How to create new programming language in PHP?

new-lang-code-file.php

// This is written in pseudo language 

class Foo {
  def bar() {
    ret "it Works!";
  }
}

$f = Foo.new();
print $f.bar();

$realTrue = true;

if($realTrue) 
  print "Real True!";

unless($realTrue != false) 
  print "unlessss";

new-lang-parser.php

<?php

class NewLangParser  {
  private $_handler;
  
  private $_path;
  
  public function stream_open($path, $mode, $options, &$opened_path) {           

    stream_wrapper_restore('file');
    $this->_handler = fopen($path, $mode);
    $this->_path = $path;
    self::registerLang();
    return true;
  }             
  
  public function stream_read($count) {

    $content = fread($this->_handler, $count);
    $content = $this->_parseCode($content);
    
    if ($content)
      return "<?php\n".$content;
    return "";
  }             
  
  private function _parseCode($content) {
    $content = str_replace('def ', 'public function ', $content);
    $content = str_replace('ret ', 'return ', $content);
    $content = str_replace('print ', 'echo ', $content);
    $content = preg_replace('/(\w+).new\((.*)\)/', 'new \\1(\\2)', $content);
    $content = str_replace('.', '->', $content);       
    
    $content = preg_replace('/unless\s*\((.*)\)/', 'if(!(\\1))', $content);
    return $content;
  }
  
  public function stream_eof() { 

    return true;
  }             
  
  public function stream_stat() {      

    return fstat($this->_handler);
  }                           
  
  public function url_stat() {  

    return stat($this->_path);
  }    
  
  public static function registerLang() {
    stream_wrapper_unregister('file');
    stream_wrapper_register('file', 'NewLangParser');
  }
}

NewLangParser::registerLang();

include 'new-lang-code-file.php';