What did I do in a prior life to have to look at code like this?

wtf.java

public Result processCommand(Data data) {
  try {
    return doStuff();
    // fuck it, just catch everything
  } catch (Exception ex) {
    String message = ex.getMessage() != null ? message : "LOL OOPS!";
    return new Result(message);
  }
}

// 1) Why catching all Exceptions?
// 2) The code was throwing java.lang.NullPointerException.  getMessage() returns null!!!
// 3) How about some fucking logging instead of just returnning a useless error message?

BONUS:

Code that throws NPE in doStuff() is actually logging code like the following:

logger.info("param 1: %s param 2: %s param 3 %s", 
  paramA.toString(),
  paramB.toString(),
  paramC.toString());

Guess what happens if any of those params are null?