nvlled · July 8, 2026 02:59
diff --git a/sofa-dog.txt b/sofa-dog.txt
 So I was alone in the pool that day, sitting on the couch. Everyone already left. It was around 2:30 in the noon and—

 What? No, I'm not the dog in the picture, I'm obviously not a dog, what a dumb thing to say, why would you even ask that. Do I look that ugly? Uncouth or smelly?

 As I was saying, I was on the pool that day—

 Huh? Is it my dog on the couch? No... it's just a picture I found on the internet. Where? I don't know, I forgot where. Who cares, the picture is just for illustration purposes and besides the point.

 What now? You want to know where the picture came from? Why? Just search “dog on couch beside the pool” or something. See, mega-millions of search results, pick any of those for your desktop background.

 You reverse-image searched the picture, and nothing came up? Yeah, probably got it from an exclusive subscriber-only content creator. You won't find that image elsewhere.

 Huh? My name and address is in the picture metadata? Okay, fine, you got me Sherlock. I took that picture, and that's my dog. Happy? Can we get back on the story?

 Why wouldn't I lie about it, you could be one of those people that judge people who let dogs sit on their couch. Don't you know, letting people know you let your dog rub their itchy ass all over the sofa can negatively affect your chances of getting a raise or promotion. In some countries, they even base their horoscope on how you let your pet— what the heck am I even saying?

 Back on the story, no more interruptions.

 So I was alone in the pool that day, sitting on the couch, everyone gone, mid-noon, yadda yadda. And then—

 Huh, I need to be more descriptive than that? What else do you want me to say, that picture says it better than I could. No... it's not the actual picture of the story, same place but different day and time. Just imagine it's me on the sofa, not the dog.

 You need to hear more flowery prose describing that one particular scene so you could really immerse in the story? I prefer my prose to be blunt and pointy, like a cactus.

 Me on the sofa beside the pool, without the dog, just me. Not too hot. There, that's more than enough description to get on with the story, everything else is an irrelevant detail. Use your imagination for christ sakes, you could think of a red polka sofa and a green pool for all I care. Actually no, I would point out if it's a red polka sofa because it sounds so dumb I wouldn't be able to resist not mentioning it. Green pool may seem worth mentioning if I need to point out what dysgenic and neglectful people these people are, which I'm not by the way. But anything else, it doesn't matter.

 What? You'll stop listening if I don't try? What else do you need to hear? I don't even know what the couch is made of, it looks like crocheted plastic leather, it doesn't look very soft, maybe that's why the dog looks so grumpy. The drain hole should be covered, someone could trip and break their toe in that, not that I ever did. See those gates? It's to prevent accidental drowning, for dogs, kids and maybe drunk midgets. Don't worry about the withered plant, I intentionally made it go away because it almost poked me in the eye once with its pointy sharp leaves.

 Still not enough detail? And I have to use a thesaurus for every fourth word?

 God that reminds of that one book I was reading. What was the title, it rhymes with prune or similar. Anyway, there was this supposedly suspenseful scene where the reader's tension and excitement was ruined by the author's eagerness to flaunt his thesauric vocabulary. How hard was it to say: the big dumb sand worm slowly slithered past where the protagonists cowardly hid in the corner. I had to reread that section several times to understand what was even happening. It was bad enough that I was reading it at night half-asleep. A shame, the book started out really good too. Complex and immersive world building I give it that. Orwell was onto something to not like that book. There was another strange fixation of the author. Deep into the pages, already two of the main characters went through pregnancy. The worst part, the author omitted the vivid details of how that happened. Now I have to use my imagination and suddenly the prune author is inept with words?

 Please get on with my story? I'm not even done yet.

 I recently I had to go to the district hospital. You know what I saw? You would think sick or injured people, but no, what I saw was a bunch of couples with their new born baby, like bunch of them, 7 out 10 people in there just increased the local population count. What's up with that? I even saw people who looked like they were in their teens. And here I was two decades past my teenage years and not a single child. Crazy right? Well you can't actually get an anime girl pregnant, at least not with current technology. Maybe that's for the best too, I wouldn't be able to afford child care.

 Okay, I'll get back to the story, what's with that face, you look like my dog on the sofa.

 "Look at the time, we'll have to wrap things up for today, Mr. Smith. We'll meet again same time next week." 

 What? You're kidding, I barely have told anything about that incident at the pool. If only you didn't keep interrupting me...

