letter to my public defender

addendum-to-letter-to-public-defender.txt

Hi Mr. Waterman,

I forgot to mention a couple of things, and it seems my letter did not go
through. I would like to meet with you for a minute at your office to hand you
the printout of my previous letter and this one.

First thing is that they edit all of my communications and often block them
entirely. A message I may want to send on an internet channel may not go through
or be edited. An email I may want to send may not go through at all or be edited
in order to offend the receiving party or delete information etc..

Communications are sometimes forged as to be coming from me when I have never
sent any such thing.

The second thing is part of my life story. When they torture me with these
horrific experiments, or other things they do to me, they blame my reactions on
my "behavior" and use it as a justification to do even more horrible things to
me.

I will give you an example, one time they put some really terrible surveillance
software on my laptop which made it blue screen (crash) every 5-10 minutes as I
was working on a contract on UpWork. I was understandably very angry. But they
decided that this was my "behavior" and started poisoning me with more
neurotoxins.

This particular incident follows the same pattern, I'm sure you understand.

Please send this along with the previous letter to the judge in this case.

letter-to-public-defender-part-3.txt

I didn't even mention some things like how I had no water that I could
drink for a month in Philadelphia, not even tap water.

I begged the police for a bottle of water and they refused to give me
one. I was severely dehydrated constantly.

I did not even have normal tap water in the room in the horrible
shithole I was locked up for a month in there.

But anyway, I did not go through everything I went through the last
few months just to take a bunch of random, unknown to me drugs again.

I'd honestly rather go to jail.

Right now my mom is putting some of the drugs in my food, even though
she refuses to admit this.

That seems to satisfy their legal requirements for me taking whatever
it is, how I don't know.

But if she keeps doing that I will stop eating what she makes.

I have an appointment with my psychiatrist on Thursday, I will discuss
all of this with her and ask for her honest advice.

I will let you know then if I agree to take any of the drugs.

What I want is the actual names of all the actual drugs I am legally
required to take, plus any drugs of actual medical necessity that I
need to take.

If I don't get this, I am unlikely to agree to take anything, under
any circumstances.

letter-to-public-defender-part-4.txt

I'd like to add that, even if I could trust these people, taking a
bunch of drugs based on someone's "observations" rather than
discussing their effects and side-effects with a doctor is an
extremely bad idea and can never possibly work.

And I definitely cannot trust these people. These people are
incredibly evil. They torture me and do any kind of utterly horrific
things to me constantly. I refuse to blindly take their shit with no
legal means to do anything about it.

letter-to-public-defender-part-5.txt

Hi Mr. Waterman,

did you get my last two messages? Just wanted to verify because my emails sometimes get deleted.

Please consider generating a GPG key and posting it to a keyserver so that people can send you encrypted email.
I can give you instructions for this.

I wanted to give you some more details about my 3 day ordeal, something like that anyway I don't remember exactly.

So after I went downstairs to the gathering of people who were torturing me with neurotoxins and laughing about my situation and told them to shut the fuck up.
One of them was holding up his phone and asked me to show him my dagger for his video, I did.
After about half an hour the police arrived.
They told me a bunch of ridiculous nonsense that I don't even remember, these people lie about absolutely everything, they cannot say a fucking word straight.
They asked me if they have my permission to enter the house, I said no.
I went to my room, closed the door, and tried to stay silent.
After about half an hour of them being in my house and having no idea where I could be, I needed to pee.
I went over to the bathroom, which they apparently heard, so then they were adjacent to that hallway, and continuing to tell me ridiculous nonsense.
I closed the door to the bathroom and lay in the bathtub with a towel as a pillow.
After about another half an hour their nonsense was getting very tedious and they were saying something about calling some special team or something or other.
At that point I decided they would not leave so I went out.
There were like ten of them at the end of the hallway with a fucking shield and a guy with a shotgun.
I was handcuffed and led outside where the same pieces of shit who were laughing at me were standing there laughing at me, and a guy who I've seen many times before in my house who is not supposed to be living here for a very long time now.
And about 10 patrol vans for this very serious non-incident.
They measured my blood sugar and blood pressure in the medical transport, both were very high, and I was taken to General Hospital.
I was at General Hospital for about a day and a half.
The whole time I was there they were doing more horrible shit to me and poisoning me with shit and my legs hurt.
I asked them for something so I could get some rest, they gave me nothing.
My left hand was handcuffed to the side of the bed of a completely empty room in the ER.
I had to eat with my right hand and pee in jars, with my right hand.
I never had more than one jar to pee in, and I had to constantly try to get someone's attention to get another jar to pee in, sometimes for a significant amount of time.
They have no actual system to call anyone, so I had to waive my arm in the air and hope someone would see that on the camera.
One time I tried to pee in a jar that was already partly filled and spilled pee all over myself.
Various people talked to me, I talked to a psychiatrist, they asked me if I want to go their psych ER, I said no.
After about a day and a half, my blood sugar was just as bad as it was when I came in.
They told me the usual nonsense about taking my fake insulin and it getting better, which is as much as I expected.
At this point I was transported to the Taraval police station, the closest one to my house, from which these people came initially.
I was handcuffed to a concrete bench for 7 hours while they were waiting "for a spot to open up at the jail."
I got a bologna sandwich, which was good.
They said they could not put me in one of the holding cells because of my "medical condition."
The holding cells were not much better anyway, concrete bench and toilet.
After being handcuffed to a concrete slab for 7 hours, I was taken to the jail.
I went through the intake, inspected, given orange clothes and put in a holding cell.
The holding cell had a wooden bench, an improvement over the concrete slab, and I wasn't handcuffed to anything.
I saw that in some of the holding cells people were laying on the floor because there were 4 of them there and only two benches.
This was in the middle of the night, so I lay on the wooden bench for a few hours and sometime in the morning I was assigned to a "pod", the actual jail.
There I had a reasonable mattress.
The peanut butter and jelly sandwiches were pretty good, except when the people giving them to me stole the jelly, that's apparently an item of value in the jail ecosystem.
There were some kind of cheese sandwiches with mustard, pretty terrible.
You don't get a cup until you buy one from commissary, so you have to drink from the sink in the bathroom.
That was in the morning, and I saw you at the court sometime in the afternoon, where they said I would be released in the evening.
Dinner was some kind of meat-like substance with rice and absolutely no flavoring, but whatever, I had a mattress.
The book selection was much better than the last shithole I was in, I actually saw one I would have read.
The tv was inaudible from the bunks, so that was useless.
Even when you're allowed from your bunk area the tvs are too quiet for them to be of any use.
The undercover cop and his friend in my section of the pod were talking loudly, while I waited to be released.

