Fun with OS X "say" and linux espeak commands

speak.rb

#! /usr/bin/env ruby
# Some of the words are misspelled to help the say program pronounce them right
#
# copy the following line and paste for fun!
#   curl -O https://gist.githubusercontent.com/mrinterweb/0ed2ac30a97e25e03fad/raw/5da7c2a012a08cfcc9649e0f410d53f8986e4990/speak.rb && mv speak.rb speak && chmod a+x speak && ./speak

greetings = [
  'ahoy', 
  'greeting',
  'saalutations',
  'waazame',
  'bleep booop',
  'exceslior',
  'land hoe',
  'hail',
]
names = [
  `whoami`,
  'Govna',
  'captain',
  'boss',
  'cheef',
  'over loard',
  'dragon commander',
  'your excellence',
]
statuses = [
  'all done here',
  'works done',
  'bingo!',
  'hazaa',
  'flip Yeah',
  'get back to work',
  'all systems go',
]
r = ->(arr) { arr[rand(arr.length)] }
str = "#{r[greetings]}, #{r[names]}!   #{r[statuses]}"

if RUBY_PLATFORM =~ /linux/i
  `echo "#{str}" | espeak`
else
  # get a list of all possible voices
  voices = `say -v \? | cut -d " " -f1`.split("\n")
  `say -v#{r[voices]} #{str}`
end