How to manage emotions

37_points.md

##Notes on Self Management

1. How to Become More Optimistic

• EXPECT something wonderful to happen every day.
• TREAT people as you'd want to be treated.
• DON'T waste breath fighting about things you can't change.
• CONCENTRATE on the job at hand, not the results you seek.
• ASSUME other people mean well.
• AVOID depressing people and conversations.
• EAT something delicious every day.
• TURN OFF the background television.
• ADOPT an attitude of gratitude.
• REMEMBER that the best is yet to come.

2. How to Eliminate Stress

• CULTIVATE the patience and perspective to let go of your results.
• FOCUS on what you're doing now rather than the results.
• IF you're overworked negotiate a more reasonable workload.
• CUT your hours to the "sweet spot" which is about 40 hours a week.
• AVOID people who won't or can't control their own stress.
• FIND a place where you can work quietly away from distractions.
• TURN OFF news programming that's designed to rile you up.
• TURN down projects that you can't do well.
• STOP arguing with fools and strangers online.
• ARRANGE tasks consecutively rather than trying to multitask.

3. How to Overcome Fear

• CONFRONT your fears head on to reduce their power.
• IMAGINE dealing with the fear to make it less daunting.
• REMEMBER that fear is just excitement in disguise.
• USE fear to spawn the energy you need to perform well.

4. How to Cope With Rejection

• REALIZE that rejection is just a difference of opinion.
• UNDERSTAND that rejection only hurts because you let it.
• REMEMBER that every rejection moves you closer to your goal.
• KEEP other opportunities in reserve so you can quickly move on.

5. How to Rise Above Failure

• CREATE goals that motivate you to achieve something possible.
• ALWAYS write goals down; display them where you'll see them.
• DECIDE by saying "I must . . ." or "I will . . ." rather than "I'll try . . ."
• BREAK your big goals into smaller, measurable milestones.
• CHECK whether you're moving toward or away from your goals.
• WELCOME setbacks because they'll hone your plan.
• REMEMBER that the only true failure is failing to take action.
• HOW TO MANAGE YOUR CAREER

6. How to Achieve Your Dream Job

• KNOW what would constitute your dream job.
• FIND role models and incorporate their way of thinking.
• HAVE the courage to sacrifice your security.
• LEARN to sell your ideas and yourself.
• CREATE a plan and start executing it today.
• ADJUST your goal as you learn more about yourself.

7. How to Attain Career Security

• LIVE below your means until you've got six months of income saved.
• DEVELOP expertise that makes it less likely you'll be fired.
• CULTIVATE new opportunities and record them in an escape plan.

8. How to Get More Done Each Day

• DON'T Take Calls From People You Don't Know. Unless you're working in
• USE Email Instead of Time-Consuming Voice Mail
• LIMIT Your Chitchat with Coworkers.
• TURN OFF "alerts" that interrupt your thinking.
• KEEP TRACK of how you spend time; that's half the battle.
• REMEMBER that 20 percent of your actions produce 80 percent of your results.
• ONLY DO only the 20 percent that produces the 80 percent of your results.
• PRIORITIZE based on what accomplishes the most with the least effort.

9. How to Use LinkedIn Effectively

• YOUR personal brand will define how people see you.
• GET a professional portrait and expunge unprofessional ones.
• CUSTOMIZE your rsum to match your career goals.
• SOLICIT recommendations that are realistic and relevant.
• AVOID blogging unless you're being paid to do so.
• KEEP your irrelevant opinions off the Internet.

10. How to Land a Job Interview

• CREATE and sell your own job description, if possible.
• GET a current employee to recommend you, if possible
• CUSTOMIZE your rsum to match the job description.
• EXPLAIN "who I am" in terms of the specific job.
• DESCRIBE specifically how you helped former employers, not what you did.
• INCLUDE benefits that echo phrases from the job description.

11. How to Ace a Job Interview

• DON'T put all your eggs in this one basket.
• FIND out all you can about the hiring firm.
• DEVISE questions that show you've done your research.
• REHEARSE answers to the standard questions.
• WEAR what you'd wear if you worked there; don't be late.
• GET the offer, then decide whether you really want the job.