That's about it.

Please confirm receipt of this message and my previous two messages.

Thank you,

Rafael

letter-to-public-defender-part-6.txt

Apparently my previous message was edited because the GPG signature
verification on the sent copy failed.

I will need to meet with you in-person for a couple of minutes to hand
you the printouts of my emails.

letter-to-public-defender.txt

Hi Mr. Waterman,

I had a few more questions and wanted to give you a more details on my life
situation, this is going to be long, I apologize.

First question, what are the requirements placed on me by the court until
September 21st which is my next court date?

I am not going to be anywhere near this person, he does not live here and I
doubt he will be back.

What else was there?

Second question, if the court decides that I need to go to a psychiatric
hospital, would it be possible for me to go to a residential psychiatric program
instead? It's kind of like a boarding house, but they have a psychiatrist on
staff and they record if and when you take your medication etc..

The main thing is I want to be able to use my laptop, with the power adapter,
and smoke a cigarette once in a while. Most psychiatric hospitals do not allow
this.

If I could use my laptop I could live without the cigarettes for a month. That's
really the main thing. But I'd prefer not to have to.

If they allow me to do some kind of community service instead, I'd like to speak
to the office to see what kind of jobs are available.

If it would help for me to come to the court date on September 21st I could
probably do that, though I have no control over what condition I'm in when.

Now, about my general situation.

We were discussing things not getting worse, but barely two hours after I left
your office things got much, much worse. They were subjecting me to hours and
hours of utterly horrific torture. The next day I just lay on my couch, then the
first half of today was also extremely bad, but the last few hours I'm better.

I'll tell you a bit more about my life story and situation, if I forget anything
I'll send subsequent emails.

When all of this began around 2004, I don't remember exactly, they first put me
on antipsychotics, and large doses of them. I felt extremely horrible, but I
could do nothing about this. Talking to doctors did not help, nothing helped.

Two years later, things got even worse, much worse, they destroyed my right
pre-frontal cortex and my reward pathway and put me on experimental glutamate
blocking drugs. And whatever other drugs, I don't know.

The right pre-frontal cortex is the center of positive emotions, and also things
like sadness.

The reward pathway controls your feelings of reward, e.g. when you accomplish
something, or when you're playing a video games and things like this. Also
orgasms are controlled by the reward pathway. They destroyed mine because it
also controls the fight-or-flight response which they thought was active in me
too much, but it wasn't, that was a lie.

Glutamate controls just about everything in your central nervous system, it is
the primary excitory neurotransmitter, while GABA is the primary inhibitory
neurotransmitter.

The glutamate blocking drugs were the worst thing that happened to me at the
time, suddenly everything I saw, heard, touched, etc. was completely dead. Also
the feeling of pleasure from things like touch and food in the pleasure center
(the nucleus accumbens) is controlled by glutamate and I lost all of that as
well.

Soon after that I completely lost the ability for normal sleep. I was constantly
extremely tired and I stayed up for days at a time until I could just lay down
and try to rest. No one helped me with this, I couldn't even get some drugs to
get some rest at night, I still can't.

That's another major problem with me being in a mental hospital, I can't sleep
at night, and they can't give me any drugs for this because the police has
complete control over the drugs I get and they refuse to allow me to get any.

From then on, things got progressively even worse.

They started poisoning me with random neurotoxins and frying random parts of my
brain constantly. I was in excruciating pain and other kinds of indescribable
horror constantly, sometimes for days and nights at a time.