 "Mr. Smith, I was silent the whole time. We'll continue next time, the next patient is waiting. Oh and please don't forget to take your medications before counseling."
	So I was alone in the pool that day, sitting on the couch. Everyone already left. It was around 2:30 in the noon and—

	What? No, I'm not the dog in the picture, I'm obviously not a dog, what a dumb thing to say, why would you even ask that. Do I look that ugly? Uncouth or smelly?

	As I was saying, I was on the pool that day—

	Huh? Is it my dog on the couch? No... it's just a picture I found on the internet. Where? I don't know, I forgot where. Who cares, the picture is just for illustration purposes and besides the point.

	What now? You want to know where the picture came from? Why? Just search “dog on couch beside the pool” or something. See, mega-millions of search results, pick any of those for your desktop background.

	You reverse-image searched the picture, and nothing came up? Yeah, probably got it from an exclusive subscriber-only content creator. You won't find that image elsewhere.

	Huh? My name and address is in the picture metadata? Okay, fine, you got me Sherlock. I took that picture, and that's my dog. Happy? Can we get back on the story?

	Why wouldn't I lie about it, you could be one of those people that judge people who let dogs sit on their couch. Don't you know, letting people know you let your dog rub their itchy ass all over the sofa can negatively affect your chances of getting a raise or promotion. In some countries, they even base their horoscope on how you let your pet— what the heck am I even saying?

	Back on the story, no more interruptions.

	So I was alone in the pool that day, sitting on the couch, everyone gone, mid-noon, yadda yadda. And then—

	Huh, I need to be more descriptive than that? What else do you want me to say, that picture says it better than I could. No... it's not the actual picture of the story, same place but different day and time. Just imagine it's me on the sofa, not the dog.

	You need to hear more flowery prose describing that one particular scene so you could really immerse in the story? I prefer my prose to be blunt and pointy, like a cactus.

	Me on the sofa beside the pool, without the dog, just me. Not too hot. There, that's more than enough description to get on with the story, everything else is an irrelevant detail. Use your imagination for christ sakes, you could think of a red polka sofa and a green pool for all I care. Actually no, I would point out if it's a red polka sofa because it sounds so dumb I wouldn't be able to resist not mentioning it. Green pool may seem worth mentioning if I need to point out what dysgenic and neglectful people these people are, which I'm not by the way. But anything else, it doesn't matter.

	What? You'll stop listening if I don't try? What else do you need to hear? I don't even know what the couch is made of, it looks like crocheted plastic leather, it doesn't look very soft, maybe that's why the dog looks so grumpy. The drain hole should be covered, someone could trip and break their toe in that, not that I ever did. See those gates? It's to prevent accidental drowning, for dogs, kids and maybe drunk midgets. Don't worry about the withered plant, I intentionally made it go away because it almost poked me in the eye once with its pointy sharp leaves.

	Still not enough detail? And I have to use a thesaurus for every fourth word?

	God that reminds of that one book I was reading. What was the title, it rhymes with prune or similar. Anyway, there was this supposedly suspenseful scene where the reader's tension and excitement was ruined by the author's eagerness to flaunt his thesauric vocabulary. How hard was it to say: the big dumb sand worm slowly slithered past where the protagonists cowardly hid in the corner. I had to reread that section several times to understand what was even happening. It was bad enough that I was reading it at night half-asleep. A shame, the book started out really good too. Complex and immersive world building I give it that. Orwell was onto something to not like that book. There was another strange fixation of the author. Deep into the pages, already two of the main characters went through pregnancy. The worst part, the author omitted the vivid details of how that happened. Now I have to use my imagination and suddenly the prune author is inept with words?

	Please get on with my story? I'm not even done yet.

	I recently I had to go to the district hospital. You know what I saw? You would think sick or injured people, but no, what I saw was a bunch of couples with their new born baby, like bunch of them, 7 out 10 people in there just increased the local population count. What's up with that? I even saw people who looked like they were in their teens. And here I was two decades past my teenage years and not a single child. Crazy right? Well you can't actually get an anime girl pregnant, at least not with current technology. Maybe that's for the best too, I wouldn't be able to afford child care.

	Okay, I'll get back to the story, what's with that face, you look like my dog on the sofa.

	"Look at the time, we'll have to wrap things up for today, Mr. Smith. We'll meet again same time next week."

	What? You're kidding, I barely have told anything about that incident at the pool. If only you didn't keep interrupting me...

	"Mr. Smith, I was silent the whole time. We'll continue next time, the next patient is waiting. Oh and please don't forget to take your medications before counseling."
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