12. What Great Bosses Believe About Their Job

• BUSINESS is an ecosystem so cooperate, don't fight.
• COMPANIES are communities so treat people as individuals.
• MANAGEMENT is service so make others successful first.
• EMPLOYEES are your peers so treat them like adults.
• MOTIVATE with vision because fear only paralyzes.
• CHANGE is growth so welcome rather than shun it.
• TECHNOLOGY eliminates busywork and frees creativity.
• WORK is fun so don't turn it into a chore.

13. How to Create Loyal Effective Employees

• MANAGE individuals, not numbers.
• ADAPT your style to each person.
• MEASURE what's truly relevant.
• ONLY one priority per person.
• STAY even-tempered.
• TAKE responsibility for your low performers.
• SHARE your thoughts and ideas.
• ASK questions rather than providing answers.
• TREAT everyone as equally as possible.
• DON'T expect more than you're willing to give.
• EXPLAIN the reasoning behind your decisions.
• DON'T prevaricate, decide now!

14. How to Hire a Top Performer

• KNOW exactly whom you're looking for.
• CONSTANTLY seek viable candidates.
• LOOK for character, not experience.
• RESILIENCE is the mark of potential greatness.
• SEEK out the self-motivated.
• ATTITUDE is all-important.
• DON'T settle for canned references.

15. How to Hold a Productive Meeting

• HAVE an agenda before you meet.
• PROVIDE background information.
• DON'T let the meeting meander.
• DOCUMENT what decisions were made.

16. How to Offer Constructive Criticism

• ADDRESS undesirable behaviors when they happen.
• OFFER praise, then identify the behavior you want changed.
• ASK questions to understand the "why" behind the behavior.
• AGREE upon a plan to change the behavior.
• MONITOR and reinforce the changed behavior.

17. How to Redirect a Complainer

• SCHEDULE a conversation when they try to start one.
• SET the agenda for the conversation as a "problem-solving" session.
• LISTEN respectfully to the entire complaint.
• ASK what the complainer plans to do.
• CONFIRM that your advice is truly wanted.
• PROVIDE your best advice (if it's wanted)
• END the conversation at the first "Yeah, but..."

18. How to Fire Somebody

• TELL it like it is without the biz-blab.
• SHOW empathy for your coworkers.
• EXPLAIN why it's happening, as far as you legally can.
• CUT quickly, heal, and move on.

19. The Ten Types of Annoying Coworkers

• WAFFLERS can't decide so force the issue.
• CONQUERORS must win so make them team leader.
• DRAMATISTS crave attention so ignore them.
• ICONOCLASTS break rules needlessly so avoid them.
• DRONERS are boring so find something else to do.
• FRENEMIES sabotage so keep them at arm's length.
• TOADIES are irrelevant; be polite but ignore them.
• VAMPIRES leach energy unless you stay upbeat.
• PARASITES steal credit so track who's contributed.
• GENIUSES are all talk, so pester them until they deliver.

20. How to Earn the Respect of Your Peers

• BE yourself rather than your role.
• SHOW interest in other people.
• SHARE the limelight.
• DRESS and groom to match your ambitions.
• PAUSE before speaking to mentally frame your thoughts.
• SPEAK from your chest without verbal tics or end of sentence rises in pitch.

21. How to Play Clean Office Politics

• FIND out what other people need and want.
• BUILD mutually useful alliances with those you can trust.
• KEEP track of the favors you owe and the ones owed you.
• USE your alliances at key points to help achieve your goals.

22. How to Recruit a Mentor

• MENTORS crave to teach people what they've learned.
• SEEK out mentors who have experience and skills you lack.
• ASK for advice and let the relationship develop.
• BE kind when you outgrow the relationship.

23. How to Shine in a Meeting

• TREAT meetings as a possible way to advance your agenda.
• AVOID meetings that don't serve your own agenda.
• DECIDE whether each meeting will be useful or useless.
• EITHER decline to attend or prepare well; no in between.
• TAKE notes so you can speak coherently when it's your turn.
• SPEAK confidently and, if appropriate, segue into your agenda.
• PUBLISH your own "minutes" of the meeting.

24. How to Cope with an Office Bully

• DON'T try to calm the bully down or apologize.
• INSIST on respectful, professional behavior.
• IF the unprofessional behavior continues, leave the immediate area.
• COPE with your own emotions privately.
• REVISIT the issue at a later date.
• DECIDE whether the relationship is worth it

25. The 5 Rules of Business Communications

• KNOW your reason for communicating.
• PICK a medium that's appropriate for the other person.
• SIMPLIFY your message for easy mental consumption.
• EDIT out all buzzwords and corporate-speak.
• AVOID jargon unless dealing with fellow experts.

