gistfile1.txt

'You look nice today.'
'Did you get a haircut?'
'Be cool. But also be warm.'
'Please consider the environment before printing this Doceo.'
"We're all in this together."
'Remember to get up and stretch once in a while.'
"You're here! The day just got better."
'Alpacas are cute. Give an alpaca a hug if you see one!'
'We like you.'
'Alright world, time to take you on!'
"Yeeeeaaaahh, I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday..."
'I believe you have my stapler.'
'PC LOAD LETTER? What the *bleep* does that mean?'
'You deserve a promotion.'
'I like your style.'
'That looks nice on you.'
'You have good taste in websites.'
'I made this website for you.'
'I would hold the elevator doors open for you if they were closing.'
"Don't worry. You'll do great."
'Even my cat likes you.'
'What a fine sweater!'
'Have you been working out?'
'Did you remember to lock the doors on your way out?'
'Feeding the monkeys that run the server.'
"If at first you don't succeed, redefine success."
'Oh, and remember: Next Friday...is Hawaiian shirt day.'
'That rug really tied the room together.'
"I'll create a GUI interface using Visual Basic, see if I can track an IP address."
'You could be an astronaut if you wanted. NASA told me so.'
'You are the most charming person in a 50 mile vicinity.'
'No one has ever thought your feet look gross.'
"You'd be the last one standing in a horror movie."
"ಠ_ಠ"
'8 out of 10 co-workers agree, your desk is the cleanest.'
'Your boss loved that thing you did at work today.'
'A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.'
'My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.'
'Weather forecast for tonight: dark.'
'An escalator can never break — it can only become stairs.'
"This shirt is 'dry-clean only'... which means it's dirty."
"I'm confused about the confusion."
'"Go to bed, you\'ll feel better in the morning" is the human version of "Did you turn it off and turn it back on again?"'
'Your stomach thinks all potato is mashed.'
'If two people on opposite sides of the world each drop a piece of bread, the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich.'
"If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, then your pants are tucked into your shirt."
'We will never hear about the truly perfect crime.'
'The name "Cunningham" sounds perfectly normal, yet the name "Cleverpork" would be totally weird.'
'I wonder what your dog named you?'
'Saying "um" is the human equivalent to buffering.'
'Caterpillars have mastered beauty sleep.'
'People who try to stop you on the street to sell stuff are the real world equivalent of online pop ups.'
'Suitcases are terrible for carrying suits.'
'The moment you fasten the seatbelt, you begin wearing the car.'
'The "mac" in mac and cheese is also an acronym for "mac and cheese".'
'Bunkbeds are essentially shelves for people.'
'If your front door has a mail slot, then you live in a mailbox.'
'The mirror may well be the most photographed object this century.'
'The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.'
'It is not so important to know everything as to know the exact value of everything, to appreciate what we learn and to arrange what we know.'
'What if the lottery is an institution to catch time travellers?'
'Bank robbers probably find out how much money they have stolen by watching the TV instead of counting it all out.'
'What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?'
"When you want to make sure a piece of paper doesn't get folded, you put it in something called a folder."
"School is meant to bring new humans up to speed on humanity's progress so far."
"Send help! I'm trapped in a loading message factory."
'The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.'
'Always remember that you are absolutely unique... Just like everyone else.'
'Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue.'
'Imagine the amount of self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.'
'Is expired poison more poisonous or less poisonous?'
'Sometimes I need expert advice, so I talk to myself.'
'Anyone can be cool, but being awesome takes practice.'
"Cool things always happen when I don't have a camera."
"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
'Moths are evil.'
'Imagine being completely naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. This is the life of a dog.'
"Your child's first birthday party will also be their first surprise party since there's NO WAY they would be expecting it."
"Maybe people don't put cats in boxes on the side of the road, they just put out an empty box and all the stray cats in the area just sit in it."
"Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson should host a cooking show where contestants have to guess what he's cooking by smell alone."
'Rappers come in two sizes, big and lil.'
'A bathtub is the opposite of a boat.'