Dee Dee in the kitchen

gistfile1.txt

Fuckin...
I was in my kitchen right
checking to see if my T-shirt was dry right
and I just burst out laughing
cos on the label of my T-shirt
it said George
cos I got it fae Asda
and it was as if 
every time I leave the kitchen
everything in the kitchen 
springs tae life
like Toy Story.
And his name's George.
I was pissin mesel',
just imagine the slagging he must get fae the rest o the kitchen like that, fuckin...
"Georgie Progie pudding and pie
kissed the girls and made them cry".
But then I thought naw,
maybe no.
Don't get mae wrang I've got nae doubt his nickname's Georgie Porgie
but it might be one of thae nicknames that they don't dare call him tae his face
like Joe Bananas.
Cos if you ever call Joe Bananas
Joe Bananas
he'd fucking go
bananas.
Well maybe if you call'd Georgie Porgie
Georgie Porgie
he fucking goes
bananas.
But then I thought naw,
maybe no.
Cos it's no as if a T-shirt's gonna be the hard man of the kitchen.
That'd probably be
the kitchen knife.
But then I thought naw,
hawd on.
Kitchen knife in a fight against 
a frying pan?
Frying pan would win.
Kitchen knife in a fight against 
the chopping board?
Chopping board would win.
Chopping board wouldnae even feel it.
Chopping boards are made to no gi a fuck about kitchen knives.
Kitchen knife in a fight against me?
Aye, the kitchen knife would win then
but I'm the only one in the kitchen the kitchen knife would win against
and I just thought 
that I bet the rest of the kitchen are onto that,
and pure take the piss out of the kitchen knife,
and bully it and that,
grog on it.
And that got me worried
cos it reminded me of those schoolboys you get in America that get bullied
but then they come into school one day
and kill everybody
and cos I'm the only one in the kitchen the kitchen knife can kill...
Aye that got me worried
so I just thought 
"Look, you've came in,
you've checked your T-shirt,
it's no dry yet,
just get out and leave them tae it".
Now, I'm not saying that my kitchen actually does come to life when I leave right,
I'm not mental or anything,
but see as I was walking out?
See in my frying pan?
I gave it a wee dunt.
Gave it a wee dunt 
in front of the kitchen knife,
just in case.