whee, i made their pointless C compile!

stupid axe ad

typedef struct {
  int girlfriend;
} holder;

typedef struct {
  holder a;
} toplevel;

typedef struct {
  int this;
} yoda;

int main() {
  holder holder = { 2 };
  yoda understand = { 2 };
  toplevel get = {holder};
  int you = 2;

  /* whee, i made this stupid code work! */
  if (you == understand.this) {
    get.a.girlfriend;
  }
  return 0;
}

#!/usr/bin/env python
import this

# ;_; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o9pEzgHorH0
class Person(object):
    def understand(self, concept):
        assert concept
        return concept

    def get(self):
        return self

you = Person()
girlfriend = Person()

if __name__ == '__main__':
    if you.understand(this):
        girlfriend.get()

orf's python doesn't reach the if block, thus my version:

class a: __cmp__ = lambda *a: 0
class b(object): __getattribute__ = lambda *a: b()

you = a()
understand = get = b()

if you == understand.this:
    get.a.girlfriend

Didn't actually read his before I wrote mine. That feeling when someone already had your idea... head → wall

And because I didn't like the mass definition of structs, here's my C version (for which I had to modify the syntax slightly):

int main() {
    union bar {
        void* this;
        union bar* a;
        void* girlfriend;
    } get;
    void* you = get.a = &get;
    union bar understand;
    understand.a = get.a;

    if (you == understand.this) {
        get.a->girlfriend;
    }
    return 0;
}

Only 8th grade boys like the smell of Axe. The irony is that 8th grade girls think the boys who like it are idiots. So if you want a girlfriend, you;re better off with Old Spice.

#!/usr/bin/perl

=head1 NAME

douchebag.pl - douchebaggery implemented in Perl

=head1 SYNOPSIS

    $ perl douchebag.pl

=head1 DESCRIPTION

douchebag.pl is precisely what it says on the tin.

=head1 COPYRIGHT

Copyright (C) 2013 Apreten Tiousass Wipe

douchebag.pl may be used and/or redistributed under the same terms as Perl itself.

=cut

sub get_a {
    my ($object_to_get, @args) = @_;
    if ($object_to_get eq "girlfriend") {
        return 0;
    } else {
        return 1;
    }
}

sub you_understand {
    my $subject = shift;
    return 1;
}

my $this = "perl";

if (you_understand($this)) {
    get_a("girlfriend");
}

@alexindigo:

re: first ruby example, I believe idea was to make parse/compile, not to output obscenities for some ad agency. :)

My point was that it didn't compile. 😉

jplitza: ooh, i like that one, but changing the Axe code to be less stupid is a definite no-no.

@sgerrand:

It compiled and ran successfully, both on my machine and in the REPL output you posted.

Common Lisp

* (let* ((you 1) (understand.this 1) (get.a.girlfriend "HODOR!"))
    (progn
      (defmacro custom-if (func if-form block-start result block-end)
        (list `,func `(,(cadr if-form) ,(car if-form) ,(caddr if-form)) result))
      (setf (symbol-function '==) (function =)))
    (custom-if
      if (you == understand.this) {
        get.a.girlfriend;
      }
  ))
"HODOR!"

@pranavrc All the props.

yes, I think @pranavrc wins this thread with that one, macro-to-the-max!

Instead of trying to defend original code I'll propose how it should actually look to make sense:

if (you.understand(this)){
    you.get_a_girlfriend();
}