26. How to Have a Productive Conversation

• KNOW the reason you're having a conversation.
• IGNORE your internal dialog.
• LISTEN carefully to the other person.
• CONSIDER what was said and echo it back.
• RESPOND with something that ads to the conversation.

27. How to Write a Compelling E-Mail

• KNOW what decision you want made.
• EXPRESS that decision as a conclusion at the beginning.
• SUPPORT that conclusion with simple arguments.
• PROVIDE evidence to bolster each argument.
• REPEAT your conclusion as an action item.
• WRITE the subject last and include a benefit.

28. How to Create a Great Presentation

• LESSEN stage fright by speaking to individuals not the entire audience.
• PLAN out an emotional journey for the audience.
• FLAG the places where the audience will feel emotions.
• BUILD a story that creates the emotions in that order.
• ARRANGE everything into a simple structure.
• MAKE slides relevant, short, simple, and readable.
• CUSTOMIZE your presentation and rehearse it.

29. How to Deliver a Great Presentation

• STAND UP rather than remain seated when you speak.
• CHECK your equipment in advance.
• HAVE somebody else introduce you.
• SET AND RESPECT a time limit.
• AVOID "warmup" jokes unless you're a comedian.
• ADJUST your presentation to the "feel" of the room
• SPEAK directly to audience members.
• DON'T meander and skip.
• MAKE eye contact with multiple people.

30. How to Work a Room

• BE CURIOUS about people and what they do.
• WHEN asked, describe yourself in terms of the value you provide.
• IF the other person seems uninterested, move on.
• EXPLAIN how you're different from the competition.
• IF the other person seems uninterested, move on.
• OPEN a conversation to assess mutual needs.
• IF interest continues, ask for a real meeting.

31. How to Negotiate a Deal

• DEFINE what's on the table in the deal.
• DECIDE what's important to you and what's not.
• HAVE reasons why those things are important to you.
• RESERVE a plan B so your hand isn't forced.
• LET the other person open the negotiation.
• WORK together rather than digging your heels in.
• CREATE a deal that reflects what you both value.
• STOP negotiating when the bulk of the deal is defined.

32. The Twelve Types of Bosses

• VISIONARIES are inspiring but can act like jerks.
• CLIMBERS want to get ahead so expect no loyalty.
• BUREAUCRATS hate change so document everything.
• PROPELLERHEADS love gadgets so become an expert.
• FOGEYs want respect so recruit them as mentors.
• WHIPPERSNAPPERS are insecure so don't make suggestions.
• SOCIAL DIRECTORS love consensus but may suddenly explode.
• DICTATORS make fast decisions but cause disasters.
• SALES STARS would rather be selling so let them do so.
• HATCHET MEN execute layoffs so get another job pronto.
• LOST LAMBS need your help but may get dependent on you.
• HEROES are rare so enjoy them while it lasts.

33. How to Keep Any Boss Happy

• DO what you say you'll do.
• KEEP your boss in the loop.
• CARE about your quality of work.
• ACCEPT decisions when they're made.
• SOLVE problems without whining.
• BE concise and clear.
• MAKE your boss successful.

34. How to Get the Best from Your Boss

• COMMUNICATE what you need in order to do your best.
• KEEP your manager informed of your progress.
• MAKE a case for keeping you in your job.
• ENSURE that everyone knows how much you contribute.
• UNDERSTAND your boss's goals and desires.
• CULTIVATE a common interest.

35. How to Ace Your Performance Review

• FIND out what you must accomplish and document the conversation.
• TRACK and report on your accomplishments against your metrics.
• WRITE your performance review draft or provide "inputs" to same.
• IF the boss attempts to reneg, insist on some other reward

36. How to Handle an Unreasonable Request

• BE flexible about what's unreasonable.
• IF you accept the task, negotiate something in return.
• CULTIVATE the courage to say no.
• REMEMBER that once you do it, it's part of your job.

37. How to Ask for a Raise

• DON'T bother discussing you need, want, or expect to be paid.
• BASE your proposed raise on your financial contribution.
• LET your boss know how much it would cost to replace you.
• GATHER information to buttress your case.
• ESTABLISH a discrepancy between your value and your pay.
• FIELD objections so they reinforce your case.
• PUSH until you've gotten a commitment with a number.