant to the task at hand, I want to pull my hair out. These situations usually arise during meetings.
I think a lot of times, I'm simply reacting emotionally and need to give my nervous system a chance to calm down before I respond outwardly. I likely don't have to respond immediately, and taking a 1 minute break before saying anything is probably for the best. I'm also a big fan of setting expectation. If a group has decided on a particular set of expectations/norms, I think this will curb a lot of wasted time and I can point to the norms instead of my own personal preference. In other situations, I think attempting to make the other person feel understood and valued can soothe tensions and help us move forward. I'm particularly fond of the "Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you're saying_____." This gives both parties a chance to clarify before continuing.