Basic Hacker management for folks looking for PHP vulnerabilities

evil.php

<?php 

function getUserIP() {
    if( array_key_exists('HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR', $_SERVER) && !empty($_SERVER['HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR']) ) {
        if (strpos($_SERVER['HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR'], ',')>0) {
            $addr = explode(",",$_SERVER['HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR']);
            return trim($addr[0]);
        } else {
            return $_SERVER['HTTP_X_FORWARDED_FOR'];
        }
    }
    else {
        return $_SERVER['REMOTE_ADDR'];
    }
}

function getRequestInfo() {
    $host = $_SERVER['HTTP_HOST'];
    $uri = $_SERVER['REQUEST_URI'];

    return $host . $uri;
}

function getTime() {
    return date('F jS Y h:i:s A');
}

function get_post() {
    $body = "";

    if (isset($_POST)) {
        $body = ", ";
        $body .= json_encode($_POST);
    }
    return $body;
}

function getRecord() {
    $user_ip = getUserIP();
    $time = getTime();
    $requestInfo = getRequestInfo();
    $post = get_post();


    $record = $user_ip . ", " . $time . ", " . $requestInfo . $post . "\r\n";
    return $record;
}

function recordEvent($file) {
    $record = getRecord();

    $current_records = file_get_contents($file);
    $current_records .= $record;
    file_put_contents($file, $current_records);
}

function beAnAsshole($file) {
    $lines = count(file($file));

    sleep($lines * 20);
}

$log_file = 'evil_visitors.txt';

recordEvent($log_file);
beAnAsshole($log_file);