As a result, practically all of my neurotransmitter systems are completely
destroyed. You may have heard of things like dopamine and serotonin, those are
gone, as well as a bunch of things I know nothing about. This makes not having a
working glutamate neurotransmitter system even worse, much worse.

I told you about my felony charge for running from the police near Philadelphia,
while the record was sealed, they decided that as punishment they were going to
destroy my right temporal lobe. This is a very large part of your brain. I lost
the ability to remember faces among many other things.

The rest of this horror was about what I described, they were constantly
poisoning me with neurotoxins and frying parts of my brain and doing any kind
of utterly horrific experiments on me.

In addition to this, they are constantly sabotaging my programs, computers and
equipment. Sometimes intentionally and sometimes as a result of their brilliant
technology.

I am in fact, working on something right now which I have no reason to be
working on.

It gets so bad that often I have problems like my mouse not moving correctly or
at all or keys on my keyboard being broken etc..

They have fried my laptops and computers regularly.

I lost the job I had from 2008-2009 because they broke one of the systems I made
and then blamed me for it.

In addition to this, they decided that they need to steal everything from me in
whatever way they can.

Whenever I gave someone a present or improved their laptop or something, they
forced that person to pay them for it.

Whenever I submitted a work to an open source project (e.g. on GitHub) someone
had to pay them for it. I am fortunate that someone does generally, because many
patches (works) I did were completely lost as a result of this. I don't even
know which ones are and which ones aren't. The statistics on all of my projects
are completely fake.

And, this gets worse, when I buy food at a supermarket, or often even a
restaurant, they give me rotten or expired food. The last few times I wanted to
buy a box of roasted chicken at the Safeway deli I got literally rotten chicken.

When I bought bananas, they were rotten. One time they actually painted the
rotten bananas yellow, just to give me rotten bananas.

When I go into a 7-11 to buy a slice of pizza, I get stale 5 day old pizza that
is utterly disgusting and some kind of utterly disgusting crap instead of any of
their other food. Even the hot dogs are replaced with some kind of utterly
disgusting crap. A couple days ago I got a couple of taquitos and they were
utterly disgusting.

They put any kind of disgusting things in my food when I go to a restaurant,
which is why I refuse to do that anymore generally. Ejaculate, urine, excrement,
etc. etc.. I occasionally go to a Subway or some take-out place, which is
somewhat safer but not a guarantee that they won't put disgusting things in that
food either.

oN top of this, are the absolutely ridiculous medical orders they place on me.
I cannot buy tea bags, or a bottle of tea or coffee. They replace my salt with
some kind of crap, which means I can not buy anything with salt in it. I cannot
buy a jar of pickles or a box of crackers. They do something to my favorite
peaches to make them utterly disgusting. They routinely put utterly foul things
in my food, a week ago I almost threw up trying to eat a candy bar.

I cannot buy a sandwich at a convenience store or drug store, they replace the
sandwiches with old rotten sandwiches and soak the bread in some kind of liquid
so that they are utterly disgusting.

And then I have to listen to these people laughing at me everywhere as they make
my life utter horror.

Just about any time I buy a device or product at a store or online from e.g.
Amazon, they replace it with some kind of used or defective item. Very often the
things I buy don't work at all.

I once bought some twenty dollar fans, and then spent hours trying to figure out
where a horrible sound was coming from in my computer because one of the fans
was defective.

I get defective or partially defective items very, very often.

They once sent me a defective motherboard, and then the 5 replacements I got for
it were also defective.

And the SFPD is doing all of this, and the courts authorize them to do all of
this.

They have the ability to knock me unconscious and do absolutely anything to me
or any of my things at any time. In my own house as well. It's not safe for me
to open a can of beans without a high probability of them putting disgusting
crap in it.

All the other tenants in my house and all of my neighbors either work for them
or are associated with them and help do all of this to me.

They constantly send me threatening and other horrible messages on my internet
channels while pretending to be other people on them.

A couple weeks ago someone told me that "your job is to die" among other things.

They turn everyone in any community I join against me by telling them all kinds
of horrible things about me, many of which are likely to be untrue.

I am constantly accused of doing some kind of "horrible things" which I know
nothing about.

The last few years have been as bad as ever, they are constantly subjecting me
to utterly horrific torture and frying parts of my brain, regardless of whether
I take any drugs or don't.

They are constantly discussing me loudly in my presence, exploding things,
shooting fireworks, and playing recordings of babies crying. Everywhere I am and
go, including my own house.

I believe I have covered most of the general points I wanted to explain to you.

If there is any way your office can help stop these people from authorizing
these things being done to me, even if only some of them, I would very much
appreciate your help.

I don't want to take a bunch of fake drugs given to me by these people, they do
not mean me well and do any kind of horrible things to me they can. I want to
see real doctors to get real help for my actual problems. I am willing to follow
their orders.

If the court decides to order me to take drugs, I want to know the exact drugs I
have to take and I will take them, then at least I can work through the legal
system to get any of that changed if necessary.

Please forward this letter to the judge in my case.