I have a strange feeling today... It's not like this feeling actually appeared today, jumped out of nowhere and consumed all of me.
No, this strange feeling was always there, deep and covered with ripples like a dark lake under the cold autumn rain.
I want to talk.
No.
I WANT TO TALK.
I feel an explosive desire to talk and talk and talk. And yet, I don't know what to say.
I know many words which I can combine in at least X to the power of goddamn Y ways, but still the purpose of this action eludes me entirely.
I feel irrelevance of talking and it's like a gag sealing my mouth.
I want to listen to other people's talking. Yet the same irrelevance will roll across my nerves and to my ears to tell me that all that I hear is no less irrelevant than what I can say.
I am like a ship wreck, deep under meters and meters of black liquidified irrelevance. I can't move, I can't scream, I am just laying on the sand covered with barnacles… and there is a school of happy fish leaving inside.
Yet, at the same time I am not a wreck. I am like a broken Schrödinger cat which is both dead and alive and a ship at the same time. I am sailing under the rain and I am feeling strange...
To be honest I was not sure where the physics analogy will bring the frigate of my thought, but then I suddenly realized. Ha! Here is an answer hidden in the plain sight right between greek letters and the bra-ket notation: I simply need to be observed to collapse me, like a wave function, into a single eigenstate.
I am here. Look at me. Observe and measure what I truly am. A wreck? A ship? A cat?
[the cat in me asks people who actually studied quantum physics to forgive me... I shamelessly misused it for my own purposes here]